32. Kioni
Kioni
Phantom_Shadow: You looked beautiful last night in that red dress.
Hidden_Embers: So you did find me?
Phantom_Shadow: I knew where you were the entire time.
Hidden_Embers: We need to talk.
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I’m fucking terrified of losing her. She’s choosing me, but she still needs to know the truth.
So I can give her both. She needs both, and so do I, because I still want to sneak up on her and tie her up before she can comprehend what’s happening and then take what’s mine.
I want to continue hunting her and claiming her…
to fuel the beast within me and feed the one that’s inside of her.
She became my obsession, and I fell in love with her before I ever spoke a single word to her.
Before she knew I existed. I tried pretending that night never happened.
That I never witnessed such an incredible woman because she consumed my entire life and it drove me mad that I couldn’t have her.
But she was exquisite, and I needed her to be mine.
The men she was with never cherished her the way she deserved, so I had no choice but to intervene and show her what it’s like to be seen, heard, and loved just the way she is. Because what she is…is perfect.
Phantom_Shadows: Isn’t that what we are doing?
Hidden_Embers: I’m with someone and she deserves to have all of me, and that can’t happen if I continue being your little secret sin. I deserve to be loved out loud and not hidden away in the shadows. We have to be over.
She’s not my secret. She’s my heart. I know what’s under her cloak of wool, and it’s amazing. I want her to take it off for good so we can run the night and fuck under the full moon while she writhes and screams underneath me. I’ll love her out loud and also in the darkest parts of us.
Phantom_Shadow: Meet me in the woods behind your house tomorrow night.
Hidden_Embers: Shadow…please.
Phantom_Shadow: I promise I won’t touch you unless you tell me to. I need you to see, and then I’ll walk away if that’s what you truly want.
She can handle it. She has to because I know I can never walk away from her. Several minutes pass before she finally responds.
Hidden_Embers: Tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night the mask comes off, and our world may come crashing down around us.
I watch her through the camera in her studio.
The slow, deliberate movements that showcase the strength of her core.
Her pup is watching her from the corner.
How is it that Nyx can be okay in a room with a bunch of strangers, but wants to bite me when all I want to do is love on her mommy?
She’s by herself. Nobody will show up for another half hour.
She accepted an evening class instead of staying at home.
Sam doesn’t do well sitting with her thoughts for very long.
She’s flustered about us, about her new relationship, and about leaving one of us behind.
Little does she know that doesn’t have to be the case.
* * *
I’m a mess all day at work the following day.
Unable to focus on anything but the what ifs.
If I fucking lose her, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I’ll just have to win her back. Give her time and then capture her again.
I could trap her inside the cabin until she remembers how good we are together.
It’s time now. I stare at the masks in my closet, already knowing which one I’m choosing but taking a moment to calm my racing mind and heart.
If this is the last time I’m able to wear one for her, just fucking shoot me.
There’s no going back from Sam. She truly doesn’t understand her power if she thinks I could ever be satisfied with anyone else after being with her.
Taking a deep breath, I grab the blue light-up mask I wore on our first night and get into my car.
The drive is quiet. I keep the music off and go through every fucking scenario in my mind that could happen.
If I keep replaying them, maybe it won’t hurt so bad.
I don’t message her a time to meet me until I hide my car, walk through the dimly lit woods behind her house, and get into position. I’m shaking like a fucking leaf in a hurricane when I hear her step on a twig. It’s just light enough that she will be able to make out my features.
She freezes when I step out from behind a tree.
“There’s my little wolf finally coming out to play.
I’ve missed you.” The voice changer adds confidence to my shaky voice.
She shakes her head, and I see the battle that is raging inside her.
Everything in her body is telling her to come to me, except for the small part anchoring her in her tracks.
The tracks that lead back to her girlfriend.
I take another step forward where the moonlight isn’t disrupted by limbs and leaves. Here goes everything.
“Our first night together was not the first time I saw you,” I explain, and she nods, already expecting this. “Do you want to know when it was?”
“Yes,” she whispers, my heartbeat drowning out her voice.
“It was at night…in the woods.” I spread my arms out to the trees surrounding us.
“I thought you were being hurt. I thought he was raping you. My sights were lined up with the side of his head, and I was about to pull the trigger until I saw your smile.” Her hand comes up to cover her mouth.
“You were having fun,” I chuckle. “Until you weren’t.
The fight and the chase were thrilling to you until it was over and he was inside of you.
But you never told him to stop. Like you were waiting for that fleeting sensation to come rushing back in.
I was so enthralled watching you that I wasn’t watching where I was walking and stepped on a twig. You remember, don’t you?”
Her eyes goes wide, and she nods, not removing her hand from her lips.
“The fear of something lurking in the dark took your mind off him, and excitement showed in your eyes again. So I walked closer, purposely allowing you to hear me. He was fucking you, but your focus was on me. You saw my shadow when I walked through the small clearing, and you squirmed and fought him harder. I’m the one who made you come, not him. ”
“I thought it was my imagination. It was you.” The revelation forcing her to step away from me. “How? W-why? The app…is that how you tracked me?”
I shake my head. “He may have escaped my sights that night, but you didn’t.
SINS doesn’t exist. Not yet anyway. You needed to embrace and love yourself for who you are and what you want without the stress of a relationship along with it.
I needed you to know how good we could be together in the dark so we could dance in the light.
You needed to accept yourself and explore your world before living in it fully. ”
She leans her back against a tree and runs her hands through her hair, taking it all in. I’m losing her. “Why did you wait so long?” she asks.
“I wanted to know everything about you first…and I was scared. I thought if I loved you from afar, it would never end. But from afar, it became torturous. The more I discovered and the longer I watched you, the more you became something I needed to get me through my day. I started being unable to fall asleep without listening to your soft breathing and I watched the sunrise with you every fucking day. Each one becoming harder not having you next to me. I couldn’t take it anymore, and when the universe threw us together, it seemed like fate. ”
She’s hyperventilating. “You’ve been watching me this entire time? You manipulated me.”
“Fuck, Sam, no-”
“You exploited my desires to make me fall for you.”
“What? No.” My feet carry me to her instantly, and I’m cradling her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. “I would NEVER do anything to hurt you…ever. I’ve known you longer than you’ve known me. That’s all.”
“Show me,” she demands with tears in her eyes, and my breathing matches hers. I can hardly hear my own thoughts over the pounding of my heart.
I drop my hands and walk a few steps backward.
My stomach twists and I feel like I’m going to throw up as I grab the bottom of the mask.
She looks like she is about to break, and I hesitate, wanting to hold her together.
My head drops, and I pull my hood back and rip the mask off, my gaze remaining on the ground as I try to pull myself together.
I grab the bottom of my balaclava and lock eyes with hers, removing the final layer of my secret sin.
She stills and her breath catches in her throat. “Kioni?” Her voice cracks. “I trusted you,” she sobs.
“Sam,” I plead, stepping towards her, and she throws her trembling hands up, stopping me.
“Red.”
“Okay…Red,” I correct, using the nickname Ki uses for her.
“No, Kioni,” she croaks. “Red…not green, not yellow. Red.” She wipes her eyes and turns around, sprinting towards her house.
The word pierces my heart like a blade. The darkness is too loud. It’s suffocating me. I fall to my knees, gripping my chest. My lips tremble and silent tears rush down my cheeks as I watch her disappear.
She just needs time to breathe, and she will come back.
She will come back to me.
She will come back to green.