21. You Don’t Get It
Haera
A loud knock sounded on the front door of the cottage. Haera cowered backwards immediately, pressing into Theos, who’d had no reaction to the sound. The knocking continued in a pattern that she recognized. Three loud knocks. Then, silence. After a long pause, two soft knocks, near the bottom of the door. Theos’ arms tightened around her, squeezing her into a sort of half-hearted hug, before leaning close to her ear.
“You have company, little love.” A kiss to her cheek. “And though I despise releasing you from my arms, she brings food. Food that I need to watch you eat. You have not eaten in dahys. That pattern ends now.”
“I don’t want you to let go either.” She confessed quietly.
That earned her a nip on the ear and a low groan that shot straight to her core.
“Don’t tempt me, Haera. Not unless you want me to send her away and cage you in forever.”
His presence shifted and retreated some, giving her the freedom to slide off the bed. The bond protested, but she moved, settling her feet on the ground and pushing herself to her feet. Wearing the plain oversized shirt that she was, she felt Theos’ gaze caress her body. The pattern of knocking began again as the visitor tried to see if Haera was home. Haera was distracted by Theos’ adoring, heated attention.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked quietly, curiosity getting the best of her fears of feeling foolish.
Her drowsy, mate raised a hand to push his hair out of his eyes. “I’m wondering what you taste like. And trying to refrain from letting your friend wait while I find out. Now, go . ”
Her cheeks warmed. She nodded, turning to head into the living room and across the small space to the front door. When she finally swung the door open, Alanis pulled her into a hug immediately.
“ Gods , Haera,” I was so worried. “I thought you had gone out hunting. I thought I’d taken too long.”
Haera felt herself fall into the familiar silence she always settled into when Alanis was around. It felt…uncomfortable. Still, she let herself be dwarfed by her best friend’s five-feet ten inches. Her face was pressed into Alanis’ chest, and her best friend’s familiar scent healed a deep lonely part of her heart.
After her previous winter alone in the forest, Alanis suggested that she remain home instead of trying to hunt. “ It’s too dangerous. I won’t let you hunt anymore. I can’t bear to watch you get hurt”. She’d taken it upon herself to hunt for, and bring Haera food. Half the carcass of a wild deer – freshly killed and ready to be seasoned. Ten wild snow rabbits, freshly killed and ready for storage in the cooler. Whatever she could find, she brought it. Every four wouxs when she arrived, she came with new containers of meat in tow. Haera had run out of food two wouxs before, but she would never let her best friend know. She would feel terrible. She would have panicked. She would have risked putting herself, her own standing in the pack, in danger to help her .
Aegon pack members were still forbidden to speak to her or help her in any way. Alanis was breaking pack law by being here, standing in her doorway, and by bringing her food. She wouldn’t put her best friend in any more potential trouble. After all, she was used to being hungry. That was just the way it was.
Finally, the two separated, and Alanis looked down at her. “You’ve been crying.” She noticed.
Haera turned her red, puffy eyes to the ground. She hated the way her eyes always betrayed that she had been crying, even more than she hated crying itself.
“Did something happen?” Alanis’ voice was climbing in pitch as concern overtook her. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”
“Just come in,” Haera managed.
Alanis narrowed her eyes down at her, but she did, hauling in a small cart with her that was full of smaller containers of meat. “I brought you deer. Half a carcass as I usually bring. And rabbits this time too.” She added, gnawing on her lip as her eyes swept down over Haera. “You have lost weight?” she asked, her eyes flashing back up to Haera’s .
Haera waved her hands dismissively. Her friend’s comments about her body always felt like a hot knife slicing through her skin.
Alanis’ mouth fell open. “You ran out of food, didn’t you?”
When Alanis groaned and tossed her hands into the air, Haera realized her expression must have betrayed her. Or was it her silence? Or had she truly lost weight? In all of Vanzantia, she must have been the only werewolf who couldn’t hide her own secrets.
“How long has this been happening, Haera?” Alanis asked, desperation clear on her face.
Haera’s mouth stayed clamped shut.
“You don’t get it do you?” Alanis demanded of her. “I’m trying to take care of you! I can’t take care of you if you won’t tell me what you need, Haera. Why didn’t you tell me you needed more food than what I brought the last time? Why won’t you let me take care of you?”
Fear, shame, and anger were swelling inside Haera’s chest. She turned away from Alanis to sit on the couch. “I didn’t want you to get into trouble.”
Alanis tossed her hands into the air again. “Nickolas and I are leaving soon. You are leaving soon. Getting in trouble here doesn’t matter anymore, Haera!”
Haera shook her head, pushing the thought of leaving far away from her mind. She’d stay here with Theos. That would be fine, right? She’d mention it to her best friend after she’d introduced him. Did gods need to be introduced? “It does. If we give them any reason at all to deny my transfer, they will. That includes me fraternizing with you.” She finally answered.
“For fuck’s sake, Haera, the transfer has already been approved!” Alanis yelled.
“It doesn’t matter!” she yelled back, finally losing her temper. “It doesn’t matter. You don’t get it. I don’t even know how the paperwork was approved because Zyadon isn’t going to just let me leave his territory that easily. He’s planning something to get us to mess up. I just know it.”
Alanis looked more bewildered than she’d ever seen her, but her best friend’s face soon blurred when tears clouded her vision.
“You don’t get it. Zyadon wants me to stay so he can torture me. Why do you think he’s refused to let me leave all these seasons? Because he wants me to stay in the territory until I give up the pretence and come crawling back.” Haera lamented .
Confusion, anger, and fear flit across Alanis’ expression in quick succession. “Haera, what pretence are you talking about? He made the pack reject you because you attacked him.”
“No!” she was yelling again. It was all about to come tumbling out of her mouth and she had no way of stopping it. “He attacked me . He tried to force his mark on me. He raped me and then kicked me out when we got into a fight.”
All the colour drained out of Alanis’ face. “What?” her voice was a squeak of disbelief.
But Haera was breaking down, sliding down out of the chair and onto the floor into the only position she knew would offer her some level of comfort.
“Haera. Come.” Came Theos’ commanding voice.
Alanis squeaked again, backing away from her and into the far corner of the room near the door. Theos was reaching for her while she tried to curl up on the floor. His arms slid under her own, pulling her up and cradling her into his chest like an infant.
If Haera thought that she had been breaking down before, now that she was in Theos’ arms, the rush of safety that was absorbing into her skin and replacing the frantic fear threatened to cleave her soul into pieces.
“You’re safe.” He whispered.
Her soul was coming undone.