Twenty-Three
TWENTY-THREE
Holland
“K eep your eyes on the road!” I scolded Amy. We were doing our FaceTime ritual. She’d call me on her way to work or when she was heading home, and we’d yap the entire half-hour ride.
“Did you just say you canceled the meeting with the real estate agent on Saturday? Why?”
I huffed. “I don’t know if I want to sell anymore.”
“Mm. Okay. What happened to change your mind?”
“So many things. Ma came this weekend.”
“She did? I didn’t know. Patience didn’t say anything, neither did my mom. How was the visit?”
I groaned. “I’ll give you those details when you get to the house. There’s a lot to this story. I wouldn’t want you to crash.”
“Holland! What kind of tea are you about to spill?” The rise of her tone told me she was concerned.
“Hot and potent.”
“You scared me for a moment. Okay, I’ll be there in five minutes. I’ll call you when I get inside.”
Minutes later, Amy called back. “I’m home now with a glass of wine in my hand. Now, what does your mother have to do with you selling the house?”
I braced myself with a deep breath. Emotionally, I was all over the place. I didn’t know which emotion would trump the others once I got into my story.
“Let me start with this. I never imagined myself living in New York. Even when I first came, I thought this city had too much going on and everything moved too quickly. It was dizzying. It just seemed big and cold.” I huffed. “I don’t feel like that anymore. Noble, Ms. Elsie, and this neighborhood feel alive and cozy in a way I’ve never experienced. I’ve been slowly falling in love with it. Most importantly, it’s the house. I feel at home. I feel my mother, grandmother, and aunt here, like a big hug. I love it more every day. Well, not the big rats part of the city, but the vibe.”
“Wow, Hollz.”
“I know. And…” I thought of Noble and my stomach fluttered. “I’m falling for this…place.” And Noble .
“So you’re staying? What about your apartment in Charleston?”
“I know. I have to figure this out. Here’s the biggie. This house is the only thing I have left connecting me to my real family and I don’t want to let that go. My mother, grandmother, and aunt walked these halls, slept in these rooms, and cooked in this kitchen. If I sell, I’ll have nothing left of them besides some boxes of pictures, documents, and memorabilia. My room is here, all fixed up just for me. Ma’s visit solidified my decision. I want to be here.”
“Hollz. What happened with Aunt Patty?”
I closed my eyes and breathed again, trying to steady my emotions before continuing.
“I was never supposed to be with her, Amy.”
“What? What does that even mean?”
I told Amy the entire story. On the screen, her mouth opened and closed as she listened. Tears welled in her eyes. She shook her head disbelievingly and covered her mouth, not saying a word until I finished.
“Holland. I can’t believe this. I’m so sorry. Who knows about this? Does Patience know?”
“Patience doesn’t know. No one knows. I assume Ma will have to tell her now. She got back home Wednesday evening.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I know. But now do you see why I can’t let this house go? It’s all I have. I belong here.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t think I’m going back to Charleston. I’ll have to get my things shipped and see if I can get out of my lease. I need to call the school and let them know I’m not taking the job, and then I’ll have to find work here. My aunt didn’t leave much money behind, but it’s enough to get me by until I land something. The house is completely paid for, so having no mortgage or rent is helpful. It just needs work. Lots of work to make it mine. I was looking for a change. This is way bigger than what I expected, but it’s good for me. I feel like I’ve found my wings.”
“Well, that’s good to hear. I’m going to miss you so much.”
My heart throbbed. “We’ll still talk all the time.”
“Yeah, but I can’t just jump in the car and come see you without packing a bag.”
“I know. I can’t wait for you to come visit though. I can show you around. There’s so much to see and experience here.”
“If staying makes you happy, then do it. Is this a rash decision or the right decision?”
“It feels right.” And it did. “One more thing.”
“My heart can’t take anymore.”
“I think I’m falling for the man next door.”
“Girl, the man next door? That’s so damn cliché!” Amy laughed. “But that’s the kind of tea I like. Tell me more.”
I laughed. Talking with Amy always made me feel good. “And you won’t believe this,” I said.
I purposely hesitated.
“Girl. My heart can’t take this. Tell me!” she whined.
“I slept with him.” I covered my face.
“Oh! Oh! Oh! Girl . Was it good?” Amy’s face was so close to the camera, I cackled.
“Felt like fireworks.”
She clapped and giggled at the same time. “You’re coming out of your shell, little butterfly.”
I threw my head back and laughed again. Thoughts of Noble brought me joy.
“I’m not going to be naive about this. We just slept together, but I hope we can still be friends.”
“You’re really feeling him, huh?”
“I am, which is un-freaking-believable. He makes me feel safe, beautiful, sexy, and seen.” I groaned. “It’s in the way he looks at me like I’m a snack. And not in a creepy way. He’s fun, caring, and let’s not forget, packing!” I sang the last word.
“Oh! That part. Because that matters!” Amy declared, snickering.
“Girl! Yes!”
“What did y’all do this weekend besides…” Amy left her question hanging in the air.
“We did plenty of that,” I said, admitting to all the sex we’d had. But besides that, he was there for me in a way that I’ve never experienced with a man.”
“Oh, girl!” Amy squealed.
“We talked for hours. He literally drowned me with attention. He’s this amazing mix of hard and soft, manly and nurturing.”
“He got any brothers? I didn’t know they made them like that in New York.”
A sharp bark of laughter burst out of me. “Neither did I. At first, I kept questioning myself, wondering should I be doing this. But I heard you in my head, telling me to live. Speaking of you, guess what else we did?”
“What?” Amy’s excitement crackled through the screen.
“Watched episodes of Up and Vanished .”
“That’s my show.” The sounds Amy emitted sounded like a screaming pack of hyenas. It was too infectious for me not to fall over laughing with her.
It had been bold of me to show up at his door like that, but I’d needed him, and he’d filled that need repeatedly.
We had spent the entire weekend and most of the week absorbed in each other, Noble feeding me food and filling my desire with incredible, mind-numbing sex. Despite the anger I harbored, being with him was magical enough to make me forget the pain, even if it was for just a moment. That’s what I imagined relationships felt like. I’d never had that before, and I wanted more.
“Does he know you’re staying?”
“I haven’t told him.” Honestly, I wondered if that would douse the sizzle between us. The pressure of limited time made what we did more interesting.
“Wow,” Amy sighed. “In a matter of weeks, your entire world has changed. I’m excited for you, Hollz. Just be careful. What are you going to do about Aunt Patty?”
I’d felt like a balloon had burst and I was flying uncontrollably around the room when she mentioned Ma.
“I don’t know. I can’t talk to her right now.”
“You’re going to have to deal with it sooner or later. Find it in your heart to forgive her. Don’t carry that anger around. You’ve got too much living to do now.”
I said nothing. Instead, I walked in circles around the colorful area rug in my small room. The pain was too fresh. I didn’t want to make promises that I couldn’t trust myself to keep.
“Hollz. I know you hear me,” Amy said. I still didn’t respond. “I know this revelation is hard to swallow, but she did raise you, love you, and willingly make every sacrifice a single parent could. You know your mom. I believe Aunt Patty really thought she was doing the best thing she could for you. Give yourself time to grieve, be angry, and deal with whatever emotions you have to. It’s all okay. But don’t allow this to hover and linger—especially when you’re learning to be free. Find a way to let it go.”
I huffed. “I will.”
I stayed quiet for several moments, absorbing the weight of Amy’s words.
“Have you decided what you’re going to do for your birthday? Will you be in New York or Charleston?
“Not sure. I was supposed to start the job in Charleston two weeks from Monday. I still have to tell them I won’t be taking the position. Then there’s the apartment and I’ll need a job here.”
“Patience and I could come to celebrate with you. I’ve never been to New York.”
“I’d love that.” I yawned, exhausted from all the sleepless nights over the past few days. Partly because of Ma and partly because of Noble. I grinned, thinking about the Noble part. “I’m gonna jump off this phone now. I have a new life to plan and a house to decorate and furnish. Decisions, decisions.”
“Okay, homeowner,” Amy said teasingly.
“I like the sound of that. Bye!”
It felt good to let everything plaguing my mind out on Amy. Weights were removed from my shoulders.
Feeling empty, I picked my cell back up to check out options for dinner when the doorbell rang. “Holland.” Ms. Elsie’s voice floated through the cracked open window.
“Coming.” I skipped to the door. “Hey, Ms. Elsie.” I stepped aside to let her in. There was no place to sit except the window bay so I led her there.
“Haven’t seen much of you lately, so I just wanted to check on you.”
“Aw, thanks. I’m okay.” I sat and patted the space beside me, inviting Ms. Elsie to join me.
“That’s good. Now, when are you heading back again?”
I felt the excitement of the words roll through me. “I’ve decided to stay.”
“Oh!” Ms. Elsie clasped her hands together. “That’s wonderful. Your aunt would be so happy.”
I looked around at the space. “It will take some work to get this place together, but I’m up for the challenge. Nothing a few coats of paint wouldn’t fix.”
“And a couple of chairs,” Ms. Elsie laughed.
“Yes. This window isn’t very comfortable.”
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. I am so excited.”
“Actually, Ms. Elsie. I’ll need a new job. If you know of anything, can you let me know?”
“What do you do?”
“Social work. I’m a counselor. I mostly worked with kids.”
“I might know of something. Let me get back to you.” Ms. Elsie patted my thigh and lifted herself off the window. “I’m so happy you decided to stay. You’ll love it around here.”
“I already do.” I walked her to the door.
I watched her walk out of my gate and up her steps. Instead of closing the door, I looked over my new street. It was alive with its usual playlist of kids, people, voices, and cars—no longer overwhelming. I imagined Aunt Goldie sitting on her porch, taking in the beautiful brownstones standing tall like soldiers.
I went outside and sat on the stoop. My neighbor Niquel pulled up and waved as she exited. “Hey, Holland,” she said as she stepped out before opening the passenger side to let her cute little doggie out. Together, they traipsed up the steps and disappeared behind the neat facade of her home.
I could do this. Couldn’t I? It was as far away from Florence and all it represented as I could get. A country girl at heart, I’d go back, but not for a long time. Even Charleston seemed too close.
I thought back to my cancer scare, which started my whole journey to figure my life out and wanting more.
Cancer. My hands flew to my mouth. Remembrance clicked in my brain like a missing puzzle piece. My mother, grandmother, and aunt all died of breast cancer. I needed to call my doctor and let him know. When he had asked about my family history, I couldn’t give him any information. I pulled out my cell and added a reminder to call him first thing in the morning.