Chapter 9 #2
Walking out of the war room, I pulled the door closed behind me and hefted the leather bag back onto my shoulder as I began to walk down the hallway.
I wasn’t expecting to see Regan a few feet from the door with tears falling down her cheeks.
Dropping my bag to the ground, I carefully walked up to her, and with slow movements, I reached out and took her trembling hands into mine.
“Regan, darlin’, tell me what’s wrong,” I requested in a soft tone and, hopefully, with an understanding look on my face.
She glanced at the closed door and back to me as a fresh round of tears fell from her beautiful green eyes. “They . . . they were there? In that house?” she asked.
Nodding, I replied, “I don’t know how much you heard, but yes. The house you lived at in Tennessee was the same house Devlin saved Elise from. She was the little girl with the ugly name.”
“A-a-and why didn’t they s-s-save m-m-me?” she inquired, and I dropped her hands and pulled her to my chest.
Regan wrapped her arms around my waist, and I placed a kiss on the top of her head as I answered, “They didn’t know you were there, or I have no doubt they would’ve saved you too. They’re . . . they’re pretty broken up about it and don’t want you to hate them.”
I didn’t know if that was the case or not, but it was what I was telling her.
The guilt and shame on James’s and Devlin’s faces when I walked out said more than words ever could, and I wasn’t going to blow up this family with secrets from the past. There were still too much we didn’t know and we needed everyone together.
For safety.
“I couldn’t hate them,” she stated. “They might not have saved me from that house, but they saved me from . . .”
Her words died, and I wasn’t going to push.
All I wanted to do was hold her and reassure her that she was safe, that she wasn’t alone, and if her strength was as mighty as I knew it was, I wanted to tell her that I loved her and that she’s mine to protect and cherish from that day forward.
But she was a mess, and I wasn’t going to pile more onto her at that moment.
Telling her my feelings could wait for now.
But not forever.
“Do you want to go inside and talk to them? It’s best to not let this kind of thing build up resentment,” I suggested, but she seemed unsure.
Carefully, I released my hold on her and took her hands into mine, placing a kiss on the back of each as I reminded her, “I’m not going anywhere, so if you want to deal with this now, I’ll be right there beside you.
” Her wounded eyes lifted to meet mine, and I added, with as much sincerity as I could dig out of myself, “You never have to deal with anything alone because I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to. ”
“What if . . . what if I tell you something so bad that you can’t look at me without disgust?” Regan whispered, and I lifted her chin, needing to look into her eyes as I said this next thing to her.
“There is nothing you can tell me that’ll make me feel anything but affection for you.
” She went to speak, but I placed my finger over her lips, needing her to hear me.
“There are things I’ve done that are unforgivable to some, and there are things I’ve done that I’m sure will keep me out of heaven, if you believe in that kind of thing.
” She shook her head with a small smile, so I continued.
“I know this is very new between the two of us, but I need you to know something. I see you, Regan. I see the beautiful woman who hides her pain behind a fake smile.” Stroking her cheek, I peered deeply into her eyes as I said, “I see the woman who wants to live but is afraid of something, and I hope that one day you’ll trust me enough to help you carry the burden.
There is nothing, and I mean nothing, you can say that will change my mind.
Whatever it is, I know you did what you had to do to survive, and that makes you badass. ”
“But what if I can’t forgive myself?” she inquired, and I leaned down and placed a soft, chaste kiss on her lips.
“Then we’ll cross that bridge one day at a time.” A loud shout from the room behind us drew her attention, and I looked down and asked, “What do you want to do, beautiful?”
She briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath as I continued to run my fingers down her cheek softly. When she opened her eyes, I saw determination and strength looking back at me, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“There you are, my little badass.” Nodding to the closed door, I suggested, “Let’s go deal with this, then we can go to an early dinner.
But we have one stop on the way.” We moved to the door and could hear Lucian and Rhys shouting back and forth at each other.
Looking down at her, I asked, “Are you ready?”
She exhaled deeply and nodded before reaching out and opening the door.
Her back straightened as she walked into the room, causing all the noise to cease.
Booker and Caldwell were back in their seats, sipping on bottles of water and watching the men argue, and they both turned and offered smiles as Regan and I entered the room.
Devlin began to speak. “Regan, I—”
She held up her hand, silencing him as James attempted to move closer.
She shook her head, causing a look of pain to flash across his face.
It was the first time I’d seen the preppy upset, and it was weird.
Rhys looked on, and she offered him a smile before she took a seat in my chair at the end of the table.
I stood behind her with my hands on the back of the chair as she addressed the room.
“I have some things to say, and I need everyone to give me the chance to speak without interruption. Can you do that for me? No matter what you hear, can you keep your tempers under control and allow me to tell my story?”
Everyone nodded in agreement, and she looked over her shoulder at me, silently asking me to move from behind her.
I took the seat directly next to her and angled my chair so I could watch the men around the table while still being able to see her as she spoke.
If I saw it was becoming too much, I was going to put a pause to the conversation, though stopping her from telling her truth was the last thing I wanted to do.
“Let me start by saying, I don’t hate any of you for not knowing I was in that house.
I never told anyone, and from what I understand, my state records are incomplete, so you couldn’t have known, James.
” He looked down at the table, and when he looked back at her, not replying like she asked, she spoke directly to him.
“You were the one who discovered our relation. And you gave me a brother—no, three brothers—who have done everything in their power to protect me. So, I need for you to stop thinking you should’ve somehow known. ”
She looked at me, and I offered a smile as she said, “Seth explained to me that if you had known, you would’ve saved me too. I’m not angry, just shocked.”
Lifting her eyes from me, she looked down the table at a miserable-looking Devlin as she said, “And as for you, Devlin, I need you to forgive yourself. You might not have had the chance to take me from the horrible house and that awful man, but when I needed you most, you found me and were the first one through the door to take me to safety. And you’ve done everything you could to try and make everything better for those who’ve suffered. ”
He nodded, and I saw his blue eyes grow glassy as he turned his gaze down to the table.
Seeing the madman beating himself up, blaming himself for something I now realized he couldn’t have changed, was uncomfortable. But Regan wasn’t done, and the more my beautiful woman said, the more I realized she was the strongest and most resilient person I’d ever met.
And I believe, by the time all her darkness was shown the light, Regan would be the one to bring everything full circle.
But that could be wishful thinking on my part.