33. Sam
Sam
Nyx whines next to me and licks another one of my tears away.
I’ve been stuck in this bed since last night, unable to gather an ounce of strength to move.
Not even to go to the bathroom, to which my full bladder is becoming painful.
My heart doesn’t hurt as badly now, but it still doesn’t feel very pleasant either.
It’s not like I would have wanted Shadow to be anyone else.
The reasons behind what she did are obvious, and I understand them now.
I probably wouldn’t have met her that night if I had known she was a woman.
To be honest, I never knew a woman could do the things she did and make me feel that…
good. It makes sense now why I was always blindfolded or faced away from Shadow.
I would have seen she didn’t actually have a cock.
Well, she did. It was just fake. How did I not notice it was a dildo?
Was it the condom she used? Or was it because I was always overwhelmed by so many sensations at once that I didn’t have time to contemplate if I was being fucked by silicone or flesh?
I groan and force my legs over my bed and rush to the bathroom to relieve myself.
Someone had been stalking me for months and months, and I never knew.
How pathetic are my survival skills? Where are the cameras hidden?
Do I even care? The hurt I felt when she revealed herself is lessening now that I have sorted through a lot of the madness.
Kioni is literally everything I have ever wished for.
I found someone who will feed my wicked desires but also treat me like I’m precious and never make me feel like I’m messed up.
I should hate her, but I don’t. At first, I think I did, for a few seconds anyway.
But as soon as I got to my house, she was the only one I wanted to comfort me.
Either her…or Shadow. I know they are the same person now, but it’s like Shadow is her alter ego that was formed for my own fucked-up needs.
But she has to be just as messed up as I am.
She cut off a man’s finger, for crying out loud!
All to keep us intact because I wasn’t with her yet.
We hadn’t had time to form our bond outside of the shadows.
Will she still be my shadow if we remain together?
Picturing her in those masks without the layers of clothing to hide her build from me is a picture I want to hang in my mind for ages, right next to the mental note that I needed to seek therapy and never did.
When I walk back to my bedroom, I rip down my wall of suspects that I had abandoned.
It didn’t really matter who was behind the mask as long as it wasn’t Tyler.
The sound of a motorcycle pulling into my driveway makes me jump. I’m not ready to see her yet.
“Wake up, sunshine,” Ryker yells loudly while banging on my front door. A deep growl rumbles in Nyx’s throat, and she leads the way downstairs. I unlock the door, and Ryker pushes it open but freezes with his hand on the door when he spots Nyx at my side.
“Fucking asshole,” he mutters, removing his hand slowly and stepping backward. Her eyes follow his movements. “Ki didn’t warn me you had a new dog.”
I scratch her head and chuckle, picturing Kioni running around my house, trying not to get bitten that first night. It makes it funnier now that I know it was her and why she was so timid of Nyx when she came over as herself the next time.
“She asked me to check on you. Said you didn’t watch your sunrise this morning or gotten out of bed at all for that matter.”
She’s still watching me. “Why didn’t she come herself?”
“She can’t,” he replies, as if I should already know this.
“What do you mean she can’t?”
“You said the only word that would make her stay away.”
Red.
I drop my head, ashamed. The rush of so many emotions shattered me, and I couldn’t sort through them in that moment. I felt it all so deeply. Like a punch to the gut and a kick to the heart. She didn’t deserve to be cut off like that, but I needed space. I still do.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, but then it hits me. “You knew, didn’t you? This whole time you knew she was stalking me and fucking me without me knowing her identity?”
“Well, yeah, but without most of the details. Gross. It’s Ki. I don’t want to imagine her sexcapades in high definition.”
Anger and embarrassment surge through. “Thanks for stopping by, but I need to be alone right now.” He stops me from shutting my door, and Nyx growls.
“Have you eaten?”
“Not your problem.”
“Let me make you something to eat, and then I’ll leave.”
I glare at him, but I am hungry and don’t feel like cooking right now. I just want to go back to my bed. These two had this tremendous secret over my head this entire time. I feel like an idiot.
“Fine,” I grumble calling for Nyx to follow me back to bed. Obviously she cares if she sent her right hand to come check on me, but she needs to do better than that. She has a lot to make up for.
I send her a message before disappearing under the covers.
Yellow.
Nyx’s soft rumble of warning wakes me back up when Ryker walks in carrying a plate and glass.
“No need to do all that now,” he tells her, placing both down on my nightstand. The plate holds a mountain of scrambled eggs, hash browns, and toast, leaving no empty spaces, and the glass is full to the brim with orange juice.
I sit up and chug half the glass of juice before I say anything. “Thank you.”
He sits down on the end of the bed and rests his elbows on his knees.
“She’s in love with you, Sam. I know she went about this the wrong way, kind of, but she did it the Sam way.
She knew what you needed, and she gave it to you.
Against my wishes and complaints, she would never let you go.
I didn’t want her getting her heartbroken, but from what she’s told me and what I’ve seen, you are in love with her too. ”
I take in everything he says. “I just need time to process everything. It’s hard not to feel manipulated.”
“Before you, she had never done anything to this extreme before. You were her first obsession, her first hunt, her first time hiding her identity…all of it. She did it for you, and in turn realized all your desires were hers too. You unlocked another side of her as well. Eat and then talk to her…please.” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he exits my bedroom.
I grab the plate filled with entirely too much food and my phone.
Kioni: I’m so sorry I hurt you. Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.
I stare at her message. She didn’t even try reaching out to me until I took back red. No matter what, I’ve always been in control. Partially anyway.
Kioni: Please eat.
I glance around, wondering where the hell the camera is. There has to be one in here. I can only imagine all the embarrassing shit I’ve done that she’s witnessed. Well, she stayed despite it all, so there’s that. I take a dramatically large bite of food, and my phone dings.
Kioni: Good girl. Be mad at me all you want, but don’t neglect yourself.
Me: We need to talk about boundaries.
Kioni: We are long past that, don’t you think?
I guess I get both sides of Ki still. My deranged stalker and my protective girlfriend.
Me: I’m still mad at you.
Kioni: As you should be, but I promise I’ll make it up to you. I have to go, baby. No more red. Please. Come back to green.
Me: No more red.
Of course there’s no more red. She almost drowned me before, and I practically said thank you afterwards.
She shot me with an arrow. Okay, okay, grazed me with an arrow.
Drugged me, kidnapped me, put a fucking shock collar around my neck…
I didn’t call red then so why would I now that I know who Shadow is?
I was just momentarily distraught and caught off guard.
To everyone else, she is a walking red flag.
But to me she is so fucking green. But I’m not telling her that right now because she needs to stew in her fuckery for a bit longer for making me feel like a moron.
Like when they both tried to convince me I was gifted a finger cake instead of an actual finger.
I bet they laughed after they left my house.
Assholes. It also makes sense why I fell for Kioni so fast. My body must have known it was her all along.
My brain just wasn’t on the same page. Damn demon pussy crossing all of my wires.
Even though I called off work already, I text Ben and tell him I’ll be in to take care of my afternoon appointments.
I’ve cried and beaten myself up enough last night and this morning to last a lifetime.
If I stay here, that is all I’ll do, and that’s no fun.
I eat as much as I can and give the rest to Nyx, tidy up my house, and then toss my hair up and put on a loose dress.
Makeup is a no-go today. The dim lighting will hide my tired, bare features well enough.
“Goodbye, Nyxie baby,” I coo, threading my fingers through the thick fur around her neck and kissing the top of her head.
Work was normal. My evening at home was normal. Aaand I realized very quickly that I do not like normal.
Barf.
My normal is better.
Ki messaged me throughout the day, but that’s it.
She won’t come to me until I go back to green.
I’m not completely pussy whipped. I can stand my ground for more than a day.
There’s a sense of comfort knowing she’s still watching, though.
Getting an idea, I toss my covers off and grab my vibrator from my nightstand drawer.
I tug off my shorts and panties and spread my legs wide, hoping the camera is facing this direction.
If not, she will still get a show. My phone rings the moment I turn on the vibrator.
I ignore it and dip my hand between my legs, slowly moving the tip of the vibrator around my clit until I find the perfect spot and hold it there.
The last time I tried this, I failed, but knowing she’s watching helps.
The pleasure builds but holds steady, not allowing me to crest the peak, so when the phone rings again, I answer it.
“Hello?” I answer breathlessly.
“Put the toy away and let me do it for you.”
“I’m so close,” I whimper.
“Baby, I’m right outside. Tell me I can come in,” she begs.
“You’re here?”
“Yes.”
The phone slips out of my hand when I come, and her name is spilled from my lips.
“That was fucking cruel, little wolf,” she growls when I put the phone back to my ear.
“Just showing you I can still bite even though you’ve tamed me.”
She chuckles. “There’s no taming you. I just set you free from the chains holding you back.”
Smiling, I slip my shorts back on and grab the blanket. “Good night, Ki.”
She sighs. “Good night, baby. I miss you.”