22. All She Wants You To Have
Haera
Shame was bursting from her every pore. The confession had been ripped out of her before she was ready, and with it, an unstoppable flow of grief. Her shoulders shook. Her hands tightened around the material of Theos’ shirt. The reassuring heat of his body burned into her. The tears and cries wrung themselves out of her until she thought that her bones and muscles would disintegrate, that she would fall to pieces. To her infinite shame, her legs caved, rendering her body useless to stand; powerless to do anything but rely on his security. Theos’ strong arms around her never wavered. His hold was sure – it was her only assurance that she wouldn’t hit the ground.
What felt like eternity passed before she’d finally emptied her tear ducts. The silence in the room was deafening. When she’d extricated herself from Theos’ arms, she found Alanis cowering in the far corner of the room, her mouth gaping – opening and closing repeatedly. She hadn’t moved an inch since Theos entered the room, nor in all the time that Haera had spent crying. No offered word of comfort had left her lips after her best friend’s devastating confession. No hug of solidarity or support had come. Hurt settled into Haera’s gut, and the bond oozed displeasure at the scorn in Alanis’ gaze.
Theos’ protective arms were still at her waist, ready to pull her in if she needed them. Something like irritation was flooding through the bond from him.
“Who the fuck is he and why is he touching you?” Alanis asked, her voice full of venom.
Theos stiffened. Anger ignited inside Haera; something she had never felt towards her best friend before.
“Excuse me?” she asked, her eyes narrowed at Alanis .
As though she was suddenly no longer able to read Haera’s expression and tone, Alanis continued, barrelling past the warning to tread carefully. “Who is he? He’s not a werewolf!” Alanis exclaimed. “He’s not allowed in Vanzantia!”
Haera watched her best friend’s nose move up and down as she sniffed Theos’ scent. A part of her was breaking; the shock was too much to bear. The gods go wherever they please; the bond grumbled.
“Are you unwell?” Haera asked, trying to find some reason for her best friend’s uncharacteristically scornful, sharp-tongued behaviour.
Alanis’ eyes narrowed at her. “No! Clearly you are unwell because you’re the one with the strange man in your house! I can’t even tell what kind of creature he is!”
Creature?! The bond burned with rage. Haera stared. Inside her chest, she felt no emotion from Theos. She knew what that meant. Whatever he was feeling, he didn’t want her to feel it. Which meant it was probably anger or hurt, strong enough that he was worried it could hurt her. Her fists balled at her sides, immediately defensive.
“He is my mate. You have insulted him enough. Apologize. ”
Alanis rolled her eyes. “He cannot be your mate.” She barked, something strangely like hurt coming through the anger. “He is not a werewolf.” She narrowed her eyes at Theos again, before turning on Haera. “Are you unwell?” she asked. “Has the hunger gotten to your head? There is a strange man touching you, and you’re not afraid? And you expect me to believe that you were somehow raped? How am I supposed to believe that someone raped you when you’ve been locked up in your house whoring away with a strange man? Won’t he rape you too? How is he any different?”
Haera’s inhale was jagged. “Get out.” The words were brittle. Tense. Breaking as they hit the floor in the room.
Alanis shook her head, her dark curls bouncing. “I’m not leaving until I get a full explanation abo –”
“Get out!” Haera yelled. “Get out. Go back to your pack and never come back here.”
Instead of the regret that Haera expected to immediately overtake Alanis’ face, her best friend’s eyes narrowed at her, and she turned her nose up. “We’ll see how you survive without me. If this… creature can replace me.”
It was silent as Alanis turned, yanking her small pouch from the table and the handle of the cart of meat. She seemed to think better of it and turned back to Haera .
“I’m cancelling your transfer papers. Since you’re suddenly completely independent and have no need for me anymore, you can stay here, with your mate .”
The door slam was loud. Haera didn’t move, and behind her, Theos didn’t move either. They didn’t have to wait for long before the door opened again, and Alanis walked back in.
“Werewolves can only be mated with werewolves and this man is not a werewolf! It’s no wonder Zyadon raped you! I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t when you won’t even stay loyal to your own mate. You were probably leading him on too!”
Another slam of the door and then she was truly gone. Haera’s entire body was frozen. She stared unseeingly at the front door where her best friend had just been standing. The best friend that she did not know any more.
───
Theos
“What just happened?” Haera whispered. Hot tears were cascading down her cheeks, and she pulled out of Theos’ hold. “How did she not recognize you?” she asked, her lips trembling as she tried to hold back the heartbreak.
Theos looked down at her, watching the dam in Haera’s body crack under the pressure. “She did.” He whispered.
Haera’s confusion switched to rage, then to disbelief then to confusion again. He waited.
“That’s not possible.”
Theos closed his eyes, letting the sound of her crying filter into him until it settled over his soul like a transparent film. “Do you want the truth, or would you prefer to be comforted, little love?” Theos asked, watching her eyes glaze over and go unfocused from the pain. “If you prefer, I could cocoon you in my arms until it doesn’t hurt anymore.” He swallowed. “The truth will be hard to hear, but I must offer you the option to hear it.”
Haera retreated until she was across the room. The distance was immediately unbearable to his heart, and he tried not to grind his teeth together at her decision to put herself into the position her best friend had been standing in moments before, when she’d desecrated the sanctity of their bond. She was turning on him again. Fear was flooding the bond.
“Fuck.” He cursed. “Haera, please don’t shut down on me.”
He straightened from his position leaning against the sofa and stepped towards her. She immediately retreated. Rejection burned through him, and he stopped moving. Her eyes were frantic. He watched fear overtake her every muscle. They were going back to the way she had been when she’d first laid eyes on him, and he could do nothing but stand and watch her break apart. Her friend’s words were loud in his ears. Won’t he rape you too? How is he any different? His blood was boiling at the insinuation. When she had gotten as far as she could across the room, her lips parted. The bond was howling and screaming inside him, flooding his body with just one demand. Touch her. He couldn’t. His knees threatened to buckle.
“The truth. ”
He watched her for a long moment. She was trembling, her body desperate for his touch even though she wouldn’t let him near. She would regret her answer – he knew it as surely as he knew the names of every mortal who had ever lived. As surely as he knew she would be his most fervent undoing.
“She is angry that you did not immediately tell her you had met your mate.” His words were a whisper. “She is jealous that somehow, after all you have been through, you were the one that ended up with me. She does not think you are worthy.”
Haera was shaking her head, just like he had expected her to.
“No. That can’t be right. She wouldn’t.”
He let her mumble to herself for a moment. “Osyn. Rahl. Manuxx. Soyiff. Sheyen. Engrahe. Brizzo. Paax. Farrow. Ambrox. Lunjx. Gryyj. Lividdyh, even.”
Haera was staring at him as though he had a thousand eyes on his face.
“These are the remaining packs of your kingdom, are they not? Alanis has never been outside of Aegon. She has never even been into Elon. How would she recognize a werewolf from a different Vanzantian pack?”
Haera offered no response .
“Vampires are allowed into Vanzantia – your kingdom is on good terms with the kingdom of Danaera. Is that correct?”
She hesitated but nodded.
“Then it is not improbable that a vampire could have come to meet with you. She has not seen you in wouxs. She doesn’t know where you have been, or what has happened to you. She also did not care to ask.”
Haera was blinking back tears.
“Faeries – your kingdom is also on good terms with the kingdom of Khaarys, is it not?”
Another single nod.
“And the kingdom of Raendra?”
Another nod.
“She knows who I am.”
Theos watched Haera reach out to steady herself, two hands pressed against the small table before her for support.
“ All created things know their creator.”
Haera’s mouth opened and closed, tears spilling down her cheeks and onto the floor. Touch her. His nails dug into his hands.
“But she prayed the prayers whenever I messed up or said something against the gods –”
Theos shook his head. “Oh, my love. She does not care for your reputation with the gods. My little darling, she only cares about controlling you.” Haera shook her head, not believing. “She would have repented on your behalf a million times over if it meant she was the one in the upper hand – if it meant that she was the one rescuing you.”
Her pain-stricken gaze turned on him. There was a sickening drop in his stomach as the bond screamed through every muscle in his body with pain as its voice.
“How can I trust anything you are saying?” She demanded.
Theos’ heart sank too. He could hear the unspoken question in her trembling voice. Feel the way it burdened her heart through the bond. How can I trust you? “You do not need to. The truth is there, in your past where I cannot interfere. All you need to do is remember.”
“But why would she do this to me? She’s my best friend! She’s all I have!”
Theos nodded sadly. “Exactly. She is all she wants you to have.”