Chapter 41
LORENZO
Lily has become my obsession, and I’m checking my phone every few minutes, updating myself on her location. Since the moment I realized she was on her way here, I’ve been standing at the end of the driveway, waiting for her.
I just finished bagging the twenty million to hand over to Nicholas Wayne, who accepted the invitation personally to receive it. I had the intention to stop by her shop to check on her from a distance, but it appears she’s made my work easier for me.
She pulls into the driveway in the Mustang she’s recently taken a liking to.
It’s so opposite to the pink floral dress she wears, but it suits her.
The moment she steps out of the car, relief washes through me.
There’s always a heavy feeling in my gut when she’s not within reach.
I trust the hound to keep her safe, but I also believe no one is better at the task than myself.
Sky pulls up on his motorcycle shortly behind her, and that light-hearted thought quickly evaporates into irritation. I walk down the driveway, speaking to him before addressing her.
“Leave,” I growl.
“You told me to never leave her side and to protect her with my life. I’m just doing what you—”
“Leave,” I reiterate, sick of this little punk's antics. My gaze slices to Lily, whose mouth is slightly parted.
The hound grumbles under his breath but does as he’s told, jumping back onto his motorcycle.
“You’re a bossy asshole, you know that?” Is the first thing that comes out of her mouth.
I look down on the little Goody Two-shoes who folds her arms over her chest. Swear words have slowly trickled into her vocabulary, and I can’t help but feel smug that it’s most likely from my influence. “I distinctly remember a time when you quite liked being told what to do.”
A flush of red streaks her cheeks. “I also remember how that pushed me away. You doing what you want with no regard for how I feel.”
A breeze sweeps between us, and I notice the goose bumps that immediately erupt over her skin. I want to invite her inside, offer her comfort, since lately I’ve only seemed to give her pain.
“You know where I stand, sweetheart. As long as you’re safe, I don’t care how much you hate me. I’ll die like that.”
The movement in her throat as she swallows gives her nervousness away, and my gaze softens.
How I love this woman.
Her kindness, her softness.
All of the things I can never manage to be are what I admire about her the most.
“Sounds like a lonely death.”
“One I’ve always imagined for myself.”
And that’s the truth. I never imagined wanting a family of my own, a person to turn to in confidence, or ever needing any kind of comfort.
But this woman weaved herself into my heart so effortlessly, it’s terrifying to imagine if she ever gave me a chance, what else she might be capable of.
One thing's for certain—I’d never let her go.
I might not be capable of being a Prince Charming, but I’ll certainly flip the world upside down to give her everything she could ever want, if only to have her look at me in the way she once did, with that benevolent smile pointed in my direction.
She seems unsure as to what to do with her hands. She goes to speak, but then her mouth closes again.
I attempt to say something, but then for the first time ever in my life, I’m not sure what to say.
I want to say the right thing.
Do the right thing.
But it always feels so out of my reach when it comes to this woman.
She feels out of my grasp.
“I’m coming with you tomorrow to deal with Nicholas. This is my family drama. I want to see it through to the end,” she finally says defiantly, as if trying to push away the tension that ripples between us.
I hold back a laugh. “You’re not coming with me, sweetheart. Who told you about the exchange anyway?” There’s no fucking way I’m putting her in harm's way. Even with every precaution that we have, I’m not taking her anywhere near the people who have been trying to kill her.
“Why? Doubting your skills to keep me safe?”
“Watch it,” I growl, because if there’s one thing I pride myself on, it’s keeping this woman safe. If only she had better sense to watch what she says, then she might not get herself into so much trouble.
She casually shrugs. “I have my sources. And it wasn’t a request, or are you yet again going to ignore my wishes?”
I lick my lips. This little brat. “That would involve you sitting in a car with me, and last I checked, you can’t even stand being in the same hemisphere as me.”
“Yet, here we are,” she sasses back, begging to be punished.
“Yet, here we are.”
Another awkward tendril of tension mixes in the air.
“Were you going to speak to me before going to Italy?” she asks in a rushed breath.
How the fuck does she know about that?
Not even the little dipshit hound would know about that yet. And then it dawns on me. Ara would be the only other person to know.
“It would’ve been the easiest way,” I admit, and her face twists furiously, but I finish before she can spew bloody murder. “However, I haven’t yet accepted.”
“Oh.”
More silence, then, “But you will, won’t you?”
Most in my position would jump at an opportunity like that.
Hell, it’s not like Luca exactly asked, though; it was an order.
But there’s one thing that keeps me here.
It has no logic. No profit. Not even comfort, knowing that part of me wants to stay in the same city as this hellfire of a woman who can’t stand me.
I simply need to know she’s close by and safe.
“Why do you care?” I ask.
She scoffs. “Well, sorry, I thought I deserved a better explanation than that, but if I don’t even get that, then I guess that’s all I have to say.” She turns and opens the car door, but I slam it behind her, locking her between the car and my chest.
I breathe down her neck as I say, “We’re not done here. Stop running away, Sunshine.”
Her breath is shaky as she looks away, the tinted reflection of the window showing me her every expression.
“What would you have me say?” I ask her honestly.
What does she want to hear? For some reason, I always seem to say and do the wrong thing.
“I’ll always work like this, doing or saying things that displease you when I think it’ll protect you.
This won’t change about me, Lily. I kill for a living.
I bring down empires for my own gain. And I certainly don’t share.
” The thought of her being with any other man…
That'll happen over my dead fucking body. Just the thought makes me livid, and it’s the part I struggle to let go of most. It's one of the many reasons I can’t imagine myself not being in her life, let alone the same city as her.
“I haven’t accepted the job because…” It’s on the tip of my tongue.
I mentally prepare myself for when she’ll push me away again.
I take one more inhale of her floral scent. “I can’t seem to stay away from you.”
She lets out a shaky breath, but I continue.
“I will never be the man you imagined for yourself, but I’m obsessed, Sunshine, and I don’t know how to fix myself.
I haven’t accepted Luca’s offer because of you.
You’ve become my undoing, and you can’t even stand me.
I can have anything in the world, and thought I had everything I needed. But it’s nothing without you.”
She goes to turn, but I hold her in place, too scared to face her directly. Too fearful of how she’ll look at me with disgust. How confusing it is for someone like me to fall to my knees like this when I’ve dealt with monstrosities.
“I don’t know how to forgive you,” she confesses quietly.
“I don’t regret killing your father. I’d do it again with the same outcome. Your safety is my first priority.”
“And what’s your second priority, Lorenzo?”
My eyebrows furrow, and I give her enough space to turn and face me. Her brilliant blue eyes stare up into mine. I can’t be so conceited as to think that she’ll forgive me, but I’m willing to beg for it.
My second priority? I’ve never had one past Luca. But the way she’s looking at me, she’s searching for something, and that heavy weight of not offering the right answer burns at me. But I’ll still only give her my truth.
“Your happiness. How can I do that from Italy? How can I have any right when I’ve made you loathe me so much?” I say earnestly, and I’m surprised when my own voice gives out.
Her eyes soften as her hand gently presses against my chest. My body burns, yearning for her touch. “Do you respect me, Lorenzo?”
My eyebrows dip. “Of course.” What kind of question is that?
“Then you will let me join you tomorrow to close this chapter of my family's mess.” She raises her finger to my lips before I can adamantly refuse. “If you respect me, you let me in on the decisions. Only I can tell you how to protect me and make me happy. Do you understand? You don’t have to make all the decisions, Lorenzo. I’m a part of them, too.
I’m not a little doll to be looked after.
You need to trust that I can look after myself as well. ”
“Maybe in your world, but in mine—” Her finger presses harder against my lips, keeping my mouth shut.
“You really like the sound of your own voice, don’t you?
Listen to what I’m saying. I don’t want us to be in separate worlds anymore.
I want us to make decisions together, but I need you to meet me halfway.
I might not have been raised in a brutal world like you, and if I’m honest, I’m still scared of it, but I want to be with you, Lorenzo.
The only way I can do that is if you work with me, instead of bubble wrapping me.
If you truly think I’m strong, then let me express it, instead of overshadowing it. ”
A mixture of hope and vulnerability swirls in my chest. A distinct proposition.
One that I want to grasp onto so quickly, if only to hold her once more.
But I’ll never agree to this woman half-heartedly.
“You’re asking me to go against everything I know.
I’m here to protect you, to provide everything you ever need.
You can’t ask me to put you in harm's way.”
“And you were willing to do all of those things, even if I still hated you. If you’re willing to accept that, won’t you consider my offer of a partnership, of love instead of walking down this lonely, dark path?
You’re not putting me in harm's way. I’m choosing this for myself.
I can’t forgive you if you don’t see or hear my demands, Lorenzo.
This is my fight, so let me be a part of it.
Let me close this chapter for myself so I can start anew. ”
I immediately want to argue, but the words fall short on my lips, hindered by the way she earnestly stares at me.
She’s the strongest woman I’ve ever fucking met, and I’m so proud of her for standing her ground.
But, fuck me, she couldn’t make it any more challenging.
Yet I cling to the ray of hope like a starved man.
“You can forgive me?” I ask, confirming if I heard her correctly.
“Any sane woman would run the other way. Lily, I’m not good for you.
You couldn’t possibly be suggesting you want to give this a go?
” Despite my yearning, I naturally betray myself, still offering her an out because I know it’ll be my damnation.
I’ll never let her go, even when I know I’m not the best choice for her.
Even when I know my hands are bloody and tainted and shouldn’t touch something as precious as a woman like this.
Even when it terrifies me that the last person I had love for fell off a cliff edge at the age of five.
What if I can’t protect Lily forever either?
What if I only disappoint her and ruin what might’ve been a normal life for her?
Her hands pull me in by the shirt, and her lips crash against mine, the gentle caress of a woman I’ve been pushing away for years, ever since the very first time she kissed me.
I consume her, my body crushing her against the car as I cup her jaw and take as much as she’s willing to give me. Fuck, I’m a starved man.
My cock strains against my pants, begging to feel her, if only once more.
She pulls away momentarily, and her rejection causes a cold sweat to run over me, because right now I want to beg her for a second chance.
I’ve never been hopeful. Everything I’ve done has always been calculated, but for the first time in my life, I’m willing to selfishly get my hopes up, to try to imagine a life where she’s in it instead of shunning me.
“Maybe I’m not a sane woman. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but I know I want to be with you, Lorenzo.
But you have to promise me—” Her voice breaks.
“I can’t step into this if you plan to cage me and treat me like some gentle thing.
Just in the same way, I won’t pretend like you’re a man who doesn’t have blood on his hands. ”
She stares at me, begging, and I see her.
All of her. The unsaid words and the way they make me feel like I’ve failed her.
Did she think I was just like her father?
A man with no control over his violent tendencies?
To some degree, that might be true, but if she says she’s willing to accept that part of me, then can’t I change my ideal for her even a fraction?
“I don’t want you to get hurt.” That’s the truth. But I also selfishly want her. “Tomorrow, you do everything I say. That’s not up for discussion.”
She lets out a shaky breath as any type of control we might’ve had snaps, and she jumps into my waiting arms, her legs immediately wrapping around my hips. I kiss her, milking the little moans that escape her, and devour every fucking one. I never want to lose her trust again.
For her, I need to become a better man. I don’t know how much I can grow, but I’m willing to dedicate my life to making myself worthy of her. To make sure she’s protected. To make sure she’s happy. To always ensure that she’s mine.