Chapter 36
Chapter thirty-six
Emma
Dick pics.
I stride up the stairs as calmly as I can, even though my face is streaked with tears and I can barely see in front of me, let alone breathe properly. When I get to the landing, Aubrey is just stepping out into the hall with Gracie in her arms.
She takes one look at me, and I see the pity in her eyes. I hate it. “Em… he didn’t mean all those things he said. Grey just lashes out and loses control when he’s too emotional… Tonight was a lot for him, for both of you.”
“It doesn’t matter if he meant them or not.
He still said it. So somewhere, deep down, that’s how he truly feels.
There’s always a bit of truth in every lie.
” I look down at the yellow ceramic sunflower in my hands, the pad of my thumb running over the glossy finish. “It’s what my grandfather always said.”
“That’s not true, Em. Sometimes people say things out of anger because they’re hurting, knowing it will hurt the other.
Simply because they want someone else to feel what they’re feeling.
But that doesn’t make their words true.” She steps forward and reaches out for my hand, but I lift it, palm facing her.
“Please, stop. Don’t look for reasons to excuse your brother’s behavior. He’s right. I’m not her parent; I shouldn’t be making decisions that involve her on my own. Now that the lines are fully established, I won’t be making that mistake again,” I say with an emotionless voice.
Aubrey goes to speak again, but I stop her. “Look, I’m really tired. I just want to go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight.”
I peek down at Gracie, who has a sad expression in her eyes, as if she can sense something isn’t right. I’ve tried not to look at her since she came home. It’s been hard, but every time I let my gaze travel to her, I feel my heart breaking.
Greyson’s right. I put Gracie in danger today. Even if it turned out to be just a series of unfortunate events, it could have been worse. Unbelievably worse.
I look away quickly and move to the side, passing Brey and heading into my room. My original room. All my things are in Greyson’s, but there’s no way I’m sleeping in there tonight. Or any other night.
Once I’m inside, I close the door quietly, lock it, and drop down to the floor. With my back against the wood, I bring my knees up close to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs. My head drops down as I soak the bottom of my dress with my tears.
How did we go from making love to this?
How can he say such cruel things when he knows how much they affect me?
How can he compare me to the woman I despise the most, knowing that my biggest fear is to turn out like her?
Is he right?
Did I let Claudia take Gracie so that they could spend time together?
Or was it my excuse for wanting some time to myself?
I turn my head to the side, still resting against my knees, and bring the hand that holds a piece of my special mug into view. The last piece of my grandfather, now gone forever. Another sob breaks free, and I bring the ceramic to my chest, pressing it to my heart.
“I’m sorry, Pops. I tried to make it last a lifetime… but I failed you… I fail everyone.” I turn my head back into my knees and cry for as long as the tears keep coming.
I’m not sure how much time has passed. It’s dark in my room with no light on, and I don’t have my phone, but it feels like a few hours.
My head is pounding from all the crying, and my ass is sore from sitting on the hardwood floor for so long.
I’m about to get up and climb into my bed when I hear footsteps outside my door.
“Bunny?... Em…” He sighs when I don’t answer. How can he call me that after the way he treated me?
“I’m so fucking sorry, Em. I don’t know why I said all that stuff.
I didn’t mean a single word of it. You know that…
Maybe not right now, but deep down, you know that’s not truly how I feel.
I was just angry and confused. I wasn’t thinking clearly.
But I am now, and I know how much I fucked up.
I know how badly I hurt you with my words and with my actions… ”
He goes quiet for a moment, but I can still hear him breathing from the other side, so I wait.
“I know everything you ever do is in Gracie’s best interest. I was just so scared, Em.
If something had happened to her… I wouldn’t have survived it.
And then when we finally got her back, I was angry.
” He breathes out. “Angry that we were in that situation in the first place, and I lashed out at you instead of taking the time to digest everything properly. Because I know you never meant to put her in harm’s way.
All you wanted was to make everyone happy.
I see that now… I just wish I had seen it sooner. ”
Yeah, me too…
I pull the sunflower away from my chest and rest it in the center of my palm, gliding the tip of my index finger over each ceramic petal.
“Out of anything you could have picked up, out of everything on that counter you could have broken," I whisper, "You chose the one thing that mattered the most to me in my life. The one thing that I will never be able to get back.” My voice cracks as I hold in another sob and tilt my head back against the door, closing my eyes as the tears come rushing back, but I force them to stay at bay.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry about your mug, Bunny… I swear I didn't see it… I didn't realize what I had grabbed…" His voice drops to an emotional whisper. "You have no idea how horrible I feel… I know how much it meant to you… but I’m going to fix it… I’ll find a way to fix it. To fix us.”
“There’s no way to fix this,” I say loud enough for him to hear.
A few beats pass before he replies. “The mug... or us?”
My face scrunches up as I squeeze my eyes tighter together and dig my head into the wooden door, my heart feeling like it’s continuously shattering. I had managed to stop crying, but the pain in his voice as he asks the question makes another single one slip free.
“Both…” I whisper back, not wanting him to hear it, but needing to say it. Because I truly don’t see how we can fix this…
I’ll never forget what he said…
He hears it anyway. “No… no, no… baby… you—you don’t mean that. You can’t mean that. I… I love you, Emma. I love you.”
I bring my hand to my lips, pressing hard against my mouth and squeezing my eyes shut. My heart painfully aches as I whimper and weep.
Why now? Why would he say it now when he had weeks to do it? Months. Why does he have to say the one thing I’ve waited to hear fall from his lips while my heart is breaking?
I don’t know what to do, how to feel. I’m confused and lost. I don’t know how I’ll do this.
Being around Gracie, knowing in less than two months I’ll lose her entirely.
Being around Greyson all the time and acting like everything is fine.
Pretending I’m not falling apart as I watch my dream life disappear before my eyes. My family…
How am I supposed to survive that?
I take a deep breath, steadying myself as I filter through my thoughts, determined not to let this tear me down.
Because I’m Emma Mackenzie. I’m strong and fierce.
I’m independent, and I don’t need anyone to help save me.
I’ve been happy on my own, and I can do it again.
I’m done giving out my heart only for people to rip it apart when the chance is given.
No more.
I stand up from the ground, putting the ceramic sunflower on the dresser next to the door. I look back at the door for a moment, the glow of yellow light seeping through the crack at the bottom where two shadowed feet appear.
“Go to bed, Greyson. I’m done talking.” I walk away from the door and climb under the covers, turning away from him. Refusing to hear one more single word coming from his beautiful lips.
I’m going to miss them…
GREYSON
I didn’t listen to Emma when she told me to go to bed. Instead, I sat down against her door and listened to her cry, letting the sound rip me apart because I deserved it. Until her body eventually gave out and she fell asleep.
Then I went to our room, sat on our bed, and pulled out my phone, flipping through my pictures of Emma, needing to feel close to her in some way.
She said there was no way to fix us, but that’s bullshit. I know it, and she knows it. I’ll make it happen. I’ll do everything I can to prove I never meant to say all those hurtful things. It won’t be easy. I know how greatly I fucked up.
Jesus, I compared her to her mom. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t, that’s the problem. And telling her she isn’t Gracie’s parent when I’ve been making it clear for the past few months that she is. God, I’m an idiot!
Pictures of her and our little girl shine before my eyes—so many pictures. How did I ever doubt she would do anything to my baby? This is proof of how much she loves Gracie and would never hurt her. Proof that she is, in every sense of the word, Gracie’s mom.
Now I just need to find a way to show her that. Erase those imposturous thoughts I’ve put in her head and replace them with authentic ones. But how do I do that? Where do I start? Come on, Ford, think.
This is just like hockey. We’re at the start of a game. I’m in the neutral zone, staring at my opponents, and Emma is the goal. I need to get to her, but they’re in the way, surrounding her. Thick walls blocking my path back to her heart.
I’ll have to get around them before they get the chance to stop me. Guess it’s a good thing I’m a professional hockey player. So who’s my first opponent? The mug. How do I get around this one?
I swipe my hands through my hair, pulling on it as I rack my brain for ways to fix this problem. I need to stop doing that. At this rate, I’ll be bald by next week.