Chapter 40
LILY
It’s the first day I’ve been back to the shop, and I've been dreading it. Except when I open the door, it appears to have been perfectly managed in my absence. I flick the light on, shocked that the plants haven’t wilted.
Only half of them remain, which means someone’s been throwing them out. I look out the window, where Sky stands, casually smoking a cigarette. I don’t even have it in me to reprimand him because having him loitering there like that is bad for business.
When I come to a stop at the front counter, my heart drops as I notice a cup of my favorite iced tea, condensation dripping down the side, indicating it hasn't been there that long.
I gnaw at my bottom lip, knowing who's been maintaining the shop and left this tea.
Beside it is a small red box from Cartier. I place my handbag to the side and open the box, revealing a pair of pink pearl earrings. No name. No card.
My stomach flutters because, in truth, they’re beautiful, but it’s not the present itself that has my emotions twisting.
It’s knowing that he’s still all around me, even when I cursed and shoved at him.
He’s still here, as imposing as he was when I first asked him to stop shadowing me.
Except now, as much as I hold on to the hate I have for him, I miss him.
Amidst everything, he’s still the one person I want to curl into just for a moment of peace.
I’m not the same woman I was six months ago, and as crazy as these few months have been, I’m grateful for that, and a huge part of that transformation is credited to the man I’ve forsaken.
The front bell jingles, and I snap the box shut. My heart races with anticipation, but I’m somewhat disappointed when I turn and find Ara standing there. Not because I don’t want to see her, but because I was expecting, almost hoping, for the giver of this present.
“Hey!” I hide the box behind my back. “Sorry, I haven’t stopped by. It’s been busy.”
“I’m sorry too. I’ve been busy, as well, but I needed to come see you to apologize.” It’s strange to see this woman, who struggles to make time for herself, let alone others, show up in my shop, wanting to apologize. Especially when this situation wasn't her fault.
“You don’t have to apologize, Ara.” I place the box on the counter. “I know what your husband asked Lorenzo to do,” I say, addressing the elephant in the room.
“My husband is an asshole. I just wish I’d known sooner. I don’t want you to think I’ve taken advantage of you in any of this. And if you do, I don’t blame you. I just want you to know, whatever you need, simply let me know what it is, and I’ll make it happen. I want to make it up to you.”
I’m listening as I glance around the shop, my oasis that kept me busy and passionate for years. It feels so small, almost nostalgic now. As Ara apologizes, I can’t help but notice the change in me. I’ve always admired Ara for her bluntness and ability to command a room.
Perhaps I was envious even. I don’t feel that any longer, understanding we’re still both just women in a man’s world. The difference is, I no longer feel weak because of it.
“If I’m being honest, Ara, I don’t really care about my father’s businesses.
And as for my brother, he’s lucky I still care about him at all.
” I do love my brother, but I won’t tolerate his bullshit anymore either.
I let that slide for too long with my father, and I will never make that mistake again.
Not for any man. Not for anyone. “In a way, I guess your husband is actually getting me out of a pickle, you know, with someone trying to kill me and all.”
Her brow wrinkles slightly, as if she's confused by my casual response. Silence fills the air, and her hand comes to rest on her stomach. I offer her the stool behind the counter, but she smiles and politely refuses.
“You’ve changed.”
“I have,” I admit. It’s strange to have it recognized by someone other than myself. Once, I might’ve sought that outside validation, and yet, I don’t feel the need anymore. “I’ve changed a lot.”
Ara smiles, deciding to take the seat as she looks at her watch. I know she’s a busy woman, and I can tell by the way Tony peers inside that he realizes they’re going to be longer than expected. His face drops as he looks at Sky, who is clearly antagonizing him about something.
I walk around the counter and bring some flowers from the back room to the front. Not one thing is out of place. It’s as if the shop wasn’t even closed for a day.
Ara seems curious about the red box on the counter, but doesn’t ask about it. “Apparently, Romi left the house today for the first time.”
“Good. I’ve been worried about her.” Still am, because I know she hasn’t been the same since her roommate's death. “I wanted to come in and do a bouquet for her.” Not that flowers ever replace those who have been lost, but it’s always been the place I’ve been able to express my condolences.
“I’ve been worried about her too,” Ara says quietly, tapping a manicured nail on the edge of the counter, seeming impatient. She’s not a woman who often stops, but when she speaks next, I realize it's more to do with the question on her mind.
“Have you spoken to Lorenzo?”
I’m sure she has some insight as to how our conversation went last night.
“Besides last night, telling my brother to sign the contract, and that I basically hated his guts… nope.”
Ara slowly nods, her hand rubbing her stomach. A small part of me wonders what it’s like to be pregnant, to be married, and start a family. Although I now know that Ara and Luca were far from a fairy-tale romance, I can’t help but be slightly envious.
“How did you know Luca was the one for you?” I ask curiously as I begin to put purple and black flowers together. “Knowing who he is and what he does for a living, why did you decide to remain with him?”
She studies me for a few moments, and I know that’s when Ara has been caught off guard by a question. She’s not someone who is often vulnerable either.
“Sometimes, I don’t think we get a choice in how we feel.
I’d cut so many people out of my life, and I was even willing to die for my revenge.
You have it twisted if you thought I was anything good when Luca and I met.
I was fueled by so much hatred that, honestly, he was the first person, in his own sickening way, to remind me of what love was.
It was a small step toward the growth I had to make, but I decided to follow where it led me.
He infuriates me. We fight just as much as we make up, but I know he’s my person. I just know.
"There’s something attractive about knowing the man you choose is literally willing to take a bullet and die for you. Devotion like that is not something that should be overlooked.”
My hand pauses as I go to clip the stem of a black rose.
Devotion.
A man willing to die for you.
He’s my person.
All of these I can attribute to someone who, although he isn’t here with me, seems to have marked every corner of my life with his overbearing presence.
When I look up at Ara, I know she’s been intentional with every word.
She slides off the stool, holding her belly. “I wanted to drop by and let you know Lorenzo is dealing with Nicholas Wayne tomorrow, so you won’t have to worry about being a target any longer. Luca has also offered Lorenzo a job in Italy. He’ll be due to fly out in a few weeks when he takes over.”
My heart stops.
He's leaving?
I should be elated, yet an immediate panic consumes me. I should be grateful I’ll never see him again. But my heart and logic express different things.
He can’t leave me.
He can’t leave me?
What the fuck am I thinking?
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask, hating how small my voice comes out.
I do miss him.
And I hate that type of power he has over me.
It doesn’t make sense to love the man who killed my father and used my family for a business deal to please his boss, so he could what… get a promotion?
Then I begin running the list of all the sweet gestures he’s made.
Regardless, it’s simply how I feel when I’m with him.
I hate him now for the suffering he’s caused me, and it’s fucked-up that I still yearn for him.
“I wanted to make sure you knew so you could make a choice,” she says.
“I’ve already made my choice.”
She nods agreeably. “Yes, but I wonder how authentic that choice is. Is it the one you’ve made for yourself or the one you think you should make? I know he hurt you, Lily, but he’s also done everything for you. I’m overstepping, but he’s risked everything for you.”
I scoff. “He hasn’t risked anything for me.”
Ara looks at me pointedly when she adds, “He could’ve been killed for prioritizing you over Luca's demands. On numerous occasions, actually.” My eyebrows furrow because Lorenzo never told me about any of this.
“Didn’t you warn me away from Lorenzo? More than once?” I remind her.
She looks over her shoulder at me with a half-smile as she reaches the door.
“Who said I’m not still doing that? But I also think it’s important you make this decision for yourself, not for anyone else.
You. I’m here for you no matter what you decide.
I just wanted you to know that the fucker's miserable, and it hasn’t been easy on him either. ”
A heavy weight settles in my chest. This whole time, I’ve been protecting myself, as I felt like everyone I loved was betraying me.
And Lorenzo did betray me. I let too many people do that—even my family.
The difference, however, is that Lorenzo never walked out on me.
And he’d always done what he thought was best for my protection.
Something shifts within me, causing confusing feelings to bubble up.
I can’t make an exception for him. I mean, he literally killed my father.
A father you don’t miss.
I try to cling to that thought. Because what kind of person does that make me if I stand by him after all he’s done?
Or maybe I’m using this as an excuse because I haven’t fully accepted the fact that I’ve fallen in love with a killer. And I can’t move forward without either fully embracing that part of him or denying it.
“The earrings are beautiful, by the way,” Ara comments, bringing me back to the room.
“When did you look at them?” I ask, shocked by the open box on the counter.
The jingle of the bell chimes as she opens the door, but right before she leaves, I call out for her. She pauses, watching me expectantly. “How do you forgive the man who killed your father?”
She offers a small smile. “I’m the wrong person to ask. I put a bullet through the man’s brains who murdered my mother, remember?” she replies, and a shudder runs through me, goose bumps rising on my flesh.
Much like Lorenzo, this is a part of who Ara is. But I so easily accept it about her. I’m shocked but also immediately accepting as she opens up this cold and cruel tendril of her past.
“I loved my mother. And the man I love was willing to give me her killer's head on a silver platter. At his own expense, he showed me he was fighting in my corner. Lorenzo is dangerous, Lily, but he would go to great lengths to set the world on fire for you, if you only asked him.”
She’s quiet for a moment, then continues, “Had I known about your father and his… vices, I would’ve killed him myself.
” It feels strange that others now know his true nature, yet unlike before, I have no urge to defend him.
She casually shrugs. “That’s how I love.
Only you can decide if you feel like it’s right or wrong. ”
My jaw tightens as I'm once again in awe of her. I don’t condone violence, but she lives fiercely and passionately. She knows who she is, unapologetically. So why can I embrace this part of her but not the same in Lorenzo?
His hurt is different.
Because I love him.
I internally sigh with the bombardment of the very narrative I’ve been trying to run away from.
I might not be as ruthless as Ara, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be a part of their world.
After all, my choices and life are of my own making, and when I think about where I want to be or who I want to be with… my heart screams only one name.
It’s fucked-up.
Maybe the craziest choice I’ve ever made.
There’s no guarantee it was ever requited. Maybe his gifts and lingering presence are only part of a twisted game.
But in my heart, I doubt that.
It’s time I stopped blaming Lorenzo for ignoring my wishes and thanked him for listening to the small part of me that was crying for help.
I swallow hard, acknowledging that major difference.
Instead of defending the dead man who only ever wanted to keep me caged and hurt me, I should thank the man who did everything he could to free and protect me.
Whether he’ll accept me or not.