CHAPTER 4
Iwanted to give up. I was fucking freezing.
My breath spilt into the night, legs heavy, dragging like dead weights.
I brought my hand out of my pocket, stretching out my fingers as they had gone stiff from the cold.
I’d checked all her usual haunts and still couldn’t find her.
My thoughts drifted to Squeeks, and I hoped she was still safe in the bedroom.
Probably fast asleep by now, tucked into one of my hoodies no doubt.
Across the road, near the abandoned garage with the smashed-out windows, under the flicker of a dying streetlamp. One guy slouched against the brick wall: the other, a woman, leaning into him, swaying a little. I knew that coat before I saw her face. Mum.
I crossed fast, not thinking of what I was about to walk into.
Her laughter sounded out into the street.
The guy, had a shaved head and stood twice my size, with arms full of tattoos.
His eyes were glossy, pupils like pinpricks, drooling over her.
My stomach still twisted every time I saw her in these situations.
“Mum,” I murmured. She ignored my call out, so I raised my voice, “Mum!”
She turned slowly. Mascara smeared under her eyes; her lipstick smudged. I could see her eyes dull towards me. After all, I was part of the regretful past she’d rather forget.
She slurred, “What’re you doin’ out?”
“You didn’t come home,” I replied. “Danny's waitin’. I’ve been lookin’ for you for ages.”
She blinked as if the words weren’t quite landing, her brain probably too fogged with whatever drug she’d managed to score from this loser.
“I was… I was comin’. Just got a little…
tied up.” Setting off into a childish giggle.
The guy stepped forward, a puff of something nasty trailing from his mouth.
He looked me up and down like I was a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe.
I was becoming accustomed to people looking at me that way.
“This your brat?” He asked, his voice rough and mocking. “Looks like a rat, if you ask me.”
Mum sniggered, “He’s just a kid, he’s fine.” Stepping forward and placing a hesitant hand upon his chest.
“Doesn’t look fine,” the man growled, stepping closer, his shoulders squaring. “Looks like he’s interruptin’ my night.” I didn’t back down, even as he towered over me, my pulse climbing into my throat.
“She needs to come home, Dumb ass. My sister’s on her own.” His brows raised at my insult.
“Oh, yeah?” His face twisted, amusement bleeding into a threat as his eyes locked onto me. “How ‘bout you go home and let the adults finish what they started?”
I moved closer to him.
What the fuck was I thinking?
All it would take is one punch, and I’d be a pile on the floor. Before I knew it his chest puffed out, his hand coming fast, open-palmed to my chest, knocking me back a step. “Don’t play tough little man.”
I clenched my fists, heart pounding so hard I could barely think. I wasn’t strong, but I wasn’t leaving her either. Not with him.
“She’s coming with me,” gritting my teeth as anger built up within.
He leaned forward, laughing at me. A mean and hollow sound. “Or what?”
My heated gaze never left his, tipping him over the edge as he then swung at me. His knuckles connected with my cheek, fire blooming under the skin. I stumbled, tasting metal in my mouth. But I stayed up.
“Mum!” I shouted, blood now decorating my teeth, my eyes on her, pleading. “Please!”
She just stood there, frozen. It was as if she didn’t know whose side she was on.
That hurt more than the punch, but I also wasn’t surprised.
It ignited something within me, a rage I hadn’t felt before, radiating through my veins like molten lava.
I grabbed a loose brick from the ground where someone must have smashed the window earlier and held it out like I meant it.
“Touch me again prick!” I spat, my voice shaking but loud. “See what happens.”
For a second, he hesitated. Maybe he saw something in me, or perhaps just a kid too desperate to bluff. Then he spat on the ground next to me, shook his head, and backed off.
“Not fuckin’ worth it,” he muttered. “Take this streak of piss out of my sight and fuck off.” Pushing my mum from his side.
I didn’t wait for her to protest. I grabbed Mum’s arm firmly and led her away. She didn’t resist at first, just followed, stumbling behind my quickened pace. We didn’t speak for a while; only when we reached the other side of the bridge did she yank her arm out of my grip.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” She snapped, her eyes wild and glassy. “You think you’re some kind of saviour?”
I stopped, turning to her. “You didn’t come home.”
“I was busy Screech!” she shouted. “Christ, I had a good thing going. Forty, fifty quid for twenty minutes, and you come storming in like you’re the bloody police!” Huffing a disbelieving laugh.
I scoffed, pointing back down the street.
“You call that a good thing? He was grabbing you like a rag doll. You’re off your face and laughing like it’s funny.
” She chuckled, struggling to light a cigarette with trembling hands.
I snatched the lighter from her, catching the flame on the cigarette held between her lips.
“I’ve had worse, alright? He wasn’t gonna hurt me. Not really. You just ruined the one decent chance I had to make some actual money tonight.”
Anger bloomed in me once again. “Yeah? And that money was gonna go where, exactly? Toward food? Or straight up your nose? Or into Danny’s greasy hands as soon as you walk through the door?”
Her face twisted, venomous. “You ungrateful little shit.”
“I’m not stupid Mum, neither is Squeeks. We see it. You come home with your eyes half shut and pockets full, and suddenly Danny’s got cash to burn and pills to sell.”
She exhaled hard, smoke flaring from her nostrils like a warning. “I’m doing what I have to do. You think this life gives a toss about us? About you two?”
“You don’t give a fuck about us! You don’t even look at Squeeks anymore. She asks where you are every night, and I have to make up some fucked-up story, so she doesn’t think you’re dead in a skip somewhere.”
“Aww, poor little Screech,” she mocked, leaning forward. “Playing house while Mummy’s out being a whore!—”
“You said it, not me.” I wanted to hurt her, not physically, but in a way that might make her realise.
But I knew it wouldn’t work. It never did.
She wouldn’t admit it, but she loved this life too much to walk away.
She got to live without responsibility. Apart from sleeping around and answering to Danny, she got to do what the hell she liked.
Her face froze for a second, blank, then suddenly alight with rage. “You think you’re better than me, don’t you?” She spat. “You’re a dirty little thief who’ll end up just like Danny. Or worse. You ain’t gonna save your sister from any of this, so stop trying.”
I stared at her, my chest heaving, my jaw clenched so hard it hurt. “Over my dead body will Squeeks ever turn out like you!”
For a moment, the only sound between us was the wind. She laughed, a bitter and broken sound, then turned from me, stumbling up the path toward the house.
“Next time I get a chance to make money, don’t come looking for me,” she said without turning back. “Let me do what I gotta do,” and disappeared inside.
I stood there alone, pain flaring in my cheek, fists in my pockets.
The street was quiet again as I looked up at the house.
One curtain hung limp, a dull orange glow from the TV flickering through the living room window, as if the whole place was on fire from the inside.
A fleeting thought passed through my mind, wishing it were.
I just wanted to walk away. But Squeeks was waiting for me.
The door was still half-open as I got there, swinging slightly. Inside, stale smoke curled in the hallway. God, I fucking hate it here. But for now, it was somewhere we needed. I stepped in quietly, shutting the door behind me like I didn’t want to wake a horror that was already waiting.
Her voice hit me first, barking from the kitchen. “You said you’d wait till tomorrow!”
“You didn’t bring back shit,” Danny growled. His voice was dangerous, the way it always was just before he gave her the beating of her life. “You said you were makin’ money, but you come home empty-handed and stinkin’ of cheap vodka.”
“I had something lined up!”
“Oh yeah? And what happened? Let me guess, you got distracted chattin’ up some old punter and forgot the whole damn point.”
Their voices bounced off the cracked tiles as I hovered in the hallway, barely breathing, my eyes glancing toward the stairs, hoping not to see Squeeks.
“I was working Danny! That little bastard showed up, started mouthing off, and scared him away. The kid acts like he fucking owns me.”
“Maybe if you’d put him in his place more often, he’d know how to shut his fuckin’ mouth!”
A crash echoed from the kitchen: a bottle or a plate. I didn’t even flinch. I was used to it. It surprised me that we even had any crockery left.
“I’ve done everything for you, and you still treat me like shit!” She shouted.
“You’re nothing without me! You’d be dead in a gutter if I hadn’t picked you up. I give you a roof, protection, your next high. And you turn up empty-handed.”
“You own me, is that it?” she spat. “You pimp me out and tell me I should be grateful?”
Another silence. The kind that’s worse than shouting. The kind you can feel just before the punch lands.
I moved without thinking.
Yeah, I know.
Stupid fucking move Screech.
It felt like walking into a lion’s pit, every part of me screaming to turn around.
As I stepped into the kitchen, they both turned.
Mum’s face was pale and blotchy, her eyes wide like she couldn’t believe I dared to enter.
Danny stood over her, chest puffed, veins popping in his neck as his red-hot glare darted my way.
“What the fuck are you looking at?”
I didn’t answer. My eyes shifted from him to Mum. “You alright?” She didn’t speak. She just lowered her head, took a deep drag from the fag in her fingers, and looked down at the floor like it was her only escape.
“You think you’re a man now, do you?” Danny sneered, stepping closer. “Gonna protect Mummy, yeah? Pathetic.”
“I’m not scared of you.” A blatant lie, but I managed a steady delivery, so it felt like it had some meaning. An internal battle started inside me. Why did I feel the need to poke the bear? Not just once, but repeatedly.
He smiled at me, that sick, slow smile, like a crocodile in the dark. “You should be boy.”
And he was right. Maybe I should have been. But I’d pulled her from one shitty situation, so I wasn’t giving up on her again. Danny’s smile faded as he looked at me as if I were just another itch he needed to scratch off his skin.
“I said,” he growled, stepping closer, “you should be scared.” His eyes were sharp and twitchy, a jittery high he enjoyed riding just before someone paid the price.
Mum still hadn’t looked up. She just stood there, flicking ash onto the floor like she wasn’t even in the room.
“I’m not scared of some coward who pushes women around when he’s too useless to earn his own money,” I said, louder this time, and instantly regretted it. My voice cracked at the end, but I was too far down the rabbit hole to turn back.
Danny shifted, his fist flying towards me. It came fast, his knuckles rough and forceful, and cracked across my cheek, sending stars bursting into my eyes. I hit the counter hard, stumbling sideways as the taste of blood returned.
“Danny!” Mum shouted, but it was more habit than concern. I think she was just glad it wasn’t her in the firing line.
Pushing myself up, my arms buckling slightly under me, my vision blurry.
I didn’t cry. I wouldn’t give him that. He loomed over me, breathing heavily as if he’d just lifted a truck, and gripped my face in his hand.
“You think this is a game, Screech?” He snarled.
“You think you’re a big man now? You wanna talk back, raise your voice, throw your little insults?
I’ll knock that attitude out of you one swing at a time. ”
He raised his hand again. But this time, I moved. I ducked low, fast, and grabbed the first thing my fingers touched: a cracked mug from the drying rack. I swung it, wild and shaking, and it shattered against his arm. Danny roared, “You little shit!”
I didn’t wait. Pushing past him, I sprinted out of the kitchen, blood pounding in my ears like a war drum. Mum shouted something, maybe my name, but Danny’s rage swallowed it as he charged after me, smashing into furniture, knocking a chair clean over.
I hit the stairs two at a time, my feet thudding like gunfire. Behind me, the house shook, bursting into our room, slamming the door, and locking it. My chest heaved. My hands shaking. Squeeks sat up in bed, wide-eyed, clutching her ragged rabbit toy to her chest.
“Screech?” she whispered. “What’s happening?”
I dropped to my knees beside her, my face hot with pain and fury. “It’s alright,” pulling her close. “It’s just noise. Just noise.” But downstairs, Danny was howling. Kicking the walls and slamming his fists into the banister.
“I’ll fuckin’ kill you!” And I knew he meant it. I knew something had changed tonight, something that couldn’t be reversed.