19. I Want You
Theos
Theos leaned against the door to Haera’s bedroom, watching the gentle rise and fall of her back as she breathed. Mrnug sunlight, faint like the delicate webs of spiders flooded into the room. Asleep. Still asleep. His little star was tired. Now that he understood her constant vigilance, the desperation that drove her every movement, every cringe, and every retreat, he understood the need her body was displaying. It was constantly under strain, the hypervigilance fuelling her chronic fatigue.
Werewolves were pack creatures by nature. That had been his intention with their creation. They were one of the only creatures he hardwired with the deep psychological and physiological need for community that they had. Whenever one of them split off or was forced out, they travelled out of their old territory in hopes of joining themselves to a new pack. If they found no welcome, they formed packs of their own. Whatever they did, they always ended up as part of another community. Community was vital for their health on every level; tied to their survival.
When hunting, one werewolf might only barely be able to take down a thousand small prey animals. Two werewolves could massacre ten thousand. Collaboration was built into their souls. Hunts, play, grooming, sleeping, raising the youngsters of the pack, it was all hardwired.
And here was his mate, curled into a tight ball in the centre of her bed, alone. Abandoned by her pack, and simultaneously held prisoner in their territory. Her ex-alpha wanted to keep her near him, play games with her psyche, control the way she hunted, the prey she had access to. Control her interactions with the other werewolves around her, control her . Pull her strings with the attacks of The Shadow and keep her always anxious; always anticipating attack. He’d forced her out of her pack because she’d rejected him. After he’d assaulted her. The strategy to break her down was in full force, and the vile mortal would stop at nothing until she was completely fractured by loneliness and despair. Until she begged him to reinstate her into the pack. Until she swore to pay any price he demanded.
He still wanted her. Theos felt the conviction settle into the bond with a certainty no external fact could dispute.
His fists tightened at his sides. He would not allow this conceited werewolf’s games to play out according to his plan. How she had survived two syrises without her rightful community at her side, Theos wasn’t sure. But he was sure that she would never be alone again. She would never need to fight for herself, fend for herself, or try, to no avail, to be community enough for herself.
Loneliness was a damning conviction. A cruel punishment that he had watched destroy millions of mortals throughout the ages. Humans, faeries, vampires, and all the other creatures in the wider universe that had never dreamed that there was such a planet as Earth. He had studied its effects over the eons; watching it warp their minds in different ways. Some, it drove to the brink of insanity, keeping them teetering on the abyss of madness like the tickling tormenting feeling of needing to sneeze. Some, it pushed to anger and rage; they destroyed kingdoms, eviscerated races and set fire to all who dared to speak against them. Some, it pushed to death; they died of a heart broken by pain or took their own lives because of the unspeakable shame of being unwanted and despised. Werewolves were one of the only groups of them that he had built with the need for community. And here was his own mate, abandoned, and despised.
His aura was flickering again, and he strained to keep his thoughts away from the need to manifest in the presence of the Aegon pack and wipe them all out, particularly their Alpha. His mind was buckling with the desire to destroy Kheos. This was his doing. As always, he was at fault. Later. He would kill Kheos later.
Haera’s chest still rose and fell. Her curly white hair was splayed on the black sheets around her; knees to chin; spine curved to tuck her chest as close as it could get to her legs. He focused on the sound of her breathing for a moment, before deciding.
He kept his steps slow as he approached the bed, and paused for a heartbeat before crawling towards her on hands and knees. One hand at a time, he inched upwards, moving at a snail’s pace so that she wouldn’t be afraid if she woke up. When the bed dipped under the weight of his arm, then his knee, her eyes shot open, and she uncurled from her ball. Half sitting up in fright, torso raised up on her elbows, she blinked at Theos in confusion, before flopping down onto her back. The rush of fear in the bond dulled, replaced by relief .
When she flopped back onto the bed, her eyes closed, he continued his slow crawl toward her. Another dip in the bed as his segund arm and knee came up, then another closer to her body as he crawled over her. Her eyes opened, clear blue looking into bright white.
“W-what are you doing?”
“Healing you.” Was his quiet reply, as he settled onto all fours over her.
“I thought you already did.” She said, confusion in her eyes. “I’m not in pain.”
Theos hummed, cocking his head to the side. “Not physically.”
Reaching down, he slid an arm under her waist. In one movement, he sank down to the bed, flipping her over so that her back was to him, his arm lightly draped over her waist, his chest pressed against her back. The bond immediately purred with pleasure.
“I don’t understand,” she whispered.
“When was the last time you had a huddle with your pack, little star?” Theos whispered, his lips by her ear.
“Um, t-two syrises ago.” She mumbled.
“Mhm,” he hummed, already beginning to feel drowsy from being so close to her. “I’m huddling with you.” He answered. “It’s not the same as a giant roomful of werewolves laying all over each other, but I’d like to offer you my body in that way, still.”
Silence. Then, a sniffle. “Oh.”
Arms around her, he pulled her into his chest, pressing a gentle kiss to her hair. “Rest, little star. You are safe.”
She didn’t respond, but Theos felt the relief settle deep into her chest through the bond. He smiled when she promptly fell back asleep.
***
Keeping vigilant watch over his mate came naturally. As she slept the houyras by, he focused on the wall across from them. He searched through the worlds, keeping an eye on the activities of the mortals. Wars brewed. Babies were taking their first breaths, new to their planets and to the terrors of their worlds. Couples were running away from their homes, leaving family and friends behind to protect their secret loves. There were broken-hearted mates searching high and low for their partners who had suddenly gone missing. He watched them play out before him as the mrnug houyras of Threpha slowly rolled by. A million heartbreaks, a million loves, all being orchestrated by The Fates.
Haera’s empathetic comment about him still rang through Theos’ mind. “It must be so lonely.” Was it? Did Kheos feel the sting of emptiness when he watched each mortal find love? Did he long for it? Throughout all the millennia, all the time that had passed them by, Theos had never considered it. Was The Fates lonely? Haera’s immediate conclusion that he was, had astounded him. How did she feel any ounce of empathy for the god who had orchestrated so much pain for her – for everyone else? All Theos could feel towards Kheos was rage. He closed his eyes, trying to put thoughts of his brother out of his mind.
***
Haera was waking up. She stretched, arms flailing as her torso twisted and turned in one long stretch until her eyes finally popped open. Then, she rolled so that she was facing him, her head snuggled into the crook of his neck, her hand settled on his chest.
His heart was pounding almost painfully inside him. She had turned to face him. This was the way he’d wanted to arrange their bodies when he’d settled into the bed with her, but he’d made himself let go of thinking she’d want to be face-to-face with him like this. It was an incredibly intimate position to be in, even in a pack huddle where the werewolves around you were your permanent community. It was even more intimate because of the bond in his heart that was shivering and convulsing with pleasure. She trusted him. She wanted to be in his arms. She wanted to be closer to him. She wanted him .
His hand settled on the small of her back, the heat of her skin bleeding into his palm through her shirt. She shuffled some, inching closer to him and pressing her head closer to his neck. He tried not to move, letting her relax against him as much as she needed.
“Theos?” she called.
The sleepy satiation in her voice almost made him implode. Hearing his name dripping from her voice like that, mellow, gentle. Fuck . “Yes, little mate of mine?”
He felt her smile against his skin. Her grip on his shirt tightened fractionally. Adorable . She was adorable.
“Would it be weird if I –” Her words trailed off, and he felt doubt prickle through the bond. He rubbed a circular pattern into her back, and as he did, the doubt dulled. “Would it be weird if I wanted to put my leg over yours? ”
He closed his eyes momentarily. Weird? How could any form of willing physical contact from her ever be weird? Gods, he felt like he would die from the bliss of the request. “I would be honoured.”
“It doesn’t feel like I’m using you like a prop?”
“I belong to you.” He answered easily. He heard the sharp intake of breath she drew. “Use me.”
Slowly, hesitantly at first, like she expected him to suddenly retract his permission, she slid her left leg up over his hip and burrowed into his body even more.
“Do you like this position?” he asked softly, feeling her wriggle closer still. She nodded against his neck. “Does it make you feel safe?” he asked again, watching her struggle to decide where to put her hands.
“Y-yes,” came her quiet reply.
Their current position was helpful, but he knew he could multiply her feelings of safety, if she would let him. “Want to feel even safer, little star?” She nodded, hesitant, but curious. Leaning down so his lips pressed to her ear, he whispered. “Arms around my neck, hold on tight.”
He couldn’t help the growl of pleasure that slipped out of him when her arms slid up over his chest to lock together behind his neck. “ Good ,” he praised. “Is it okay if I touch you here little star?”
His arms were sliding down over her back to cup her ass. She nodded. Another groan wanted to shoot out of him when his hand splayed across both cheeks and still couldn’t cover their whole surface. He swallowed down the sound of pleasure, so he didn’t make her uncomfortable. Firmly gripping her, he pulled her hips closer to his until they were a breath apart. Her leg hiked up even further over his hip in the process, and he tried not to think about how perfectly open her thighs were for him. How easy it would be to press his cock into the soft space her beautiful blue panties were covering.
“Now,” he commanded, his voice gruff to his own ears. “Rest.”
“T-Theos?” She whispered.
Gods, he was going to crack into a million pieces from just hearing his name on her lips. “Yes, my little love?”
“C-could you, um,” she trailed off into silence for a moment, and he pressed an encouraging kiss to her shoulder. “Could you hold me under my clothes? So you’re touching my skin?”
A shiver of delight speared through him. “It would be an honor to touch you, Haera. ”
Slowly sliding one hand at a time down her body to her waist, he slipped them under the baggy T-shirt she was wearing, tracing her skin as he slid them up to the middle of her back. He leaned back slightly to look down at her smile. “Does this satisfy you, little love?”
Her shy nod was all he needed. He closed his eyes, trying to get his breathing and heartbeat to stabilize. Haera’s breathing deepened, and she slipped into a delightfully mellow rest state. His heart managed to calm to a normal rate too. Until she shifted, the exposed softness between her thighs pressing and sliding over his already hard cock before pulling away as she readjusted. His entire body stiffened.
“Are you okay?” came her soft question. “You seem tense. Do you want me to let g–”
“Don’t.” he cut in.
She was still unsure, he could feel it. “Are you sure? Is your arm going numb?” Embarrassment bubbled to the surface of the bond.
“I carry the weight of life and all of creation itself. You, my pretty little mate, feel like nothing in my hands.” More unconvinced silence. “Haera, I don’t want you to let go or pull away. Holding you close to me like this is all I’ve ever wanted. ”
“Then why are you so tense?”
So that was what she was worried about. “Because I want to ravish your body, little love. I want you so much, and I am refraining. It is a matter of control.”
“Am I making you uncomfortable?” she asked worriedly, beginning to pull away.
His arms caged her in before she could retreat, and with one hand around the middle of her back, holding her in place, he slid one hand down to her ass, hauling her back into position. A sharp gasp escaped her lips from the light spank he gave her.
“Don’t pull away from me again.” He heard himself growl out, his body acting in complete auto pilot to keep her close.
She buried her face even deeper into his neck, and Theos chuckled at her immediate embarrassment.
“It’s okay to like being spanked, little star.”
She shook her head, a feeble attempt at denying it. The bond revealed all her secrets. Pleasure was humming through her. He pressed another gentle kiss to her hair.
“Don’t run.” He whispered into her ear. She trembled in his hold. “Take the pleasure I give you. ”
A tiny, breathy whimper slipped out of her lips. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. Rubbing light circles on her back again, he let the silence stretch between them, until she shifted again, and heat swelled in his veins.
The groan that shot out of him was inescapable. “ Fuck, little star. Are you trying to destroy my control on purpose?” She hummed in surprise. “You keep rubbing against me like a satisfied little kitten, and it’s doing me in.” He whispered, low and only for her ears though no one else was in the room.
“How? I’m sorry.” She answered quickly.
Theos hummed, shaking his head slightly. “Don’t be. You feel good .” One hand moved around her belly to sink into a vice grip on her hip. He pulled her hips down to meet his, bucking his hips up to press into her. “Like this.”
He felt her lips part next to his cheek. Hot, primal pleasure flooded through the bond so intensely that it took his breath away. In all the eons, that had never happened to him before this.
“You are so fucking soft everywhere. Gods , you are going to fucking ruin me.” He released his grip on her hip and separated them again to regain control of his desire. “I love your body so fucking desperately,” he whispered, breathless, “but please don’t move.”
Haera pressed her burning cheeks against his neck, and he took the opportunity to trail soft kisses up hers.
“I want you,” He whispered; his voice rough with restraint. “I want you so fucking much.”
He leaned away, shifting her so she was flat on her back, his hand on her stomach, pinning her in place. He searched her eyes, immediately finding desire in them that matched his.
“And when you’re ready to take me, I’m going to make you feel so good, little star.”
Haera pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, and Theos smiled down at her. He leaned down to whisper into her ear, his chest pressing hers int the bed as the hand on her stomach tightened around her waist.
“You have no need to fear that I will harm you in any way, little star. But it is all I can do not to pin your arms, force your legs apart and force your soft, delicate little cunt to take me all in one go.”
The rush of pleasure that slammed into him from her side of the bond, the needy, desperate desire in her eyes, it made his heart clench violently. He closed his eyes.
“I want you so much. For you, I am entirely undone.”