Sebastian
SEBASTIAN
I wake up with Austin wrapped around me. My face pressed against his hoody and our legs tangled. His in sweats, mine in shorts.
I try to move, but he tightens his grip and squeezes me with a groan.
“Morning.”
“When did we fall asleep?”
“I don’t know.”
God, we must have fallen asleep fully-dressed, snuggling like old people.
My heart pounds in my ears as I wonder if he’s regretting coming over here.
“Austin?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you mean what you said last night?”
“Yes.” No hesitation.
“Oh.”
His laugh vibrates through his chest. I kiss his hoody and he squeezes me again. His dick getting hard. He presses his face against my neck and brushes his lips over the skin. “I missed you.”
Fuck, why do I feel like I’m going to cry again?
I slide my hand under his hoody, his breath warm against my neck as he sighs.
“What time’s your first class?”
“Not for hours.”
I find his lips and pull him closer, if that’s possible. We just kiss, slow and lazy and messy. Grinding at a steady rhythm.
Austin slides his hand between us and rubs my cock through my shorts. He brushes his lips across my face and nibbles at my earlobe as he pulls it out through the fly.
“I’ll come if you touch me.”
“So come for me. We’ve got hours, I can do this as many times as you want.”
I slide my hand under the waistband of his sweats and hold his cock while he strokes me, rubbing his thumb over my slit and smearing pre-cum down the shaft. I need the release so we can do this over and over and.. .
“Stop.”
He takes his hand off me.
“We need to talk.”
“We talked last night. I meant every word I said. I love you, deal with it.”
I force the little flutters of hope down, but I’m less successful than usual and they stay hovering just beneath the surface, like moths batting their wings against a lightbulb.
“But I’m-”
“You’re rich and obnoxious and a pain in the ass.” He strokes my hair as he talks. His voice a croaky rumble. “But I see right through you. You showed me the shit side to your life, but I know you don’t want that, so it doesn’t matter. I’m pretty sure your dad will never accept me, but I don’t think you ever expected him to anyway.” He swallows. “I was an asshole too. I shouldn’t have judged you before getting to know you. I won’t do that again, because of you. You make me better Seb.”
“No, I’m going to ruin your life.”
“You won’t. Seb, I told Alyssa about you, I told my ma. Everyone just wants me to be happy. Ma sees you too, the real you, and she likes it.”
I feel myself choking up again. “Fuck you, making me cry.”
He tightens his grip so he’s cradling my head against his chest. “So long as you’re not crying because you’re sad.”
“I’m not sad, just… overwhelmed.”
He gives me a few minutes before asking if I believe him now.
“Maybe, sort of.”
“So it might take a bit more convincing, fine, I can be patient.”
Austin keeps his hand on my knee under the desk all through class and I can’t hear a single word the professor is saying.
I don’t want to think about anything outside of this. But as soon as we get out of class, I’m reminded why we can’t just stick our heads in the sand and act like there isn’t a whole world out there.
“You’re coming to practise.” Austin says.
“I quit the team remember.”
He takes my hand, but I wriggle free.
“You should think about this before you commit.”
He steps closer and touches my face. “If people have a problem with us, it won’t be your fault. And with or without you, I’d still be bi.”
“Now you’re making me jealous.” I pout.
He laughs and shoves me gently. Pulling me back in by the sweater, he ruffles my hair. “Come to practise with me, please.”
I butt my head against his chest a couple of times and he laughs and hooks his arm around my neck.
“I love you idiot, come play hockey with me.”
“If Coach will take me back.”
“He didn’t accept your resignation in the first place.”
My head shoots up. “What?”
“Come on.” He grins and starts walking backwards. “We’re gonna be late.”
He keeps his hand on my knee for the drive, and when I park up outside the rink, I brush it off and get out of the car. I keep my distance as we walk inside and tell him to go ahead while I speak to Coach.
Without him beside me, I feel untethered. But I know I have to do this myself. Austin can’t just fix everything with his magic dick - no matter how nice it is.
Coach brightens when he sees me. I take the seat he offers me and clear my throat.
“If it’s okay, I’d like to come back to the team.”
“I was pretending you’d never left, so there won’t be a problem there.”
Fuck, there’s that lump in my throat again.
“Thank you Coach.”
“Have you decided about the internship yet?”
“Did Austin tell you I got it?”
“He did.”
“I want to Coach, I really want to.”
He smiles. “When do you have to get back to them?”
“By the end of the week.”
“Well, you have time to decide. Better go suit up.”
“Yes Coach.”
When I get into the locker room, I take a deep breath and ask for everyone’s attention. A couple of guys ignore me while they get changed, but Austin whistles and they all look up.
“I uh, just wanted to say how much of an honour it is playing on this team. I know I haven’t made the best impression, and well… I can only apologize. I guess I was worried what you guys would think of me and so I just made sure you’d hate me regardless so I didn’t have to wait for it to happen naturally. So, if I pissed anyone off or insulted them, I’m sorry. I’ll try and be better in future, and you can tell me if I’m being an obnoxious asshole.”
Austin has been watching with wide-eyes, holding his breath. He lets it out with a snort and I relax.
Gray breaks away from the group and puts his arm around my shoulders.
“Where were you last practise?”
“I was… um-”
“He was sick,” Austin says. “Hurry up Hunty, everyone’s waiting for you.” He grins.
I grin back at him. “Aye Aye Captain.”
When we get onto the ice, I sniff in the artificially refrigerated air and the whiff of hockey gear and I know there is no place on earth I’d rather be, (well, except in bed with Austin). Hayes and I switch out a couple of times, and one time, Coach places us together and we’re linemates on the second line, coming at our defense with everything we’ve got.
He slaps my hand after practise and tells me I did a good job.
“You too.”
“You can have my spot by the way,” he says.
“Pardon?”
He laughs and shakes his head. “I’ve been signed to a team.”
“Oh, congrats.”
“Yeah, in the AHL.” He rubs the back of his neck before slipping out of his jersey. “In Vancouver.”
“No shit, I’m moving to Vancouver.”
His face clouds. “You’re not having my spot Yale.”
“Hunty!” Gray corrects him.
“Don’t worry, I’m not playing.”
“What? Why not?”
“I don’t know, maybe one day, but, to be honest, I’ll just be happy being around hockey. I’ve got an internship with the Canucks.”
Gray whistles.
“Hey, you’d better put in a good word for me,” Hayes practically growls.
Austin smiles at me over Gray’s head and waits until we’re outside to ask if I was being serious.
“Yeah.”
“What are you gonna tell your dad?”
“To stick his job up his… no, I won’t do that.”
“Just tell him the truth. I can come with you if you want.”
“No it’s okay, I-”
“I want to.” He laces his fingers with mine.
“Hey guys wait-” Gray comes jogging out of the rink and stops when he sees we’re holding hands. “Are you uh-”
“Yeah,” Austin says. “Have you got a problem with us dating?”
“Dating!?” his eyebrows shoot up. “No, I mean, not because you’re guys, I just didn’t know you were, and you, well, you used to hate him… sorry, no offence Hunty but you were kind of a dick.”
Austin and I look at each other and laugh.
“What did you want?”
“A ride home?”
“I’m going back to Seb’s.”
“But I can still give you a ride, jump in.”
Gray sits in the backseat trying not to look while Austin rests his hand on my knee. Before he gets out, Austin stops him. “Do me a favor and tell everyone about this.”
“Tell them or don’t tell them?”
“Tell them.”
“O -ka y.”
“I just don’t feel like making another speech in the locker room, the other one went down like the Devils swapping Marino for Pesce.”
He snorts. “Sure.” He puts his hand on the doorhandle and pauses. “By the way, I’m cool with this.”
“Good.”
“Can you hurry up and get out so we can go back to my place and-”
Austin clamps his hand over my mouth just as Gray turns bright red.
“Sure, yeah, um-” he fumbles with the handle before practically falling out of the car.
“You’re evil.”
“An evil genius though, right?”
We throw our bags on the floor as soon as we get into the apartment. Austin puts his arms around me and just hugs me, kissing my neck while I bury my face in his hoody.
“You know you’re gonna have to put up with my crazy ass family every year at Christmas and Thanksgiving.”
“That sounds like heaven.”
“You’re crazy, you’ll fit right in.”
“Are you scared about telling all your uncles you’re gay?”
“No way, my aunt Celia’s gay, no one’s gonna give me shit about it.”
“You’re so lucky.”
He pulls away. “What about your family?”
“I don’t think there was anything I could have been that would have made them happy.”
“So it’s their loss.”
He kisses my nose. “Wanna go to bed?”
“I was just kidding in the car, I think my dick needs a rest from this morning.”
He laughs. “Mine too, I meant to cuddle.”
“Oh, then yeah, that sounds nice.”