Chapter 36 Julia
THIRTY-SIX
JULIA
“That’s adorable,” Sofia gushed as she pulled a mobile from a box. My friends had arrived shortly after noon to help me put the final touches on the nursery.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use that word before,” I said, coming to look. But Sofia was totally right. The mobile with cows, chickens, and pigs in bright colors couldn’t be described any other way.
“Perfect,” Melody declared. She and Caitlin were both there as well.
Amy had wanted to come but ended up in a meeting with the two Bobs.
Bob Jackson and Bob McCall both sat on the town council and argued like an old married couple.
According to Amy, at least this time, they hadn’t come to blows like they had in the diner.
“Should I hang it up for you?” Sofia asked.
I couldn’t answer for a moment since I was fighting back tears. I was so emotional, which wasn’t like me. I blamed it on the combination of pregnancy, cute baby things, and a broken heart. “I’d like that. You’ll have to put a hook in the ceiling.”
“I’ll help. Where’s the crib going?” Melody asked.
The crib was one of the few items on the baby registry that hadn’t shown up yet. Package by package, the rest of my list had arrived on my doorstep, brought by Jake.
“Over there.” I pointed to a sunny corner.
“I’ll grab the stepladder,” Melody volunteered. She was back a couple minutes later. “Here?” She held the hook against a spot on the ceiling.
“That’s good.” I watched while my friends suspended the mobile and imagined when my baby would lie beneath it in the crib.
The thought warmed my heart, but also brought some sorrow because those were moments I wouldn’t share with the baby’s daddy.
We seemed destined to love and raise our child separately.
That thought brought on sadness I couldn’t fight and despite my best efforts, the tears came. I was unable to stop them.
“Whoa. What’s the matter?” Caitlin asked, coming to me.
“It’s Jake.” I sank down in the rocker, which had received a fresh coat of oil and looked better than it had in years. “I haven’t seen him in nearly a month, yet he’s been so good to me.”
Caitlin lowered herself into the only other chair in the room. “I know he’s bought these things, but what else?”
“We’ve been talking. Not in person,” I clarified. “Through email or text. We’ve even managed a few phone calls without sniping at each other. They’ve been good conversations, the kind I always wanted to have with him. We’ve even managed to work out some of our differences.”
“Like what?” Sofia asked. True to her nature, she wanted proof. I had confided in Sofia the most during the past months, but I hadn’t told her everything. That day, I felt like pouring out my heart.
“We compromised on several things lately,” I said, “like when to officially announce the pregnancy.”
“Good—I’m glad he pushed you on that. You’d have waited until just before delivery,” Sofia teased.
“And Jake would have informed the world the second I told him about the baby,” I said.
“But last week we agreed to quietly announce it to the people who hadn’t already figured it out.
And then a few days ago, we decided that the baby would have two middle names, one that I chose and one that he did.
We even narrowed our list of first names to five boy ones and five girl ones. ”
“Glad he can play nice,” Sofia said. My closest friend knew how much Jake’s actions had hurt me.
“And I heard him discussing the baby shower with Laura,” Caitlin added. “She wanted a big to-do, and I think he did too, but he told her that wasn’t what you wanted, and that the two of you agreed to a small shower.”
“He told me he spoke to her about the party,” I said. I disliked being the center of attention, so I’d been worried about the shower. Jake had understood and accommodated my preferences, so I was happy.
“None of that explains why you’re in tears,” Sofia said. “It seems like things are going well with Jake.”
“Because…because he is listening to me.” I rubbed one hand over my baby bump. “I’m feeling better about our ability to coparent, and he’s being so great that it’s…”
“Making it harder to get over him?” Caitlin suggested.
“Yes,” I said, grateful for friends who understood. “I ended things because I thought we could never find common ground, that he’d never be able to change, but now… Early this morning, he dropped off those boxes on the porch.” I gestured to two unopened cartons in the corner.
“He took a minute to play with Fay and Wellington before he left, and I almost opened the door to him.” My hand had been on the knob as I’d watched him from the window.
He didn’t know I was there, but just seeing him with my dogs made my heart hurt so much.
I’d admitted to myself how much I wanted to be with Jake, wanted his arms around me, wanted him in my life.
Not only for the baby, but for me.
But I was still afraid that it wouldn’t be good for either of us in the long term. He seemed to be changing, but how could I be sure those changes would last? How could I be sure my heart would be safe with him?
So I’d stayed still until he’d driven away, and then I’d wept for what could have been.
Finally, I’d dried my tears, convinced that I’d done the right thing.
He was making compromises for the baby, which showed that he’d be a great dad, and that was what mattered. We’d be co-parents—and nothing more.
“I’ll make you a cup of tea,” Melody said, touching me lightly on the shoulder as she walked past. “You’re going to be okay.”
I nodded as I stood and pulled myself together. “I guess we should get back to work. I’m going to put the sheets and towels in the dresser. Will you two open the last of the boxes?” I asked Caitlin and Sofia.
While I worked to organize the drawers, Sofia slit open a small box. “It’s not baby stuff,” she announced.
“What is it?” I glanced their way. I hadn’t left anything at Jake’s house for him to return, so I couldn’t imagine what it would be.
“CDs.” Sofia brought the box to me and set it on top of the dresser. “Take a look.”
I pulled a stack of CDs from the box. Some of them were older and a few had cracked cases, but there was a stickie note attached to each. I began reading them. The first note said, Listen to track three when you’re missing your dad. Oh, that was sweet of him.
I moved onto the next CD. Track nine is all about remembering who you are and not losing yourself in someone else. I smiled, finally certain that he’d heard me when I spoke about my fears of being swallowed up as my mom had been.
I continued through the stack to another note.
Letting people do their own thing is the theme of track two.
Check out the refrain. It’s about how there’s more than one right way to live.
Did that mean he was changing his views?
Was he starting to understand that he didn’t have to follow someone else’s plan?
The last note read simply, The whole album makes me think of you. His simple words made my heart hurt so much.
“More non-baby items.” Sofia brought me another box and placed it in front of me.
I reached inside and found a book on top.
A Business Plan for Rural Veterinary Clinic Success.
A thoughtful gift and timely. Underneath, I found three pairs of my favorite brand of scrubs in a size bigger than I usually wore, and a fleece jacket with the name of my practice embroidered on the chest. A note was pinned to the front.
For those cold mornings when someone needs your help.
“Nice,” Caitlin commented. My friends had all clustered around by then to see.
“Just why exactly aren’t you dating him anymore?” Melody asked in a quiet voice.
“I had a good reason.” Many good reasons.
I stared at the items spread out on the dresser top and wondered how valid my reasons were now.
Everything in front of me showed that he’d been listening to me.
He knew what mattered to me, what made me happy, what worried me.
And at the same time, he wasn’t taking my choices away.
He wasn’t jumping in to decide how my problems should be handled, he was simply giving me help along the way.
Was it possible that he’d changed? A glimmer of hope was blooming inside me, but I had to be cautious, too.
There was no indication that he’d gotten over his obsession with running the ranch exactly like his brother had, but at least he’d figured out how to listen.
And that meant something to me. Those boxes of gifts had been about making my life better, not the baby’s, even though our romantic relationship had ended.
“I’m not so sure anymore, though,” I admitted.
He wasn’t perfect, but he was trying, and I appreciated that more than I’d have thought I would.
I suddenly felt like I could breathe freely for the first time in weeks at the realization that he could be what I’d always wanted—a partner in life.
I finally said aloud what I’d been thinking, “I do want him back.”
“Thank God,” Caitlin said, making me smile. But the happiness was followed by panic.
“What if I’ve waited too long and lost my chance with him?” I asked my friends.
“Relax. I’m trained to follow the evidence,” Sofia said with a nod toward the gifts on the dresser. “And all this indicates that the man wants to be with you.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, worry eating at me.
“Trust me, sweetie,” Caitlin said. “I’ve seen Jake. He’s a wreck without you. All you have to do is reach out to him.”
“I hope you’re right,” I said, feeling only marginally better.
It occurred to me that Jake wasn’t the only one who had to prove readiness for a real relationship.
I’d have to show him that I understood my own culpability for our fight—that I wouldn’t give up on us too quickly, that I wouldn’t leave him again the next time we disagreed.
Even though he’d gone about it the wrong way and managed to stick his foot in his mouth enough times to cause bruises, he’d also been the only one fighting for us, and I needed to fix that.
“Let’s finish this up, so you can talk to Jake,” Sofia said. Over the next hour, we got everything in place in the nursery. While we worked, I wondered if the baby would ever sleep in the room, but it felt right finishing the job.
After my friends left, I sat in the rocker again and picked up my phone to call Jake.
I wanted to ask him to come over here so we could talk about our relationship and what we both wanted.
But I hesitated, fearing that it couldn’t be so simple.
My eyes went to the baby items in the room.
He’d been dropping off packages for a month, and I hadn’t once opened my door to him.
That had to have hurt him. I slumped back.
Would he believe I’d just changed my mind about us? Would I be so quick to believe or forgive if the situation were reversed? No, I’d take some convincing. I needed to prove my commitment to him. But how?
All I’d want was a quiet, sincere conversation, but Jake wasn’t like that. He’d want more of a show, a grand gesture. That was who he was. Could I do that? How would I do that? Ask him out to karaoke night and sing him a song? My palms got sweaty just thinking about it.
A text came in at that moment. It was a Poplar Springs alert message, reminding everyone of the town’s annual talent show in two days and that tickets were still available. Insight hit me. The event could be perfect for what I wanted to do. The prospect was terrifying…but for Jake, I would do it.
I didn’t let myself hesitate before dialing Amy’s number. Our town mayor was helping to organize the show as a fundraiser for Pop High’s drama and music programs.
“Hi,” Amy answered. “Sorry I couldn’t come over today. I wanted to, but work, you know.”
“That’s okay,” I said and then forced myself to go on. “Are there any performance slots left for the talent show?”
“Actually, yes—we have one because we had a cancellation this morning. Why?”
“I want it.” My stomach rolled, and I had to swallow down my nerves.
“Sure.” Amy sounded surprised. “I’ll pencil you in. What kind of act?”
“I’ll be singing.” Painfully and poorly, but I was going to do it.
“Great. I’ll email you the information.”
“Thanks, Amy,” I said and hung up. I had another call to make and dialed again. “Caitlin?”
“Hi, sweetie. You sound weird. Is something wrong?” Caitlin’s concern was instant. “Do you need me to come back to your place?”
“No, I’m okay. I need a favor, though. Can you and Brian make sure that Jake goes to the talent show on Friday evening? You’re planning to be there, right?”
“Brian believes it his duty to make an appearance at town events, so we’re going,” Caitlin said. I could practically hear her eyeroll through the phone. “What are you planning? No, wait, you don’t have to tell me. I promise Jake will be there.”
“I can’t thank you enough.” I ended the call and added to myself. “Jake Thorne, you better be worth it.”
In my heart, I knew he was.