Chapter 47
Chapter Forty-Seven
Alex felt all the air in his lungs leave in a whoosh when Aria walked out the door.
This is a dream, right? A nightmare. Any minute now I’ll wake up and find none of this was real.
The lingering fragrance of her perfume confirmed that to be a lie.
With her words ringing in his ears and the silence surrounding him, he turned around in a full circle, looking at his house as if he were a stranger in it.
What just happened?
He reached into his pocket, his fingers fumbling to dial her number. When it went to voicemail, he wasn’t surprised. Aria had proven that when she was upset, she ran. She ran and she isolated.
He played the scene out in his head a few times.
He understood that she was upset he didn’t tell her his decision to stay.
What he dared not say at the moment was that he made that decision before their first date on the boat.
He wanted to give them a chance to spend time together, get to know one another the way they’d never had a chance before to do, even though retracting his name from the project in Argentina was a difficult one.
He feared that telling her too soon about his decision would have scared her away, so he held it back. He was to tell her after her parents left for Rome. When she invited him to meet her parents, that confirmed to him it was the right time. It meant she was ready to move on in their relationship.
His regret was mentioning it to Corinna first. He wanted to convince her best friend of his intentions, but it had backfired. When Aria hadn’t brought it up, he assumed Corinna would let him be the one to tell her.
You waited too long. You’ve lost her.
As much as this was his fault for waiting, it hurt that instead of listening to him, trusting him, she had thrown it all away.
She doesn’t love me. How was I so wrong about her feelings?
That truth took his breath away. He had trusted her with his heart, but she couldn’t say the words.
Feeling the familiar pain he felt back in school as he watched her fall in love with Nicholas, he rubbed the ache in his chest.
He’d lived this before, but it was so much worse this time. This time, he knew the feel of her in his arms, the taste of her lips, the dream of what could be between them.
Another memory seared him with white-hot force—Bella’s betrayal. That memory was followed by a thought that had plagued him for years.
You’re not enough. You’ll never be the one chosen.
For the next few hours, he let self-pity consume him. He sat at the water’s edge, watching the tide come in and out. The rhythm soothed him temporarily, the bright sun forcing his eyes closed.
Reliving the pain of his past haunted him. But he also saw the hurt in her eyes, and it overshadowed his own sorrow.
Standing and brushing the coarse sand from his jeans, he decided to go to her house.
His pride set aside, he walked into the house, grabbed his keys and wallet, and locked the door on the way to his car. He needed to make sure she was alright.
Pulling up to her house, he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her car. She was there. Whether she loved him the way he loved her didn’t matter. He just needed to see her, even if might be the last time.
After knocking and ringing the bell over and over, he slid his phone from his pocket and called Corinna.
“Alex?”
“Hey, sorry for calling while you're at work, but I'm trying to get in touch with Aria. Is she with you?”
“No, she's not. Listen, I know I’m responsible for some of this, but I had no idea you hadn’t told her about not leaving. She needs time, Alex. She was pretty shaken up when she got home.”
“Corinna, it’s my fault. I was going to tell her when her parents decided to surprise her. I just want to make sure she’s alright, just see her for a minute. And believe me, she’s not the only one hurting. Did she tell you that she ended it?” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck.
There was a long pause before she answered.
“Yes, she told me.”
Pacing on the porch, he asked, “Is she home? I’m on her porch right now. I won’t force her to see me. I just need to know she’s alright. Even though she doesn’t love me, I know she was upset when she left.”
Corinna sighed in the phone and mumbled something he couldn’t make out.
“Give her some space, time. She can’t heal without it. I can’t speak for her. Please understand and just be patient,” she said.
“Space? What do you mean she needs space to heal? From me? All I wanted to do is love her and take care of her! I thought she loved me.”
Corinna sighed and her voice softened as she answered.
“She's, she’s not home. Aria is gone.”
“Gone? Gone where?” Alex begged.
“I've said too much, Alex. I can’t tell you where. She's my best friend and I’ve promised to guard her heart right now. But she’s not in Positano. I dropped her off at the airport a few hours ago.”
Gone.
Airport.
I wasn't enough.
Not bothering to answer, he ended the call and found his way back to the car and drove home.
He sat with his head in his hands for hours in his bedroom. The whir of the ceiling fan threatened to lull him to sleep. He was exhausted in every way possible. But the thoughts that had plagued him came in rapid succession.
I’m not enough for her to fight for.
She didn't love me.
I can’t risk trusting in love again.
Picking up his phone, he dialed a familiar number.
“Anthony, hey, how are you?”
“Good, Alex. What’s wrong?”
“Call the South American committee. Tell them I'll do the project.”
“Buddy, they will be thrilled to hear this, but I’m confused. Are you sure? I thought...”
“Yeah, I thought so too. Please just make the call.”
“If that’s what you want. I’m sorry, man. I’ll book your flight now. Remember, it’s for two months.”
“I know. Thanks, Anthony. And I can leave tonight.”
He hung up and took a deep breath before placing a call to his father and Sofia. Luckily, he caught them together in their father’s office.
Sofia put him on speaker when she answered.
“Hey. What’s going on? You sound terrible.”
“I decided to take that project in Argentina after all. I thought I would pass it up, but I think it's a good idea to take it. I’ve been waiting for it a long time and it’s an important one,” Alex said as he threw clothes into his duffel bag.
“Son, I’m surprised. You made it sound like you were staying. Something happened with Aria?” Leonardo asked.
“Things with Aria are complicated. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I need to give her the space she needs. I don’t think she’s in love with me, not like I am.”
Sofia answered. “Alex, she loves you. I’m sure of it. Give her whatever she needs, but don’t give up.”
“I’ll come by in a bit for a quick hug. Anthony is working on getting me a flight out this evening. And I’ll let you know where I’ll be after the project is over.”
“Alright, son. We will be here when you pass by. Love you,” Leonardo said as they hung up.
Packing his camera bag and backpack, Alex paused to look at the photograph of her.
“Goodbye, Aria.”
After stopping at Aura to see his family, Alex called Enzo and Adrian. He was on his way to the parking garage near the airport in Naples and explained to them on a merged call what had transpired.
“Adrian, sorry I didn’t have time to see you before you left, but maybe I’ll meet you in Portugal after this project ends.”
“Sounds great, man. I don’t know what to say about Aria. But we all saw how much you two cared for one another. Maybe it was just too much so soon. Don’t give up.”
“Yeah, you guys just reconnected after what, like twelve years? Then to fall so suddenly. It’s a lot for both of you,” Enzo added.
Alex drove the car with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding up his head on the door.
“Corinna said the same thing, that Aria needs time. But I thought we were on the same page, ready to see what could be.”
“Go to Argentina and see this project through as planned. Take some time off with Adrian then come back. A lot can happen in a few months,” Enzo offered.
“I don’t know. I don’t think I can risk that again.
She doesn’t love me. I asked her if she did, and she said she couldn’t say the words.
You two know more than anyone how hard it was for me to trust again.
And it wasn’t even a choice with her. I just did.
No thought to what it could do to my own heart,” Alex answered, rubbing his forehead.
“We know, man. It was a leap but like I said, give her time,” Enzo said.
“I gave her everything, but it wasn’t enough. Listen, guys, thanks for understanding, for listening. I’ll be in touch.”
The ride to Naples was long because of a traffic jam, making Alex edgy in his seat. After changing his music choice several times, he gave up and turned it off.
There was an idea forming, one he was mentally fighting against. It was irrational but once formed, it wouldn’t relent. Hesitantly, he called Enzo’s number.
“Hey, you okay? Got to the airport yet?” Enzo asked.
“No, tons of traffic. Look, I know this is crazy, but can you give me the number to that client from the gym that owns a nursery?”
“You need someone to take care of the yard? I can do that for you.”
“No, no, I need a garden built. Some flowers and herbs. Maybe some trees.”
“Ah, okay? I’ll forward Sean’s info to you now. Sure you’re okay?”
Alex frowned, wondering if this was the worst idea he’d ever had.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just planting some seeds, I guess.”
Alex arrived in Argentina sixteen hours later, fatigued both physically and emotionally. After grabbing his duffel bag and putting the bag with his camera gear on his shoulder, he went out into the concourse to find his Spanish contact.
Spotting an older man holding a sign with his name on it, Alex walked over and introduced himself.
“Mr. Alessandro, I’m Manuel Osaro. Thank you for coming and being a part of this new project. Everyone was so excited that your plans changed so you could join us,” the man said.
“It’s an honor to be here and part of this work. Please, call me Alex,” he replied, following his guide out of the airport.
A few hours later, Alex was settling into the makeshift camp on the outskirts of Chaco. Day had given way to night as he joined the rest of the group.
The journey had been long, and his emotions still high, but he was anxious to meet the team before heading to bed. He was the last to arrive and after a hearty meal and some conversation, the camaraderie was easy and pleasant.
“Alex, we’re excited to have you onboard. I’m so glad your plans changed so you could join us,” Russell Martin said.
“It’s a privilege to work with UNICEF, Russell. Glad it all worked out,” Alex answered.
“Our interpreters have explained what we want to do with the wells to the people in the nearby towns. I wish you could have seen their faces. Your photos will bring much-needed attention to this part of the world that gets neglected where aid is concerned.”
“I’ll do my best. I can’t wait to meet some of them. That’s my favorite part,” Alex replied with a nod, stifling a yawn. “Well, it’s been a long travel day. See you all in the morning.”
“Night, Alex. Oh, and my boss said it was a personal issue that had you turn the project down recently. Hope everything worked out for you.”
Alex nodded and answered flatly, “Worked out the way it should have. Good night.”
Walking outside the compound that was set up for the group who would start digging the wells, Alex made his way to his tent. The canvas shelter would be his temporary home for the next several weeks. Before going in, he lifted his head to look up at the stars, wondering where in the world she was.
Taking her colorful scarf out of his pocket, he brought it up to his face and closed his eyes as he inhaled.
He prayed that her fragrance would last for the whole trip because it was the only thing grounding him.
Bending over as he entered his tent, he used his phone’s flashlight to turn on the solar lantern by his cot. He would have to wait until they were closer to the bigger cities to get a signal again, so for the next few days, he would be unreachable.
Stretching out on his cot, his eyes closed as replayed their last words.
“Aria, what are you saying? You’re my life, you’re my adventure. I love you. I know what I want because I’m holding it in my hands. Tell me you love me, too. Say the words to me, Aria.”
“I, I can’t.”
Those words hurt more than he imagined as he played them over again in his mind, his heart begging him to stop.
I can’t.
As much as he loved her, if she was happier without him, then he would sacrifice everything, including his happiness, to see her happy.