38. Jude
Ihate leaving my Boys, but the three of them have each other, and the twins will understand once Antonio lets them in on what I’m up to this morning—hell, I’m sure they’re going to gossip about me while I’m gone.
It’s early enough that not many people are up and moving around yet, so it’s not a problem getting to the medical suite. Even though I know Antonio and Nicolo will be down as soon as they’re awake, I can’t help but check on Nario first.
He stirs a little when I press a kiss to his forehead and smooth his hair back from where it's fallen over his brow. He blinks his sleepy hazel eyes up at me. “Sir…?”
“Shh. Go back to sleep. I’ll be by later.”
I run my fingers through his dirty hair, easing him back to sleep once more. I kiss him again before leaving the room, running into Roman in the corridor.
“Morning,” he signs.
“What are you doing up so early?” I ask, reaching out to pull him to me. He comes easily, cuddling into me.
Just loud enough to be heard, he says, “Heading to see Leandro. Ignacio is out on his first job this morning, and I want to be there in case anything happens.”
I lift his face up to look into his eyes, seeing the worry in them. “Ignacio has this. I’ve read the doctors’ reports; he’s strong.”
Roman nods. “I know. I just worry. He went out with Joel, of all people. I’m hoping he doesn’t come back stabbed.”
I snort. Tennant’s bodyguard is…as snarky of an asshole as his charge. Add in Ignacio and Jayden doing whatever the hell it is they’re doing? Yeah, I have a feeling Doc is not going to be happy once they return.
“What are they doing?”
“Taking out the board member who was rude to Allesandro, and also has ties to the Senator. It should be a quick in and out, but still…”
“You love him. Of course, you’re going to be worried.”
“You don’t think I’m ridiculous?”
“No, never. I think you’re very sweet.”
He sighs, his shoulders slumping as if in relief. “Thank you.” Lifting up onto his toes, he presses a kiss to my lips. “I’m sorry we haven’t had much time together lately. I hope you don’t think I don’t love you. I do, very much. You’re still part of what keeps me grounded, but…”
“You don’t need to explain anything, Tesoro Mio. Everything has been so upside down lately. But you and me? We’ll always be solid. Promise.”
Roman kisses me again, and this time I drag him in closer, taking over the kiss, enjoying the way he moans into my mouth.
“I need to go,” he says when I finally release him.
“So, go.” I kiss him once more for good measure, before letting him go completely. “Text me if you need anything, yeah?”
He nods. “You too. I want to be there for Nario…and your other Boys.”
I smile. “They’d like that. Stop by later when everyone is awake.”
“I will. Love you.” With that, Roman continues on his way, and I make my way toward the medical offices.
The guard on Javi duty is standing outside his door. He nods when he sees me. “You can go right in, sir.”
“Thank you.”
I brace myself for a moment before opening the door. The fact Javi hasn’t tried to get rid of the people watching him is…concerning, and tells me more about his current mental state than anything else can.
Stepping into his office, the air feels stale, as if it’s been closed up for weeks, even though Javi is sitting at his desk with one of his ever-present notebooks in his hands.
“Go away,” he says without looking up. “Especially, since you didn’t have the decency to knock.”
His tone is hollow, not matching his words, and they’re as dark and bleak as the clothes he’s wearing.
The black on black shouldn’t be surprising, not after seeing him at the meeting, but without his bright, colorful, and downright ridiculous clothing, he looks like an entirely different person.
“Afraid I can’t do that, Paperotto.”
He looks up, his multi-colored eyes dull and lifeless as he stares at me. “What are you doing here?” he asks without any inflection.
I frown, because he’s usually so good at accommodating me and making sure I understand the intent in his words—even when he’s being a pain in the ass.
“I told you the other day, you can’t hide from me forever. Come with me.”
“No. I have work to do. I’m very busy.”
“It wasn’t a suggestion, Paperotto. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, it doesn’t matter to me.”
He scowls. “I told you after the meeting that I was fine.”
I nod slowly. “You did, and I didn’t believe you. So…” Walking around the desk, I stand over him. “What’s it going to be?”
Javi’s nostrils flare, and he snaps the notebook shut so I can’t read it—as if I’d ever invade anyone’s privacy like that. “What’s it going to take to get you to go away?”
I let one side of my mouth curl up into a half-smile. “Nothing. You’re mine, remember? That means I’m going to do whatever I need to do when it comes to you.”
He sighs. “I’m fine. Am I sad? Yes, of course, I’m sad. I lost the only fucking person who ever understood me. There. Happy?”
I shake my head and grip his chin, forcing his face up to mine, ignoring the way he stiffens at my touch. “Let me help you.”
“You can’t.” I read the words on his lips more than hear them. The helplessness in his eyes is devastating, and it kicks me in the chest when I see how young, vulnerable, and unprotected he is in this moment.
“At least, let me try, Paperotto.”
Javi’s lips part as he stares up at me, and I think he’s going to agree, but then he pulls out of my hold. His movements are jerky as he rips open one of his desk drawers and shoves the notebook inside, locking it when he’s finished.
“I have things to do,” he says, his voice flat and emotionless, and he won’t raise his eyes to meet mine again.
I sigh, hating that he’s making me do this the hard way.
Grabbing the back of his chair, I slide it out from behind his desk, ignoring him as he protests.
I don’t hesitate to reach for him, scooping him up and tossing him over my shoulder.
I have to rebalance on my leg, as the sudden movement and added weight aggravates my hip, but I manage.
He’s small, slighter than both Roman and Antonio, so it’s no problem to hold him.
He fights, but he’s being conscious not to hurt me, so I’m able to stride out of his office. “Put me the fuck down, now!” he snarls.
“Mmm, no. You chose the hard way. I hope you have your keys on you,” I muse, as I flick the lock on his office door before closing it firmly behind us once I step into the hall.
“You’re such a fucking asshole!” He tries to get out of my grasp, but I tighten my hold, walking surely, if not a little hitchy, due to the awkward, unbalanced way I’m carrying him, out of the medical area.
“Settle,” I order, before smacking my hand over his ass. It’s not a perfect strike, as the angle is shit and there's not enough force, but the simple act of doing so catches his attention for a moment as he forgets to fight me.
“I hate you,” he says, as he tries to slide off me.
“I don’t care.” Stopping, I readjust my hold on him, pulling him from my shoulder and cradling him in my arms instead. With both arms around him, it’s harder for him to try to escape.
“Doc is going to be pissed if you’ve hurt yourself,” he tells me when I start walking again.
“I’m fine. Once I sit and rest for a while, the limping will stop.
” Maybe. At this point, I’m used to it. Jayden and Doc can only help me maintain my range of motion, and manage the pain, since I refuse to sit things out and take it as easy as they would like.
But, in the two years since my mother tried to kill me, I’ve gotten used to the ever-constant pain, and my body’s limitations haven’t stopped me from doing what I need to.
I carry Javi into the small sitting room, which has, thankfully, already been set up to my specifications.
“What’s this?” Javi asks as I put him down in front of the couch. He studies the coffee table that's laden with breakfast foods like he’s never seen such a thing before.
“You haven’t been eating or sleeping—don’t try to argue. It all stops today. I know you’re grieving, and I’m so sorry. No one should go through what you are, but you cannot slowly kill yourself. Ely wouldn’t have wanted you to do that.”
“Do not tell me what she would or would not have wanted,” he snarls, turning from the food to face me. “You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re right,” I say slowly. “I don’t. I’m lucky enough to have never lost anyone important to me, but you’re not alone, Javi.”
He glares up at me, his eyes burning with emotions that I can’t read, before it all goes blank and there’s nothing for me to decipher on his face. “Don’t. You can’t help me. Nobody can.”
He tries to storm off, but I grab him, holding him tightly against my chest as he thrashes. I wince as I overbalance and pain shoots through me, but even as we fall onto the couch, I don’t let him go.
Javi fights, thrashing in my embrace, growls and grunts escaping his mouth as he tries his best to escape. I roll us onto the floor, and his back hitting the ground momentarily stuns him.
Placing one hand at his throat, I hold him in place, forcing him to look up at me with those wet, shiny eyes.
“It’s okay to hurt, Paperotto,” I tell him softly. “It’s okay to mourn her. I don’t want you to hold that grief inside, not anymore. You’re safe with me.”
I hold him down, hooking my legs over his, ignoring how uncomfortable the position is for me.
Javi tries to shake his head, but I tighten my grip on his throat, holding him still as I steal his breath for a moment.
He swallows when I release the pressure, and stares up at me. His honey eye is dark and swirling, while the green one sparkles like a diamond in the sun, as they both fill with tears.
“It’s okay,” I tell him softly. “You’re safe.”
His whole body shudders underneath me, and the dam finally breaks, tears flowing down his face as he begins to cry. I hold him down for a while longer, not trusting that he won't escape, before slowly easing up.