Chapter 37
chapter
thirty-seven
Haven
There is going to be a test today.
Our third test.
The anxious energy is contagious, knees bounce, wan faces glance around, anticipating the arrival of our tormentor. Ender is slowly cutting our numbers down with each month that passes. We’ve gone from ten to six.
There is a single metal chair in the center of the drill hall, placed ominously under the hanging light. It isn’t a good sign that a medic and an aide are lingering by the wall, prepared to treat whoever survives this ordeal.
My boots tap a nervous rhythm on the floor.
The door opens, and Ender arrives.
A hush fills the room.
Rigel’s name is called first by Orion, who holds a clipboard.
Rigel saunters to the metal chair. The medic steps forward and speaks with him. Slowly, he folds up his sleeve, holding out his forearm for an injection. I had thought the medic was here to fix us up after, but of course, Ender isn’t that thoughtful.
“What is happening?” I whisper to Spider.
He was discharged yesterday after he was pumped full of medicine and fluids. He hit his head pretty hard from the explosion. I felt so guilty seeing his skin so colorless, and his eyes sealed shut.
It’s getting harder to play both sides when there are people here I care for.
Ender stands on the observatory deck as usual, looking down at us like a king standing over his spoils. His face is hard, hands gripping the railing like it is a throat he intends to strangle.
Flint and Rei lean over to hear Spider’s answer.
“Mental warfare,” Spider replies.
“How?” I ask nervously.
“Vale is in their mind, showing them their worst fears and seeing if they crack under the pressure,” he says.
We watch in horror as Rigel starts seizing. His eyes are open, pupils wide and glassy, before he comes to a sudden stop. The medic returns, checks his pulse, and confirms the time of death. Ten minutes.
It took ten minutes for Ender to break him.
Aric is next.
“What’s the injection?” I ask.
“Temporary paralytic, so they can’t run.”
A shudder runs through me. I can only imagine what monsters Ender is using to torment them.
He can’t read our thoughts or secrets, so he will go on what he knows about us.
Our histories are all compiled in a file, and there are cameras placed in every public area.
We are morsels that are consumed daily by the enforcers. He must have studied us to frighten us.
They claim that the surveillance is to keep us safe, to protect us from the Resistance, but it is about control.
As everything in this broken world is. It is the same reason why they banned the cyberspace, so we would not be able to communicate on forums and share our stories of injustice.
The reason they take away our books is so that we cannot be reminded of our history.
So, we don’t learn about the rebellions that won or the governments that were toppled.
Or speak the names of the people who fought bravely for what they believed in.
I stand up.
Spider raises a brow, but I ignore him.
“Where are you going?” Rei whispers.
“To speak with Vale.”
My fingers are slippery with sweat as I climb the stairs to the deck. Despite all the tests we’ve done so far, this one terrifies me the most. Ender’s wrists are folded behind his back, and he stares down at the scene with an intensity that chills me.
He’s using his powers to torture them, painting them lies that they cannot escape. Stalking them like a beast carved from the shadows, sinking his claws into their skulls. They are witnessing great horrors unbeknownst to them; it all belongs to a single, terribly beautiful boy.
I swallow, trying to make my voice sharper, but it just sounds small and shaky, like a beetle scurrying under the floorboards.
“Vale?”
“I’m working, Warrick.”
“This isn’t fair,” I say.
“What if the Untamed have an Illusionist?” he asks. “If you can’t conquer your own fears, then you are not worthy of fighting alongside me. Now get back to your seat.”
I grit my teeth.
“Look, you can use anything against me.”
“I plan to,” he says. “Now leave.”
I hesitate before I speak my next words, the real reason I came up here and braved his temper. Pride has no room in this conversation. Even though it cuts me to ask him this.
“Just…don’t use my Mom,” I whisper. “I can handle anything, but leave her out of it, okay?”
Ender glances at me. A quick flick of his eyes, but I can see that his gaze has softened.
I speak as quickly as I can, words tripping out of my mouth, before I consume them.
“I still have nightmares,” I confess. “You don’t need to torture me with something I see every time I close my eyes. So, promise me that you won’t use her against me?”
“You can’t tell me the one thing that would break you and ask me not to use it,” Ender says, with a shake of his head. “It defeats the purpose of the test.”
“Promise me?” I press.
Ender turns back to his victim.
“You’re dismissed.”
My mouth grows sour. Did I make a mistake coming up here? Did I hand him my weakness on a silver platter?
I feel like a fool when I return to my seat to watch Aric twitching on the chair like a butterfly whose wings have been snapped. I can’t even revel in his pain, because my stomach is all knotted and achy.
Rei throws me a curious look, but I just stare ahead, waiting for my name to be called.
It’s mid-afternoon by the time I am summoned to the seat. My heart spikes when the medic approaches me, syringe outstretched. I flinch at the sight of the needle, but he plunges it into my skin before I can resist.
Ender’s gaze is stuck on me, intense and devouring. It hurts to look at him because I can’t tell what he’s thinking, if he intends to break me or not. But why would he spare me? He made me kill Kaia. He designed an entire program to destroy us. He has never shown me a hint of kindness.
I can’t use my fists, gun, or powers to get out of this one. Our mind is our shield and our sword during this test.
My skin feels unbearably cold, and I can’t sense my limbs. Slowly, the room vanishes, and another appears in its place.
I’m in a dressing room. My twin sister peers down at me, her green eyes glittering and excited.
I’m sitting in a velvet vanity chair, dressed in a slinky white gown.
The neckline is trimmed in lace. It’s exactly my style, nothing like that extravagant ballgown I was coerced into for the engagement party.
“Haven, aren’t you excited?”
“For what?” I ask, confused.
I feel disoriented, like I drank too much wine. I don’t seem to recall what we were speaking about, but from Mercy’s face, it must be a big deal.
“It’s your wedding day, silly,” she says with a disapproving smile. “I told you not to drink so much last night.”
It hits me then that I’m getting married today.
To Ender.
A slow smile spreads across my face.
He’s perfect. He’s everything I could ever dream of.
Mercy’s face softens.
“I know this was arranged by our father, but you two are so well-suited. Everyone can see that.”
Ender is strong, unbreakable, and painfully beautiful. It is the perfect match.
A knock sounds on the door. Mercy opens it, revealing Ender in a black suit. The fabric molds around his broad shoulders and accentuates his slim waist. His eyes study my face before slinking downwards. Shivers race down my spine at the clear hunger on his face.
“Can we have a minute?” he asks my sister.
Mercy frowns. “Can it wait until after the ceremony?”
“No.”
She sighs. “Don’t ruin her make-up?”
Ender’s lips pull up in a devilish smile.
“I make no promises.”
Mercy shakes her head and leaves, closing the door behind her. Ender leans against the frame, close, yet so far away. His shoulders are tense.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, immediately.
“You look…” He swallows. “Fuck.”
“How eloquent,” I tease. “I’m swooning.”
“I can’t think straight when I’m near you.”
“How do you plan to speak your vows?”
“Sheer luck.”
My heart thumps when he pushes away from the door. He saunters towards me, and I straighten in my chair. I have to crane my neck to look into his frosty eyes. His palms cup my cheek, fingers tender against my skin.
“Haven,” he breaths.
“Yes?”
“It feels good to touch you,” he says.
“You act as if you’ve never done this before.”
His thumb traces my mouth.
“Not like this,” Ender admits.
We’ve touched before. A hundred times, but for some reason, he looks nervous. A tremble shakes his fingers.
I frown. “I don’t understand.”
“I like how you’re looking at me,” Ender whispers. “Like I matter.”
My fingers lift to touch his jaw; he shaved, and I miss the familiar pinprick of stubble. His eyes close softly, and he leans into my touch, dragging my palm down. He presses his devoted mouth to my flesh.
“Of course, you matter. How else would I look at my husband?” I ask. “You are everything to me, Ender.”
His eyes open, and when they do, they are drowning in sadness. The weight of it is so tremendous, I fear that it will drag me under. I don’t know why he is so forlorn. His shoulders drop miserably like the weight of the world is dragging him under.
“I know it was difficult at first,” I say. “I hate that my father orchestrated this—us. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I would have always picked you. In every lifetime, I am yours. And you are mine.”
“You don’t mean that,” he says hoarsely. “This isn’t real.”
My fingers slip behind his nape, dragging him down to me.
“Kiss me,” I beg.
Ender hesitates.
“That’s not a good idea.”
“I’ll fix my make-up. Mercy won’t berate us, I promise,” I say, with a seductive smile. “Kiss me, Ender.”