Untangled

Chapter 33

THIRTY-THREE

Tai

Over the last six years, I have never told anyone about my upbringing. As far as Aro and my unit are concerned, I came into existence the day we enlisted. I showed up with my bionic arm, ready for a new start. That Tai, the one who survived on scraps and stealing from travelers, was gone.

My eyes stay fixed on the horizon. A narrow strip appears, separating the hot air from the burning sand.

Slowly, bit by bit, a mountain range appears.

There is one lingering thing I need to tell Bri, and it’s going to bother me until she knows the full truth.

Maybe if she knows the context of what led me to Sabaak, then she’ll understand.

“Spending my life jumping from station to station was not a good life for a kid,” I tell her.

She doesn’t say anything, and with half her face covered by her hood, it’s impossible to tell what she’s thinking.

“Six years ago, I was on the run. I finally got off the station, which is a whole other story. I ended up here in some village. When I was hungry and thirsty, they brought me in and saved my life. I was there only a few days when the Authority found me. I set up an explosive on the outskirts of the village to cause a distraction, so I could get away. I didn’t know what I was doing, and the explosion was a lot bigger than I thought it would be.

It was chaos. Sabaaki and the Authority were all running around trying to put out the fire.

I got hit with some of the explosion. It’s how I lost my arm. ”

I pause and take a deep breath. My heart is racing out of my chest while I tell Bri the whole story.

“A good person, a good Tilak, would have helped the Sabaaki. Would have made sure everyone was okay. I didn’t. I ran like a selfish coward. I tried to save myself instead of helping others. In the end it didn’t matter because I got caught, and I’ll never forgive myself for what I did here.”

The heavy quiet between us stretches on.

Her expression is unreadable, but it’s not the anger I was prepared for.

The neutrality on her face is just as terrifying.

I wait and wonder if I made a mistake. I thought telling her was the right thing to do.

The thought that scares me the most is that I doubt she will ever look at me again like she did yesterday.

“Thank you for telling me,” she says, flooring me with one sentence. “I know it’s not who you are anymore. People make mistakes when they are desperate. It was a shitty thing to do, but I know you’d never do that again.”

“You can’t possibly know that,” I say, doubtfully.

“I do. I know you were looking for people on the station when we were evacuated. You didn’t even have to tell me. I just knew it. You put yourself in danger for strangers. That’s who you are now.”

A sad smile spreads across my face. “You forgive me? So easily for something so awful?”

“Don’t worry about me. It sounds more like you need to forgive yourself.”

We ride next to each other in silence, both of us deep in thought.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like trying to save the brethren was wrong. I don’t blame you for delaying our escape from the brethren. You were trying to do the right thing and what matters is we got away without anyone being returned to the gods.”

Bri cracks a smile but narrows her eyes at me. “I think it’s time for what humans call a ‘do over’. If that is what we are doing, you’re gonna have to go back farther than that,” she tells me with zero anger in her tone.

“Hi, Bri. I am happy to see you unharmed here at the space station. Would you care to return to j’Tilak with me?” I say, making my voice sound overdone and sarcastic.

“Farther,” she says, laughing.

I pause, just now realizing I really messed shit up before that. I swallow hard, and take a deep breath.

“Do I need to apologize for the night of the party?” I ask. Time stands still while I wait for her answer and for what it might mean for our future.

“No. Not that. I liked that. But what I didn’t like is how you totally brushed me off afterwards!” she says. Damn, her vulnerability is a superpower.

“I liked it too. I thought you regretted it, so I avoided talking about it.”

“We both fucked up there, didn’t we? But don’t let me stop you from your continued apology.” She says with a laugh that sounds like music.

“Hi, I’m Tai. I’m in a foul fucking mood because Aro kicked my ass in training and is dragging me to the rec room to be his wingman so he can flirt with his mate and you are here and getting the brunt of it.” I put my hand out awkwardly imitating the uniquely human gesture.

“Almost there,” she says and looks forward again, leaving my hand hanging there.

I clear my throat.

“Welcome to j’Tilak. I’m Tai, and I’ll be taking you to the muraDome. Please dispose of your vomit here in this receptacle.”

“Hi, I’m Bri.” She looks back at me with a smile. She takes my hand roughly and shakes it up and down.

“See? That wasn’t so hard,” she says and faces forward again.

“Now, your turn.”

“I don’t have anything to apologize for,” she says.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” I practically shriek in frustration.

Her shoulders shake and the laugh she was holding bursts out. “Hi, I’m Bri. I’m feeling a bit cooped up here in the muraDome, and out of boredom I’m going to pester you because it’s the best entertainment I’ve had in months,” she says.

That’s a very accurate description of the first time we really got to know each other.

“We’ve been terrible to each other, haven’t we?” I ask.

“A little bit,” Bri says. “It’s okay. I kinda liked it.”

We both go quiet. Inside I feel a sense of relief.

“What’s that?” Bri points forward, finally seeing the cliff ahead.

“That is where we are going. The Veilfall.” I shift uncomfortably on my h’axom. My legs went numb hours ago. “Let’s take a quick break.”’

I slide off Brutus’s back in one swift motion. I hurry to Bri’s side before she can attempt the dismount on her own.

Her face has smudges of dirt across her cheeks, and she’s glistening with sweat. She has never looked more beautiful.

She rests her hands on my shoulders as I grab her waist and lower her to the ground.

A loud sigh pours out of her when she touches the ground and rolls her neck back and forth.

Her face contorts when a fresh wave of smell wafts off her robe.

This close up, I can smell her, and it’s awful.

The stench coming off me is equally bad. I pull off my shirt and wad it up.

“Here, let me,” I say quietly and pull the dirty robe from over her head, exposing her goddess costume. Her hair hangs loose, framing her face. Even though she’s tired, her eyes are bright and full of excitement. She looks wild and ready to take on the entire universe.

The wind blows a thick strand of hair across her face and before I can stop my fingers, they tuck it behind her ear. The touch reverberates all the way down to the soles of my feet. Her eyes drop to my exposed chest before she pulls away.

“What sorts of snacks did we pack?” she asks awkwardly, ducking away and rifling through the saddlebag behind me.

I clear my throat and focus my thoughts on our survival. Between the conversation and being close to her, I’m struggling to keep my mind straight. Her dodge makes me insecure about where we stand. Are we those people who just occasionally fuck? Or is there something happening between us?

“Flatbread, dried meat and that grainy sticky stuff they try to pass off as food,” I say, doing my best to sound normal. Although I’m far from it.

She digs around in my bag and pulls out long strips of the meat. “I’d rather eat sand,” she says and swallows with a grimace.

“Hopefully, it won’t come to that.” There is one absolute certainty: I will do anything to protect her and get her home safely.

We aren’t going to make it to the Veilfall before dark after all. It’s slow going through the hot sand. I can’t even blame Bri’s h’axom. We are all struggling. The adrenaline from the escape has worn off and bone-deep exhaustion has settled in.

Bri is drained too. Her eyes are tired, and she hasn’t talked shit to me in hours. I’m going to call it off. We need to rest. We have a lot more journey ahead of us, and it’s extremely doubtful the brethren would be able to catch us without any h’axom.

I slide down Brutus’s side and hit the ground. My feet have been asleep for hours, so the sudden rush of blood hurts like stabbing needles.

“Let’s stop for the night,” I tell Bri. She nods and swings her leg over the saddle. I grab her before she can drop to the ground, catching her mid fall.

“You rest. I’ll set up camp while you have some water.” I place her on the ground and shove a canteen into her hands before she can argue.

“Thanks. It caught up with me all of a sudden,” she says and takes a long drink from the canteen.

I’ve been drinking as little as possible, conserving water for Bri. I worry I pushed her too hard today. She looks like she could pass out right here in the burning sand.

My tent pops up without a problem. I pull out my BioDent.

I bite down on the disc and it goes to work cleaning my teeth.

The foam is minty and fresh—and I’ve never been more grateful for the tech.

I’m covered in sweat and sand, which I can deal with, but there is no way I can make it without a clean mouth at the end of the day.

I step around Bri, who hasn’t budged from the spot where I deposited her.

I pull off her pack and dig around for her tent.

I’d rather she sleep in my tent, but she’s tired and probably wants her own space.

I take my time setting up her tent, giving her the opportunity to tell me she doesn’t need it.

She doesn’t say a word, so I reluctantly stake it to the sand next to mine. Close enough to keep an ear out for trouble through the night.

I am about to toss my BioDent in my pack when she asks, “What’s that?”

“A BioDent. You’ve got one in your pack. It cleans your teeth.” I dig through her bag and toss it to her.

“This is the best thing I have ever seen.” She opens the disc and puts the mouthpiece in place.

“Bite down, not too hard, and it’ll turn on,” I instruct.

Her eyes roll back in her head when it hums to life.

I distract myself by dealing with the h’axom. My fingers twitch and my wrist clicks when I tether Brutus and Daisy to my tent stake. If they try to wander away in the middle of the night, the jolt will wake me up. The last thing I want is to wake up without our rides.

She spits out the foam and carefully puts the BioDent away. “That was so good, I think I came.”

I try to laugh at the joke, but I’m too concerned about my arm.

“You okay?” she asks, looking at my bionic hand. Her keen eyes never miss anything.

“Yeah, it’s acting up again.” I flex my hand to try to make it act normal.

“Here, let me see.” She calls me over and pats the sand next to her.

I drop down, close enough for our arms and legs to touch. She grabs my hand and turns it, inspecting it from the outside.

“Here. This is where you open it.” I show her the seam in the metal and pop it open with my fingernail.

In the fading light, she brings it up to her face for a closer look.

“Hm…let’s see.” She gently runs her finger along the neural wires.

“That tickles!” My arm jerks involuntarily.

“Hold still!” She brings my wrist even closer. Her soft breath is warm on the highly sensitive metal cover. “Oh, lookie here.”

A thin layer of sand clings to the components. Bri gently parts the synthetic muscle fibers and blows away the grains of sand that had worked their way in. My hand goes numb when she removes the alloy synovial joint. She cradles the limp hand and rotates it back and forth, studying the movement.

“Aha!” She smiles and replaces the joint exactly how she found it but crosses muscle fibers and reconnects them in the wrong place.

“Those don’t go that way—”

“Hush, I know what I’m doing.” She levels me with a look that means business.

“That should do it.” She closes me back up. Moving my hand feels…smooth. No more clicking in the wrist.

“How did you do that?” I’m honestly impressed. It took me years to figure out how to repair my arm, and she does it within seconds the first time she looks at it.

“I dunno, I’m good with tech.”

I sit there awkwardly waiting for an invitation into her tent as she stands and brushes sand off her clothes.

“Good night, Tai,” she says as she climbs into her tent and closes the flap behind her.

By tomorrow, we should be at the Veilfall, and I’m nervous about the reception I’ll get from the Sabaaki. Will anyone there recognize me? I hope not. Even if they don’t know what I did, I’ll still know.

I wish we only had one tent. Then we’d be forced to sleep next to each other. I could rest easy knowing she’s safe with me. I could accidentally rip a giant hole in my tent when I pack it up in the morning. She would be so mad. A price I’m willing to pay.

How is it possible that only one night ago Bri and I were together in her bed? I hate the brethren for a lot of reasons, but especially because they spoiled my good mood with their pathetic attempt to kill me.

A perfect moment ruined by a homicidal cult. Not something I ever thought would happen to me.

My lips still buzz from her kiss. It’s unclear if this was all an inevitability or impulse.

I don’t know how to describe what happened.

All I know is I got swept up by her. I saw a side of her and it felt like it was just for me.

The vulnerable Bri that hides behind her sharp words and strength.

She trusted me enough to let her guard down.

I wish I had done the same. Trusted her enough to let my guard down and tell her the full truth about my past from the start. If I’d done that, she could have decided a while ago if there was a place for me in her life.

I always felt safer being by myself. For the first time in my life, being alone feels like loneliness.