Chapter 10 #2
“What is it?” Jason asked, straightening to see her peering at him.
“Nothing much. It’s just nice to have you here.”
“I’m glad to be here.” He grabbed her, dancing her in a circle before kissing her.
“What’s for dinner?” Mauve asked when he released her.
“Roast chicken, with potatoes and carrots,” Jason said. “It’s one of the only things I know how to make.”
“Sounds delicious.”
For the next few minutes, he hustled around, washing and drying the chicken, sprinkling it with salt and pepper, then chopping the vegetables. She watched from the table, sipping a glass of lemonade while they chatted about their days like they’d done it every night for years.
Eventually the conversation rolled around to Marcus and his audition. “Since he’s working on his monologues, I kind of volunteered you to coach him.”
He held the potato peeler aloft for a moment. “I’d be happy to.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, completely. It’ll be fun.” He set the peeler aside, his eyes softening as if conjuring a memory. “Seems like yesterday I was working on my pieces. My high school drama teacher coached me, but my mom helped me too.”
“How did she help?”
“Quizzed me on the monologues to make sure I said every word exactly right. She was a stickler for that.”
“No improv for her, huh?”
He smiled. “No, she was old school. She said if the playwright had taken the time to think through every single word on the page, it was the actor’s responsibility to get it right.”
His phone buzzed where he’d laid it on the counter. Glancing at it, he grimaced. “It’s my agent. I should take it. Will you put this in the oven for me?” He gestured at the chicken, already in the roasting pan.
“You got it,” Mauve said.
Jason stepped into the living room. Although she didn’t consciously eavesdrop, the house was small, making it impossible not to hear his conversation as she slid the chicken into the oven.
“Yeah. Yeah, no, I have it. Yeah, it’s great. The changes work well.” Silence for a second or two, then, “Sure, Tuesday’s fine. My flight comes in that afternoon.” Another pause. “Good. It’s a nice break, but I’ll be ready to get back to work come the new year.”
The new year. She wanted to scream. Or cry. Or both.
“Yep, see you then.” She heard Jason exhale before he came back into the kitchen.
“Everything okay?” Mauve asked.
“Yeah, all good. He just wanted to check in on a few things before he gets busy with the holiday.”
“What’s he like?”
He blinked, like the question surprised him. “Dale? Didn’t you meet him when you were out there?”
“No. He was out of town, remember?”
“That’s right. Let’s see, how would I describe him? He’s kind of a gunner, like you would expect. Great negotiator. He takes good care of me.”
“For his fifteen percent.”
“Yeah, but that’s how it works.” He tilted his head, leaning against the sink. “Why do you ask?”
“Curious, I guess. I like that I got a glimpse into your real life when I was in California. That way I can picture it when you go back. And the people in your life too.” Thoughts of Frankie wormed their way into her mind.
Should she worry that there was more to their friendship than he admitted to?
Or was the chemistry between them only on the set?
And did it matter at all anyway? He was leaving.
Going back to her and his world. One that had no room for her.
Tears sprouted behind her eyes, and suddenly she was fighting against a painful lump in her throat.
He rushed to her, taking her hands. “I know. I know this is hard. I don’t want to leave you either. I hope that helps.”
“I think it makes it worse. Regardless, you’re going back to your exciting life instead of here playing house with me.” She couldn’t keep the edge out of her voice. It crept in there like an insidious infection festering in the pit of her stomach.
“Come with me.”
Mauve stared at him. “What?”
“You heard me. Come with me. Let’s get married.”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“No. I haven’t. I’ve never felt more sane. Every minute I spend with you, it’s clearer—I don’t want to let you go.”
She shook her head, frustrated with him and the entire situation. “I can’t go with you. What about my work? My house here? My best friend?” Her best friend who was going to have a baby and have even less time for Mauve than she did now.
“They’ll still be here. You can visit them anytime you want.”
“I can’t leave my students without any notice. That’s not right.” She withdrew her hands, stepping away, hiding behind a kitchen chair, as if that would keep her from reaching for him.
“Is it selfish of me to say, I don’t care?” Jason said. “There are other speech therapists. And lots of jobs in L.A.”
“But I’m all they have in Sugarville Grove.”
“They’ll find someone. Come to Prague with me. It’s supposed to be stunning. While I’m on set, you could explore. Shop. Go to museums. Then at night we could be together.”
“Jason, no. I can’t leave my whole life behind. Not again.”
“Is that what you’re worried about? That you’ll follow me, and then I’ll cheat on you? This isn’t like your first husband. I’m not him.”
“You say that now, but things change. He was in love with me at first. Until he just suddenly wasn’t.
Until he was suddenly in someone else’s bed.
You’re around beautiful actresses all day.
Models throw themselves at you. You could have anyone you want.
I cannot risk being tossed aside again, facing a life on my own without a thing to show for it. ”
“That’s not going to happen. I’m in love with you. I have been since last Christmas. I’ve been in denial, but seriously, look at our text thread. It’s like Moby Dick long. I’ve never felt like this before. What we have is special. I know it in my bones.”
Doubt about his logic crept up the back of her spine. Was he right? This was the real thing? A thing worth risking it all for? “How would this work? You’re going to be gone all the time. I want to have a family. Set down roots. I can’t do that following you around the world.”
He sighed, hanging his head. “Are you saying you can’t be with me because of my job?”
“I’m trying to be realistic. It all sounds glamorous, but it sounds lonely. And what about the baby I want? With you, I’d be a single mother.”
“That’s not true.” His eyes flashed. She’d hurt him. Which hurt her.
“I work in L.A. most of the time,” Jason said.
“Which means I have to live there. Not here. Isn’t that true?”
“I guess it is.”
“We have to face the truth. We love each other, but we’re completely ill-suited.”
“You love me?”
“You know I do.”
“Then I’m not giving up on us. I refuse to. We have to figure this out.”
“You won’t give up your work. I can’t give up my life here. We’re at an impasse. You know we are.”
“I could work less.”
“And resent me every time you have to turn down a movie role or another series?”
“I wouldn’t though,” Jason said. “It would be my choice. You would be the priority.”
She sighed, exasperated. “Let’s put a pin in this. We’re just going to get into a fight, and I don’t want to waste one of our nights together.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “Yeah, okay.” He brightened. “I brought a bottle of wine.”
“Open that thing. Now that Reese is pregnant, we had herbal tea for our weekly hang out.”
He stopped in the middle of the kitchen. “Reese is pregnant?”
She clamped her hand against her mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to share that. They wanted to wait until the first trimester is over.”
“Okay. I didn’t see that coming.” Jason’s face crumpled, his eyes misting. “I’m sorry, Mauve. For all the things I can’t give you. I wish I was a different guy. The guy you deserve. But I’m not. I love what I do, and it’s taken me so long to get where I am.”
“I understand. I really do. And you’re a wonderful man. That’s not the issue.”
“I’m just not the man for you.”
“I wish it was different too,” she whispered, fighting those nagging tears waiting at the back of her eyes.
He pulled her to him, holding her tight. So tight that she thought he might never let go.
Which is exactly what she wanted. And exactly what couldn’t happen.