Chapter 8
“Forgiveness says you have another chance to begin again”
— Desmond Tutu
—Get out of my car right now!” I shouted, looking at him with all the rage I felt.
“I’m not leaving, we need to talk,” he said, turning, leaning his back against the door and looking at me seriously.
“We have nothing to talk about! Go talk to your little girlfriend and leave me alone! Get out of my car,” I demanded.
“I already told you I won’t do it. If you want, start the car and let’s go, but I’m going to talk to you even if it’s the last thing I do,” he affirmed.
“Fine! Stay in the car!” I exclaimed, and opened the door to get out, but his arms wrapped around me and pulled me back to sit in the driver’s seat.
“Delfina, I’m just asking for a few minutes, just that. Let’s go somewhere else, we’re giving a free show here,” he said, looking outside where the parking attendants were watching us without trying to hide it.
“You don’t deserve even a second of my time, so my answer is no,” I stated, furiously.
“You’re right, I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking you, I’m begging you to give me a few minutes. It’s important that I tell you something, and if after hearing it you don’t want to see me anymore, I promise I’ll never bother you again. Please,” he pleaded.
I observed him carefully and noticed a change. Something had changed in his face; he wasn’t the Hermes I had known. This one didn’t seem like the person who bulldozed through life; it seemed like life had bulldozed through him.
“It’s important for whom? Nothing you have to say is important to me.
I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you, I want you out of my world once and for all.
All you’ve done is mock me, you’ve hurt me, you’re cruel, you’re.
..” and I couldn’t continue because the tears I had been holding back since I saw him burst forth with all their force, and I began to cry uncontrollably.
I crossed my arms on the steering wheel and buried my face in them to cry, to let out all that anguish and rage that was boiling inside me.
I felt his hands trying to embrace me, but I no longer had the strength to push them away.
I heard some light tapping on my door window, but I didn’t even bother to look, I just kept crying.
“Miss, excuse me, but there’s a car that wants to leave and can’t do so. Could you move your car?” I heard the valet say.
“I’ll take care of it,” Hermes responded, and got out of the car, opened my door, lifted me up and moved me to the passenger seat before sitting in the driver’s seat and starting the car.
I continued covering my face with my hands and couldn’t stop crying.
I didn’t even know where we were heading, but I didn’t have the strength to ask.
I lost track of time. When he parked, I had no idea how much time had passed.
Hermes got out of the car, opened the door, and took me in his arms again and carried me to.
.. to... to his house! When I looked up and saw where I was, I started moving to try to get down from his arms.
“Delfina, you’re going to make us both fall, stay still.”
“Put me down now!” I exclaimed, between hiccups from crying.
Hermes placed me on the living room couch and looked at me again with that strange look of his; he seemed vulnerable, he seemed surrendered, but my heart wouldn’t soften, and I looked at him seriously. He sat down beside me, though he maintained a prudent distance.
“Can we talk?”
“I can’t believe what you’re doing. Each day you surprise me more.
You had all these days to talk to me, but you decided to do it at the dinner, not without first parading in front of my eyes accompanied by your little friend Samantha.
You’re cruel. I don’t understand how I could have thought you were a good person; evidently, I was wrong.
I tried to understand you by justifying your behavior because of what you had experienced in the past, I wanted to give you a chance, even though you were always giving me orders as if you were the authority in our relationship.
A relationship doesn’t work like that; in a relationship, you are equals, you respect each other, it’s not about satisfying only your expectations, but of course, you don’t understand that.
You’re as distrustful as the devil, you get angry because I go out with your brother, who is my friend and who understands me much more than you do.
I don’t want you in my life; you only cause me suffering.
You know what I feel for you because I didn’t hide it, knowing that you made it clear that you would never love me, I didn’t hide it, but you didn’t care about my feelings when you decided to stand next to me with another woman.
That attitude speaks very poorly of you, but it’s evident that you do it regularly because, as you made very clear to me, you have never been with just one person because all you’re interested in is sex; there’s no other kind of involvement on your part. ”
Hermes let me speak without making any movement or showing any intention of interrupting me.
He looked at me seriously, but it wasn’t his typical seriousness; he seemed sad, but I couldn’t stop the litany of things that came out of my mouth without any filter.
It was as if at that moment I was venting, and I looked him in the eyes, expressing not so much fury as disappointment.
“I’m very sorry that you went through such an atrocious disappointment, but not all people are garbage like your ex and your friend were.
You let them mark your life, strip you of the possibility of being happy, and the saddest thing is that you continue to allow them to keep hurting you by living your life the way you do, denying yourself love, denying yourself the chance to open your heart, and denying yourself happiness.
If you don’t overcome your past, you won’t have a promising future, and you shouldn’t be so selfish as to damage the future of others.
It’s clear that you’re going to continue looking backward, and that way you’ll never know what you have in front of you.
For that reason, I don’t want to be in front of you, because you’ll run me over with all your strength, causing me serious wounds, and although you’ve already bruised me quite a bit, I’m in time to avoid deep wounds.
There is no place for me in your life. I won’t allow you to make me feel that one day I’m important and the next I’m nothing, and that’s what you always do.
If you don’t know what you want or are looking for in your life, don’t disrupt the lives of others,” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before saying the last thing I intended to convey to him, which I knew would break my heart.
“I’ve decided to distance myself from you.
I don’t want to be part of your life. I’m leaving it forever, and I ask you to respect my decision.
I’ve learned that sometimes not having what you love is a stroke of luck. ”
While I spoke I never stopped looking him in the eyes and he did the same, though I always tried to maintain a neutral expression while Hermes's face shifted from sadness to surprise and then to sheer terror.
I slowly rose from the couch and he remained seated with his head down in a position of defeat.
When I had barely taken a step, I heard his voice.
“Though harsh, your words are very true and your decisions wise and brave.”
“I don’t think they’re wise or much less brave.
They’re the decisions of someone who understands how things are and no longer insists on trying to change them or hopes they will change.
I want to keep believing in love no matter how much you insist on making me believe it doesn’t exist, and do you know why? Because of the way I love you.”
I looked down at him because he was still sitting and looking downward. It killed me to see him so defeated. Life had beaten him, and he, having all the weapons to fight and be happy, had allowed himself to be conquered, or worse yet, had surrendered.
“Goodbye, Hermes,” I said, before heading toward the exit, but I had only taken a few steps when his voice made me stop again.
“I believe in love too,” he said, loud and clear, and when I turned, I saw him standing and looking at me with dismay.
“I suppose you believe because you once felt it, but it’s obvious that afterward you armored your heart. You are what they made you.” I shook my head and turned again to continue on my way, but this time he stopped me by grabbing my wrist.
“I believe in love... because I feel it in every pore of my skin, in every bone in my body, in every beat of my heart, and in my soul. I feel it when I look at you, because you, Delfina Darner, got under my skin and awakened my heart that only beat to survive, and now it beats for the love I feel for you. You came into my life like a fulfilled dream I didn’t know I was dreaming.
Every time I close my eyes, I only see you, every time I breathe I smell your scent, and every time I go to bed my body craves yours, and without you I can’t fall asleep.
In the morning I get up and do everything mechanically because nothing interests me, only you.
I love you, Delfina, and I feel both strong and weak at the same time, I feel excited and terrified, because I have no doubt that I love you and I only want to be with you.
Grant me the honor of allowing me to try to make you happy, because your happiness is my priority,” he stated, emotional, and for a few seconds we stood looking at each other while he gently wiped away the tears running down my face, tears I didn’t even know I was shedding.
I looked at him and couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I felt a lump in my throat that prevented me from speaking and my heart was pounding in my chest alarmingly.