Chapter 18 Sam
SAM
Icatch the corner of her smile as she shuts the door. I pull my phone out of my pocket, seeing that I have a message from Red. It must have come in right before we left for her date.
@redreads
If this date doesn’t go well, I need to find some other way to gain experience. I’m tired of being the girl who reads about life and never goes out to live it.
I exhale. I can’t keep lying to myself and pretending I don’t know who Red is. As I’m debating how to respond to her, she sends another message.
@redreads
Sorry. I know this isn’t your problem. I’m just frustrated.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
Don’t apologize. How was the date? What kind of experience do you want?
I can hear her moving around behind the door, clothes being tossed on the floor. I close my eyes, wishing I could see her, wishing I could tell her that I’m Ropes and I want to be the one who helps her gain the experience.
@redreads
I read a lot of romance books. I’m worried that it’s all too good to be true.
I’ve had exactly one sexual experience, and it was so horrible; it ended up with the guy dying because he had forced himself on me and my brother killed him.
I’ve been terrified to try anything since because what if it goes wrong and he dies?
@ropesandchainsexciteme
Wow. That’s a lot to unpack. Your brothers sound intense.
Understatement of the century.
@redreads
You have no idea. This is so forward of me, but is there any chance you’d be willing to help me test the waters a little bit? You can say no, of course, and I’ll never bring it up again.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
You don’t even know what I look like. You sure you want to hook up with a guy before seeing him?
@redreads
I was thinking we could start with just … texting. Like spicy stuff. Maybe some salacious photos or something. I don’t really know how it works, but I like talking to you.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
You want to sext me?
@redreads
If you’re open to it.
I groan, leaning my head back against the wall of the hallway and exhaling.
I should say no. I should tell her to wait until she meets the right guy, one who wants to settle down and doesn’t have a fucked-up idea of love from his shit childhood with a neglectful addict for a mom and a revolving door of men, who sometimes left me alone and sometimes didn’t.
But she wants to gain experience. She made it clear she’s not looking for commitment. No one ever has to know.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
You just told me your brother killed the last guy who touched you, Red. Not exactly a glowing recommendation.
@redreads
I’m sorry … I shouldn’t have asked. I swear they’re never going to find out. This app is anonymous. I couldn’t tell them who you are if I wanted to.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
I’m not saying no.
I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste blood. Her text bubbles, indicating she’s typing, continue to pop up and disappear for what feels like ages.
@redreads
In that case … would some kind of incentive help you decide?
@ropesandchainsexciteme
I think so, yeah.
Not even ten seconds later, she sends a picture.
Fuck me.
I hold my breath. It’s a picture of her in my guest room bed, wearing one of her tiny little cotton PJ sets.
It’s a set I’ve never seen before. The fabric is white, with tiny pink bows all over it.
She’s clearly not wearing a bra because I can make out the outlines of her nipples.
The top is pulled up to show off the tan skin of her belly.
She’s lying down, twisted to the side, revealing just enough of her juicy ass to make my mouth water and blood rush to my groin.
The bottoms are basically boy shorts, way too tiny to be worn in front of anyone, especially with mouthwatering curves like hers.
The urge to see my ropes tied around her wrists overwhelms me.
The front of my jeans grows tighter just as the door to her room flies open. I hold my phone down to the side, eyes drifting up over her. I exhale and don’t move a muscle.
The real-life version of her is so fucking hot.
She has on white cotton socks, pulled up to the bottom of her calves, with fluffy pink slippers.
The picture didn’t show her face or hair, which is still piled up on her head.
She washed her makeup off, but her cheeks have a natural pink glow. Every inch of her is kissable.
And I don’t deserve to know what it would be like to touch her that way.
“Ready?” she asks.
I try to recover, turning to the side to cover what’s going on in my jeans.
Does she know I’m Ropes?
She can’t know. I haven’t given any hints.
I walk through the hall and make my way down the stairs toward the living room. I planned to change into sweatpants, but that’s out of the question now that I have this picture on my phone and she’s wearing that.
“Don’t you want to change into something more comfortable?”
I shake my head. We get down to the living room, and I grab the remote, sitting down in my recliner. I need to stop looking at her for a few minutes and force myself to calm down. I slowly inhale to the count of three before letting it out to the same count.
Dolly wants to sext Ropes. She doesn’t know he’s me. This is … unethical, at best. Gross and perverted, at worst. Possibly my death sentence.
I start scrolling through the movie options when I feel my phone buzz. She planted herself on the sofa, which means I can easily check my phone without her seeing the screen.
@redreads
Ahh, OMG, I’m sorry. Did my unsolicited picture completely freak you out?
@ropesandchainsexciteme
What? No. I’m trying to let my boner go down before I reply. You are incredibly sexy.
Great, now if I don’t respond and keep this going, she’s going to think it’s her fault … damn it.
@redreads
Oh … see, I’m so bad at this. I thought you’d be into it. I should have asked first.
Dolly stands up from the sofa.
“Where are you going?” I ask, finally looking at her.
There’s a growing pink rash on her chest, and her lips are trembling.
“I was gonna make popcorn. Do you want anything?” Her voice is quivering.
I shake my head. I force my eyes to stay on the TV screen as she walks by me toward the kitchen. My throat is dry as I wage war within myself on how to fix this and not make her think she’s somehow the problem here in this fucked-up dynamic.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
I’m more into it than you know. I’m trying to figure out how you’ve been left alone by the male population for this many years. You are incredibly stunning.
@redreads
You haven’t even seen my face yet.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
Lucky guess. Your body rivals Aphrodite, Red. My mouth is watering.
@redreads
I’m blushing hardcore over here. You really made me nervous. Can I see you?
I bite into the side of my cheek again. I don’t have a ton of photos of myself, and I’m not going to send anything too sexual to her. She’s still innocent, and I’m not going to be the one who changes that. I scroll through until I find something mild enough that won’t give away my identity.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
I’m with a friend right now, but here’s one from my camera roll.
I send her a photo from the last time I fought before Bruce beat my ass. I had bruises all over my upper back, and my grandfather insisted on sending a photo to his friend who was a nurse to see if I needed medical attention.
The photo was taken in his room, which I don’t think Dolly has ever been inside. I crop out my head so she can only see my back and shoulders and the plain white wall with an elk head mounted on it. My grandfather loved to take me hunting.
@redreads
Oh my gosh … muscles. You’re, like, stupid hot. What do you do for a living, bench-press cars? Why all the bruises?
I try not to smile at the compliment. This is twisted and fucked up, and you can’t go there with her. Put a stop to it.
My fingers don’t listen to my internal monologue.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
You’re sweet, Red. I got in a fight. I don’t want to corrupt a sweetheart like you. Maybe someone else would be better to get experience with. It has nothing to do with you not looking fucking delicious, trust me.
@redreads
I appreciate you being honest. But also, you seem perfect.
I’m sort of emotionally … unavailable right now.
I want someone hot to just talk dirty to me.
I need to distract myself from this other jerk I’ve had a crush on for forever.
I need to get over him. It doesn’t have to mean anything.
What if we promise to never show our faces or use our real names and just have some fun?
I wipe a hand over my face. Dolly returns with her popcorn and wine. She also brings me a cold beer, extending it out to me. Her fingers wrapped around the can makes me picture them wrapped around something else.
“Thanks,” I tell her, forcing my eyes back to the TV without looking into her eyes. I can’t face her right now.
She’s talking about me. I’m the jerk who makes her feel unwanted. I’m the jerk who won’t cross that line with her.
Maybe this is how I can make it up to her. Sexting her might just give her the confidence she needs to get over her childhood crush on me that can never turn into anything more. I’m still detached from that side of myself. Dolly deserves better than the orphan incapable of love.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
All right, Red. You got a deal. Strictly online only, okay? I’ll be your anonymous sexting buddy. Let me just start by saying, if I were given one last meal on earth, it would be the one you have right between those thighs because all I can think about is how much I wish I could taste you.
The gasp from across the living room is all I need to hear to know this plan is going to end in disaster.