Chapter 32 #2
“Let’s see. They are all still on Earth. Nate and Jamison work for a mineral extraction company. Hollis is probably charming some rich old widow at the luxury hotel he works at. And my mom, Talia, is a housekeeper at the same hotel.”
What I don’t mention is that all four of them are working extra shifts to fund my trip. I wonder if they’ve heard the news about j’Tilak and the station I was evacuated from. I hope they haven’t. Who knows what lengths they would go to if they thought I needed to be saved?
“And your dad?”
“Your guess is as good as mine. He took off when I was little.” From time to time, I’ve wondered what happened, where he went. Anytime I would raise the topic, my family would shut it down immediately. My brothers especially didn’t like discussing it.
Tai lets out a noncommittal hum.
We’re back to grunting. Conversation must be over. But I’m not done talking. “How about you? Where’s your family?”
I’m prying into his past, something I know he struggles to be open about, but I do it anyway. What’s he going to do? Take off on Brutus and leave me and Daisy here in the desert? He’s stuck with me for the time being.
“I grew up in the system,” is all he says.
For how messy my family is, my heart sinks at the thought of not having them.
I know what ’the system’ means. It’s one of those phrases that crosses boundaries and planets.
It’s what happens to kids who don’t have anyone, ones who are left to survive on their own.
“Oh, I’m sorr—”
“Don’t be. It’s fine. Everything worked out.” Tai fiddles with his bionic wrist and grimaces.
I pick up that he doesn’t want to relive all the sad details of his past. I can relate. I’ve always hated being looked at with pity.
"Where did you grow up on j'Tilak?" It's a safe question—his home planet is paradise, and his face always softens when he talks about it.
“I grew up on a few space stations. The first time I saw my home planet was when I enlisted.”
Way to go, Bri.
Stations are no place for a kid. Even I know that. The fueling station we stopped at on our way to j’Tilak was an absolute nightmare. I imagine a younger Tai growing up there. The thought makes me sad.
I audibly clear my throat to try and force down the uncomfortable feelings rising up. This small insight is a reminder that I know so little about him. I always associated him with Aro, so I assumed they had a similar background. An ideal life on a perfect planet.
We ride for a while. Even though we have been joking around, I still need to talk about why he wasn’t honest with me.
The silence hanging over us feels heavy and uncomfortable.
My mind keeps circling back to why he lied to me about being here before.
Initially, I was hurt and mad. Hurt because he should have trusted me enough to tell me, and mad because he is such a stubborn ass sometimes.
Maybe once I know why, then I can stop obsessing about it.
“So…” I start slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me you’d been here before?” I hold my breath, waiting. I need an answer from him. For some reason, it feels important.
“I didn’t tell you, because I was an idiot.”
“Was?” I interrupt, half joking.
“Well, even more back then. I got mixed up with the wrong crowd and ended up here, hiding out. I got caught and you pretty much know the rest.” He looks out toward the horizon, avoiding me.
“Tai, you could have told me. I would have understood. Do you think I’m so awful that I would judge you for something that happened years ago?
” I hope he says no. He’s got to know me better than that.
The weight on my shoulders could be lifted if I knew it wasn’t me.
I’m self-aware enough to know Tai thinks I’m a hard-ass, but I’d never want him to think I was unforgiving.
“It’s not you. It's me. I thought I dealt with it over the years, but it turns out I buried it instead. Being back here brought it all back up.” He finally looks over at me with sad eyes.
“I get that. But no more secrets. We’re in this together now.” I don’t like being lied to, and I especially hate being kept in the dark. Tai doesn’t owe me his entire life story, but this was information that could have been helpful.
Learning it from Boss made it so much worse. Being here brought up some painful memories for Tai, but his deception brought up some painful memories for me as well.
I’ll never forget the day my dad left. There was no explanation.
He was just gone. Mom fell apart and cried for days.
She hardly got out of bed. My brothers filled in the gap, making sure I was fed and got to school.
It took years for her to recover, or maybe she never did.
From the day he left, I promised myself I would never hurt someone the way he hurt us.
This situation with Tai brings up a familiar feeling, a tightness in my throat.
The ache of holding back tears. These are two very different situations, but the similarity of a truth unsaid ties them together in my mind.
You think you know somebody, and then one day they show you who they really are.
Sure, Tai isn’t my dad, and part of me understands why he did it.
The scariest part is how much it hurt that he kept the truth from me.
It’s a warning I have let him get too close.
Hopefully he’ll go back to the “one-word answer Tai.” I don’t feel as exposed with that guy.