60. Kaden
Kaden
I hate that I don’t know if Seth’s hands were trembling from the sex, or from being afraid of what I’d say about it when he reapplied the face cream. I saw that they were shaking the first time, and I hated that too.
I can’t even imagine how fucking exhausted he must be, trying to keep himself together when everything he does, everything he says is planned out beforehand. Straight acting, he called it. How fucked up is that?
I can’t even imagine what a fucking hell life must’ve been for him during those years to cause him to change everything about himself. If I ever get my hands on those people, I’m afraid of what I’d do.
I know some kids in my school were bullied, too. I know it happens, and I know most of us don’t do anything when it happens. I know I’m guilty of that.
I’ve seen kids being shoved into lockers, or having their lunch money stolen, or being the last to be picked in PE. I’ve seen that, and I didn’t do anything about it. And I was one of many who didn’t.
And thinking about that now makes me feel so awful and ashamed, I feel nauseous.
And if I let my mind go there, if I really let it wander down the dark path, I get all cold.
It makes me terrified to think that Seth could’ve been one of those kids who thought that this was all life had to offer, and that it wasn’t worth living.
And I can’t think about that without wanting to cry, or punch something, or throw up.
I glance at Seth by his station, and I feel like I won the fucking lottery.
He’s the best person I know, and I can’t imagine my life without him.
And I can’t for the fucking life of me understand how a person who can light up a room by just entering it, can have such a miserable past. If that’s not strength, then I don’t know what that is.
How he thinks I could ever see him as weak is a fucking mystery to me.
I’ve caught glimpses of what he calls his soft side—like when he misses Lou, and gets all needy and broody—and I appreciate it.
I like that he’s three dimensional because most people aren’t.
Or they don’t show it. And maybe that’s why I don’t like people in general, because they don’t let you see what’s on the inside.
And most people will lie to get what they want.
But I don’t want a picture-perfect facade.
I want the real deal, or nothing at all.
I’d rather have the ugly truth than a pretty lie.
“Kaden?”
“Huh?” I turn around, clocking Kit standing a few feet away from me, and by the look of his face, that wasn’t the first time he called my name.
“Rough night?” he says, flipping through papers in a binder.
You could say that. “Yeah, no, uhm,” I scratch my head, shaking it. “Yeah. Didn’t get much sleep.”
He closes the binder, hugging it. “I was thinking we should open up for drop-ins. Wanted to hear your thoughts about it.”
“Yeah, sure,” I nod.
“Yeah? You’re okay with that?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I frown.
He takes a step forward, glancing at Seth and his customer, lowering his voice.
“I know you’ve been struggling with the pandemic, and—”
“Yeah, no,” I shake my head. "It’s fine. Let’s do it!” I nod, pressing my lips together. I’m not fine with it, but I’ve been trying to relax and frankly, I can’t deal with this now.
Kit searches my face for a moment longer and nods. “Great! I’ll put the sign out tomorrow.”
He turns around, and takes a step but then he swirls around again. “How’s your neck, by the way?”
I frown a little, and then it hits me that I haven’t had any problems with it for… Months. Fuck, I haven’t even thought about it. Huh.
“It’s good. Better.”
“Did you ever see a masseuse?”
“Something like that.”
Two days later, we get our first drop-in.
And it’s none other than Jude—my dragon-back customer.
I can see him from my station, standing outside, looking in.
Moving his head this way and that, like he’s searching for something inside the studio.
Or he’s just a curious bastard, but he’s been here before.
On multiple occasions. Nothing new here, man.
My customer asks for a smoke break just then, and as he walks out, Jude wanders in, and goes straight up to the counter where Seth is. I can’t hear what they’re saying but Seth glances my way. I walk towards them, intent on grabbing a bottle of water from the mini-fridge behind the counter.
“Hey, man!” I say, clapping a firm hand on Jude’s shoulder, making him flinch.
“Hey! How’s it going?”
“Good, good!” I nod, grab a bottle of water and lean back against the wall, crossing my arms. “What’s up?”
“I was just telling Seth that I saw you’re open to drop-ins again, and I thought—” he throws his arms out. “—why not?" He chuckles, glancing at Seth.
“Yeah, uhm,” Seth says, scratching behind his ear. “I’m fully booked today, but Iggy can probably help you, or if you can wait, I’m sure Kade can—”
“Oh, uh, it’s no rush getting it done today,” Jude says, shaking his head, glancing at me.
I frown.
“Oh, okay.” Seth looks as confused as I feel.
“Yeah, no. I just remembered I’ve a thing actually, so.” Jude hefts his thumb behind him, clearing his throat. “But hey,” he gestures at Seth. “Maybe I could get your number and—”
Oh, this is awkward. It’s so fucking awkward, I get a little nauseous from it. A little tightening in my chest, even.
“Uh, our number’s on our website, but I can totally write it down for you, if you want?”
Seth pulls out a sketchpad, ripping off a piece of paper, and scribbles our phone number on it before handing it over to Jude who’s pressing his lips together, nodding.
“Great! That’s great!” He waves the note, biting his lips together. “Thanks! I’ll give you a call.”
He turns to leave at the same time as my customer comes back in. I dart my eyes between Seth and Jude’s back.
“Was that weird?” Seth asks, frowning.
I drag a finger across my lips, nodding. “Yep! But mostly because you didn’t realize he was asking for your number, not ours.”