Chapter 5 Cass
She sips her whiskey sour slowly, and I can’t help but let my shameless eyes travel over her body.
She’s changed so much, and yet, she’s still the same girl I fell head over heels in love with all those years ago. That hasn’t changed, of course, and the proof of it – it’s inked on my skin like a brand of honor.
Sentiments, by Jenaux and Bryce Fox, starts playing, and I watch as Nia taps her feet and bobs her head in time with the song.
She likes Bryce Fox. Interesting. I store that bit of information in case I might need it.
“So… Hundreds and thousands of people will watch your documentary online, huh?” she asks tentatively, like her words aren’t meant to be spoken.
She’s trying to act casual, but I know it’s hard for her, just as it is for me.
“That’s what the creators and I are hoping for, yeah,” I say.
“That’s nice.” She gives me a small smile.
“I’m happy for you, Cass. You got what you wanted; you’re successful and doing what you love.
And that had been your goal from the very beginning, hadn’t it?
” Her eyes shine under the yellow lights of the bar, and I just…
I lose myself in her. In her simplicity and elegance.
“God, you’re so fucking beautiful, Nia,” I tell her, and swallow when her chest rises and falls rapidly as she stares at me.
“The first time I realized that, it was on your porch all those years ago on the night after our first kiss, and I…I almost fell on my knees in front of you. You took the sanity right out of me, and I was so helplessly in love that I didn’t even care. ”
She inhales sharply and glances around fleetingly. “Cass, please…”
“Why did you pick Brandon, Nia?” I ask. “Why him?”
“It wasn’t my choice to make.” She snatches her glass from the counter and finishes it in one go.
“Both our parents decided on it, so I just said yes. Brandon is stable. He has his own garage, and he earns really well from it. I didn’t want to rebel and disappoint my mom and dad, so I…
well, I said yes.” She sighs and places the glass back on the counter.
“But he wanted kids, and even after trying everything, we couldn’t have any.
He was getting sick and tired of hearing no, and ‘The test says negative’, so he just…
exploded one day. Scolded and demeaned me at a town fair 3 years ago and said he was done.
” She sniffs, then laughs, but there’s no humor in it.
“And I don’t know what came over me, but I looked him in the eye and said: “Good riddance. I’ll send the divorce papers your way ASAP.
” He stomped away without saying anything, and that was the end of us. ”
I polish off the rest of my beer in order to get the image of Brandon and Nia having sex out of my head. I know she’s watching me, know that she can see how I’m choking the ever-loving fuck out of the glass bottle, hoping it was Brandon’s neck instead, but I don’t hide my anger.
It’s all your fault, you dipshit, says a voice in my head. If you hadn’t left, things would have been very, very different now.
It’s an easy truth, of course, but one I can’t fully digest due to my lack of general common sense.
I lick my lips and tap my fingers on the counter. “Why couldn’t you have kids with him?” I brave asking.
She pushes a strand of hair behind an ear as she eyes her lap. “Lack of sperm count.”
“But that’s his fault, not yours.”
She shrugs. “The doctor asked us to keep trying unless we really had to resort to medications, but I guess Bran was done making fruitless attempts.”
I shake my head. “I knew he sucked at being a decent human being, but didn’t realize he was incapable of being a full-blown man, too.”
Nia places a hand over her mouth as she coughs, most probably to mask her laughter. “That’s…not a very kind thing to say. His flaws are his to endure. We shouldn’t make fun of them.”
I smirk. “Admit it, though: he deserves it,” I muse.
“Maybe…” She smooths a hand down the front of her dress. “But I think that knowing the truth has made him far more bitter than he was before. He’s more inconsiderate now, more…I don’t know…”
“Bitchy?” I provide. “Nia, he’s always been a dick. And for someone like him, there’s no redemption – only the scorching flames of hell, and a trident sharp enough to pierce his pompous ass into oblivion. Or whatever the hell-equivalent of oblivion is.”
She laughs – the sound loud yet sweet – then clicks her tongue. “I’ll have to agree with you here.”
I chuckle, and she meets my eyes before an almost regretful sort of expression takes over her face.
“Uh, I should go,” she states all of a sudden, then gets to her feet. “I have an early day tomorrow.”
I raise a brow. “On a Sunday, when the café stays closed?”
She hesitates. “I have other plans.”
Liar, I want to say, but don’t. Instead, I stand and step closer to her. “Let me walk you to your car.”
“I don’t have a car.”
“Then how did you get here? Did someone give you a lift?”
Real smooth, Cass, I tell myself. You don’t at all sound like a weirdo with stalker tendencies.
“I walked here, actually,” Nia answers. “I came here to meet my friends for our weekly drink sesh, but they left a few minutes ago, so it’ll be me and my feet again.”
“I can drop you home.” The words could not have left my mouth any faster than they did. Again, real smooth on my part.
Nia waves a dismissive hand my way. “That’s fine. It’s a short distance away anyway, so I don’t really need a ride.”
“It’s Saturday night, and the streets are full of drunk idiots, Nia. I know it’s a small town, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have assholes here. Also, you have a couple of drinks in you, and it’s snowing outside. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, or worse, get lost or something.”
She jerks her head back and gives me an incredulous look.
“I know my way around, Cass, thank you very much. How, you ask? Because I’ve been here the whole time!
In case you forgot, it’s not me who left; it was you.
You left. You decided to let go and move elsewhere.
So no, I won’t get lost; I won’t get attacked by some random drunk on the street.
And you know why that is?” Anger brushes its fingers over her features.
“Because I’m no longer that stupid and na?ve girl you ditched 11 years ago.
I’m a woman – a hardworking and strong woman – and I know how to take care of myself.
” And with that, she pivots on her feet and walks away from me, leaving behind a distinct imprint of her painful words that etches itself onto the constricted confines of my chest.