41. Seth
Seth
“I’m so sorry!” Lou says. We’re on FaceTime. It’s been almost a week since we talked. We’ve never gone so long without speaking.
“Lou, it’s—”
“No, listen, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it—well, yeah, I did but it wasn’t supposed to come out like that.
It’s just that…” She sighs. “Seth, you’re the best person I know, and I hate that you don’t even see how great you are, and that you think you have to make yourself smaller, or change because of what some idiots—”
“Lou.”
“Okay, but honestly? You’re the best. If you were straight, I would’ve married you for real, a long time ago.”
“Are you saying you’re in love with me?” I frown.
“No, you creep! Ew! You’re like my brother.”
“But you just said you wanted to marry me, and that, sister, is incest. Which I’m sure is still illegal and—”
“Girl,” she laughs. “I would lock that ass down in a heartbeat if it wasn’t.”
“I’m confused, am I your brother or your lover?”
“You’re my best friend.”
“Who’s also an idiot?” I smile at her.
“Sometimes, but seriously? Don’t listen to me, I have no idea what I’m talking about. This is between you and Kaden, and I mean, who knows? Maybe—”
“No,” I shake my head. “Don’t give me hopes.”
“Well, we don’t—”
“Yes, we do. He’s not into me, not like that. I mean, it’s not like he hasn’t had years to fall for me before, and he hasn’t so…”
“Yeah, but you’re hooking up now—”
I snort. “And I don’t have a magical dick that’ll make him fall in love with me.”
“Well,” she says, eyebrows raised. “It was obviously magic enough to turn him not straight.”
I shrug all casual. “I mean, it’s a good dick.”
She tilts her head back and forth, scrunching her nose.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s not that impressive, is it?”
“Excuse me?” I gasp. “And when have you ever seen my dick, you perv?”
“Oliver Nilsen’s pool party. You dropped your trunks when you jumped into the pool, remember?”
I gape. “When we were seven?”
She laughs, and I shake my head, rolling my eyes.
“Bitch.”
“Takes one to know one.”
Kaden scoots his chair closer to mine. He’s wearing a forest green Henley today that matches his eyes. It’s not often that he wears anything but black. He should. He looks good. But then again, he always does.
“What are you doing tonight?” he says, putting a stick of gum between his teeth.
I glance around, seeing Iggy by the couches, so I mouth, “you?”
“Good boy.” He smiles, and a rush of heat travels south. “But I was thinking before that. I was thinking beers. Maybe some subs, or something?”
I gasp dramatically. “Are you asking me out on a date?” I place a hand over my heart, tutting. “Babe, I'd love to!”
He punches my arm.
“Ow! Asshole,” I reply, laughing.
“Uno reverse,” he deadpans. “So, what do you say?” he adds, his eyes roaming over my face in a weird way.
“I say fuck you for punching me, but yes, I can do beers and subs.”
“Nice!” He stands, but then leans in closer, staring at me. “Have you done something…?” He waves a hand at me.
I raise a brow. “I’ve done a lot of things; I need you to be a bit more specific.”
“To your face,” he laughs.
“Have I done something to my face?” I scoff. “Like what?”
He frowns, biting his bottom lip. “I don’t know, that’s why I asked.” Shrugging, he says, “You look different.”
“I mean,” I scoff again, frowning. “I haven’t been at the hairdresser for a while, but I’ve got an appointment next week, so…” I shrug.
“Your hair’s fine, dude.” He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes. “You’re not wearing contacts, right?”
“Are you high? And can I have some?”
He laughs. “Never mind. I just gotta clean this up and then we can split, yeah?”
“So, did you talk to Lou?” Kaden says as we’re walking down the street to his house.
“Yeah, she called a couple of days ago. It’s all sorted.”
“I can tell.”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugs. “Just that you get very affected when you and Lou are not on the same page, or whatever.”
“I guess, yeah.”
Kaden skips a step and pushes me to the side in the process.
“What the hell?”
“Dog shit,” he says. “Fucking lazy people.” He shakes his head, and then, “Speaking of, Tara texted me the other day.”
“Speaking of what?” I snort. “Dog shit or lazy people? Man, she’d be so mad if she heard you right now.” I throw my head back laughing.
He shoves me lightly, snickering. “Anyway, she’s in town. Asked if I wanted to meet up for a drink or something.”
“Yeah? Sounds like fun.” Sounds awful. For me.
He shoots me a look, frowning. “I’m not gonna.”
“Why not?”
“What do you mean why not?”
“You don’t have to go to a public place, you know? You could invite her over, or like—”
“What? Why would I do that?”
I snort. “What do you mean why? To catch up?”
“Yeah, but we might as well catch up over the phone. I don’t have to invite her over for that.”
“But it’s Tara.”
“So? I haven’t seen or talked to her for, what? Ten months? A year?”
I shrug. “Maybe she realized she misses you. Maybe she wants to get back to—”
“What? Dude!” He places an arm over my chest, stops, and faces me. “What are you even talking about? Why are you pushing this? It’s not like we’re getting back together, either way.”
“Are you sure?”
“Are you high?” He shakes his head at me. “We broke up a year ago. I haven’t even thought about her since. She just wants to catch up, and I don’t feel the need to do that with an ex, so what’s the deal?”
“No deal.” I shrug. “But it’s Tara. You guys were together for a long time and—”
“And then we broke up.” He shakes his head, frowning. “Why are we fighting about this?”
I scoff. “We’re not fighting.”
“It’s something.”
I sigh, and he looks at me, still frowning.
“You want out? Is that it?”
I raise my brows.
“I feel…” He shifts on his feet. “It’s like you’re trying to push me together with Tara because you want out and you don’t know how to tell me or—”
“What?” I frown. But yes, that’s exactly it. Because then I don’t have to make this impossible decision. And yeah, I’m both an asshole and a coward. It’s a lovely combination.
“Do you want out?” he asks again.
“Do you?”
He tilts his head. “I asked you first.”
I sigh. This is it. I can do it. I can tell him yes, I want out, even if it’s not true.
“No.” Or I can keep pretending I can do this until I convince myself.
“Okay, then.” He turns to unlock the door, but I don’t move. “You coming?”
I glance down the street, and back to him again. He drops his head forward and then walks up to me.
“What?”
I shrug. “I just don’t wanna like, stand in your way or whatever.”
He shakes his head. “Stand in my way?”
“Yeah, like, if you wanted to start dating again or—”
“Yeah, okay, but I don’t, so?”
“But if you—”
“Okay, you know what?” he says, dragging a hand down his face. “If I wanna start dating again, I’ll tell you. Okay? Now, will you get the fuck inside?” He gestures at the door.
I swallow and walk past him inside. He locks the door behind us, drops the bag of subs and beer on the floor, and grabs my arm.
“Hey,” he says. “That goes for you too, you know.”
“What?”
“If you wanna get back out there, you tell me.”
“Yeah,” I say, kicking off my shoes.
“And if you think we can’t survive this, like you and me, for any reason, then tell me and we’ll stop. I like what we do, but I’m not losing my best friend over it, okay?”
I nod.
“Promise?”
I force a chuckle. “Cross my heart.”