Chapter 19
“Love,”Matthew says quietly. My whole body is relaxed, my brain quiet for the first time, maybe ever. I can see why Hannah pushes the bar with Slade. There’s not much I wouldn’t do for this level of calm. “You need to tell me what happened.”
I grip his leg tighter and bury my face against him. I don’t want to talk about my past. I hate that it’s going to change how Matthew sees me. Will he still want me when he finds out I’ve spent the ten years we were apart as a whore? Will it matter that I wasn’t willing, or will he be disgusted no matter the circumstances?
“Sweetheart, you can tell me anything. You’re safe with me. Mind, body, and soul. I swear it.”
I swallow thickly, knowing I can’t put it off any longer. “I won’t hold you to that promise, Matthew. You have no idea…” I close my eyes and shake my head sadly. “You shouldn’t promise me anything until you know it all.”
“There’s nothing you could tell me that will make me turn my back on you. I’ve been waiting ten years for you, and I refuse to let you go now.” He sounds so sure of himself that I decide not to argue the point. He’ll change his tune soon enough. “Why don’t you start with something easy. Who were you running from today?”
I sit up straighter, no more snuggling into him even though that’s the only thing I want to do. “Mr. Perfect. He’s here.”
Matthew’s hand tightens in my hair enough that it hurts. I can’t hold in the pained whimper even though I try. His grip instantly loosens, and he gently massages my head soothing away the hurt he inadvertently caused.
“Why the fuck would he be here?” Matthew growls.
The look in his eyes is terrifying. His blue-black eyes look like a raging thunderstorm ready to beat against you until you succumb to its will. I flashback to another time when Matthew looked this feral.
I had been with the Grants for three days when Mr. Perfect snuck into my room at night after everyone had gone to bed. When he attempted to crawl into bed with me, I screamed bloody murder. My screams woke Matthew up, and he came rushing into the room. Mr. Perfect was so shocked by my reaction that he didn’t fight when Matthew pushed him out of the room.
I was too terrified to fall back asleep. My room no longer felt safe. Matthew took me to his room and settled me into his bed. He sat up all night against the door, keeping watch to make sure Mr. Perfect didn’t come looking for me again. Matthew moved into the room with the other boys the next day. He was the only one with his own room, and he willingly gave up his privacy so that I could feel safe.
I wasn’t na?ve. I knew exactly what would have happened if Matthew hadn’t come running when I screamed that night. He was my knight in shining armor ten years ago, and he’s been my hero from the moment Damon pushed me into his arms.
“I don’t know why he’s here. He never leaves Chicago.” I have to fight back a sob because it hurts to even think the words I’m about to say. “Now that he knows I’m here, he will never stop looking for me. I have to leave. If he gets his hands on me, he will kill me.”
That’s only partly true. Mr. Perfect would never sully his hands with murder. No, he would find the most sadistic client and give them permission to do anything they want. He would orchestrate my death and make money in the process.
Matthew lets out a low growl, then pulls me off the floor and into his lap. He hugs me close, his arms steel bars around me. “You’re not going anywhere, sweetheart. I just got you back. I’m not letting you go, not now or ever. You hear me?”
I chew my lip, considering my options. The city is massive. Mr. Perfect doesn’t know who I’m staying with. Surely the chances are slim that he would find me. It doesn’t take much for me to talk myself into staying. It’s selfish, but I don’t want to leave Matthew.
“I’ll stay. You have to know… if he finds out you’re hiding me, he will make you suffer.” I cup Matthew’s cheek and look him directly in the eye wanting him to heed my warning.
Slade snorts, drawing my attention. I completely forgot that we aren’t alone. “With all due respect, this Mr. Perfect as you call him is on my shortlist, and I don’t even know what the fuck he did to you yet. He scared Hannah, and that’s an unforgivable sin in my book.”
Hannah rubs her cheek against Slade’s leg as if she’s trying to calm him. He lets out a frustrated breath. “I promised I would keep you safe, and that’s that. Don’t you worry about this guy. He has no clue what he’s up against if he attempts to harm one hair on your pretty little head.”
Slade reaches down and picks Hannah up and stands. There is some unspoken conversation between him and Matthew before he carries her toward the bedrooms. This penthouse isn’t nearly as big as the other one, but just like at his main home, Slade and Hannah both have rooms here.
Matthew and I are quiet for a long time. Both of us content to just be. Unfortunately, in the silence, my mind wanders to places I don’t want it to go. The stress and anxiety from the day have me fraying at the edges. I do my best to focus on the feel of Matthew’s arms around me, the steady beat of his heart, and his deep, even breathing. I try to siphon off a bit of his strength and self-assuredness, but doubts plague my mind.
Is staying the right thing?
“You have nothing to worry about, Rosie.” I didn’t realize I had spoken out loud until Matthew answered my question. He tenderly caresses my cheek, cupping it in his large hand. “I will make sure you’re safe no matter what it takes. No more running and hiding. You’re mine, and if Nelson Grant wants you, he’s going to have to go through me to get you, and that isn’t happening.”
He says the words so fervently I know he means every word. He’s not scared of Mr. Perfect. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he almost relishes the idea that Mr. Perfect is stupid enough to come up against him. That thought sends a chill down my spine.
Matthew has no idea what that monster is capable of. I love that he wants to protect me, but I struggle to let go of the all-consuming fear. My brain is screaming at me to run. To disappear and not look back. My heart says to stay, consequences be damned. I wish I were a stronger person. If I were, I would never be tempted to put the only person who has ever cared about me at risk. But I’m not strong, and the allure of staying in Matthew’s care is too much to resist.
He’s offering not only freedom from fear but the chance to reconnect with the only good thing from my past—himself. He’s giving me permission to explore where these tender moments are leading. That’s a terrifying thought in and of itself. In my world, all good things come to an end. Ripped away by cruelty only to be replaced by torment.
Matthew’s dark eyes are watching me intently as if he can read my every thought as I try to justify putting his life in danger by staying. It feels like an epic battle of wills. The will to flee is at war with the desire to stay. The intensity of his stare has my heart in a vise. That fool emotion that’s kicked me a million times over the years—hope—springs to life.
I turn away from his gaze, knowing that no rational decision will come while I’m drowning in those inky-blue depths. He gently turns my face so that I’m once again looking at him. “Stay.”
With that one word, my decision is made. My heart wins the battle, and common sense loses the war. “Okay. I’ll stay if it’ll make you happy. I’m just scared of you getting hurt because of me. I feel like a pariah, bringing bad luck and pain wherever I go.”
Anger flashes hot through his eyes for a brief moment, then simmers into an emotion I can hardly name. “Amara Rose, don’t you ever think that again. You’ve always been the light of my life. I survived on the hope of one day finding you. It’s what kept me going.” Matthew heaves a sigh, then shakes his head as if he can’t believe that I don’t already know what he’s saying is truth. “You. Are. Mine.” Each word is punctuated with a gentle kiss to my forehead, my cheek, the corner of my lips. It’s so achingly sweet. My heart melts that this fierce man so readily shows me sweet affection.
“Mine,” he growls, then takes my lips with determination.
His lips massage mine, his tongue teases across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I don’t deny him, I don’t think I could if I tried. Our kiss takes on a life of its own until we’re both lost to sensation. He weaves his fingers through my hair, deepening our kiss. He tastes like sweet mint and dark chocolate. I’m brought back to a time when a teenaged Matthew used to hide Junior Mints in his backpack. I can’t help wondering if he still keeps the sweet treat stashed somewhere or if this is just Matthew.
Either way, his kiss is addicting. I bury my hands in his thick hair and lock myself to him, kissing him with all that I am. I can’t get close enough. Clumsily, I turn on his lap so that I’m straddling him. I moan into his lips as my aching nipples brush against his chest. We drink from each other’s lips like there’s nothing else in the world we need to survive. He’s my very breath, my heartbeat, my entire reason for being. There’s a rightness to us being together that can’t be denied.
Matthew’s hands run down my back, and the small touch of pain when he rubs along a particularly sore spot only heightens my senses, adding another layer to my pleasure. His hands make their way to my ass, and with one little tug, my core lines up perfectly with his hard cock. I break away from his lips on a moan as he rocks me against his erection. He drags his lips back and forth across my jaw, then down my neck and back again.
It all becomes too much. Matthew must sense that I’m about to pull away because one of his hands latches onto the back of my neck, holding me in place while the other anchors to my bottom, pulling me in closer to him. He guides my lips back to his, and I lose myself in his kiss, rocking my hips so that the hard ridge of his cock rubs me in all the right places. The silk of my panties does nothing to disguise my wetness.
He rolls his hips up into me, and I swear my eyes cross from the overwhelming sensation. Matthew makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. Things that I never had a chance to feel. All of my sexual experience prior to him came in the form of prearranged, paid for, and unwanted encounters. I never enjoyed a single pleasure-filled moment until Matthew touched me.
My clients weren’t there to make things good for me. Quite the opposite. I was a favorite among the most depraved of the Red House’s clientele. Clients that got off on forcing themselves on someone who couldn’t or wouldn’t stop them. Men who fantasized about raping women but had no desire to end up in jail. Why take the risk when you could pay someone and live your fantasy?
I’ve always wondered if any of the men ever suspected that I was at Red House against my will. Did they assume that I was a whore with an amazing talent for acting? How many of them knew that my panic and fear were real? How many of them relished the opportunity to rape not only my body but my mind and soul? Surely the ones who came back time and time again knew and fed off my fear.
I brush the thought away. That was another time another place. I’m no longer Mr. Perfects to use. With Matthew, I’m a whole new person. The girl who was forced into becoming a whore disappears being replaced by a woman who is capable of desire and lust. Someone who can take pleasure in the simple touch of a man. It’s a revelation.
He lifts my dress over my head, leaving me in only my drenched panties. I moan when he latches onto one of my nipples with his hot mouth. He licks and sucks first one then the other, lavishing my sensitive peaks until my breasts feel heavy and full. I groan when he latches onto the pale curve of my breast and sucks deeply, leaving a purplish mark.
Without any conscious permission from my brain, I find myself grinding myself down on his hard length creating the most delicious friction. That same sweet heat from this morning is building in my core. Growing and stretching until my skin feels too taut for my body. Before it reaches the breaking point, someone bursts through the penthouse door, jerking me out of my pleasure haze and shoving me straight into panic mode.
“Daniels, what the fuck?” Matthew roars. Distantly, I find it funny how when he’s in boss mode, he calls him Daniels, and other times he’s Kisten. Almost like Matthew sees him as two separate people.
Matthew pulls my body tight against his, shielding my nakedness from Kisten. It’s almost comical seeing as how just last night he stripped me bare in front of both Kisten and Slade. I have to admit I’m glad that he is shielding me at the moment. I feel more exposed than ever as my body slowly descends from the peak it was building towards.
Kisten grimaces as he takes in the scene in front of him. I wish I knew what he thought of when he saw me naked on Matthew’s lap. Does he think I’m taking advantage of him? “Sorry, boss. There’s trouble. Damon’s downstairs demanding to speak with Rose.”
“No,” Matthew says with a fierce calm that is scarier than any shout.
“That’s what I said…” Kisten hesitates, looking at me with some look I don’t recognize. “But then he gave me these and told me to rethink my stance on the situation.”
Matthew reaches out to the envelope that Kisten is holding out to him, and I instinctively know that whatever is inside is going to change things forever. I’m tempted to snatch it away and refuse to let him see, but I’m frozen with fear of the unknown.
I let out a pained sound when I see what’s in the envelope. Dozens of pictures of me. The world spins and bile forces its way up my throat and I have to choke it down.
“Where the fuck did he get these?” Matthew asks, his voice low and dangerous as he looks at the pictures.
I sit frozen on Matthew’s lap, watching the last ten years of my life play out in still motion. Me naked on my knees, scrubbing the floors of Red House with a toothbrush, my ass bright red with visible handprints… I was sixteen. Me in the shower, trying to wash not only the blood from my skin but the shame from my soul. The pictures reveal to Matthew all the things I wanted to hide from. Pictures of men twice my age or more forcing themselves on me. Close-ups of my face twisted in pain, my mouth open on a silent scream. Me cuffed to my bed naked… In some, I’m waiting for one horror or another. In others, my face is lax with sleep, my body covered in bruises and worse.
I feel Matthew tense beneath me, and I know what’s coming next. Hot tears track down my cheeks as I wait for him to tell me how disgusting I am. I can’t stand it. I won’t survive his rejection. He doesn’t try to stop me when I stand. I don’t know why I thought he would, but it hurts that he didn’t. I cover my breasts with one arm feeling more exposed than I ever have before.
“I’ll see him,” I say, pulling on my abandoned dress.
Matthew still hasn’t said anything, and Kisten is looking between the two of us like there’s some kind of mystery to be solved. No mystery here, Matthew knows the truth of what I am and no longer wants me.
“Am I doing this alone?” I ask. My question is meant for Matthew, but it’s Kisten who responds by silently stalking ahead of me to the elevator. He pushes the button, and my stomach lurches.
“Kisten?”
“What is it, sweetness?” If Matthew didn’t own my heart, I would’ve fallen a little in love with him for trying to pretend things are normal.
“You won’t leave me alone with Damon, will you?” My voice is small and weak. I sound like prey, and that will never do. I need to find my courage before I come face to face with the devil.
“Never,” Kisten says fiercely. “You’re not alone anymore, Rose. Don’t you ever forget that.”
Tears prick at my eyes again because I know that despite the things he saw in those pictures, he’s still willing to protect me. I hate that I’m gaining a friend just in time to lose him. When Matthew sends me away, Kisten won’t be around anymore. Hannah and Slade too. I’m going to be all alone again.
I nearly choke on the sob as I try to force it back down.