Chapter XV
Arien headed to the kitchen looking for Soleil. She wasn't in her room.
Arriving at the entry way, Arien released a breath he'd not even realised he was holding, she was seated at the breakfast corner, looking alright. Well, probably not alright, but moving, eating, looking alive. He could fix the rest.
So caught in examining Soleil, it took Arien a second to notice who sat across from her, he crossed the room in a flash, "What the hell are you doing here S?ren?"
Soleil jerked back at his tone, only just noticing his arrival.
S?ren was already on his feet, "Nothing, I was just leaving."
Before Soleil could even find the chance to speak out, without even a glance in her direction, S?ren had strode out of the room, leaving a tense Arien in his place.
"Sorry he was here, I thought I made it clear for him not to bother you again."
Soleil simply peered up him, there was no reason for Arien to be upset. And this just further proved her point, even if he promised and tried to keep S?ren away - he inevitably always failed.
Sighing, tired by Arien's presence already, she drew her attention back to her lukewarm coffee.
A sip followed by, "He was just giving me some information I'd requested. Everything was fine," then a wry lip tilt, "if anything, I forced him to breakfast."
Arien's frown only grew more pronounced. "May I?" He motioned to the chair.
"I guess."
Soleil watched him fold his long body into the wooden stool.
They both looked ridiculous seated there, equally tall and sinewy.
Or maybe S?ren was slightly taller, but his shoulders were always slightly drawn inwards, so tightly coiled he carried himself.
As if he was barely restraining himself at any given moment.
She recalled how out of place he looked having breakfast, the memory kept filtering to the forefront of her mind - distorting her usual view of him.
"I thought we could talk."
Soleil didn't really feel like entertaining Arien right now but maybe some more answers would be nice.
And Arien just desperately wanted to spend time around her, make sure she was alright.
Relenting she suggested, "I feel cooped up here, let me grab a coffee refill and meet you in the garden?"
"Okay." Arien adorned a small smile at her words.
They slowly walked through the gently warming morning light.
"Look, I am really sorry for how S?ren acted.
He's paranoid, more cautious because of our past - not that that's an excuse for all he's done but I know my brother, and he only ever does things to protect us, protect me.
And I know one day you'll be included in that, he just needs time.
And until then, I'll make sure nothing like this ever happens again. "
Soleil let those words sink in, welcoming the insight.
"Because of your past?"
Silence and the distant sound of birds were the only response to her question.
Soleil needed more of an explanation, "I just want to understand all this." What she'd been thrust into unwillingly.
"I...I can't go into details. But we left home early, 15, and only had one another. There were some...bad people that we ended up involved with and S?ren ensured we got out. Made sure we survived."
Soleil could see Arien struggling, remembering, and while she didn't wish to feel any sympathy, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of it. She knew exactly how it felt to survive on ones own unwillingly, and could only imagine how much worse it was as a scared 15 year child to boot.
She just nodded, accepting the redacted explanation.
Arien looked to be struggling internally, "Why didn't you tell us you were human?"
Soleil pulled on a cuticle, "I guess I wasn't certain if that would make it worse, like make you both more angry for having a human mate."
Well, make S?ren more angry anyways. She hadn't thought what Arien would do really.
Arien paused, considering.
"I also didn't really understand what a mate was so that made me more cautious I guess. I honestly still don't fully understand what it means." Despite reading up as much as possible in the library.
Arien's mouth firmed and stride widened, "It's more than I can explain, if you were a wolf you would intrinsically understand but I guess ultimately, it's your soulmate. The one person created exactly for you."
"How do you know?"
A hand pulled through his hair, "Again, something nearly impossible to explain to a human. It's like knowing something is blue, you just know, you can't get it wrong."
That wasn't much to go on and Soleil felt her frustration ebbing, the concepts just didn't make sense to her, "And you only get one? Even if something happens to them?"
"Yes, only one. Regardless if they pass away or anything." Sounded like it pained him to say.
"Seems rather...risky."
More walking until Soleil continued her questions, "I understand it's different for twins sometimes, like you find one first and then again after." That's what she'd read at least, "So you both feel the mate thing?"
Because it sure doesn't feel like S?ren feels it.
Soleil instantly willed that intrusive thought away.
Voice uncomfortably tight and short, Arien answered, "Yes. We had to choose."
A thought made its way from Soleil's mouth before she could restrain it, "Then why don't you just let me go and wait to find the next option?"
This made the most sense to her when she really thought about it.
S?ren didn't seem to want or care for her at all and Arien would probably, statistically, find a better option the next time round.
She thought herself to be very underwhelming, not even considering the rest of the.
..baggage. So why fight so hard to keep her?
Arien abrubtly stopped walking, grasping Soleil's arm and pulling her to face him.
Breathing heavy, head shaking, "You're not just an option Soleil, you're my mate."
He'd never spoken to her in this tone before, the shock of it keeping her still, "There's no one else I can think of while you're around. It doesn't work like that."
Words failed Soleil. She thought for a second, choosing her words carefully, he seemed so riled up. So unlike usual Arien. "Okay. But mates are forever then?" His hands were still grasping her forearms securely.
"Yes." His word finite. Resolute.
Against her better judgement, she continued, "And I'm just human, a human who doesn't even want you. I might never want you. These feelings you have or whatever - I don't have them, will never have them. Don't you think you should just let me go and try again?"
Soleil again tried to appeal using the side of reason.
But this only seemed to further incense usually calm and lighthearted Arien. His hands tightened a fraction, before a barely restrained voice let out, "I can't. I won't."
And then he was nearly running from the garden.
Soleil stared in the direction he'd left for a few, pondering the strangeness of both her interactions with each brother today. The world felt tilted on its axis.
Arien felt disconcerted.
He felt defeated and tired of fighting with Soleil.
Tired of trying to convince her, tired of things being out of his control, hell, he was tired of being angry at S?ren. Whenever things were going wrong, at least he had could rely on his brother and now even that part of their bond felt messed up.
And why the hell were the two of them having breakfast this morning? An unwelcome feeling arose at the thought.
He needed to get everything back on track. He needed to have a proper conversation with S?ren and then he needed to figure out the way forward with Soleil.
Now that he knew she was human, at least he could better understand her refusal. She didn't feel the mate bond like him, and as hard as that truth was to swallow, it stung less than thinking she simply didn't want him or was outright refusing the bond. This made sense, this he could work with.
Arien took a deep breathe, regaining some semblance of control. This was another thing he hated, having his emotions flay so wildly. He'd felt nearly angry at Soleil today, something he'd never felt before.
Mind made up, he hurried to find S?ren.
As soon as he pushed the study door open and caught the eye of his brother, S?ren was already explaining, "She needed information on a new man her mother is seeing and I was just providing it, and answering questions. That's it, you know her feelings towards me..."
S?ren carefully looked over his brother, gauging his reaction.
Before he could stop the words that he knew sounded petty, "Why didn't she ask me?" Arien couldn't help the bitterness that crept into his tone.
Arien's question was impossible for S?ren to answer without making things worse, so he remained silent.
This only served to infuriate Arien, "She just doesn't make sense, why would she go to the one person who constantly hurt her? The one person constantly making everything worse."
His pacing caused him to miss the flash across S?ren's face, 'constantly making everything worse' - so that's what my brother thought. He quickly accepted the words, like penance, despite his intentions, this was all his fault.
The need to explain Soleil's actions arose in S?ren, before immediately stamping it down.
Of course she was making rash decisions, she probably didn't feel safe with either of them.
Being a human on top of everything else must make this whole scenario even more fucked up. And even more terrifying.
Arien's recently heightened emotions made S?ren pause, worry clear in his gaze, "What's going on with you brother? You're never this..."
Angry, out of control, overrun with emotion, not thinking clearly...the list continued.
Arien continued to wear a hole in the floor, even in this moment struggling to reign himself in.
How do you not lose it when the one thing you've been waiting for turns out to be something else? When what you wished for time and time again, comes true in the worst way? The one certainty of your life suddenly becoming uncertain?
He tried to get the words out, explain the inner turmoil, "She asked to leave again. Even after I explained what mates are."
S?ren studied his brother, not wanting to set him off further, then so cautiously, quietly, "Maybe she's right."
He immediately knew them to be the wrong words after one look his brothers way,quick to placate the rising storm, S?ren explained, "I'm not saying that's what we'll do or anything. Just pointing out the most reasonable course of action. I won't interfere any longer, you have my word."
Now Arien sank into the chair across, his defeated confession ringing out, "I can't do that. Can't let her go. I don't care what that makes me."
S?ren understood. Maybe not entirely. But he understood his twin, always had.
Feeling the need to make his internal struggle clearer, Arien prompted, "You know when we were both back there, we both had a hope that got us through. What was yours?"
"Being free once more, revenge," S?ren was quick to lie with a well timed shrug.
Arien nodded, "Mine was knowing that I still had a mate out there. Finding her one day."
All Arien felt was the unfairness of life in that moment.
S?ren hated the look on his brother's face.
"I'll help to the best of my abilities. I see my previous mistakes and won't repeat them...I just thought I was protecting you." From Soleil. S?ren now realised how ridiculous that made him look. She'd never been a threat. Not really.
"Thank you brother," then a small smirk, "and sorry for that," Arien motioned at his bruised eye that was nearly completely healed.
S?ren shrugged once more, the punch that he'd allowed Arien to land didn't hurt. He was so numb, so conditioned to physical violence that it failed to phase him anymore.
S?ren called a truce, "Let's put these last few weeks past us. Move forward. Together."
"Soleil included?"
"Yes, Soleil included." The name still felt foreign in his mouth.
"No more secrets and you doing things without telling me?"
"S?ren?"
"Fine, I'll try."
Arien gave him a look but accepted what he was willing to concede, S?ren was S?ren.
Then roughly, "And you forgive me?" The question was weightier than he'd expected, S?ren needing the reassurance more than he'd ever admit.
"Always brother."
It felt good for the brothers to be back on the same page. They'd always only had one another and S?ren wasn't about to let a mate change that. His brother was all he had.
Thinking back to Arien's earlier question, the real answer was clear - 'Freeing you, making sure you were safe'. S?ren remained unwilling to burden his brother with the truth. Sparing him from yet another thing.
Soleil, unbeknownst to either brother, fumed.
Having listened in through the door, she'd caught most of their conversation.
S?ren was willing to let her go.
Arien was not.
She disliked the stubborn wolf all over again. And even more than before.