Chapter 4 Tai
FOUR
Tai
The sky is fading to dusk when I finally admit I’m not catching up to Bri today.
Even though I’m still pissed, the idea of her being out in the desert all night by herself gnaws at me.
I’m worried. It took most of the day to reach her footprints and no matter how hard I pushed myself, I couldn’t catch up to her.
After the tent is up and I’m mostly satisfied it won’t blow away in the middle of the night, I pull the small disc out of my pack, put it in my mouth, and bite down with my back teeth.
I swish the minty foam around before spitting the disc into my hand and the cleaner onto the ground.
This small act gives me so much relief. Since joining the military, I have become obsessive about my hygiene.
Being here in dirty clothes all day is akin to torture.
Today was miserable. There is nothing to do here other than walk and think. A day on Sabaak would make anyone question every single one of their life choices. I prefer to avoid that line of thinking altogether.
I shake out my boots and pants to keep as much sand out as possible. I don’t know why I even bother. There is no point in trying to get away from it.
The wind picked up a few hours ago. The sound of it whipping against the tent makes me increasingly agitated. Or worried—maybe a little of both. The image of Bri being buried by the relentless sand weighs heavily on me. No—she’s in her tent. Unless she couldn’t figure out how to set it up.
She’s a grown-ass woman. And let’s not forget how she never passes up an opportunity to tell me she doesn’t need me. Even though she does. If she would only accept my help, things would be a lot easier for both of us.
When Aro asked me to go get her, I could tell he was tickled by the thought of what she would do to me in the process.
He knows my history with Bri, mostly. It began the day I learned the human term “wingman.” Bri was amused that Aro needed a wingman to get to know Elowen.
Now that I think about it, so was I. That was the only time we agreed on anything.
It was fun for both of us to watch him struggle to win her over.
Had anyone else asked me to come get Bri, it would have been an immediate no. Not only is Aro my ranking officer. He’s also the closest thing to a brother I’ve got. So here I am, chasing down someone who doesn’t even want my help on a planet I never wanted to see again.
The ground is hard and unforgiving. It is impossible to find a comfortable position.
I toss back and forth trying to settle in for the night, but I can’t stop arguing with Bri in my head.
If she had simply followed the most basic survival rules, we’d both be in our respective lifepods waiting for rescue.
Instead, I’m here—dead tired, with sand up to my ass—trying to chase her down.
Seared into my brain is the look of pure disgust on her face when I stepped onto the waystation.
“I hope you’re here to apologize,” she growled at me.
“Better. I’m here to take you home.” I acted unaffected by her. I wish it were the case.
“Ha! I’m not going anywhere with you.” Her eyes narrowed on me.
“Go get your stuff. We’re leaving as soon as I get fuel.” The anger flowing from her grew stronger the closer I got.
I’m ashamed to admit I loomed over her, aiming to use my size to intimidate. Maybe I should’ve tried talking to her instead. But at the time, all rational thought was light-years away.
She pointed an angry finger at me. “I’ll say it again. I’m not going anywhere with you.” Each word was punctuated with a jab to my chest.
Another step closer had me looking straight down at her furious face. “You want to stay here and rot on a station? Fine. I’m simply following orders.”
She flinched, and I knew my comment hit its mark.
The only thing that stopped me from tossing her over my shoulder and dragging her back was the guilt I still carry from doing that very thing a few weeks ago.
It was simply too dangerous on j’Tilak at the time for me to let her stay like she was trying to do.
I was following orders. I was doing what I was supposed to do. She is the one who can’t follow a rule to save her life. So, why am I the one who feels guilty now?
FUCK.
My irritation at Bri—compounded by the sand stuck to my back—makes sleep impossible.
The tent takes a beating from the wind. It sounds exactly as it did six years ago.
Might as well have been a lifetime. Back then I was a scared, stupid kid with nothing to lose.
I’ve been pretty good at not thinking about him.
That kid is gone. He died on Sabaak. What grew in his place is all that matters.