78. Seth
Seth
Now playing: “Twin Flame” by MGK
I drop my duffel bag on the floor with a sigh and shrug off my jacket.
The trip back to San Diego took forever, with delayed flights and then there was some problem with one of the engines of the airplane, and we had to make a stop in Portland and wait for a connecting flight from there.
It’s been hell, and I just want to go to bed and sleep this day off.
I kick my shoes off and walk into my living room and come to a stop.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Kaden roars from where he stands by my couch. He’s wearing my white RTA hoodie, the one with the word SINNER printed on the front, and he looks… He looks wild. Still gorgeous but wild. And fucking ouch, my heart.
“What?” I exhale.
“You tell Kit about some family emergency and then you turn your fucking phone off? What the fuck is that? Do you know how worried I’ve been?”
I just shake my head, in shock of seeing him standing here, in my apartment, in my clothes. Are those my sweatpants?
“Where have you been?”
“Seattle.”
He scoffs, and drags a hand down his face, shaking his head before he comes around the coffee table and walks up to me.
He’s just a few feet away and I can smell my body wash on him.
My fabric softener, but he’s wearing his cologne and my heart aches at having him close to me again.
I’ve missed him. I’ve missed him so damn much and now he’s here and—
“What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you!” he all but shouts, arms thrown out. “For six fucking days, Seth! I’ve been here waiting for you for six fucking days! I’ve been driving myself mad and you’re off in Seattle with your fucking phone turned off?”
“You’ve been here?”
“Six days.”
I shake my head. “Why?”
He drops his head forward, shaking it. “Why?” he parrots, looking up at me. “Really?”
I frown, not following for a single second.
There’re dark circles under his eyes, his hair is messy like he’s run his fingers through it non-stop. And I think he’s shaking a little bit. He looks like hell. Because of you. You broke him, too.
“How long have you been in love with me?”
I startle. “What?”
“I wanna know when you knew that you were in love with me.”
I drop my gaze to the floor, shame coloring my cheeks. “Kaden.”
“Tell me.”
I rake my hand through my hair, scratching my eyebrow and shuffle into the kitchen. I grab a glass and get a drink of water to buy some time.
“Look,” I say, putting the glass on the counter and turning back to him. He’s behind the kitchen island, his eyebrows drawn low and his breathing shallow. “I’ll tell you anything you wanna know, but it’s been a long day. The flight was delayed and—”
He shakes his head, crossing his arms. “When did you know that you were in love with me?”
“Kade—”
He slams a hand down on the counter. “When did you—”
“I don’t know!” I snap, throwing my arms out. “Okay? I don’t know exactly when. I had a crush on you forever, but it was like… It came in waves. And I tried to reel it in, but I couldn’t and then you kissed me—”
“So, that’s when you knew?” he says, nodding and licks his lips. “The first time I kissed you?”
I sigh, dropping my shoulders and lean back against the counter. “I don’t know, Kaden.” I shake my head. I knew this was coming. I know this needs to be hashed out. I have to own up to my lies and—
“Bullshit!”
I snap my head up. “What?”
“That’s bullshit!”
I shake my head, frowning. “What do you—”
“You mean to tell me that it didn’t almost take you the fuck out?
You mean to tell me that realizing that you’re in love with your best friend didn’t fuck your head all up?
That it didn’t wake you up in the middle of the night, if you even could get any sleep to begin with?
That it didn’t make you question everything? ”
I just stare at him where he stands, chest heaving like he’s run a marathon and eyes wide.
“I haven’t slept for days,” he says, words coming out at rocket speed.
“I’ve barely eaten. I’m a fucking mess, Seth.
I’ve spent the last six days in your fucking apartment, waiting for you to come back, because you wouldn’t pick up your fucking phone so that I could tell you that I—” He stops himself, shakes his head and then drops his gaze to the floor.
“You just fucking left me there and then you turned your phone off.”
“I’m sorry.”
Kaden shakes his head, turning around as he rakes his fingers through his hair. Grunting, he takes a breath before he turns back around to look at me.
“Look,” he says, and I shift on my feet. “I’m gonna say a bunch of stuff now, but I’ve been in my head all week so…” He waves at his head. “Just listen. Okay?”
“Okay.” This is it. The final goodbye. Fucking fuck!
“I got scared. When you told me. I got scared ‘cause I felt like… I felt like I was losing you. And then I felt so fucking stupid ‘cause I should’ve known, you know? You’re my person, I should’ve known.” He nods, biting the inside of his cheek. “I didn’t know, okay?”
“I know.” I nod. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you—”
“No, I mean…” He drags his hands down his face; his breathing quickens as he talks.
“Fuck! You’re my best friend, and I didn’t know.
But then I did, and I always talk to you, but you weren’t here and I…
I need you. I’m a fucking mess without you.
” He throws his arms out. “You can’t just leave me, ‘cause… ‘Cause you’re mine, and I fucking need you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again because it’s the only thing I can think of. “I’m sorry I left, and—”
“It’s fine. I mean, it’s not but it is.” He squints his eyes, biting his bottom lip.
Then we just look at each other for a beat, and I clear my throat.
“So…” I swallow. Afraid I’ve got it all wrong because I can’t make sense of what he’s saying. “Does that mean you still wanna be friends?”
“Wha—” He looks a little taken aback as he shifts on his feet, narrowing his eyes. “Is that what you want?”
“Yeah. Of course. But…” I look down at my feet because how am I supposed to stand here, look him in the eye and tell him that we’ll probably never go back to just being friends again because I can’t let him go? That I’ll always love him?
I take deep breath, bracing myself. “I’m still in love with you, Kaden. I don’t think I can be friends with you right now.”
And the silence that follows—like I’ve let him down again—it fucking hurts. And it stretches until I can’t stand it anymore. It’s probably just a few seconds but it feels like forever, so I turn to look at him again, opening my mouth to say something—anything—but he beats me to it.
“Seth,” he says, frowning. He shifts on his feet and scoffs. “Are you not listening to me?”
“What?”
He throws his arms out. “I’m fucking in love with you, too.”
My eyes grow wide, my heart stops beating, and I exhale, “What?”
He shakes his head. “I’m in love with you, Seth.
” Snorting he says, “Don’t you get it? I’m so fucking in love with you, I can’t think straight.
” He walks around the kitchen island, eyes locked with mine and reaches for me.
Lacing our fingers together before he pulls my hand up to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
My eyes sting as I watch him, heart beating out of my chest.
“I’m sorry I’m so fucking slow,” he says, lips grazing my knuckles.
“I should’ve known long ago because you’re fucking everything to me.
And I might be out of my depth here, and I know it’s such a fucking cliché, but I’ve never felt like this before.
And maybe that’s why it took me so long to realize it, or maybe I’m just stupid but...
” He snorts and places a hand on my cheek, stroking his thumb over my cheekbone, down to my bottom lip, darting his eyes between mine.
“I don’t wanna be your fucking friend, Seth. I want more. ‘Cause I love you.”
Time stops as my stomach plummets, and the tears spill over my cheeks.
“What?” I whisper.
“I love you.”
I stare at him for a beat longer before I pull him into my arms and crush my lips to his. And he tastes like peppermint, and he smells like me and him. Like us.
His hands find my waist as he pulls me closer, driving his tongue deeper into my mouth. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him with everything I have. And there’re tears and probably snot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because Kaden loves me.
“Say it again,” I mumble against his lips.
He smiles, wiping a tear from my cheek and says, “I love—”
“I love you, too,” I say, and kiss him again. “I love you.” Another kiss. “I love you.”
We make our way into my bedroom, arms wrapped around each other, lips fused together, only breaking apart to get rid of our clothes.
Kaden kisses me everywhere, mumbling my name and apologies against my skin while moving his fingers inside me.
Aligning himself up, he strokes my thigh, and I wrap my legs around him. He clasps his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together beside my head, and pushes inside me.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispers against my lips. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
He licks my bottom lip, sliding his tongue inside and kisses me so deep, my toes curl. He moves inside me slow and deep, and grazes his lips down my jaw, my neck, collarbone.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he mumbles, squeezing my hand still intertwined in his.
“You’ll never lose me.” I squeeze his hand back. “I’m yours, Kaden. I’ve always been yours.”
He pulls back, and something flashes in his dark eyes as he looks at me. Picking up the pace, he says, “Say that again. Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m yours,” I whimper, my voice breaking. I drag my nails down his back, digging them deep into his skin.
His hair’s hanging over his eyes, a drop of sweat clings to the tip of his nose, and he looks at me with what looks like possession in his eyes. A jolt shoots through me, and I grab him by the back of his head, pulling his hair.
“And you’re mine,” I say, and he groans. Slamming his hips forward, driving into me with force, claiming me. He changes the angle, and my eyes roll back in my head, my back arches.
“Fuck! Kaden,” I moan as white hot pleasure ripples through me. I feel it everywhere.
“Look at me,” Kaden grunts. I open my eyes, staring straight into his, and I’m on fire.
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you.” I’m breathless, trembling beneath him, heart about to explode. Kaden kisses me hard, splaying his fingers over my throat and we fall right over the edge together.
A few minutes pass as we catch our breaths. Kaden’s shaking on top of me before he locks his eyes with mine. His hair is plastered against his forehead, sweat-slicked, and his cheeks are flushed as he places his hands on my head, his thumb grazing my cheek.
“What?”
“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, eyes flicking between mine. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Seth.”
I snort, running my fingers through his hair and down his jaw. “I’m covered in cum. And sweat.”
He nods. “Beautiful.”
I swallow. “I love you, Kaden. You have no idea how much I fucking love you.”
His smile stretches. “Uno reverse, baby.”