Chapter 37
The Monster
“ I f you think you’re going to keep me this time, you’re delusional,” her spiteful voice spits at me.
My teeth snap together as my jaw flexes. No matter how hard I try to ignore her words, they filter through every wall I put up. After all, she’s just a figment of my imagination, a way for me to punish myself for losing Ainsley all over again.
As if I didn’t learn my lesson the first time. I fought tooth and nail to get her back to me, even waiting months until I knew it was time to make her mine again. No time with her will ever be long enough, but this round, our time together was even shorter. I’m not ready for it to be over. It can’t be over.
But I can’t expect her to forgive me this time. This is the second time I’ve forced her to come into my world, and because I can’t let her go, she’s enduring hell all over again.
I wish I could switch places with her. Endure whatever torture she’s being submitted to, take away any pain she feels and bring it onto myself.
We have gotten no leads. Every property under my father’s names was searched, as well as the list of abandoned properties in the area. Each one came up empty. There were no clues in Guerra’s warehouse, either. We’re at a dead end, and it’s all my fault.
“When I leave you again, I hope it hurts you as much as it hurts me to know that you couldn’t protect me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, not really expecting my imagination to care about my words. No matter how sorry I am, it doesn’t fix what’s happened.
Ainsley scoffs in my imagination, an angry, mocking sound that makes me flinch. My Ainsley never talks to me like this, but then again, she’s too kind to hurt me. This Ainsley is unfiltered and will tell me whatever I deserve to hear, even if it hurts me.
I step out of the shower, hoping to escape her spiteful words with a change of scenery, but she just follows me as I walk to the mirror and wipe the steam away.
“What do you think is happening? Do you think I’ve already been sold? Am I being raped this time? I’m probably being raped. Some man looking to hurt you because of who you are is probably ripping into me every chance he gets and loving that he could take me from you. Meanwhile, I’m probably crushed under his body weight, covered in his sweat and wishing you were there to save me. How does that make you feel?”
“Like fucking shit!” I scream, wanting to lash out at anyone I possibly can, even if it’s the Ainsley in my imagination. Even if it’s the only version of Ainsley I can be near.
She smirks at me through the mirror, satisfied that she got a reaction out of me, and that’s when I see it. Her name, carved between my hips, calling to me like it did every day that she was lost to me.
“You want to do it again, don’t you?” she asks from somewhere behind me, her voice much softer this time. This is what she’s been driving me to do. “You deserve it. You should feel pain, just like I am right now. I want you to bleed, because wherever I’m hiding, I’m bleeding because of you. You don’t get to escape this just because you’re not the one being tortured.”
Her words are like a trance, pulling me in and convincing me that this is exactly what I need to do.
I won’t talk myself out of it. I know I won’t, because this is what I deserve. That thought plays on repeat while Ainsley watches as I reach into the cabinet under the sink and pull out the knife I had stored there, waiting for this exact moment.
She watches, in a trance as I drop the towel that was wrapped around my waist, revealing my nakedness to her. Part of me feels guilty, like I shouldn’t let her see me this way. It’s almost like I’m cheating on Ainsley, except she is Ainsley. My mind’s sick, twisted version of Ainsley, but still Ainsley. And she deserves to know that I’m taking her suffering onto myself.
We both watch in the mirror, silent except for our heavy breathing as the knife digs into my skin, carving open the A that had finally turned to a scar. Scarlet trickles down my body, sliding around my cock as the first diagonal slash is completed. I move to the next, and then connect them with a small horizontal line.
A.
With the smallest amount of pressure off my shoulders, I move on. Two horizontal lines, connecting by a long vertical line between them.
I.
The blood trickles down from both wounds, making my stomach look like it’s crying tears made from my blood. Next, I trace the two vertical lines, and connect the top of one to the bottom of the other with a diagonal cut.
N.
The next letter is harder, turning out blockier than it should, but it’s hard to make the knife curve while it’s carving into my flesh. Three horizontal lines. Two vertical lines.
S.
A single, long vertical line, met by a smaller horizontal line at the bottom is next. Blood is now dripping on the ground, but I don’t stop.
L.
One long, vertical line. A horizontal line at the top, and a matching one at the bottom. A smaller horizontal line right in the middle.
E.
Last but not least. A vertical line, with two diagonal lines coming from the top.
Y.
Ainsley and I stare into the mirror as the knife drops from my hand, falling into the sink and splashing droplets of my blood on the counter.
“You deserved that,” she whispers at me. There’s no malicious tone to her voice, no intent to hurt me. She’s just speaking the truth.
“I deserved that,” I repeat.
“If you save me, I’m going to leave you again, and you won’t follow me this time. You failed me, and that’s unforgivable,” she states, jutting out her chin to prove her point. My head hangs down between my shoulders, unable to meet her eyes anymore.
“I’m so sorry, little one. I failed you.”
“Boss!”
My head hanging low snaps up at the sound of the deep voice, followed by heavy breathing that’s getting closer to me. I don’t have enough time to react before Jonah bursts into the bathroom, pausing as his eyes fall on my nakedness and the blood dripping from my abdomen.
It’s not the first time Jonah has seen Ainsley’s name above my waistband, but it is the first time he’s ever seen it like this. Freshly cut with blood still dripping down my body. He clears his throat as his eyes rise to meet mine, trying to act as if he didn’t just walk in on me mutilating myself.
“Boss,” he starts again while I grab the towel, trying to cover myself before this gets awkward. “There’s a lead.”
My ears perk up at his words, and I can feel Ainsley getting closer behind me. She can’t believe it either, but Jonah has her full attention.
“John called and said there’s a man at the compound, asking for you. He says he has information about Ainsley.”
“Please, sit,” I command, trying my best to sound cordial through my clenched teeth.
The second the words were out of Jonah’s mouth, we were gone. I didn’t bother to clean up the blood covering my skin, though I stopped long enough to remember to throw some clothes on. My skin is itchy beneath the clothing as the dried blood cakes onto my skin and flakes off, but I just remind myself that I deserve this feeling. Ainsley surely isn’t comfortable wherever she is, so why should I be?
Imaginary Ainsley left me as soon as I started getting dressed. Apparently, the hope of finding Ainsley was too much for her. She couldn’t continue degrading me while I have a potential lead on finding Ainsley.
Enzo clears his throat nervously as he takes the seat across from my desk. His body language doesn’t hide just how nervous he is to be sitting in my office right now, and I can’t blame him.
Enzo Costa isn’t the head of a large cartel, he’s merely a gang boss from a few cities away. He has a non-aggression pact with me in case we ever cross paths, but he’s smart enough to know that if it comes down to it, my men could crush him like an insect.
It took a lot of guts for him to come to me, I’ll give him that.
Enzo clears his throat again while I sit, waiting impatiently for him to start.
“I received a message,” he announces. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “Your father and I weren’t exactly friends, but we tolerated each other, as you know. Apparently, that was enough for him to include me in his plans.”
Enzo pulls out his phone and searches through his messages while I work to hide the steam coming out of my ears at the mention of the man I’m supposed to call my father. When he turns his phone to me, showing me the message he received, I want to explode with anger.
My beautiful Ainsley. Standing in the middle of a plain room, still wearing the dress she disappeared in. Now, it’s covered in blood, as is half of her face. The same side of her face is one giant bruise. Whatever he did to her to cause all that bruising and bleeding, I’m sure she has yet another concussion.
The pain I caused myself while I carved her name into me is nothing compared to the pain I know she’s in.
Ainsley looks miserable in the picture. I force myself to stare long enough until I find the gash in the side of her neck, right where I placed the tracker. I knew it was gone, and I knew he had to cut it out of her, but seeing the slice in her neck makes it more real.
There’s no hiding from this. I don’t deserve to hide away from her pain and act as if some of it hasn’t happened. If I could, I would take it all away from her.
Underneath the picture is a message.
RYKER: If you have ever wanted revenge on The Reapers, now is your chance. The girl pictured here belongs to Cain Ryker, the new leader of The Reapers. If you choose to purchase this girl, you will be able to take out your revenge on her. If interested, I will send out details for an auction soon.
I slam the phone down on my desk before standing up to pace the room. He’s going to auction her off like some kind of farm animal, and just invited every enemy he ever made to get revenge on the new boss: me.
Jonah, who was standing in the corner of the room the entire time, walks forward and takes the phone from the desk. Once he’s done looking her over and reading the message, he curses and looks up to me.
“What do you want to do?” he asks me.
The problem is, I have no fucking clue.
Enzo sits quietly in his chair, waiting for us to decide what our next move is. By coming here and telling us what he knows, he’s chosen to be on our side. Unfortunately for him, he’s now my main lead on finding my little one, and I’m going to use him to get to her.
Stopping in front of my desk, I pick up the phone that Jonah dropped and hand it to Enzo.
“Call him and tell him you’re interested,” I command. As he raises the phone, ready to obey, another thought forms in my mind. “Tell him you would feel more comfortable taking part if those invited were required to wear masks, to prevent any potential wars from breaking out.”
Jonah and I stand silently over him as he dials the number the message came from and waits to hear a voice on the other end. While we wait, I make a mental note to send the number to my tech team to see if they can trace its location. While I don’t doubt their skills, I’m not going to get my hopes up that it will be that easy. My father was in this business for a long time and will know how to cover his tracks.
The phone call lasts only a minute, but from our end, it sounds promising. As soon as Enzo hangs up the phone, he turns his attention to us and fills us in.
“I’m in. Once he’s satisfied that there will be enough bidders, he’s going to send out a message with the date, time, and location, as well as the requirement to wear a mask.”
I nod my head as I try to go over every scenario in my head. My only saving grace is that he will want her in perfect shape for the auction, meaning he’ll keep his hands off of her. As long as she doesn’t provoke him, she shouldn’t have to endure anymore pain before I can get to her.
“You will let me know the second you get that message,” I inform him, not giving him a choice in the matter. Waiting this out will be the hardest part, but it’s the easiest way to get to Ainsley.
Enzo nods, agreeing to my command without question.
“Oh, and Enzo?” I call out as he stands to exit my office. He stops mid-stride and turns back to look at me. “Your help is more than appreciated, and you will be rewarded accordingly. You may now consider The Reapers your allies, and if there’s ever anything you need, please do not hesitate to ask me.”
Enzo nods his head once, acknowledging my words though still clearly nervous to be within the walls of my compound. I let him walk out, not wanting to make him more nervous by making him stay here any longer.
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Jonah asks from beside me as we both watch Enzo walk away.
“I have to believe it will because we’re out of ideas.”