32. Ivy Jade
Ivy Jade
So I don't know about love, huh?
That clown had a lot of nerve to lecture me, and to top it off, he lied about the rings the whole time! How dare he! And what was I supposed to do with that whole love confession of his?
Forgive him immediately?
Roll over and toss my life away, just because his lie was for something sweet and endearing?
Besides, how would I even know if he were telling me the truth? How could anyone love someone after just one week? It was impossible. I had to ignore it.
I went to my safe space–the library, laying on one of the comfortable couches, knees up, legs crossed.
I pulled out ‘Unmasking My Bright Knight,’ flipping it to where I left off, to a new chapter.
It was a surefire way to calm my nervous system, but the more I tried to read, the more I realized I was skipping sentences or rereading them thrice.
I closed the book and stared at the ‘Little Women’ dust jacket I placed over the cover. I opened it back up to read, but then slammed it shut once more.
“So you think I’m afraid to be myself, huh? Just because I’ve been judged my entire existence?” I said down to the book, the mental image of High Jynx popping up in my head.
I pulled the dust jacket off and tossed it in the trash, proudly looking down at the bin like I had proved something to myself.
I opened the book back up to continue reading. After a few words, I stopped again.
I stared at the trash can, and my heart rate went up.
“Ugh! Damn it!” I groaned, bending over, rescuing the dust jacket from the garbage to place it back on my book.
I shouldn’t be this upset over a clown. I needed to take a deep breath.
I stood up, threw the ring box on the couch, and left my book in the corner of the armrest, and took a very deep breath. A few of them, actually, until I began to feel lighter.
To think, High Jynx was someone who I’d never have paid any attention to, yet here we were—in the midst of what felt like a breakup. I was miserable, stewing on his words, unable to get over how my choices were breaking the hearts of the two men around me—men who for once made me feel seen.
Folding onto the couch, I stared up at the ceiling, wishing I could float away. “I’m a bad person, aren’t I?” I said under my breath, deflated. “And how could anyone love that?”
I zoned out, staring into nothing until my vision grew blurry, and my eyes burned with tears.
Coming to terms with my future was impossible because, to do that, I needed to accept the truth about who I was as a person.
This whole situation with Antonio—with my parents and their money—wasn’t about them forcing me into marriage.
It was about me being too scared to walk away.
And as hard as it was to admit, I succumbed to the fact that I always had a choice in how I lived my life.
I wasn’t chained to my room or held hostage at the pool with margaritas.
There was no dungeon or ransom note on my behalf.
I was free to live the life I wanted.
And the life I had accepted was that of a coward.
So badly, I wanted to talk to Romeo, and part of me hoped he’d appear at the library.
He wasn't in his room when I checked earlier, and I wondered if he was avoiding me now.
He probably already knew that I was going to end our week by leaving with Antonio...
and I hated that I'd have to tell him that.
The library entrance creaked open.
“Romeo?” I asked, looking over. My spine tingled with anticipation when I straightened out of my position.
“You wish!” I heard Tallulah say, then she closed the door.
My cheeks pinched with warmth. “What are you doing up?” I asked, surprised.
Tallulah came over, tightening her fluffy robe across her middle. “Actually, I was hoping you’d be here. I wanted to talk to you.”
Then it hit me. “Oh my god! I am so sorry I missed your rehearsal dinner. I swear, it was for a good reason, Tal!”
“I’m sure it was,” she said very casually. She sat by my side, then took my hand into hers. “Ivy Jade, what’s going on?”
I stared at her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… Why have you been running off every night? Where were you during my rehearsal dinner?”
I shook my head. “I’d rather not say.”
“I swear, I won’t be mad,” she pleaded. “Please, let’s just be those two crazy best friends from school who never kept secrets from each other. I have some of my own I am dying to share.”
“You go first!” I squeaked, putting the attention back on her.
“No way! I asked you first, Ivy Jade!” Tallulah laughed.
Here I was at another crossroads. This time with my dear friend. I was tired of keeping things from her, and maybe she could help me think through this life-changing problem.
“You swear you won’t get mad?” I asked for reassurance.
She shook her head. “Not at all! Tell me!” Tallulah scooted even closer to me. “But can you at least rub my feet? They ache from the freaking tall stilettos I wore during rehearsal.”
I rolled my eyes. “Gross! Who am I to you?” I teased.
“My best friend,” she said.
“You’re lucky your wedding’s tomorrow, and I believe you deserve relaxed feet before you step down that aisle to marry my brother.”
“That a girl!” she said, lying back, placing her feet on my lap.
I reached into the corner of the couch, handing her the ring box. “So… I lost these the first night we were here. I lost them at—”
“Ivy Jade!” she interrupted me, grabbing hold of the ring box, opening it up to check inside. “What! My precious rings!”
“You said you wouldn’t get mad! They’re here in your possession now, aren’t they?” I said. “Nothing happened to them.”
She checked the box, pulling out both wedding bands, inspecting them in the dim light we had. “You make a valid point. I’m just shocked my maid of honor lost them after she promised me she was the safest person to hold onto them.” She arched her brow.
I hunched my shoulders. “Sorry! I swear!”
“You’re forgiven. No use being mad at something that already happened. Tell me what you were going to say.” She closed the box and tucked it into her robe pocket.
“Well… I met someone because I lost the rings?” It came out more as a question than a statement.
She squinted. “Please tell me it’s someone more interesting than Antonio.”
“What’s wrong with Antonio?” I scoffed, not really needing a reason. We already knew the answer.
“Nothing at all!” Tallulah said, sounding supportive.
“He’s just… there, you know what I mean?
Both of you are.” She looked around the room as if searching for the perfect words to explain it.
“When you two were carving pumpkins together, it was like watching two hamsters forced to live in the same cage at the pet store. These cute little creatures mandated to interact with nowhere to go.”
“At least he’s a rich hamster…” I argued.
“That’s a bit bleak, Ivy Jade.”
“Who cares? It doesn’t matter; it’s not him anyway,” I waved off, massaging her feet. “Remember how I told you I fell down a ditch and a clown performer helped me that night when we all went to the amusement park?”
Tallulah shook her head eagerly. “Sounds hot! Is he the someone you met? Ivy Jade with a clown performer! Ow-ow!”
“Shut up, you lame bitch,” I told her. We both cackled like witches up to no good. “Long story short. I’ve been going back to the Scare Park every night to find the rings, and the performer has been helping me. I… ended up having a crush on him. NOT ANYMORE THOUGH. It was such a horrible idea!”
“Why was it horrible?” she asked.
“Literally, Tal, he freaked out on me tonight, and we sorta had a huge argument.”
“What’d you say to him?”
“How can you be so sure it’s me?” I huffed, throwing her feet off my lap.
“Damn, okay.” Tallulah brought her legs back around and sat facing me. “Because of your poor attitude. When you don’t get your way, you’re kind of a grouch, and that’s putting it nicely.”
“I was just telling him the truth!” I defended myself.
“What truth?”
“That I can’t see him anymore, and that having sex with him was a mistake.” I winced as I said it. I couldn’t believe I said those things to him; he didn’t deserve that.
“Sex with a hot clown? Ivy Jade! You’re a bad girl,” she nudged my arm.
“Hardly. Mami made some good points. I can’t be with someone like him or Ro because they aren’t cut from the same cloth as… our family. I couldn’t take that kind of risk on a stranger or my future.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa… Ro? What does Ro have to do with any of this? Also… your precious Mami can fuck off.” Now Tallulah was mad.
I gasped. “What did she do?”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Just… tell me about Ro, then we’ll move on to me. Okay?”
I frowned at her. “Okay, well… Ro and I may have gotten close.”
“Shut the fuck up! How close!?” she shrieked happily. “I knew you’d get over whatever mental image you had of him, and get it on with him. He’s a hottie, right? Like the sexy, tortured Robert Pattinson Batman, kind of tortured.”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Tallulah. I’m supposed to be with Antonio.
Neither Ro nor High Jynx fit the bill, and…
” I paused to take a breath. “You already know if I don’t marry him, then I’m royally fucked.
We've talked about it for over eleven years now. They’ll cut me off, and I can’t live without their support.
I can’t do anything on my own. Not really. ”
Tallulah stood up, pacing back and forth. Her anxious energy was palpable. “See, this is why I never liked your mom. She’s so wicked with her traditional viewpoint in life that she can’t even let you and Gustav just live your lives!”
“Wait, did something happen between you two tonight? You need to tell me!” I said. Tal was normally so cool and collected. I couldn't remember the last time she was this angry. Although, I still hadn't told her High Jynx ripped her dress. It was in literal tatters.
“I’m sure you know that Gustav has been cut off, and it’s fine…
whatever, he makes decent money, and I do, too.
We’re both happy. We don’t need your parents’ help, but…
god forbid I breathe around your mom, because she likes to remind me any chance she can—when we’re alone, by the way—how I’m not suitable for your brother. She hates me now!”
“She doesn’t hate you… that much,” I said with an awkward smile.
“Of course she does. I took her precious baby boy from her. She hates that I can't speak Spanish; I’m pretty sure. And Gustav is none the wiser. Yeah, he and his mom don’t get along, but I think he’d still protect her feelings over mine. That’s why I haven’t had the guts to tell him.”
I sat there, watching as Tallulah began to slow down her pacing back and forth. Why was my family so cruel to someone as wonderful as Tallulah? We didn’t deserve someone as kind as her. Mami should be thrilled that Gustav even found someone to deal with his crazy ass.
“I love my mami, don’t get me wrong, but fuck her bullshit right now. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to my brother. He loves and adores you—obviously. Don’t listen to anything she tells you. Don’t let her run you off—”
“Trust me, she couldn’t run me off if she tried! I love Gustav too much to allow that.” Tallulah sat down next to me. Both of us blew a breath. And as serious as our conversation felt, she turned to me. “Be real with me. Why can’t you live without your parents’ support?”
I laid back on the couch and laughed, closing my eyes. “Tal, I can’t even make my own money. How could I even survive? And I… love my life too much to give it up.”
“You could move in with Gustav and me! Think about it. You could discover what you want to do, and take it easy. Explore your life outside of that castle you’re in.”
I looked at her seriously. “No way, but thank you.”
“So you’d rather marry a handsome doctor who wants to impregnate you, have his heir of babies that he’ll care more about, meanwhile, he’ll be fucking around on the side, coming home late? What kind of life is that to live? Is it even yours at that point?”
I swallowed. That was way too specific. “Ummm…”
“I watch a lot of reality TV and drama. It’s a common thing. And you wouldn’t believe how many goth baddies get hit on at my store by rich assholes. I’ve literally witnessed a man take his wedding ring off before approaching one of the ladies… at my store!”
“That’s awful,” I told her.
“I know. More importantly… just picture what your life will look like in five years. Stay there, and see how you like it. Picture it with Antonio, then picture it with the clown guy or Ro. I know you’ll figure out the right decision for yourself.” Tallulah patted me on the back and got up to leave.
I sat silently on the couch, pulling one of the throw pillows up to my chest. Tal was always so blunt and honest in the best way possible. She didn’t hide behind a reputation or agenda, and having her around reminded me what it was like to be with someone who actually cared about my feelings.
A real person.
Like High Jynx and Romeo.
They were all authentic in their own way, or at least in their willingness to embrace my vulnerabilities.
So why did I run from that? Like I did with Tallulah when she started dating my brother.
At the time, I thought she had changed into some goth girl for the sake of being with my brother, but really, she was just growing into the person she already was—her authentic self.
Having her around was comfortable. It was sweet and familiar and, in a lot of ways, was as impactful as High Jynx’s love confession.
Maybe because it was real…
“Hey!” I shouted, walking over to her. I hugged her. “I missed you. Can we please just continue to be us?”
“Of course,” she said.
“Okay, good. Now get your beauty sleep. You’re getting married tomorrow night!”