9. A World To Govern
Haera
Haera wanted nothing more than to give in to the cruel scepticism in her heart that was begging to be set free. She wanted nothing more than to deny the plausibility and reality of what was happening – of who was kneeling on the floor of her tiny bedroom. She wanted it to be a mistake. She wished for ignorance. She longed to misread the situation. But as she deliberated back and forth, chiding herself for drinking wine yesterdahy and wondering whether she was hallucinating and making this whole thing up, or perhaps drunk, Theos, her mate , tilted his head at her again.
“You are not hallucinating.” He commented casually.
Her stomach dropped. She hadn’t realized mates could hear each other’s thoughts. If that was what this was meant to be, did she really want it? Her mind was as unsafe a zone as was possible. She could hardly stand to hear her own thoughts, much more to have someone else so intimately tied to her hear them without her consent or control. If he could hear her thoughts, then he would have just heard her reject him inside her own mind. Shit .
As she opened her mouth to clarify the thought that she hadn’t even spoken, the corner of his lips pulled upwards, and he shook his head down at her. Fates’ sakes . He was intoxicating to look at.
“I cannot hear your thoughts, if that is what you are thinking.” Again, so brutally casual.
“Then how do you know…”
Her voice trailed off when his slight smile widened into a megawatt grin, amusement pouring out of him. She couldn’t help that her eyes dropped to his canines every time they were visible. She couldn’t help the cold hard fear that made her adrenaline spike with the need to get away. She couldn’t help the tiny part of her that wanted to know how they would feel against her skin. She shoved that thought down and bolted it away deep inside her, ripping her eyes away from his mouth when he started to answer.
“Millennia of practice.” He answered, eyes still intent on her. “Mortals are easy to read. I did make them.”
His voice was as smooth as water running over her skin. It rolled over her body, deep and heavy. Gods . She didn’t like that she was apparently so easy to read. His smile widened again. She liked that. He sighed. She didn’t like that.
“My attentiveness may leave you feeling rather…exposed.” He cocked his head at her, watching her closely. “You already feel that way. I’m sorry.”
He was right. That was exactly what was happening. He was reading her every thought right off of her face without even trying to. She had many syrises of practice in keeping her features neutral, but now, all her iron defences meant nothing in the face of this…god. Fates’ sakes she was sitting across from an ancient god on the floor in her tiny bedroom. The gods her ancestors prayed to was sitting across from her.
“Do you expect me to believe that you can’t read my mind?” she asked, hoping she sounded bolder, braver, than she felt .
He hummed, lips pulling back again. He shook his head.
“What’s so funny? Are you…laughing at me?”
“I would never.” His voice was serious suddenly, and she didn’t know if she could stand just how intense his eyes had become. “Your curiosity is endearing. It is understandable that you have a thousand questions. I am happy to answer them all.”
She nodded, the sudden buildup of embarrassment fading. Her emotions were all over the place. The sight of his canines made her feel like she wanted to leap away from him, but also like maybe she wanted to be underneath him. Her cheeks burned at that thought. He was looking at her with that air of studying again, like he was trying to figure something out. If he could read what she was thinking, she was thankful he didn’t mention it.
“I didn’t say that I couldn’t read your mind, little star. I said that I wasn’t .”
Panic was building in her chest. “But how will I know whether you – I don’t want –”
The rest of what she wanted to say was drowned by her heaving breaths. The world around her was starting to spin. This couldn’t happen. She couldn’t lose her autonomy to someone she didn’t even know. Someone so much more powerful than she was. Someone who could hurt her without even trying to.
For the first time since he had entered the room, she ripped her eyes away from him, but only long enough to swipe the tears that were falling down her cheek. Then, when her eyes returned to him, she noticed he was moving. Now on his knees, he reached out, his other arm bracing against the floor. Circling a giant palm around her ankle, he gently pulled her forward so that he was leaning over her.
She was caged. A frightened whimper escaped her as she stared up at him, multiple realizations settling into her mind at once. He was bigger than she had initially realized; more than seven feet tall. He towered over her even when he was on his knees. If he had wanted to lunge after her, trap her, or harm her, her attempts at crawling away would have been useless. All he would have had to do was stretch out an arm, and she would have been caught. Suddenly she understood his meaning. “ I can hardly imagine there exists such a predator that is concerned for the safety of his prey.”
The third realization was smaller, buried beneath the panic and the fear, but she could almost taste it. She liked being caged underneath him. She didn’t know which of the three was most frightening, but as the moments ticked by, the panic attack she’d been on the verge of, faded, all the while with him leaning over her, staring down into her eyes with what she could describe only as intensity.
When he retreated, sitting back onto his knees again, it finally dawned on her what was different about having his attention so steadfast on her. Nothing in his gaze reminded her of the men she’d encountered all her life. His eyes didn’t convey anger, or disgust, not even disdain. It didn’t convey unhinged lust either. Part of her fear dissolved.
“How will you know whether I’ve interfered with your mind?” he answered, “our bond would tell you. You don’t want me in your thoughts? I wouldn’t dream of ravaging your mind without your consent, little star.”
All the panic ebbed out of her body at once, leaving her feeling raw and even more exposed than she had felt before. He hadn’t asked why she was afraid of her thoughts being heard. He’d only assured her that she wouldn’t need to fear that eventuality.
“Can you –” she hesitated, realizing she was about to sound silly. “You know what I’m asking…right?” she pleaded.
His eyes roved across her face. “I do. But I want you to use your words. I need you to get used to asking me for what you want.”
Heat flooded her face. She closed her eyes. “Fuck,” she muttered .
Theos waited. Eventually, she opened her eyes again. She looked at him, half expecting him to be smiling; to find amusement in his eyes. All she found in his expression was an abundance of patience. Suddenly, she wanted to cry. Again.
“I feel like such a wreck,” she whispered into the silence.
He nodded. “You have had a hard couple of dahys.”
Her eyes widened. “Couple of dahys?” She struggled to sit up, leaning on her elbows was all she could manage. “What dahy is it?”
“It is the ninth hour of dahy three of Julix – Phrettes.”
“What?!” she exclaimed.
“You called for me on Mynphes, last day of Jonix. I took you home. You haven’t woken up until now.” Theos replied, his tone entirely calm. “I haven’t left your side.”
She flopped back onto the floor, pressing her hands into her eyes again. Panic. She needed to quell the panic. “Don’t you have the world to govern or something?”
─── ?? ? ?? ───
Theos
For a while, Theos did not respond. Haera did not speak again. He blinked, struggling to process the hurt that flooded through him at the question. It was a simple inquiry, and more than valid. It represented the connection between his existence as a deity, and the day to day to ins and outs of the worlds; the disconnect between the deities, and the mortals who occupied those worlds. It was a reasonable question, but somehow, coming from her lips, it hurt. Why would she ever conceive the thought that there was anything in existence more important than spending his time with her?
“I created the universe on the principle of processes.” He finally began, swallowing down the hurt in favor of explaining how things worked.
Her eyes opened, focusing on him, and he paused, revelling in her attention .
“The universe governs itself. So long as I remain, as long as the universe remains, dahy and nigh, the passing of the seasons; they will never cease. The mortals will be provided for by the fruit of the planets on which they reside. Soil and seas alike, will produce. As far as they will ever need, they were provided for long before the universe began. They are independent beings, but whenever they need me – call for me, I am always there.”
He could hear her heart racing. He looked at the bloodstained clothing she wore, trailing his eyes down over the repaired pants he had covered her with after the incident. He hadn’t wanted to change her out of them while she’d been unconscious. Now, watching the way she spooked at every small thing, he realized his decision to wait had been the right one. The longer he stared at her body, the faster her heart went. The longer he stared at her body, the more he wanted to touch her.
“I hope you enjoyed the flowers I created for you. I look forward to creating whole worlds for your pleasure.” He breathed deeply, anticipation surging through him at the thought. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to please her. To make her happy.
“But you are my world now. And since you have so boldly spoken,” Her eyes widened at that. “And have bid me govern,”
He hoisted himself up on his knees, leaning over her again. One arm on each side of her head, he let himself stare down into her blue eyes. Gods, she made him feel so thoroughly undone. “Be a good little star and let me finally tend to your wounds and heal you. It has been more than I could bear, waiting for you to wake up so I could touch you. Let me touch you.”