CHAPTER 12
The aftermath of our fight hadn’t settled.
It had scorched the air, lingering deep within my lungs.
I would rerun it through my head over and over until the same smirk appeared on my face.
The cold gleam in her eyes, the weight of her pushing on my chest. I almost expected to see her smug little grin in the yard the next day.
But she didn’t show, hiding in her room no doubt.
It wasn’t until my next session with the shrink that I found out. She wasn’t coming back. Misfit had been transferred to some psych ward. They wouldn’t tell me the name; they just kept saying it was for my own safety.
The bitch had snapped, and I should have felt something. Guilt, maybe, nah, it just made me laugh.
She had gotten under my skin, and we’d turned into reflections of each other’s worst parts. That mirror had finally cracked and there wasn’t a clean break, just shards. I listened harder at the doors after lights out, read too much into the silence when her name came up and was quickly dropped.
She was gone. And now, there was just time.
Hours turned to days. Days to weeks. Counting down the time I had left, marking it all in my head.
The closer it got to my 18th birthday, I knew my time here was coming to an end.
The guards seemed to leave me alone, and even Brenner had started softening his tone, like I might snap the bones in his hand if he pushed too hard.
But I wasn’t angry anymore, not like I had been before.
I was already out the door in my mind. Already halfway down the road to whatever came next.
The familiar rattle of the guards’ keys sounded outside my cell as I lay sprawled on my bunk. The door clanked open as Darnell stepped inside. He didn’t even look at me, my file tucked under his arm.
“McCabe. Let’s go. You’re done.”
I pulled myself from my bunk and walked over towards the door. “You mean I don’t get a sticker for being a good boy?”
He glared at me, unimpressed.
“What about a celebratory muffin?” I continued.
He tilted his head, pushing me forward by my shoulder, “Shut the fuck up McCabe, and move.”
I chuckled, stumbling slightly as he forced me forward. “Someone’s cranky this morning. Have to say, I’m going to miss your warmth the most,” placing a hand to my chest as I twisted on the spot, walking backwards. There was a glint of a smirk, rolling his eyes as I smiled at him.
Nine months had turned into eleven, and it all came down to this.
I was handed a brown paper bag with my old clothes inside; I’d grown a fair bit since being here, so none of them fit.
So instead, I was forced to wear some shitty burgundy jumper and jogging bottoms. My trainer laces in a separate envelope, and a half-nod from the CO like he wasn’t sure if I was walking into freedom or straight back into hell.
I didn’t say goodbye; I didn’t have anyone to say goodbye to.
They led me through to the reception, where I stood in front of an officer behind a desk.
I signed off on some forms and was handed a slip with a list of contacts on the outside, which would be available to me in case of a crisis.
I screwed that thing up as soon as it hit my palm.
I was left standing there, twiddling my thumbs, as the officer continued his dull paperwork. It was his words that broke me from my disassociation. “Someone’s here for you.”
I looked at him, confused, “What?” He just waved his hand towards the door, telling them to move me along. Who the fuck was here? Chester maybe? I hadn’t heard from him since I entered Juvie, so why would he turn up now?
I stepped through the double doors into the pale daylight, the sun forcing me to squint like I hadn’t seen it properly in years.
And there they were. Danny, leaning against his battered red car with a dirty smirk on his face, cigarette burning low between his fingers.
And beside him, to my surprise, was Squeeks.
Her arms were crossed. Eyes locked on mine, unreadable.
She didn’t smile, and I couldn’t remove the confused expression from mine.
I took a step forward, the gate clanging shut behind me. Danny clapped his hands, opening his arms out wide like we were long-lost mates.
“There’s my boy! Didn’t think they’d break you,” chuckling to himself as I just stared between them.
“You got taller in there,” he went on, looking me up and down with that ratty grin.
“Looks like you filled out a bit, too. That will be useful,” and there it was, barely 5 minutes out the gate, and he’s already thinking up ways I can be useful to him.
My eyes flicked to Squeeks, and she gave me a slight shake of the head. Barely noticeable. But it was there.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I said.
Danny blowing smoke from the corner of his mouth. “Came to collect you, didn’t I? Ain’t that what family does?”
I looked at Squeeks again. Her jaw was tight. She wasn’t moving toward me. She wasn’t running into my arms like I thought she would. There was something off about her posture. Something held back.
“We got plans kid,” Danny added. “You’re gonna want to hear 'em—big stuff. Real money. And this time, no screw-ups.” I rolled my eyes at the comment.
“Get in,” Danny said, tossing the keys into the air and catching them. “We’ll talk on the road.” I stared at the car for a long moment. The seat belts were frayed; a crack ran through the windshield like a bolt of lightning frozen mid-strike.
I opened the passenger door and slid into the seat.
It smelled like dirty smoke and damp clothes.
I should’ve walked, but I couldn’t be arsed with the trek.
Squeeks was already in the back, curled against the window, knees up to her chest like she was trying to fold herself into nothing.
Danny grinned like a fox in a fucking hen house, “There’s a good lad.
Didn’t think you’d make me come all the way down here to get a no.
” I looked at him, smelling the fake act a mile off.
I didn’t ask him to get me, so why was he being so friendly? Danny didn’t do friendly.
So, if anything, it put my teeth on edge at the mere sound of his upbeat tone. He flicked the keys, and the engine coughed awake.
“Don’t talk,” I said, slumping further into the seat. “Just drive.” Danny snorted, but didn’t push it, solidifying the notion that he wanted something. We pulled away from the gates and for a while, there was only the sound of tyres grinding over gravel and the occasional wheeze of the engine.
I didn’t look at him. I kept my eyes on the side mirror, watching Juvie shrink in the distance like it was just another bad dream in a long string of them. I didn’t speak until we hit the main road.
“Why's she with you?” I said. Danny glanced my way as he kept one hand on the wheel, the other flicking ash out the window.
“What do you mean?”
“She had a foster placement,” I said, sharper now. “A decent one.” Danny’s mouth twisted into a smirk.
“It didn’t last. Did it, sweetheart?” Glancing into the rear-view mirror towards her. “What do you expect, girl like her. They can’t handle her. She’s too much like you, fucking feral.”
I turned around in my seat to look at her. “Squeeks?” She didn’t answer. Just kept staring out the window, arms crossed so tight her knuckles were white.
“What happened?” I asked, softer this time.
Danny chuckled, “Don’t worry about it. You’re back now. We’ll sort things.”
“Shut up,” I snapped, my eyes still on her. “What happened?”
She blinked once. “It was temporary,” she said, her voice hollow. There was more to this, and she was keeping it hidden from me.
“She’s been back with us a few weeks now,” Danny added, too casually.
“Doing alright though, aren’t you gorgeous?
” I could see her skin crawling at the very sound of his endearing comment.
She didn’t answer. I sat back, fists clenched in my lap.
My fingernails bit into my palms. This wasn’t what freedom was supposed to feel like.
I spent the rest of the journey back in silence, my forehead resting against the frame of the car window, all while Danny continued blabbing on about this big money-making idea he had.
I just watched the world pass by, recognising the familiar shit hole we got to call home.
Danny killed the engine and nodded toward the door. “Home sweet home.”
Squeeks didn’t waste any time sliding out of the back seat without a word. I followed, the front door of the house creaking open before I even closed the car door. She was already there, looking down on me as she leaned against the door frame. Mum.
Cigarette pinched between two yellowed fingers, mascara thick and flaking around the corners of her eyes, her robe slung off one shoulder. She hadn’t changed. If anything, she looked more faded.
“Well, look who’s all grown up,” she rasped.
A slight smile touched her lips, making it look like she almost missed me.
But I knew she didn’t; I brought too much trouble to her door for that to be the case.
I didn’t say anything, just continued making my way slowly up the path towards her.
She took a drag from her cigarette, the smoke spilling from her lips as she spoke.
“Got yourself locked up like a big man. You proud of that?”
I just rolled my eyes as I stepped over the threshold. She looked me over like she was checking meat again. Same as before.
“Still too skinny,” she muttered. “You eat in there?” I ignored the question. Squeeks headed straight up the stairs, fast and shoulders hunched. Her silence was louder than anything else in that room.
Mum’s eyes followed her, “She’s been a right pain in the arse. Always thinking she’s got something clever to say. She gets that from you.”
But there was one burning question I wanted answered. “You let her come back here?” My voice was low as I focused on her, and she shrugged.
“Well, she’s my kid. You expect me to just let ‘em take her?” Her arms slapping at her sides.
“You let the police take me,” I said flatly. Her eyes narrowed to me; the cigarette paused near her lips.
“Don’t start with me Screech. You think I had a choice?” Her eyes drifted out the door towards Danny, whose head was now buried beneath the hood of the car.
“You think raising you two was some fucking fairy tale? More like a fucking nightmare.”
I dropped my shoulders, looking to her through my brow, “Oh yeah, between you and him as role models,” gesturing towards Danny, “It definitely was a fucking nightmare.”
Her mouth twitched, but she didn’t deny it.
“Danny’s the one keeping a roof over our heads,” she said finally.
“And you’d do well not to forget that. He got you out, didn’t he?
” I looked at her, slightly amused. “He didn’t get me out; he was the reason I was in there to begin with.
And neither of you showed up. Not even once, so don’t make me laugh. ”
“You always were a dramatic little shit.” I didn’t rise to it.
Just pushed past her, heading towards the stairs, nothing had changed in this house.
Still the same old beaten-up piece of shit it had always been.
I took each step slowly, my shoes thudding against the bare wood as I pulled myself up the stairs, hearing mum behind me, her voice now filled with sarcasm.
“Screech is home!”
I pushed open the door to our room. The wallpaper was more faded than I remembered. My mattress still on the floor, now covered with the sheet from the bed. The air tasted stale, like no one had opened the window in weeks. She was sitting on the edge, arms wrapped around her knees.
When I stepped in, taking in her sullen expression.
“Squeeks,” I said, as she glanced up at me, “You alright?”
She shrugged. “You’re the one who just got out of Juvie. Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” My lips pressed together as I sat down next to her, leaning back against the wall.
We sat there in silence for a while, feeling almost awkward being in each other’s company without the constraints of Juvie.
Breaking the silence, I sat myself forward, “Why are you back here, Squeeks? You were meant to be with that family. It was safe.”
She chewed at the corner of her thumbnail, “Didn’t work out.”
I sighed, catching her eye line. “What happened?”
“Kinda fell in with the wrong crowd,” her eyes darting from mine. “Plus, Mum showed up.”
“What do you mean Mum showed up?”
She fiddled with her hands as she continued, “Turned up out of the blue, acting all sad and promising things would be different.”
I huffed a disbelieving laugh, “He's unbelievable.”
“What?”
“This has Danny written all over it. Getting mum to play the distressed loving parent to get you back.”
Her body fell sideways onto the pillow. “Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it. Like you’ve said before. There's no escape for us.”
“And Chester? You were staying with him for a while.” That’s when her face changed.
“Yeah, he’s gone,” she said, barely audible.
“What d’you mean he’s gone?”
She sat herself up, huddling her knees close.
“I’d got into a bit of shit with one of Danny’s buyers, kept spouting some crap about how I’d stolen his stash when I hadn’t.
I did what Danny told me to do. But they wouldn’t leave me alone.
I got scared when they started following me, so I went to Chester.
He said he would sort it, and I haven’t seen him since. ”
She lowered her head, resting it on her knees.
“So, he could be lying in some ditch, and you didn’t do anything?” Her eyes snapped to me as I could see her rising anger.
“He said he was going to sort it, Ty! Told me to wait for him outside some café a couple blocks away,” her voice cracked, “I waited for hours.”
“And he didn’t come back?”
She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes. “Not a word. His phone went dead. I went by his flat, nothing. All lights were off; it’s like he’s just vanished.”
I felt something cold crawl down my spine.
“You think Danny had something to do with it?” She didn’t answer.
Just gave me a look that said everything, and I believed it.
That lowlife had always hated Chester. Resented the way he looked out for us.
I stood up, pacing now. My head was buzzing.
Chester had been one of the few constants, the only one who ever acted as if we mattered. And now he was just… gone?
“He was gonna help me get out,” She continued. “Get me away from this fucking shit hole.” She sobbed. I turned back to her, “He still might.”
“No, he’s not coming back.”