Chapter 28
KAI
At the first radio interview I ever did with the Howler, the newsroom was packed with eager journalism students who wanted to catch a glimpse of me off the ice.
I still remember looking out from the booth, completely dumbstruck that all these people wanted to hear my radio interview. It gave me so much hope back then because it felt like I wasn’t the only one who believed in my dream to play for the NHL.
That’s why it stings a little to be invited back three years later and look out that same window to see unbothered students playing on their laptops and phones.
It makes sense no matter how much it hurts.
I’m not sitting in this sound booth because they actually wanted me.
I’m sitting here as a last-minute booking to fill an empty space.
“Kai, you’ve been telling us about the importance of staying grounded as a way to handle the rumors and the criticism you face.
” Sadie glances up from her notes. Those curious, big, brown eyes narrow at me through her glasses.
“Still, the pressures of being a student athlete can’t be easy to handle. ”
I crack a smile. “The tear stains on my sweater are that obvious, huh?”
A flash of movement catches my eye. Outside the sound booth, Diana hides her laughter with the back of her hand.
The technician inquisitively raises his brow at her.
Diana shakes her head, then schools her face back into that neutral, guarded expression of the editor-in-chief monitoring a radio interview.
She’s standing in for the senior producer who’s down with the flu.
Diana checks the time to make sure it’s running smoothly, and sometimes, her voice will pipe in over the intercom to tell us how much time we have left.
She does all that with a calm, unrattled air that’s so sexy to watch.
Stop fucking staring. You’re being too obvious.
I snap my eyes away, hoping Sadie didn’t see me checking out her editor. But the young journalist is readying herself for the next question.
“With the stress of being a student athlete, what unexpected obstacles have you had to overcome beyond the game?”
This time, Diana and I lock eyes.
After traveling for away games these last two weeks, it’s been a while since we’ve stood in the same room together.
But it doesn’t matter how many hours and seconds go by.
Memories from September still race through my head, vivid as the day they happened: Seeing her again in Mellonbaum’s class the first week, our spat at the partnership dinner, making up at the arena, kissing and tongue fucking her against the wall at my apartment, becoming friends with benefits at the Wing and Flame.
I clear my throat, licking my lips nervously. “Well…it’s nothing crazy. It’s stuff you normally stress out about like keeping up your grades and making sure your performance on the ice stays sharp.”
“How do you end up dealing with your stress?”
My mouth parts. “Well, I—”
Diana gulps. Her eyes widen.
“I-I work out,” I stammer, “A lot. Uh…I do a ton of cardio—”
“We have thirty seconds left!” Diana cuts in.
“Well!” Sadie grins. “That’s all the time we have for today! Thank you for joining us on the Howler Radio News, Kai!”
“No problem. Thanks for having me.”
I stick my fist out. Sadie happily bumps it back. When the sound booth lights flick off, the reporters listening in on the other side of the window clap and cheer.
“Let’s go, Sadie!”
“Aww!” Sadie’s eyes light up as she takes it all in. “That’s so nice.”
My smile slightly falls. I hate the twinge of envy that rips into me. I should be happy that people are rooting for her. Instead, I wish I could be in her place instead of being trapped in mine where I need to work so hard just to keep a scrap of people’s respect.
When we step out of the sound booth, Diana waits for us in the control room, holding a clipboard.
“Great job you two!”
“Was I talking too fast?” Sadie panics.
Diana smiles at her and chuckles a little. “No, your cadence was fine. I do have some notes, though. You can take a bit of time to laugh and acknowledge what was said before moving on to the next question. It creates a more comfortable and conversational atmosphere between you and the source…”
I lean against the wall, quietly watching them interact.
The young journalist nods while her eyes gleam up at Diana with so much wonder and respect.
Diana told me Sadie is one of the few journalists at the Howler who refuses to believe the rumors about her.
I can understand why. Instead of treating Sadie like a na?ve first year, Diana speaks to her like another newsroom reporter capable of achieving whatever she puts her mind to.
“Other than that, it was a great interview, Sadie.” Diana pats her arm. “You can go and join the others out in the newsroom for tea, coffee, and cookies. I’ll start the meeting soon.”
“Thanks, Diana!” Sadie waves at me. “Bye, Kai!”
I smile and nod at her. “See you later.”
The door closes, leaving us alone in the control room. I unhitch myself from the wall and approach Diana with my hands in my pockets. “Got any notes for me?”
“Hmm…” Diana glances down at her clipboard with furrowing brows. “It says here that you need to improve on your social etiquette. You were terrorizing poor Sadie in there with your menacing charm and corny witticisms.”
“Oh, was I?”
“Mhm.”
“I’ll just have to work on that then.” I raise a brow. “Maybe you can help me?”
“I don’t know,” Diana winces. “I think you’re beyond helping at this point.”
I’m so fucking glad there’s no windows in this room because nothing is stopping me from coming closer to her. Diana’s breath catches, as my forearm props over her head.
“I’ll have you know, I am fully capable of behaving myself when it counts.”
Diana’s eyes flicker up, shining wickedly at me. “That’s not what the hickeys you left on my chest are telling me.”
“I didn’t want you to forget me while I was gone.”
“I suppose that was a good call. It has been a while since I’ve been railed by you.”
“Keep running your mouth like that and that might change.”
“If this is you behaving, then I’d hate to see what having bad manners looks like to you.”
“If there weren't people in the room next door, I’d hike you onto that desk and show you.”
Diana struggles to find her words. A slow smirk draws across my lips.
It’s been three years since I last saw her in this room.
I remember there were snowflakes in her hair and this hopeful, nervous glint in her eyes that you only saw in first years who were desperate to prove themselves in a new place.
Diana isn’t that girl anymore. She’s earned her spot with her head held up high and the sharpest heels on her feet.
Now all I want is to feel them rake down my back again.
She scoffs and thwacks me with her clipboard.
“Ow!”
“We can’t be acting like this!” Diana hisses. “We’re in a newsroom!”
“You started it first,” I point out, “And you’re roasting my social etiquette? Look at yours!”
“You’ve taken worse hits.”
“I don’t know. I might need a kiss for this one.”
Diana shakes her head, patting my chest. “You’ve had a puck fly at your face three years ago. You’ll be just fine.”
I gawk at her and scoff. “Exactly how much do you know about me?”
Diana gulps, her face going pale. She glances at the clock and perks up. “Oh, wow! Look at that! We’re out of time.” Diana pushes me out of the way and rushes towards the door. “You best be leaving.”
“Oh, no, no—” I hurry after her. “You’re not going anywhere.”
Before she can reach for the door, I push my hand against it. Diana avoids my eyes, yet she stares straight ahead with a stubborn lift to her chin.
“I have a very busy schedule to keep up with just so you’re aware.”
“Well, what does your schedule for this weekend look like?” I ask.
Her eyes peek up at me. “Why?”
“My presentation for Nirah is coming up and it’s been stressing me out lately. I was hoping you’d be free to provide some stress relief.”
“Say no more.” Diana turns around to face me again. She smiles teasingly. “I’ll bring the tea and stress ball.”
I chuckle. “As long as you’re naked when you do, it’s alright with me.”
Diana softens. “Seriously though, don’t stress too much. You did a good job delivering that presentation with me for Mellonbaum’s class on Monday.”
She has a point. After all, it’s not easy to do a presentation for your midterm over Zoom while drunk truckers are having a bash in the hotel room next to yours. Luckily enough, Mellonbaum gave us an A.
“Nirah already knows you’re capable,” Diana reminds me. “She wouldn’t keep you around if that weren’t true.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I rake a hand through my hair as a taut breath pushes out of me. Talking about the internship feels like lifting a heavy weight; exhausting and draining. But it’s a weight I need to shoulder if I want to keep my parents happy so I can keep playing on the ice.
“I know it’s not what you want. But it won’t last forever. You’ll prove yourself to the NHL, get signed to a team, and you’ll end up…who knows where?” Diana smiles faintly.
I nod, forcing a smile on my face. “And you’ll be taking over your dad’s company.”
“Depends,” she huffs, “If I can find a way to clear my name.”
“Still no luck?”
“No.” Diana pinches the bridge of her nose. “It’s already the middle of October. That leaves eight more months to win my father’s approval, get back on, and do something to persuade the board and our partners that I’m a good fit. Not to mention, put out any fires my siblings plan to light my way.”
“You’re going to do all those things,” I assure. “I know it. You’re more fearless and capable than you realize, Di.”
Diana smiles, a real one that makes her face and her eyes soften. “Thank you.”
I nod, as my heart aches to stay one more minute. “You’re welcome.”
Diana’s eyes drop to my lips. My breath catches in anticipation. My hands flex at my sides, desperate to rise and hold her face and kiss her. That’s all I’ve been thinking about while I was gone.
Except you shouldn’t be. You can’t give her what she wants nor can she give you what you want. All of this—the secrets, the sneaking around—is all you can have from each other.
I step away and snatch my backpack from the cubby. “I’ll see you on Saturday night?”
“Mhm,” Diana promises. “I’ll be there.”
I can still feel Diana’s touch linger on mine even when I leave the newsroom.
It burns like a damn beacon to the point where our secret arrangement always feels like it’s on the brink of being exposed.
“Fancy seeing you here.”
Dread sinks into my stomach. With my fucked up luck, Jonathan, Gregory, and Sophia are waiting for the elevators.
They stand out in their bespoke clothes and stylishly coiffed hair in a crowd of sweaters and sweatpants.
Sophia, as usual, is the only Huang in bright pink.
She stares back at me, looking bored and unbothered.
My fingers tighten over my backpack strap. “I had a radio interview.”
“If Diana was the one in charge, I hope it wasn’t too much of a trainwreck,” Jonathan chortles.
Imagining their heads getting crushed by the elevator doors doesn’t do much except provoke my anger. I ignore them and force myself to keep walking.
“Sorry about what happened at the dinner party, by the way.”
I pause, glaring over my shoulder.
Jonathan persists with that entitled drawl in his voice. “The apology is long overdue, but I thought you deserved to hear it.”
“You must know, our family is intent on working with the best,” Gregory chimes in. “We don’t hesitate to cut out weak links.”
I know. That’s why you barely flinched when you cut down your own sister.
But I can’t say shit like that. They can’t know that I care about Diana like this.
I shrug. “Consider it water under the bridge.”
The elevator draws open and the Huangs step on.
“Oh.” Jonathan twists around and smiles at me. “If you run into my sister in the newsroom again, give her our best, will you?”
Gregory chuckles. “Lord knows she needs it.”
They snicker. Only Sophia stays quiet. Her eyes stay on her pink satin shoes, while her thumb touches the scar slashing her palm.
Before I can think too much about it, the elevator door shuts, leaving me with an anger I have to repress if I want to keep my arrangement with Diana a secret.