Chapter 18
Caydence
It was strange being around so many people who had money. Most didn’t bring up their wealth, but a few did, and that made it even more awkward for me. Devon made sure to steer the conversation away from me, which I was grateful for.
All in all, I had a good time, and spending that time with Devon was nice.
However, there’s still that lingering voice in the back of my head telling me he’s dangerous and I need to stay away from him.
That’s the problem, though. I can’t seem to do that.
When he isn’t here, I wonder where he is and if he’s coming over.
When I leave work, I wonder if he’ll go home or come to my place.
It’s almost sad, really, the amount of time I spend thinking about someone who could so carelessly kill another human being, but he had it coming, right?
I keep trying to tell myself he had a reason, but there’s a part of me that wants to fight that.
That was a person, someone’s family, and the more I think about it, the sicker I feel.
I tell myself it’s for the best I stay as far from him as possible, but that man has a pull that drags me back every time. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough, or maybe I just have too many strong feelings for him. Is it wrong for me to feel for him? I don’t know anymore.
“What are you thinking about?” Megan asks as we sit on the couch, watching TV.
“If things with Devon are moving too fast.”
“Do you think they are?” she asks. I shrug.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like they are, and others, I can’t seem to get enough of him. Is that weird?” I ask her. She shakes her head and downs her drink, setting the glass on the table.
“You care about him, obviously.”
“I know, but is it too much too fast?” I don’t know why I need to hear her say it. The fact that he killed someone should be a huge turn-off, and I’m over here finding reasons he was right to do so.
“I don’t think so. You guys connect on many levels. I think that’s great,” she adds. Maybe she’s right, and that’s why things are so intense between us. We do connect over a lot of things.
“You don’t think he’s around too much?” Now she laughs.
“Girl, he basically lives here,” she laughs. That makes me think too. I sigh as I sit back on the couch when we hear the door open. We both look over to see him and his friend Wyatt walking in with pizza boxes in their hands.
“What’s this?” I ask.
“We brought dinner,” Devon announces as he sets the boxes on the table in front of us. Wyatt moves to sit next to Megan as Devon pulls me off the couch. He drops down and then pulls me into his lap before grabbing some pizza.
“I was sitting there,” I tell him.
“And now you have a better seat.”
“There are people here,” I remind him. He glances over at the two of them talking and shrugs his shoulders.
“So what? You embarrassed now to sit on my lap?”
“No. I don’t have to be this close to you all the time.” He nearly chokes on his pizza before looking at me.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“That I can sit on the damn couch at times.”
“You’re cute when you get pissy.”
“I’m serious, Devon.”
“What’s this about, Caydence? You didn’t care before.”
Now I shove off his lap and stand, heading for the stairs. I climb them two at a time, and I know he’s behind me. When I walk into my room, he closes the door behind him.
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know, Devon. I just … I feel like things are happening so fast,” I admit.
“So what do you want to do? You want some space? Is that it?” he asks, sounding angry. I run my hand through my hair and shrug.
“I honestly don’t know.” My mind has been a mess since that night with the man in the mask. At times, I feel disgusted, and at others, I can’t help but wonder if it would happen again. Does that make me sick? Weird? I can’t tell Devon about it, or he’d lose his shit worse than what he’s doing now.
“If you want space, you’re not getting it.”
“What? Then why ask me?” I yell this time.
“I was being nice.”
“So if that’s what I need, you won’t let me have it?”
“Caydence, I’d let you have anything in the fucking world you wanted, but you aren’t getting away from me.” My mouth drops open at his words. I knew there was a level of obsession with him, but this?
“What if I don’t want this anymore?” I ask him, crossing my arms over my chest. He chuckles.
“That’s too bad.”
“I mean it, Devon. What if I want to be alone for a while?” I ask him. He shakes his head.
“Not happening. In fact, if you want to push the issue, I’ll pack your shit right now and move it to my house.”
“What’s the fucking difference if you’re always here anyway?” I see the amusement in his eyes. He’s not taking this seriously at all. Not like I thought he would.
“Aww, you don’t want me spending the night, baby?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You basically did. You want me to leave? I’ll leave, but not forever, Caydence. You have to know that this thing between us,” he says, motioning with his finger between the two of us. “Will never be over.”
“See, it’s things like that that make me think, Devon.”
“It’s just the truth,” he replies. I sigh.
I don’t know what I want anymore. Breaking up with Devon wasn’t what I wanted.
His being here all the time wasn’t either.
There are days when I feel like I’m suffocating, and others I can’t get enough of him.
I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me anymore.
“I’m tired,” I tell him as I pull my shirt over my head and toss it to the side, grabbing my pajama shirt.
“You want to sleep alone tonight?”
“Is that bad?” I ask him.
“No. I’ll let you have tonight, but as I said, this isn’t over, Caydence. I’m not walking away from you, and you’re not leaving me.”
“I don’t think that’s what I want anyway,” I tell him.
“You don’t think?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Fine. Have your night alone. Call me tomorrow.” He turns and leaves the room. Something sinks in my chest, and I hate that feeling.
I lay back on my pillow and think about the man in the mask. Who is he? Why does he keep showing up here? What does he want with me? Does it really matter? How could I be with someone like him, either? He’s just as fucked up as Devon is.
I’ve tried for hours to fall asleep, but I can’t. I feel bad for how I acted and what I said to Devon, so I texted him.
Don’t be. You made your point
I’m sorry about earlier.
I don’t even know what the fucking point was. I mean it, I’m sorry.
Baby, I know I come on too strong. That’s just who I am. I know deep down what I want, and what I want is you. Nothing is going to change that.
It’s just hard for me.
I know it is. Your past was shit, Caydence, but I’m not like them.
I reread that message more than once. He’s right. The others might have hit me, hurt me, but not Devon. He killed someone for me. Over me. Doesn’t that say something?
I know you’re not. You’re more. And I don’t know how to handle that.
You’ve been handling things fine. What you saw, what I did, wasn’t the end of things.
It’s things like that which scare me, Devon.
But they’re nothing but the truth. You think you’ve been on a rollercoaster ride with me this far, Caydence? You'd better hold on tight.
I don’t know what his words mean, but something dark washes over me. I toss the phone onto the bed and stand up, walking to the window. I pull the curtain back, looking out, and that’s when I see him. I gasp and nearly stumble back.
The guy in the mask is out there. Is he waiting for me? Should I go out there?
I let the curtain fall closed and step back into the darkness. I can’t go out there.
I walk back and climb into bed, wondering what the hell he’s doing out there anyway. Pulling the blanket up to my chest, I lie there and sigh. What the hell is happening to me? To my life?
I was the quiet girl. The one no one bothered because she blended in so well. How did Devon decide to choose me? Why does the man in the mask?
I clench my eyes shut, and there’s a part of me that wishes I could sink back into the normal population, and no one would notice me again. At least there I was safe. At least there I didn’t have to wonder so much. There I was free and comfortable.
Here? I’m afraid. I’m torn. I’m confused.