Chapter 8 #2
“What I feel for you I’ve never felt for anyone.
All these years I’ve been deceived thinking I had loved, but only when I met you did I know what love really was.
I lost more than ten years of my life behind the bars of fury, resentment, emotional destruction, disillusionment, hopelessness, and all the bad things you can imagine.
All those harmful feelings filled and imprisoned my heart, leaving no room for anything else.
Those harmful feelings were my driving force and I didn’t realize the damage I was doing to myself and causing to others.
Only when I met you did I feel the need to be a better person, only when I met you did I react and realize how miserable I felt.
Only you made me feel the need to change, to empty my heart of those harmful feelings to make room for all the good things you made me feel.
You brought warmth to my heart and managed to melt those bars that kept it imprisoned and frozen.
I know I don’t deserve you, but I’m a miserable selfish man and I ask you, I beg you to accept me because I will give everything of myself to be that person you deserve and show you every day how much I love you.
I belong to you, Delfina, my heart is all yours, you saved it, you saved me from the misery in which I lived.
You stopped my fall, opened your arms and your heart and sheltered me with your love, stopping my free fall into loneliness. ”
I wasn’t sure if what I was hearing was real.
His words resonated in my ears, but I couldn’t believe them.
Hermes had said everything I wanted to hear since I had met him and my heart was dancing in my chest, but now I was the one who distrusted.
I scrutinized his face looking for some gesture or something that would tell me he was speaking with irony or making a joke, though I knew he couldn’t be so cruel as to do something like that.
What I found was a man who had bared his soul and was terrified.
“Say something,” he begged, caressing my face and wiping away my tears.
“Your words are very moving, but why should I believe them?” was all I could say in a whisper.
“You may not believe them, but let me prove it to you with actions.”
“Are you forgetting that a moment ago you were with another woman? How can you suggest something like this after being with someone else in the same place where you knew I was?”
“I didn’t go with her, I assure you. I only went to that dinner to see you.
Samantha was there on her own, I have no idea how she got an invitation, and when she saw me she came to greet me and I couldn’t stop her from following me everywhere.
I was only focused on you, from the moment you entered the room I couldn’t take my eyes off you.
I approached your table to ask you to dance, to be with you, but when I was going there Samantha hung onto my arm again, I couldn’t do anything,” he pleaded in his defense.
“And you think that’s believable? If you were planning to ask me to dance, why didn’t you? Why did you let me think you were with her? Can you imagine how I felt?” I asked, sobbing.
“Now I can imagine it, but at that moment I thought you were with that guy who was doing nothing but pulling you away from me and... you left with him.”
“And did you expect me to stay with you and your friend? You’re so cynical, you’re...”
“Yes, you’re right, I’m a piece of shit who doesn’t know how to handle everything I’m feeling. Jealousy blinded me and that’s why I didn’t say anything, but when I saw you walking away with that guy, I went after you and...”
“And what?”
“I saw him take your hand and I thought you had chosen him.”
“Are you forgetting that you had a woman hanging on your arm?”
“You’re right about everything. I’m the one who keeps making mistakes. Love is too complex an emotion and I don’t know how to handle everything I’m feeling. I’m a disaster, I know. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“Hermes, I...”
“Give me a chance, my love. Let me show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you. I know with certainty that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and that’s why I wish with all my heart that the rest of our lives begins as soon as possible.”
I looked at him and exhaled, exhausted. An imminent migraine threatened to trigger and make my head explode.
“I can’t deal with this right now, Hermes.”
“Don’t leave me. I beg you to give me a chance. I’m going crazy wanting to kiss you, I can’t stand it anymore, but I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”
“I need to think.”
“Stay with me, I promise we’ll just sleep together, but I need to sleep holding you in my arms.”
“I don’t trust you,” I stated.
“I know very well what that’s like, but you owe me several sleepless nights and you should stay so I can rest,” he said, looking at me and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear while caressing my face.
“I’m so tired too, Hermes,” I said, my head beginning to spin as I let it fall against his chest, resting my forehead there.
Hermes took advantage of my moment of weakness and immediately wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly against him, and I collapsed into his strong embrace.
“Let me take care of you,” he pleaded, and seeing that I didn’t say anything, he took me in his arms and carried me straight to his bedroom, and I let him.
With extreme gentleness, he sat me down on his bed.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” he asked, looking at me with a gleam in his eyes that made them look like two shining emeralds.
“I don’t have the strength to move,” I replied.
He quickly walked away and within a minute was back beside me, carrying in his hands the t-shirt of his that I had worn a few days before to sleep in.
“May I help you with your dress?” he asked, cautiously.
“Go ahead,” I responded.
He stretched out his hand to help me stand up and, when I took it, I noticed he was trembling.
I looked into his eyes and had the feeling they reflected all those feelings he had confessed to me, and for a few seconds I couldn’t look away.
Noticing that I remained silent, he very delicately turned me around and began to lower the zipper of my dress.
I could still feel the trembling of his hands, but I made no comment.
With barely a touch on my skin, he lowered the straps of the dress and it slid down my body, leaving me wearing only the sensual bikini underwear I had on.
I felt his exhalation and immediately covered my breasts by crossing my arms over them.
Hermes took me by the shoulders and turned me around again.
When our eyes met once more, his reflected such ardor that I was about to throw myself into his arms and forget everything.
We weren’t speaking, but it was one of the most sensual moments we had experienced.
With extreme delicacy, but with a bit of clumsiness due to his trembling hands, he made me raise my arms so he could slide the t-shirt over my head.
When I did, his gaze fixed on my bare breasts; he looked at me with adoration.
Then he raised his eyes to mine and kept looking at me in silence, with only the sound of our agitated breathing audible.
The t-shirt slid down my body and when I could see his eyes looking at me again, my whole body shuddered and it took great effort to remain standing because my legs weakened.
Hermes looked at me as if I were the most beautiful thing in the world, but in that look there was also an indescribable feeling.
I had to accept that this man felt something for me, that I had managed to reach his heart and break through his armor.
Whether our love would withstand all our differences was another matter.
“Delfina, I swear I’m making the greatest effort of my life not to touch you. My hands are trembling from how much I need you. I want to make love to you, I want to worship you, let me love you.”
I looked at him and, for the first time in several days, I allowed myself to caress his face. Hermes immediately closed his eyes and pressed my hand with his to prevent me from withdrawing it. He exhaled as if with relief, as if my caress provided the comfort he needed.
“For today I’m content with this, because this simple caress brings my soul back to my body. I love you, Delfina,” he affirmed, without opening his eyes.
“Open your eyes and look at me.”
Hermes opened his eyes as soon as he heard me and looked at me without blinking.
“I love you, Hermes. And if you really feel the same way, I want to try again, but there are many things that have to change because, if they don’t change, even though we love each other, we won’t be happy.”
When I said it, he rested his forehead against mine and seemed to have lifted the weight of the world from his shoulders. I felt him relax and smile.
“I want you in my life, I want you in my bed, I want you by my side. I’ll do everything I need to do to make this work.”
“If you really want me in your life, put me in it for real, not one day yes and another no. If I’m going to be in your life, I want to be there because you’ve given me a secure place, I don’t want to be fighting for that place.”
“If anyone is going to have to fight for a place, it’s going to be me, because I understand clearly that I need to prove to you that I deserve the place I want in your life, and I promise to do everything in my power to deserve it.
” He looked at me and moved closer to my lips to whisper, “May I kiss you?”
“Kiss m…”