March 7, 1997 #3
After she marinated in self-pity for a while, her mind wandered to her husband.
Why was she so quick to jump in and rescue him from facing his own shit?
Surely there must be something wrong with her.
There probably had been from the start, now that she thought about it.
She’d always smoothed things over for him, letting him off the hook when he didn’t deserve it.
Replaced the cold truth with a prettied-up version of it, the same way she would redecorate an empty room.
Maybe Zane was a bad person. Maybe he wouldn’t ever change.
Or maybe he was finally starting to understand that the world didn’t revolve around him, and he would grow into the person she’d always given him credit for being.
1976
She shouldn’t have come. It was a mistake.
Sienna was right when she told Zane it was tacky.
Angela shouldn’t have to see them together when she had no choice but to attend.
But he was a decade older. Surely he knew better than she about most things—his wife, at least. Besides, if she hadn’t allowed herself to be persuaded, she would’ve spent the entire day and evening pacing Zane’s beachfront home, driving herself mad with the fear that seeing his ex would remind him of what they once had.
Zane’s proposal felt like it had happened weeks ago, instead of a few hours.
The blissful haze had only lingered until he handed the car keys to the valet out front.
As soon as she took her next step, all that happiness was swept aside by gusts of trepidation and guilt, which gave way to swells of suspicion and shame.
She spent the entire ceremony watching the man she loved for signs he might change his mind.
There was none to see, which offered a hint of relief to her wary heart.
But when the jealousy subsided, she realized how utterly out of place she was among the adults.
She stood out, and not only because she towered over Kitty, but because she was so very young.
Kitty told her she’d turned thirty the week before.
Thirty. She couldn’t imagine ever being that old.
Twenty sounded far away to Sienna, even though it was only a few months from then.
But thirty was basically halfway to ‘’til death do us part. ’
After the ceremony ended, the wedding party disappeared for photos.
Sienna stood in a shady corner of the garden, telling herself that no matter what happened that day, even if Angela got drunk and slapped her right across the face in front of everyone, it would be worth it for a life with Zane.
If she hadn’t been preoccupied by all the famous people in the crowd or her own youth or Angela’s tight smile, she would have had room in her brain to realize it was odd that Kitty was being so nice to her.
Shouldn’t she despise her? After all, she and Angela had been close for years, and here Kitty was, patting her large belly and whispering to Sienna about who had facelifts and who was secretly gay.
Sienna should have had her guard up but having an ally when you’re completely alone is irresistible, and she didn’t bother to question it.
Much to her relief, the afternoon rolled on without a scene.
Angela sat at the head table, sipping a conservative amount of wine and taking dainty bites of her Coq au vin.
She didn’t glare at Sienna during the speeches.
She didn’t wrinkle up her nose at her while the cake was being cut.
She didn’t yell at her and call her a hussy.
Finally, when the dance was in full swing, Sienna decided that nothing bad would happen and she allowed herself to relax.
She and Zane held each other close while the band sang ‘At Last’ by Etta James.
Zane sang along, staring into her eyes while she smiled at him adoringly.
“Has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful?” he asked, pressing his cheek to hers.
She laughed. “No, never.”
“Well, it’s true.” He dipped her, and she let out a little squeal of delight. When he brought her back up, he said, “Are you glad you came?”
Nodding, she said, “You were right. It’s been a wonderful day.”
“Yes, it has,” Zane answered. “Now, how about we say our goodbyes so you can get me out of this ugly tuxedo?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I kind of like it. The ruffles on your shirt really do it for me.”
They laughed, kissed, and then let go of each other.
Holding hands, they started for the door of the ballroom, only to be stopped by some music executive whose name meant nothing to Sienna.
The two men struck up a conversation about an old guitar the executive found at an auction.
Unable to contain her boredom, Sienna slipped away to the ladies’ room.
She was standing at the mirror reapplying lipstick when a cloud of yellow appeared at the sink next to her. She froze in place as if perhaps she could make herself invisible if she stood perfectly still.
“Having a nice time?” Angela asked as she scrubbed her hands. Her tone was light, her expression neutral.
“Yes, thank you.” Sienna didn’t dare ask the question back. She was smart enough to avoid that trap.
“Good. I’m glad.”
Sienna stared at her in the mirror with an expression that asked if she meant it.
She nodded. “I don’t hate you, you know.”
“You don’t?”
Shaking her head, she said, “No. I pity you.”
The women didn’t turn to each other. Somehow looking at a reflection felt safer than actual eye contact. Sienna’s heart pounded, and she decided not to ask her why, even though she was tempted.
Angela turned off the tap and shook her hands into the sink a few times as if flicking off the very last remnants of her soon-to-be ex-husband.
Then she picked up a rolled-up hand towel from a silver tray on the counter.
“He’ll do it to you too. You won’t believe me because he’s telling you how special you are, how he can’t breathe without you.
He’s making you feel like you’re the only woman in the world, and you’re wondering how on earth you could’ve gotten so lucky that Zane McCreight would choose you. But trust me, it’s an act.”
Sienna’s neck felt hot. Three other women were in the lavish bathroom, all of whom were silently taking in the show.
She wished Kitty would come in and defend her.
But Kitty had gone home an hour earlier, citing her swollen feet as the reason.
“I’m sorry. I am. Sorry about … how everything happened. ”
Angela shrugged. “Don’t be. It’s better that it happened before we managed to get pregnant. Now I can have a clean break.”
“Right.”
She patted her hands dry with the towel. “I’m sure he told you our marriage had been over for months, but that’s a lie. We were trying for a baby. Even after he met you.”
Her words felt like a spray of shotgun pellets, hitting Sienna everywhere at once. When she answered, her voice was a wisp of what it had been just moments earlier. “Oh.”
Sniffing, Angela said, “You’re a child so you won’t understand this, but I’ll tell you anyway in case you’re smarter than I was.
” She straightened her back to make herself taller, but she still only managed to come up to Sienna’s collarbone.
Lowering her voice, she said, “The only person who matters to Zane is Zane. He wasn’t always this way, but he is now and there’s no going back.
If you stay, prepare yourself for a lifetime of heartache. ”
An indignant rage came over Sienna. How dare this woman say such things about the man she loved?
She didn’t know what they had together. She didn’t understand who Zane was with her.
Everything they shared. What they felt. It was all as real as the stars in the sky.
She was just trying to break them up so she could get him back.
And it wasn’t going to work. She opened her mouth to speak, but Angela silenced her with a shake of her head.
“You don’t believe me. I already know that.
Because it’s different with you.” She offered her a sad smile. “It was different with me too.”
Angela tossed the towel into the basket near the counter and walked out, calling over her shoulder, “Oh, and you’ve got some lipstick on your teeth.”
Sienna lifted her top lip only to see Angela was right.
Embarrassment crept over her as she scrubbed her front teeth with the pad of her index finger.
The other women shared glances that said, ‘Isn’t this oh so juicy?
’ and Sienna wanted to disappear into the floor.
Since that wasn’t an option, she put the lipstick tube back in her clutch, pulled her shoulders back and walked out.
By the time the door closed behind her, she decided to forget all about Angela, who was clearly just a bitter old woman.
Zane, who had shaken off the talkative man, was waiting for her with an expression that made her positive that she was now, and would always be, the only one for him.
And if his eye started to wander, she would damn well make sure the rest of him didn’t follow.
Because if she knew nothing else, Sienna understood what real beauty could do to a man.
It could bring them to their knees. In fact, it had earlier that day.
She slipped her hand into his. “Let’s go home and get naked. ”