Chapter 39
AVA - ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW
I didn’t run.
I didn’t scream.
I didn’t even let myself cry.
I just walked.
Sharp. Fast. Straight to the one person who could prove me wrong.
Harlan.
I didn’t call.
Didn’t text.
Didn’t give him time to come up with excuses.
Because if I waited, I’d lose the nerve.
I’d talk myself out of it.
Or maybe I would just ignore the problem and walk away without knowing the truth.
And I didn’t want to be that woman again.
The January air was razor-sharp as I cut across the street toward the precinct. Ice crunched under my boots, breath turning white in the dark. The cold didn’t even touch me. My chest was already frozen.
So, I walked into the station like I belonged there.
Like I hadn’t just seen Erin Voss naked in the mirror of a picture no one should’ve ever taken.
Like I hadn’t just felt the bottom drop out from under me.
Fluorescent lights hummed. Phones rang. Officers glanced up and back down again. I kept moving until I found him in his office.
The second he saw me; something shifted in his posture.
Subtle. But I knew him. I knew that shift.
“Ava,” he said, standing. “Hey.”
I didn’t answer. Just closed the door behind me. The click echoed too loudly, too final.
He gave a cautious smile, that half-soft one I’d once believed. “Didn’t expect you.”
“Clearly.”
His brows furrowed. “Everything okay?”
“That depends,” I said, walking closer, arms folded. “You tell me.”
He blinked. “What?”
“You’ve been distant. Unavailable. And weirdly... rehearsed.” I tilted my head. “And I’m just trying to figure out why that is.”
He exhaled slowly, stepping back toward his desk. “I’ve had a lot going on.”
“Feeding pigs?” I asked. “Helping friends? Long shifts? Right.”
He frowned. “That was a friend doing me a favour. At the ranch. I told you...”
“Yeah, you told me.” I stepped closer. My voice sharpened, cut thin and deliberate. “But you didn’t talk to me. Not really. You stopped calling. You stopped showing up.”
He looked down. “I didn’t mean to...”
“But you did.” My voice stayed even, sharp.
“The last time I saw you, you told me you had to work the night shift and had no time for me, and then Erin Voss walks out of your building, the very next morning, wearing the same clothes from the day before. Hair wet. No shame. Like she lives in your orbit. Like she has the right to be there... with you.”
Harlan’s jaw tightened. “Ava... What? That was..."
"Three weeks ago," I answered for him. "I haven't seen you in three weeks, Harlan. What was she doing at your place?"
"You’re reaching.” He answered.
“I’m asking,” I said. “For the truth. Right here. Right now. Look me in the eye and tell me nothing’s happened between you and Erin. That you didn't tell me you love me and then fuck that bitch that you promised me you were working on bringing down.”
He hesitated.
Just a breath.
But that was enough.
He’s not denying it.
Why isn’t he denying it?
Say it. Say no. Say you’d never.
Harlan sat on his desk and rubbed his hand down his face like he would rather be anywhere than here. “I shouldn’t have to justify myself every time you decide to play detective.”
“So that’s a ‘no comment’?”
“It’s a you need to keep your voice down and calm down.”
The words landed like a slap.
Don’t cry.
He’s not worth it if this is how he handles the fall.
Don’t give him the satisfaction.
I stared at him. “Did you just tell me to calm down?”
“I told you... I don’t do drama, Ava. I don’t have time or space for it in my life. I’m too old for this shit.”
“And I told you I don’t do lies.”
His expression sharpened. Defensive. Dismissive. “You’re always looking for the cracks, aren’t you? Always assuming the worst.”
There it is. The flip. The turning of the mirror.
Make me the problem. Easier that way, right?
“No,” I said. “Not always. Just when the silence starts to feel like excuses and betrayal.”
He scoffed. “You try to come across like a woman who knows it all. But really, you’re just a jaded girl looking for reasons to burn down anything good.”
I went still.
And then I smiled.
Not soft. Not sweet.
Sharp.
“Maybe,” I said. “But at least I’m not so full of myself, I think I can lie with a straight face to the woman who trusted me with her fucking heart.”
He flinched. Just barely. But I saw it.
“You said you trust me.”
“I thought I did.”
The silence stretched. The heater clicked on. Outside, a siren wailed and faded. Inside, we stood like strangers on opposite sides of a line that couldn’t be erased.
He shook his head, dragged his hand down his face and laughed bitterly. “You’re going to throw all this away because you saw Erin leaving? Leaving a building with more apartments than just mine. Because of your jealousy?”
No. I’m throwing this away because you gave me nothing to hold onto.
Because you could have said no. You could’ve said you’d never.
But you didn’t.
I let the weight of the picture Erin had sent me anchor me in my rage.
“I wanted to believe you were different,” I said. “I wanted to believe someone like you could love someone like me and not use it against her the second it got hard.”
“I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“But you won’t deny it either.” I stepped back. "You won't give me the words I need, and with how you have been behaving since then... well, speaks for itself."
His face twisted. “Jesus, Ava. Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think being with you comes with a fucking manual of landmines? One wrong move and you explode. One wrong silence and you assume the worst.”
And there it is.
Every fear I whispered in the dark was handed back to me like proof.
Weaponized.
“You said you’d stay,” I said, barely above a whisper. “You said I didn’t have to earn your love. That you’d show up even when I pushed. You made me believe you were safe.”
“And you said you weren’t ready. That you needed time. Maybe I should have believed you. Maybe I needed something, too, Ava. But we don’t talk about that, do we? Because it’s always about what you’ve survived. What you need. What you expect.”
My hands clenched at my sides. My stomach turned. My throat burned.
Don’t cry.
Don’t break.
Let him say it all.
Let him show you.
“I never asked you to fix me,” I said. “I just wanted you to stand beside me. And instead, you’re standing behind me with a knife.”
He didn’t say anything.
Didn’t deny it.
Didn’t reach for me.
So, I stepped back.
The cracks growing bigger.
“That’s all I needed to know.”
And then I turned to leave.
But before I crossed the threshold, I stopped. Just for a second. Just long enough to look back.
“You were right,” I said. “I am jaded. But that is because I’ve seen the worst of people. Survived them. Learned to recognize when silence means guilt. When distance means damage. I know what betrayal smells like, Harlan.”
I stared at him, and he didn’t move.
His beautiful face that I had come to love was now back to unreadable stone.
My Harlan... the one I thought I knew was gone.
“I had hope, for once, that I was wrong.” My voice cracked, so I turned my face so he wouldn't see the tears as I said. “My love for you may have been blind... But I will stick with jaded over being blind to your brand of love any day.”
Then I walked away.
And this time, I didn’t look back.
Because I didn’t want to know if he had already turned his back on me.
Because I knew he wouldn’t follow.
Because I wasn’t ready to watch the man I loved turn into just another reason, I stopped trusting in the first place.