Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
Carter
I don’t know what it is that makes me dread getting out of the truck. I drove all the way over here, fighting with myself the whole time, going back-and-forth over whether this was a good idea. Instead of turning around and going back home, I kept driving. Now there’s nowhere left to go but up to the front door. So why is my ass glued to the seat?
Because I know it will be chewed out once I go inside.
Hell, at this rate, I’m not even sure anyone will open the door. This is the textbook definition of a last-ditch effort. Taking my pride in my hands. Ready to beg for help if that’s what it takes, because it’s what I need. Help. Something has to get through to her, and it’s not going to be me. She hates me way too much.
That’s what got me in the car. That’s why I’m sitting in front of Briggs’s house now. His car is out here, so I know he’s home at least, but it’s Wren I need to talk to. I need advice, and she is probably the only person who can give it to me.
I jump, startled, when my phone buzzes with an incoming text. It’s Maya, surprisingly. You had better not think either of us would let you in this house after what you did.
So she’s in there, too. Instead of intimidating me—I’m fucked up over all of this, but I’m not that fucked up—I’m glad. I could use all the help I can get. Between the two of them, one of them has to know the trick to getting Elliana to…
What? What is it I want? I know they’re going to ask. I better have an answer prepared. What do I want from her? Forgiveness, for sure. I don’t think I could stand living under the same roof with her hating me as bitterly as she does now. I’m not asking for us to be best friends by morning. I’m not asking for anything other than forgiveness over something I never meant to happen. The thought of her turning her back because of this is a thought I can’t endure.
I need your help. I’m only asking for advice. You know by now I didn’t send those pictures out. I need to try to make it right somehow. Please, I add, since it seems like the right thing to do. This is new territory for me. Laying it on the line like this, admitting I need help.
It’s no surprise when they leave me hanging for a while. I can almost see them in there, deciding whether or not to take pity on me.
“Come on, come on,” I whisper, staring up at the house from behind the wheel, drumming my fingers against my thighs. When the front door slowly swings open, I release a sigh of relief that ends as soon as Maya appears in the doorway with Wren standing next to her.
“Well?” she calls out loud enough that her voice echoes across the front courtyard. “Are you coming in, or what?”
Okay, then.
I can’t shake the feeling that I’m walking toward the electric chair as I climb the stairs leading up to the doorway where the girls wait, arms folded. “This had better be good,” Maya growls.
“Where are the guys?” I ask, wiping my suddenly sweaty palms on my shorts.
“Tucker dropped Maya off, then he and Briggs went to the store,” Wren explains. She glares at me just as hatefully as Maya does, but at least she answers. It seems like all Maya is capable of right now is glaring at me like she wants to rip my head off and maybe shit down my neck when she’s finished.
“Get it over with,” Maya spits out, tapping her foot on the floor. She hasn’t moved. She doesn’t plan on letting me into the house.
But it’s not her house, is it? When I shoot Wren a look, she tugs the hem of Maya’s loose T-shirt. “Come on. Let’s let him in, hear what he has to say.”
“I’m really not interested in what he has to say.” Still, she steps aside, huffing when she does. If anything, I’m sort of glad she’s acting like this. It means Elliana has people in her corner who actually give a shit. For once, she’s got friends.
And she’s going to need people by her side once she stops hiding and has to show her face in the world.
“Come on. Sit down.” Wren waves me toward the living room off the front entry hall. I look up the stairs, asking a question without saying a word. “She’s playing video games with her friends online,” Wren explains, referring to Briggs’s little sister. “She won’t come down.”
“Though who knows? Maybe she should,” Maya adds with a bitter laugh that tells me she is way past anger and sliding into rage, maybe hatred. “This way, she will always remember to protect herself from people who make it their mission to cause misery.”
It’s not like Wren looks any happier with me as we walk into the living room, but at least she doesn’t snarl at me like a rabid animal. Instead, she sits on the sofa and crosses her legs under her before folding her hands in her lap. “Okay. You’re here. What is it you want to say?”
Straight to it. The back of my neck prickles, and my skin feels cold and a little sweaty. “I need your help. You both know it was Tiana who sent those pictures around. I was unconscious. I didn’t have a clue she was doing it, I swear.”
“But you realize she wouldn’t have gotten the idea to do it in the first place if you didn’t make it seem like it was okay to bully Elliana. Right? You understand that?” Wren asks while Maya smirks at me.
“I know. And I already told her to cut it with that shit,” I insist. Just the thought of it makes my blood boil. “I warned her to leave Elliana alone, or she would have to deal with me, but she did it anyway.”
“Because she’s twisted,” Wren mutters. Her lip curls in disgust before she exchanges a look with Maya, who pretty much wears the same expression.
“Fine.” Maya shrugs, glancing toward Wren once she flops onto the sofa next to her. “Good for you. You’re not a completely heartless bastard. Only somewhat.”
“You shouldn’t have had those pictures of her in the first place,” Wren reminds me, like she needs to. Like I don’t already know.
I have to deliberately bite back that comment, since I’m lucky they even want to talk to me. “Listen, for what it’s worth, I’m ashamed of myself now.”
“Now,” Maya repeats before her lips thin out until I can barely see them.
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that sooner,” Wren murmurs. The disappointment in her voice is heavy enough that I want to run away from it. That’s not what I do. I don’t run away.
But I’ve never been through anything like this before, either. I don’t know how to feel or why all of these conflicting thoughts are running through my head in the first place. It’s a lot to wrestle with.
“You’re right,” I agree, nodding, folding my hands behind my back as I stand in front of them. Like the accused, standing in front of the jury. Only I don’t think the jury is supposed to flat-out look like they can’t wait to fry the accused. “I should’ve thought about it. I should’ve thought about a lot of things. I can’t take any of it back now, though I wish I could. You have no idea how much I wish I could.”
“Because your parents are going to come back from their honeymoon, eventually?” Damn, Maya is determined to not give a single inch. She’s looking for a fight, her shoulders hunched around her ears, glaring coldly at me.
“I hadn’t thought about it until now. But no,” I tell her, shaking my head, “this isn’t about them. It’s about hoping I can get through to Elliana.”
“Why? What for?” Wren asks.
“What you did is despicable,” Maya whispers, and now her voice trembles. Like all this time, she’s been trying to hold back her real emotions.
“Because there is no way she would have let you take those pictures if you’d asked her,” Wren points out, not like she needs to.
“I know, I know,” I groan, scrubbing my hands through my hair before letting my arms drop to my sides again. “Look, you can cut off my balls and roast them in the oven if you want to, but let’s do that later. Right now, I need to figure out how to get through to her. I need her to understand I never would’ve done that, that I’m sorry it happened, and I wish I could do something to take it all away.”
Wren’s eyes narrow. “Have you thought about telling her all of this yourself?”
“I did already.” The girls exchange a look that makes me groan again. “I’m serious.”
“And?” Maya prompts.
“And I ended up coming over here. Obviously, it didn’t go all that well. She understands I didn’t send the pictures out, but she won’t forgive me.”
With a soft snort, Maya mutters, “Good for her. I’m glad she’s standing up for herself.”
“But she has to forgive me,” I blurt out, making both girls widen their eyes. “That’s why I need your help. I need you guys to talk to her for me.”
“Oh, please.” Maya even claps as she laughs loudly at me. “You’ve gotta be kidding. You want us to convince her to forgive you and act like this didn’t happen?”
“I don’t expect she could act like it didn’t happen. I know she can’t forget about it. And I know shit is going to be tough for her, at least for a little while.”
“Yeah, you think?” Maya snaps. No more laughter. She’s too busy looking like she is considering cutting my balls off here and now instead of waiting.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not going to betray her that way, which is exactly what I would be doing if I tried to talk her into letting this go. You’ve violated her,” she reminds me in a trembling voice. “And we are her friends. What you’re talking about sounds like gaslighting.”
“It’s not!” I didn’t want to start a fight, but everybody has their limit. “Fuck, are you seriously going to sit there and pretend like either of your boyfriends didn’t fuck with you like it was their mission in life? But that didn’t stop you from forgiving them, did it? Moving in with them, having a relationship with them?”
Shit. I only realize when Wren’s eyes pop open wide that I said too much.
“Don’t get the wrong idea,” I quickly add, before either of them can say anything. “It’s not like that with us. But just because I don’t want to fuck her doesn’t mean I don’t want her forgiveness.”
Who am I trying to convince? Because like it or not, fucking her is something I could get used to. Losing myself in her…
“I only want to make it right,” I tell them with a sigh. “That’s all. And if you could help me with that, it would mean everything. Like I said, I can’t change what happened, but if there’s anything I can do to help her, I want to. How can I try if she won’t even talk to me?”
Wren chews her lip before heaving a sigh, like she’s afraid she’s going to regret this. “We were already going to offer to drive her to school tomorrow,” she says while Maya folds her arms again. “We can try to talk to her. At least remind her you’re sorry and want to try to make it up to her.”
“But I am not forcing her,” Maya warns. “So don’t even think it’s going to be that easy.”
“I don’t think anything is going to be easy,” I reply, and that’s the truth. I know better by now. “Just… anything you can do.”
Because I can’t stand the memory of the hatred burning in her eyes when she was eating. There I was, doing everything I could to make her face me, and when she did, there was nothing I could do but wither under the heat of her glare.
It’s still weighing on me on the drive home. There is nothing like knowing how deeply a decent, innocent person is hurting, and knowing I’m the one who made it happen.
She didn’t deserve it.
She’s going to face a whole new level of shit from people around school if she even bothers going back. I can only hope the girls convince her that it’s the only thing she can do. That hiding is the same as giving up, and giving up means letting the bastards win.
It’s a shame I’m one of the bastards.
I’ve only been gone less than an hour, but a lot of changes have gone down since then. I figured she would find something to shove in front of the busted door I need to get fixed, but instead she took her bedding to one of the spare rooms. There’s a light coming from a door down the hall, while her bedroom is dark.
She must hear my footsteps, or maybe she was listening for the truck. Either way, a text comes through while I’m standing in the hallway, feeling like I should say something to her, wondering if she would listen.
Don’t even think about screwing around with my room. And don’t bother kicking this door in, because I’ll just move to another room.
Instead of texting back, I walk up to the door she’s locked behind. “I get why you want to shut me out.” It’s actually getting easier to talk to a door. I’ve done so much of it since last night. “But you can’t shut me out forever. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make things right. I only need you to tell me what you want me to do.”
This time, she doesn’t keep me waiting. Another text comes through right away. I’m pretty sure you don’t actually want to know what I wish you would do right now.
What is it going to take? All I can do as I go to my room and hope the girls meant it when they said they would help bring her around. I will do whatever it takes to get through to her—but first, she needs to stop wishing me dead. Otherwise, I might as well keep talking to doors for all the difference it will make.