Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
H er heart was pounding in her ears as she lifted a hand and let it linger in the air. Her stomach was in tight knots, but a voice in the back of her head was screaming, telling her to turn tail and run in the opposite direction.
Don’t be ridiculous. It’s going to be fine.
Frowning, Charlotte made herself rap on the door and then shifted from one foot to the other. She shoved both hands into the pockets of her jeans and waited. A long moment passed where nothing happened. Charlotte was going to knock again when she heard the latch being undone. Then, her mother’s tired face appeared in the doorway. Emily’s face lit up as she threw the door open the rest of the way and pulled Charlotte in for a hug.
Her mom smelled like sugar and cinnamon like she usually did.
It made some of the knots in Charlotte’s stomach loosen.
She hugged her mom back with just as much fierceness and exhaled. Tears pricked the back of her eyes as they stood in the doorway and held on to each other. Slowly, Charlotte drew back and gave her mom a weak smile.
Wordlessly, Emily stepped aside, and Charlotte ducked in.
In silence, Emily led her past the empty kitchen, down a dimly lit hallway, and paused in front of her office. Emily pushed the door open, and Charlotte had to duck her head to pass. Inside, there was a warm breeze pouring in from the open window, shelves and shelves of books against one wall, and a small tile-floored bathroom off to the side.
Papers were strewn all over Emily’s work desk, and her laptop was barely visible in the mess. Charlotte picked up the stack of papers on one of the chairs and set them down on the floor. Then, she sat down and linked her fingers together. Emily went to the small fridge in her office and took out two bottles of club soda. She placed one in front of Charlotte and went around her desk to sit down.
As soon as she did, she gave Charlotte a gentle look.
Charlotte unscrewed the lid and took a sip. “You know, don’t you?”
“Mother’s intuition,” Emily replied in between sips of her own drink. “So, you finally went through with it, huh?”
Charlotte stopped with the glass to her lips. “I did, and it worked. The due date should be in late spring/early summer.”
Emily blew out a breath and leaned back against her chair. “And how do you feel about all of this?”
Charlotte took a long sip and swallowed. “I feel good. It feels like the right decision.”
A furrow appeared between Emily’s brows. “I didn’t think you were actually going to go through with it.”
Charlotte inhaled and held her breath.
Was this the part where her mom stopped being supportive?
Had Savannah gotten through to her?
Emily sat up straighter and cleared her throat. “I’m not going to deny that the whole thing is a little weird, but if it’s what you really want…”
“It is,” Charlotte replied in a small voice. “And I really hope you can find a way to make your peace with it and be happy.”
Because Charlotte needed to feel like it wasn’t all slipping through her fingers.
She needed at least one family member to know and approve anyway.
Please let it be Mom. Please
Emily set down her drink and linked her fingers together. “Sweetheart, of course, I’m happy for you and Addison and Mason too. They deserve to be happy. I think you’re doing a great thing for them, and if you say you’ve thought about it…I believe you.”
“I did…I have,” Charlotte added hastily. “I’m not just doing it for them, Mom. I’m doing it for me too. It feels good to be useful, to do something unexpected.”
And she stood by her decision, no matter what.
Having the next few months to prepare herself further helped. As did the way her mom was smiling at her.
When Emily reached across the table to take Charlotte’s hand, her shoulders sagged, and she bowed her head. The two of them continued to sit in silence while Charlotte tried to compose herself.
But she wasn’t even sure how she was going to.
With the exception of Savannah and the extended family, who were still in the dark, everyone had been supportive and understanding.
Charlotte could only hope it was a matter of time before her sister came around.
Emily released Charlotte’s hands after a long pause and pushed her chair back. “So, how does it work? Do you get to be a part of the baby’s life?”
“Addison and Mason did offer,” Charlotte replied, pausing to take another sip of her cool and refreshing drink. “But I don’t think I’ll take them up on that offer. I don’t want things to get too weird.”
Emily’s expression softened as she reached into her mini-fridge and pulled out a container full of cupcakes. “Maybe you’ll change your mind.”
“I doubt that. Besides, I don’t think I’m ready to be a mom, and I doubt nine months is going to change that.”
Emily pried the container open and handed Charlotte one of the banana oat muffins. “Try this. It’s a new recipe I’m experimenting with.”
Charlotte tore off a piece, and the explosion of cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla melted in her mouth. “This is one of the best things I’ve ever tasted.”
Emily’s face lit up. “I’m glad you like it. I was thinking of starting a new recipe that’s pregnancy safe, so, you know, less sugar and everything else.”
Charlotte’s eyes filled with tears again. “You really don’t have to do that.”
Emily lifted her gaze, and her smile fell. “Savanah, sweetheart, what are you doing here?”
“I came by because you said I could borrow that loaf pan.”
Charlotte twisted to see her sister lingering in the doorway, her face half-hidden in the shadows. When she stepped forward, Savannah’s gaze darted between the two of them, and her hands clenched into fists at her side.
She knows.
“You didn’t close the door properly,” Savannah continued in the same clipped tone of voice. She stepped farther into the office, and her gaze lingered on the club soda and tightened. “I see I’m interrupting something.”
“Honey, we should be happy for your sister. She wants to do something different with her life, and in the process, she gets to help people. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Savannah’s expression darkened. “There’s everything wrong with that. Doing something different is finding a new hobby, getting a pet, or getting a new haircut. I’d understand any one of those things, but carrying someone else’s baby? She’s throwing her life away by committing to something she doesn’t understand.”
Emily rose to her feet and frowned. “There’s no need to use that kind of tone with your sister. Really, Sav—”
Savannah threw her hands up in the air and scowled. “Well, someone has to. Everyone is praising her and talking about how great this is. Meanwhile, I seem to be the only one who cares about what happens to Charlotte after the baby is born and Addison takes the baby away. What happens then, huh?”
Charlotte was on her feet in the next instant. “What do you mean, what happens? I’ll go back to teaching, and I’ll feel fulfilled and happy knowing I helped Addison and Mason make their dreams come true.”
“And what about Patrick, huh? Rumor has it the two of you are seeing each other. He’s your friend, isn’t he?”
Why was her sister bringing this up?
It wasn’t like Savannah to be deliberately cruel or insensitive.
Charlotte’s stomach twisted, and her heart sputtered. “Yes, he’s my friend, but we’ve only been on one date—”
“And how do you think he’s going to feel about dating someone who is carrying someone else’s baby? How do you think he’s going to feel about having a future with you when your future isn’t even yours?”
Why was Savannah doing this to her?
Why couldn’t she let her be?
Of course, she was afraid of Patrick’s reaction and their future ending before it even began, but what good would it do her to dwell on hypotheticals? To try and control things she had no say over?
All she could do was brace herself, grit her teeth, and hope for the best.
Charlotte’s ears were ringing, and her stomach was churning. “Stop it.”
“You need to listen to me,” Savannah continued, her voice rising toward the end. “You have to—”
Charlotte held a hand up, another wave of nausea, stronger than the last one hitting her. “I don’t have to do anything. Mom, thanks for the cupcake. I should go.”
Without waiting for a response, Charlotte pushed her way past Savannah and stumbled outside. She ignored her mother’s protests and didn’t stop until she was on the sidewalk, sucking in huge mouthfuls of air. A part of her knew she should go back, if only because her mom didn’t deserve her running out like that, but the other part of her couldn’t bear to face Savannah again.
Not when her sister’s words were still reverberating inside of her head.
Her chest felt tight, and the tears poured steadily down her face as she placed her hands on either side of her thighs.
Why couldn’t she breathe?
Why hadn’t she been able to put Savannah’s mind and her own at ease?
Because a part of you knows she’s right. Deep down, you know she’s telling the truth. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself or anyone else.
When she felt steadier, she began to walk and was surprised to find herself outside Patrick’s cottage on Walker Street.
Before she knew what she was doing, Charlotte pushed the gate open and took the stairs two at a time. On the front porch, with her heart in her throat, Charlotte lifted her hand to knock. Milo began to bark and paw at the door. A moment later, she heard the latch, and Patrick’s face appeared in the doorway.
He did a double take when he saw her, and she saw Milo wag his tail furiously. “Charlotte, hey. I didn’t know you were coming by.”
“I wanted to call,” Charlotte whispered, a lump rising in the back of her throat. “But I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get the words out.”
Patrick threw the door open and beckoned her inside. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Charlotte stepped inside, the smell of mashed potatoes hitting her first and making her stomach tighten. “No, I’m not okay. I mean, physically, I’m fine, but emotionally, I’m a wreck.”
Patrick gestured to the couch, and she collapsed onto it. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Green tea if you have it,” Charlotte replied before running a hand over her face. When Patrick came back with a tray carrying two mugs and a plate of cookies, Charlotte burst into tears again. He rubbed her arms and squeezed her hands, the frown never leaving his face.
In a small voice, Charlotte told him everything, letting it pour through her.
As soon as she was done, she sat back and took a long sip of her tea. Patrick’s face had lost some of its color, and his eyes kept darting around the room. As soon as they settled on Charlotte, she shivered and sat up straighter.
“I…I don’t know what to say.”
Charlotte took another sip of her drink and grimaced. “It’s a lot, and I know I should’ve told you sooner, but I…I just wasn’t ready.”
Patrick blinked. “I understand.”
Charlotte searched his face, but her heart was still pounding. “Do you?”
“It’s a big thing,” Patrick said after a lengthy pause. “A really big thing.”
For a while longer, the two of them sat there while Charlotte resisted the urge to run and hide. When she realized Patrick was still processing, Charlotte finished the last of her tea and stood up. Patrick followed her to the door but didn’t say anything. She glanced over her shoulder at him as she walked away.
Each step away from him felt harder than the last.
Savannah is right. You probably just torpedoed any chance the two of you might have, and you have no one to blame but yourself.
After years of longing, yearning, and waiting, it was over before it even began.
Charlotte’s eyes burned with tears as she walked back home with her shoulders hunched. Outside her apartment building, she stopped to message Addison, bringing her up to speed about everything. She was rummaging through her purse for the keys when her phone lit up, and Addison’s face flashed across the screen.
“I’m not really in the mood for company.” She shoved the door open the rest of the way and stumbled in. “I think I’m just going to sleep.”
“That’s fine, but in the morning, I’m taking you out to breakfast. Savannah is going to come around, Char. She’s just being overprotective.”
Charlotte kicked off her shoes and left them behind the door. “And what about Patrick?”
Addison sighed. “I honestly don’t know, but I hope he comes around too.”
She couldn’t imagine years of friendship going down the drain just like that.
Having Patrick as a friend was better than not having him at all.