Chapter 36
Ainsley
“ I love you, Ainsley.”
Bang.
Bang.
The shots ring through my head, dragging me back to the days when I thought I was listening to Cain’s last moments. My tears have dried, and the fight in me has died. The video did exactly what he wanted it to do, but just in case it didn’t, he threatened to make me watch Cain get shot.
I’ve seen the scar. Traced it with my finger, wept over the pain I know he felt to protect me. Maybe I deserve to be tortured by the image of him being shot after everything I’ve put him through, but I just can’t bring myself to see it.
I know he’s alive. Alive, healthy, and most likely pissed that this is happening all over again. He’ll go through hell and back to find me, that much I don’t doubt. Rationally, I know he’s out there somewhere, using every resource he has to find me.
But something tells me his resources won’t be enough.
His father will be smarter this time, and more discreet since he’s alone.
I don’t even know where we are. We could be on the outskirts of town or hours away. My heart cries out for Cain as I tuck my knees into my chest, wishing I could wrap my arms around them instead of leaving them dangling from the chains.
The door suddenly bursts open, interrupting the silence that was driving me mad. The sickening features of Cain’s father, twisted with the wicked smile painted on his face, come into view.
“I’m going to unchain your wrists, and you’re going to remember why you’ve been on your best behavior,” he sneers at me as he gets closer. I think about biting him when his arms are resting next to my head, working on undoing the chains, but the thought of his disgusting flesh in my mouth nearly makes me vomit.
As soon as my arms are free, they fall like dead weights to my sides. I couldn’t lift them even if I wanted to. Pain stabs through them as blood rushes back, making tears form in my eyes as I try to suppress my reaction. He grabs me under the armpits and forces me to stand next to the bed. His hands stop supporting me before my legs are ready for my weight on them, making me stumble back into the bed.
He growls at me, a deadly gleam in his eyes, and I force my body to do as I command.
“You look disgusting,” he sneers once I’m finally able to stand. I want to scoff at him, but I control myself. Because of him, I’m sure my hair is matted with blood. I can feel the bruising on the side of my face from where he slammed me into the window, the blood on my neck is caked onto my skin, and my dress is filthy.
“No matter,” he says, brushing off his disgust. “The people I’m sending pictures to won’t be treating you any better, so they may enjoy seeing you in such a state.”
He steps back further, taking in the full sight of me. His eyes rake over me, from head to toes and back up again multiple times. Each time his eyes make another pass along my body, my stomach churns, reminding me how disgusting this is.
As if I could forget.
“Would you like to get out of that dress, maybe slip on something more comfortable?”
My face lights up at the thought, but the light quickly dulls as I realize his intentions. He wants to take pictures of me. Naked.
Thinking fast, I blurt out, “You’re really going to give people a free show? Aren’t you trying to sell me? Leave a little mystery, or they’ll lose interest.”
He looks at me suspiciously while I fight the urge to chew on my lip out of nervousness. I shuffle on my feet, still trying to get used to standing, as I avoid eye contact with him.
“Fine,” he huffs out finally, and I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Knowing that he won’t be sending naked pictures of me out into the world is like a weight lifted off my shoulders, though I know he’ll still be sending pictures of me. “Now stand still and do your best to look pretty.”
My teeth clash together as my jaw flexes, refusing to smile as he holds his phone up. I listen as he snaps pictures, hoping everyone can see the threat in my eyes.
Cain will find me and kill you.
If he doesn’t, I will.
I won’t be the same innocent girl that fell victim to a man like Carlos. I will protect myself this time, and if that means killing someone for the first time, I will gladly pull the trigger.
Once he’s satisfied with the pictures he’s taken, no doubt giving up on me looking like a submissive little doll, he struts toward me. I back up until the back of my knees hit the bed, making me stumble down onto it. As soon as I’m sitting, he reaches behind me for the chains, ready to tie me to the bed again.
“Wait, don’t chain me again,” I beg him. He pauses, which I wasn’t expecting, making me wrack my brain for any excuse I can come up with. Of course, from everything I could say to keep my arms free, what falls from my mouth is, “If you keep me tied up like that for too long, with no blood flow to my arms, my arms are going to become useless. And who wants to buy a girl that can’t even jack them off?”
I want to smack myself. I’m mortified at the words that fall from my mouth as I look at him with the most serious expression, refusing to let him know I wanted any other words to come out of me.
“Besides,” I rush out, trying to convince him while he’s still willing to listen. “There are no windows for me to escape through, and if I’m free to move throughout the room, you won’t have to chaperone me every time I want to go to the bathroom.”
He’s thinking it over, I can see it in his eyes, but he’s not sold. He’s running through every possible solution, trying to decide what the risks are and if they’re worth it. I’m right, and he knows it. If his buddies get here and I can’t even move my arms because they’ve lacked blood flow for so long, why would they want me? He’d be stuck with me, and then what?
“That’s what Cain did, when he kidnapped me,” I tell him, words just falling from my mouth now. “He had the window in my bedroom barred so I couldn’t get out, and he always kept the bedroom door locked unless he was with me.”
I could smack myself for reminding him to lock the door, but that’s a problem for another time. A locked door doesn’t matter if my arms are tied up. One problem at a time.
“What’s stopping you from drowning yourself in the bathtub or using a razor to slit your wrists?”
What is stopping me? I could end this situation before it ever really starts, and then I’d be free.
“Cain will save me. And I wouldn’t miss watching him put a bullet between your eyes for anything.”
My words are full of spite and truth, but instead of flinching from my cruelty, he only chuckles. After a moment, he backs away without chaining my arms back to the headboard, but I don’t let the relief show on my face yet.
“You’re a little spitfire, aren’t you? Maybe that’s why he can’t let you go. I’m leaving the chains off because I don’t want to watch you wipe your ass, but don’t mistake that for me going soft. If you try anything, I’ll make Carlos look like a fucking prince, got it?”
I nod quickly, willing to agree to anything if it’ll keep my arms mobile and get him away from me. He sits there for another minute, staring at me and waiting for something to happen, like I’m going to just stand up and dart around him to get out the door.
I can’t lie and say the thought didn’t cross my mind, but I’m not that stupid. I can play this smart. Cain taught me better than that.
Satisfied that there’s not a plot brewing in my mind, he stands back up to his full height and gives me his back and he walks to the door. If only I had a knife, I could end this all here and now. Or, if only he had set his phone somewhere when he went to tie me back up and then completely forgot it.
The possibilities run through my head as he closes the door behind him and I listen to the lock click in place. At least I didn’t have to worry about the lock being on the inside, because that would have been an immediate no for setting me free. Now, I can finally take care of myself.
Warm water washes over me as I sit in the bathtub with my knees hugged into my chest. I managed to get all the blood scrubbed out of my hair, which was no simple task, as well as the blood and dirt that lingered on the rest of my body.
Despite my head throbbing more from tugging on the knots in my hair to get it clean, the stuffiness of the steamy shower is helping me feel better. Besides, I don’t have to worry about paying the water bill, and the thought of running it up to anger Cain’s father brings a small smirk to my lips. It disappears almost as quickly as it appeared, but it was there, and for just a second, I was happy.
“Don’t worry, little one, you’ll be happy again. I promise,” comes a voice from somewhere behind me. The sound falls over me like a blanket, promising comfort and protection in my darkest hour.
I don’t react to it, though. It’s not real. If it were real, I would be able to feel the arms I’m imagining around me, and he would lift me out of here with the intention of rescuing me and bringing me home.
“How can you promise that when you’re not even here?” There’s more venom in my voice than I intended, but I have to take my anger out on someone, and imaginary Cain was always there to wipe my tears and take the sharp sting of my words.
He sighs and walks around, sitting himself inside the tub with me. He looks awkward and uncomfortable as he tries to adjust his long legs to fit in a tub with another body, and his imaginary clothes are wet and sticking to him, but he doesn’t care.
“Because I’m going to find you, Ainsley. No matter how scared you are, you know that’s true. You think I brought you back to me and have been trying to put a ring on your finger just so you can slip through my fingers? Not happening, baby. Just remember whose name is carved into your back. He can try to sell you all he wants, but you’ll always belong to me.”
My head falls onto my arms as I squeeze my eyes shut. His words send much needed hope through me, especially because I know that’s exactly what Cain would say to me. I belong to him, and no one else can ever have me. He’s claimed me, body, heart, and soul. There’s no changing that.
“Hey. Look at me, little one,” he coaxes me. If he were real, his finger would be under my chin, dragging my head up until I’m looking into his deep blue eyes. Since he’s not, I’m forced to lift my own eyes and create the illusion of those beautiful eyes so they’re sitting in front of me, gazing back at me with adoration.
“I’m scared, Cain,” I admit. Behind all my anger and pain, fear is taking over. Fear of what’s happened to me. Fear of what’s going to happen to me. Fear of more pain. But above all, my biggest fear is never seeing him again.
“You’ve been so strong and brave, baby, I need you to keep doing that. Can you do that for me?” His hand reaches out to stroke the tears falling from my eyes, but it’s like being touched by a ghost. I can see it and imagine what it would feel like, but there’s not an actual sensation to go with it.
“Can I tell you something?”
His eyes soften more as he nods his head, waiting for me to tell him the secret I’ve kept locked up, deep in my heart. It’s been pushed down so deep even I didn’t realize the truth, and it seems like these kinds of truths can only come out once I’m taken from Cain and speaking to the ghost of him.
“I want to marry you,” I admit, watching his eyes for a reaction. My imagination makes him excited and ready to pounce on me, but he stays where he is, letting his eyes express his happiness. He senses the ‘but’ that I haven’t said yet. “I want you to keep asking because I know I’m going to say yes, and to be honest, I don’t know why I haven’t given in yet. I never want to be parted from you again. No man’s touch will ever do for me what your touch does for me. Nobody else can make me so happy and angry at the same time, and no one can fight my stubbornness like you can. I want to marry you, but now I’m afraid I’ll never see you again.”
Cain moves closer to me, as close as he can in such a confined space, and the ghost of his arms wrap around me. He can’t reassure me by telling me what they’re doing to find me, because he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know how close they are, if they’re at a loss on where I am or if they’re going to come bursting through that door any second now. Imaginary Cain only knows what I know, which is why his only response is to pull me into his arms for comfort.
“Does this mean that when I find you, you won’t leave me again?”
Something between a laugh and a sob falls from my lips as his words register in my mind. Leaving him the first time wasn’t as easy as I made it look. If it weren’t for Ethan, I wouldn’t have been able to do it. My waking thoughts were consumed by guilt for hurting him and longing for his touch just one more time. My nightmares were filled with memories of Carlos and the sounds of Cain being shot.
It took weeks for me to feel like myself again, but it was only after I started calling him the monster in my head again. I forced myself to forget the time we had together and remembered him only as the monster that hid in the basement to scare me.
Even if I wanted to try this time, I couldn’t do it. We’ve come too far over the last two weeks, made too much progress to just turn my back on him. He’s the reason for my happiness, even if I want to slap him sometimes, and without him, I would never know love again.
“If you find me, I won’t leave you,” I promise him. Wishing I could go back in time and change my mind is futile, but at least I can make sure I don’t make the same mistake twice.