Chapter 6 Nia
Fuck him. Fuck him for getting such a reaction out of me, for making me feel things I told myself I wouldn’t, not after how carelessly he broke my heart.
Fuck him for making me question everything, most of all my sanity, just for the sake of his temporary presence in this town.
I told him I’m not the same stupid girl from all those years ago, and I mean it.
Then why am I acting like her right now?
This is ridiculous. It’s all just complete bullshit.
I huff against the brutal cold around me as I open my fence’s door, but stop mid-step when I realize there is someone behind me.
Slowly, with my heart pounding a mile a second, I turn and look towards the end of the street.
My gut tightens when I see Cass, leaning casually against a black SUV, with his hands in his jeans pockets and long, errant strands of his hair flowing with the wind, looking at me with an expression that could only be labelled as longing.
Why? I want to scream at him, but don’t have the strength to. Brandon’s words from earlier are still nagging at me, and despite feeling weighed down by them, I can’t stop thinking about the way Cass stood up for me, and the things he told me after.
And the words I practically spat at him before walking away from him.
I had been this close to telling him that I didn’t need him – not after everything I’ve been through already.
But… but it felt so good to have someone stand up for me like that.
My family and friends have given my asshole of an ex-husband an ample amount of shit for treating me the way he has, but…
but the way Cass silenced him, punched him in the face for badmouthing me…
Fuck me, that was hot. Him having such a strong reaction even after so many years – it lit something inside me. Brought something in me back to life, in a way.
I shake my head and look at him again. “Were you seriously following me?” I ask the obvious. Thank God for the cover of the night, otherwise he’d notice how flushed I am right now. Not because of the cold, but from seeing him look so effortlessly beautiful under the glaring moonlight.
“You don’t live with your parents anymore,” he says, then starts walking towards me.
I don’t know why, but I step back, and back, and back until my ass hits the house door. “I was married, remember?”
“So?” He lifts a brow as he walks through the gate. “You’re not married anymore.” He climbs the one step that separates us, then gives me a crooked smile. “Déjà vu, huh?” he quips as he glances around my porch.
“I didn’t wanna bother Mom and Dad after the divorce by staying with them, so I decided to get a place of my own.
This house luckily went up for sale a week after I signed the divorce papers.
” I lift a shoulder. “Noah lives next door, and the café is only a few minutes from here. It’s convenient and cozy. ”
Cass steps into my personal space, so I press my back further against the door. “I’m sorry about the whole Brandon thing,” he whispers. “He…he was treating you like shit, Nia, and I can’t even imagine the way he must’ve behaved with you during–”
“It’s fine,” I cut him off. “I dealt with it when I had to.”
“But did you really have to?” he asks, then scans my face. “Did you?” He places a hand on the wall next to the side of my head, then leans in so close that I can see every speck of gold in his brown eyes.
“Cass…” I’m breathless, scared. I’m eager, frustrated.
“I’m not going to be that guy and say that I should’ve been there for you, and I’m not going to tell you that if I knew about the Brandon situation, I would’ve come running to bail you out of it.
Because I seriously don’t know what I would’ve done then, but it’s like you said: you dealt with it when you had to.
You’re strong, Nia. So damn strong.” He places his other hand next to the side of my face.
“You don’t know me,” I tell him. “You don’t know me at all, Cass. You’ve never known me.”
His expression hardens a little. “You know that’s a lie.”
“Do I?”
He steps closer still, resulting in us sharing a breath. “It killed me to leave–”
“Don’t you dare bullshit me,” I hiss.
“I’m not,” he hisses back, then grits his teeth and brings his left hand between us before pushing back the sleeve of his sweater. “Look at this.” He gestures at it. “Look.”
I release a puff of air and do as he’s asked. When my gaze lands on his wrist, I can’t help but suck in a breath.
“It’s you, Nia,” Cass says with a strain in his voice. “You’ve always been with me, even when you thought I’d moved on. It’s you; it’s always been you.”
I stare at my name – inked in black – written in simple yet stunning calligraphy on the inside of his wrist.
“You’re the very pulse that helps me stay alive,” he tells me. “You’re the very beat my body obeys to, that it reacts to. I’ve had this tattoo for 6 years now. I got it done just so I could remind myself of what, and who, I left behind, but could never forget.” He drops his arm by his side.
I’m at a loss for words, and he, of course, notices that.
He glances at my mouth, which does absolutely nothing to calm my already hay-wired senses.
“Kiss me, Nia.”
“What?” In the midst of my trance, I do manage to ask a logical question. Not that it matters much, though, as I feel completely flustered under his gaze. But Jesus, he’s beautiful when he demands something, so how the hell am I supposed to keep it together right now?
He shifts on his feet, and his belt buckle presses against my stomach. “Kiss me, Nia,” he repeats, but this time in a voice that causes a shiver to run through my body.
“Cass, no.” I shake my head. “We can’t.”
“Why not?” he asks so simply that it makes me blink.
“Because you left, dammit!” I yell. “You left, and I was here feeling hollow and devastated and…and foolish. I was a joke to everyone at school: a pathetic girl with dreams too big for her cloudy little head.” I bite the inside of my cheek to stop my chin from trembling.
“It broke me even more, their words of mockery. A tattoo doesn’t fix everything you ruined for me.
I just…” I sniff and run my fingers through my hair. “I…I can’t.”
“I’m here now,” he says. “You know why I left, but I’m here now.”
“But for how long, Cass?” I scoff. “You’re here only to film a documentary. And what happens when you’re done with that? What happens when you’ve gotten what you came for? I know what’ll happen: you’ll leave – just like you did before.”
“Do you want me to apologize for it?” he sneers. “Do you want me to beg for your forgiveness for wanting to make a life out of myself? To do and be something in life? Is that what you want from me?”
“I don’t want anything from you.” I swallow and raise my hands in front of me, but clench them into fists and let them fall at my sides with another shake of my head.
“Touch me, Nia,” Cass urges. “Push me, slap me, kick me, but touch me. Do something – anything, dammit. Just fucking touch me, because I’m going out of my mind here.” He bends, and his nose brushes mine. “Please.”
“No…” I’m surprised my voice hasn’t given up on me yet, despite the pressure in my throat.
Cass’s eyes darken. “Fuck it, then.” He erases the sorry excuse of a space between us and practically crashes his lips to mine.
I gasp, and he uses that as a chance to run his tongue over the roof of my mouth.
He tastes like beer and mint, and maybe even cigarette.
It’s hard to keep track of everything, let alone commonsense, as he presses his hips against my navel and sucks on my bottom lip.
His stubble scratches roughly against my skin as my lips move with his, making it burn insistently.
I can’t even compare his older kisses to what he’s doing to me now, because it just wouldn’t be fair.
Those kisses were mild, maybe even a little shy.
But this – this is possession. The way he parts my lips and takes what he wants – it’s all-consuming.
The way he moans into my mouth and presses his teeth into my bottom lip – it’s inebriating.
I place my hands on his chest and make a vain attempt of pushing him away. “Cass, please, no–”
“Just shut up,” he grunts, then starts kissing me again.
His mouth drags hurriedly over my jaw, my neck, and my throat in fleeting bites, and I can’t help but arch against him.
His breaths fanning my skin are making me wet, and the weight of his hard body over mine is making me ache for him in a way I never have before.
“Cass…”
He groans as he licks a path from my throat to my chin, and when I part my lips for him, he devours me, taking every single one of my breaths for himself.
I claw at his jaw as I push my mouth harder against him, but he grabs my wrists, moves back, and grins down at me.
“If only you could look at yourself right now,” he says to me. “Fuck, baby, you’re a marvel.” His gaze dips lower as he lets go of my wrists.
I’m panting as I wait for him to do something. His eyes gleam as he claims my mouth in another kiss, then touches the tips of his cold fingers to my chest, right before pushing down the front of my dress enough to expose my breasts.
I inhale a shocked breath and try to pull his hand away. “What are you–”
“Shh.” He smirks, and when I try to speak again, he takes my right nipple into his mouth, making me moan out loud.
“Fuck!” My back bows off the door when the warmth of his mouth replaces the chill around us, causing goosebumps to prick my skin.
Cass bites my nipple – so hard that my vision turns spotty. His free hand cups and kneads my other breast, and he then starts alternating between sucking, pinching, and biting them both.
I know I’m going to have bruises all over, but as his lips once again wrap around my pebbled peaks and tug, I lose even the most basic train of thought.
Cass lets go of my nipple with a pop, then gives me a chaste kiss before stepping away from me. “Glad to know I’ve still got what it takes to make you tick.” He winks at me, then lets out a yawn that can only be classified as fake.
“Forgive me, but I’ve had quite the day – you know, from traveling seven hours to get here, to punching your ex-husband, to making you so wet that I could practically smell you while getting a taste of your inviting tits.
” He scratches his stubble. “I think I’m gonna go and get some sleep now.
But not before I jerk off to the sound of your voice when you moan for me, and your enticing body, of course.
” He back-walks until he’s reached the SUV, then gives me a two-finger salute.
“Goodnight, Nia.” And with that, he gets in the car and drives off.
A chilling breeze hits me like a slap in the face, so I quickly fix my dress before slumping in front of my door. I bring my knees up, then place my elbows on top of them so that I can hold my head between my hands.
What the fuck just happened? I ask myself, then sigh and close my eyes when a beautiful chorus of redpolls singing on a nearby tree meets my ears, all but pleading with me to push aside my thoughts, if only for a while.
And so, I do, letting my doubts and reluctance drift away with the wind as I get lost in a song I don’t really know the words to.