Chapter 28
Quill
Pen Name
First Day At School
Carlos Rafael Rivera
The next two weeks passed far too quickly, which was perhaps because I spent my evenings with Thomas, Lara, and her hyperactive four-legged friend wandering through the parks and streets of the small town, and during the day I spent all my time at Maplecrest either writing like a madwoman in the law library, consuming far too much coffee, or observing students and professors in lectures.
The latter proved to be amusing, because every professor – even my brother, who had slowly gotten used to me attending his lectures – played the students off against each other to filter out their gems for the debates.
While Troy had been down to just three candidates by the end of last week – namely Zach, an older student, and, surprisingly, Lucas – my brother explained to me every morning in the car that he would choose discreetly and fairly, without provocative competitions, and wanted to foster potential that the other professors overlooked.
My father had announced today that he had already chosen his candidate, and everyone was wondering who it could be, because he hadn't even confided in my brother.
Old Fitzek seemed to be staying out of the debate madness, watching his elite prepare to tear each other's throats out.
I would have loved to watch, but the research phase for my book came to an end and I couldn't afford to stay here any longer. Neither financially nor mentally.
On the one hand, there was my father, who stared at me during every lecture as if he wished he had used proper contraception.
Arnold, on the other hand, watched me from his eagle's nest as if I were rotten carrion, and he had yet to decide whether to pounce on it or let it rot further.
My tally list in Troy's lecture hall had risen to seventeen today, and I was the talk of the campus.
On top of that, people were sticking gum with messages like slut, smudge, or get out of here in my notebooks or on my back.
Professor Thadd?us Faber had returned my test a few days ago and announced to my fellow students that I was the only one who had scored only half the points.
Lucas' dirty grin had given him away. He must have snatched my paper and changed my answers that day when I had followed Zach.
If I weren't leaving Maplecrest University in a few days to look for apartments in three other states, I would have shown him that this was something one only did to me once.
Monica was the only person on campus who asked me how I was doing whenever we ran into each other or had lectures together. And she was the one it hurt the most to lie to.
Today, for the first time, she had asked me about my academic performance, and I felt terrible for making an extra effort to impress her.
For her first test, I had spent three nights burying my head in books until I had fallen asleep between them, and it had actually been enough to get seventy-six percent.
I had thought that would be good enough, but she had immediately invited me to her office and asked me if I was lacking practice materials, as if she wasn't satisfied.
Of course, she hadn't said that, had thanked me for giving this a chance, but she had given me tons of practice exercises to take home.
It would eat away at me to disappoint her, which was why I was glad that I would soon never have to look her in the eye again.
And then there was Davian...
I couldn't help but think back to that rainy afternoon when I had entrusted him with my pen name.
Something I hadn't even shared with Thomas or Lara because it felt like a personal fragment of my soul.
Something fragile that had crept up on me at some point, yet was so crystal clear to me, as if it had always been part of my existential fabric.
I would have loved to stay with him in that damn pile of leaves, holding his hand for all eternity, but the moment he had wanted to give me his suit jacket had left such a longing pain in me that I had had to put distance between us to prevent something more fatal from happening.
We had barely crossed paths in the last two weeks, except in lectures and practice debates. Only once, but he had been talking to Anthony and I had done my best to take three steps back as inconspicuously as possible and go the other way.
I missed our conversations every spare minute I had.
At night, thoughts of him were the only ones that stilled my tears when I imagined his suit jacket lying next to me.
Those were the only moments when I allowed myself such thoughts.
The only reason I allowed them at all was because I had nothing to lose, as I would soon be leaving this place and all those few precious memories behind me.
Other than that, I tried to repress the fact that he existed and was probably often only a few corridors or rooms away while I had worked my way through all his literature recommendations.
That he was walking beside me, as he was at that very moment, was just my imagination when I was reminiscing.
I flinched, stopped, and looked at him in shock.
“Davian.”
Beth’s Story
Carlos Rafael Rivera
He smiled gently, and immediately the swarm of moths, which had been far too restless over the past few nights, came back to life.
That goddamn white shirt with the rolled-up sleeves...
What was he doing here?
“Do you have a few minutes?”
I would skip all my remaining lectures if he asked me to, but of course I wouldn't tell him that.
I nodded and his smile returned, before he led me to a secluded park where no one was around, between buildings that looked abandoned.
A storm was raging inside me that I had to control. One that seemed to have forgotten that we were now friends, and that messed with all kinds of bodily functions in me.
“If Lara had a boyfriend, you'd tell me, right?” I raised an eyebrow, squinting at him, and the blush on his forehead as he held my gaze, as if afraid of my answer, made me grin. “That's what friends do, after all. “
Friends. Right.
“Yes...” I looked up at him sideways with a smile. “Except Lara has the long-term friendship bonus.”
He looked at me with mock indignation.
“Is there such a thing as an author friendship bonus?” My grin intensified. “Or one for special friends?”
My heart skipped a beat it shouldn't have.
“Special friends?”
He hesitated.
“Friends with...” ...mutual attraction, forbidden desires, shared lust.
The memories of his tongue on my neck and his hands on my thighs came back to me, accompanied by heat in my cheeks that traveled down to my core.
“...a deeper understanding.”
So that's what he called it.
“I would never betray Lara like that.” My smile returned. “But don't worry: there's no bad biker boy who kidnaps your daughter at four in the morning and takes her to secret gang meetings.”
“How reassuring...”
He didn't sound reassured at all, so I became more serious.
“There's no one. Why do you ask?”
“She wants to move out.”
He stared down at the path before him.
“Did she say that?”
“No. Which makes it even worse. I found a newspaper clipping with apartments.”
“You don't want her to leave.”
He looked at me, his gaze thoughtful. “Am I too clingy?”
“I wish I'd had a father like you.” I bit my tongue. “So... what I mean is...” His staring at me from beside me didn't make it any better. “I would have liked to have had someone who cared about me the way you care about Lara.” My cheeks burned. “I'm not a good advisor when it comes to fathers.”
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't burden you with this.”
“You're not. And I can reassure you. Lara is just looking for an apartment for Monica.”
He stopped.
“What?”
I explained to him that Monica was planning to sell her family estate because it was too big for her. As Monica had told me personally, it was another one of those estates that a former wealthy German war refugee had had built here. Her father. A deceased Nazi.
“Why so pensive?”
He shook his head and we continued walking.
“Monica could have asked me for help. I know real estate agents in the area.”
He told me about their long-standing friendship, about how she had once been friends with Joseph before something had driven the two of them apart, which didn't surprise me in the slightest. Then I learned things that Lara had already told me. That Monica had taken care of her like a grandmother.
Whenever they hadn't seen each other for a few days, Monica would ask Lara about Davian. The three of them often met for dinner, sometimes even with my brother, and I mourned the found family I had never had and would never have.
“On to something more important...” Davian cleared his throat, ran his hand over his Adam's apple, and stared at the road. “You're leaving town soon, aren't you?”
There it was. The real reason he had come to see me. At least, I hoped so.
If he hadn't come to see me, I would have gone to him.
He deserved a goodbye.
The mere thought of it drove me crazy.
“I have to.”
“Does Lara know?”
Ouch.
“I think the answer makes me a bad friend.”
With clenched teeth, I watched him kick a stone away.
“Before I knew you, Lara often told me about you. About how she had a friend who climbed onto rooftops with her, played pranks on teachers, broke into pharmacies at night...”
He smiled into the void.
“Lara often told me that you didn't want me around her.”
All these years, he had known of my existence without knowing me.
“Because I didn't know the whole story. But that's not what I wanted to say.” I tried to ignore my loudly pounding heart. “I never forbade her from seeing you. You were the only friend who was always there for her, and I really appreciate that.”
If only he knew what a burden I had been to his daughter. An emotional wreck with mood swings that must have driven his daughter to the brink of despair and worry.