Chapter One #4
I turn around, and Angela immediately rears back and slaps me across the face. In books, people describe anger as “seeing red” and none of that made sense until this very moment when unbridled rage floods out of me.
“You stupid bitch!” I scream at her.
“Sadie. Don’t!” Mason shouts at me moments before my fist connects with the side of her face.
Her head snaps back, and she lets out a pained grunt when I grab a fistful of her box-dye blonde hair and sling her to the ground.
Dean loops his arms around me, pinning my arms to my chest before I get a chance to hit her again.
He pulls me back to keep me from kicking her as she goes to get off the ground.
“Let go of me,” I scream at Dean as I try to get away from him so I can beat the life out of this bimbo bitch for putting her hands on me.
Angela goes to step toward me again, and Lance steps in front of her. “Go,” he growls.
“Lance, you’re not seriously…” she goes to say.
“What the fuck did I just say, Angela? Go. You were never more than a hole to fuck when I was bored. Stop trying to replace someone you’ll never measure up to,” he says with anger flooding his voice. I am stunned at the rage I’m seeing from him.
“Enjoy being in the friend zone with a fat bitch who’ll never put out,” she says, matching his anger. I open my mouth to yell at her, but Dean covers my mouth, knowing I’m about to add fuel to the fire. I bite his hand, and he pops me on the forehead before covering my mouth again.
“Stop it, brat,” Dean whispers to me.
“Go,” Lance seethes.
“I suggest you leave unless you want me to let go of her,” Dean says. This threat does the job because she huffs and walks back to the parking lot. Lance takes me from Dean and wraps me in a hug.
“I’m sorry, Sadie,” he says quietly.
“It’s okay,” I sigh. He pulls away to cup my chin before turning my face so he can look at my cheek.
“Damn,” Todd says simply.
“That was… I think we should call it for the day and go get some lunch,” Mason says. “Sadie, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say simply.
The way Lance is looking at me right now, mixed with what Todd said about them loving me, is fucking with my head and giving me hope that I have no business having. I will only ever be like a sister to them. That’s how it’s always been and how it always will be.
I pull away and grab my stuff off the table. “I’m going to the truck,” I say simply. I am still so fucking angry that she slapped me, but I am suddenly filled with fear of losing my friends because of how he just looked at me.
This only solidifies that I need to get away from them and find my own way alone. The thought of not having them in my life is physically painful, but it has to be done if I’m going to survive. If I get too much hope, I’ll only hurt worse later when I am ultimately rejected.
When the guys get into the truck, no one talks to me as I drive us to our usual diner for lunch.
When we get inside, I sit between Todd and Jake to avoid sitting with any of the guys.
I need space because it hurts to have them looking at me like I am the most special girl in the world when we all know I’ll never be what I want to be.
I’ll never be the one they wish to wake up with.
I won’t be the one they crave to touch when they need a release.
I’ll always just be one of the guys. I’ll go down as the girl that hung out when she wasn’t really wanted around.
I don’t talk through lunch, and I pick at my food, but end up not eating at all.
I have a thousand different thoughts swirling in my head, and it’s all surrounding one thing.
Why am I alone? What is the real reason I have never found the right person to have sex with?
Angela said I would never put out, almost as though she knew I’ve never had sex.
I give and receive oral, but that’s it. That’s not even by choice.
I don’t even think the guys know I’m a virgin at twenty-eight.
Most people would assume it’s because I grew up Southern Baptist, but it’s not.
I’m not even sure I believe in God, and if there is a God, I doubt he is going to send me to hell for having sex before I’m married when there are priests who touch little boys.
God has so much more to be worried about than how I have an orgasm.
By the time we get home, I am so emotionally drained that I need to be alone. I leave the guys in the truck and go inside before they can stop me. I can see it on their faces that they are worried about me.
I go to my room and gather what I need to take a shower. When I turn, the guys are in my doorway watching me. “What?” I ask.
“We just wanted to check on you,” Mason says.
“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’m going to take a shower before Alex gets here.”
“Alright,” Lance frowns.
“You could just skip the shower,” Mason laughs.
“Oh, wouldn’t that be attractive?” I say as I step past them. “That would add to my growing list of reasons I’m alone.”
“Sadie,” Lance says with a sigh. I step into the bathroom and shut the door before they can say anything else.