Chapter 24 #2
Fresh air caught in Shay’s throat, and she coughed.
A tear and an apology? She must’ve slipped into a multiverse.
“Momma told you that a long time ago, and she’s been gone six years.
You’re telling me that you’ve held onto your anger at me just because I joined the Army?
Is that enough of an excuse to treat me the way you have?
And none of this explains why you were never home when I was a child.
” She looked away, unable to hold his gaze following her outburst, and she had no idea where the last accusation had come from.
She thought she’d accepted that part of her childhood.
He took a few deep breaths and held his chest. Once again, she considered whether or not to call for a nurse.
“Are you in pain?” Maybe she’d pushed him too far.
“No, no. I’m all right.” He pushed up to a sitting position and tugged the sheet over his stomach.
“You want to know why I was never home?” He mirrored her responding nod.
“Because I had six kids and a wife to feed. I didn’t finish school, Shanae.
I was making less than seven dollars an hour working every shift I could get.
When I wasn’t bussing tables, I was cleaning up this hospital or driving bus routes.
After all that, there wasn’t a whole lot of time left to take you to the park or to watch one of your spelling bees.
” He ran his hand over his beard. “That’s why raising you kids fell to your momma.
That’s why I couldn’t read you a story and tuck you into bed at night.
Don’t you think I wanted all of those things?
You think I didn’t miss playing catch with you and my boys on the weekend? ”
He clutched his hand to his chest again, and it hit her that he was stopping himself from sobbing.
His version of an apology needed work, for sure, but he’d decided to finally talk to her, and she’d never thought about how much he’d had to work to keep their family off the streets.
She’d never thought of it from his perspective at all.
“But I’ve been here for six years, Daddy, and you haven’t been working.
You’ve had all this time to spend with me, and you haven’t wanted it.
You’ve been like Jekyll and Hyde, asking me to come and fix something, and then getting me out of your sight as soon as possible.
Are you telling me that’s all the result of you being angry at my career choice? ”
“It wasn’t just that.” He sighed. “You remind me so much of your momma sometimes, it’s painful.
Like she’s here but not here. It’s emotional torture, and that’s why I want you here, and then I act like I can’t be anywhere near you.
” He pounded his chest with his fist. “It hurts so bad. Your momma was everything to me.”
Shay inspected her nail polish, trying to focus on anything other than the spiky ball rolling around her stomach.
Since Mexico, she’d been able to feel almost happy when she had thoughts of her momma.
She’d been the antithesis of Rosie’s mom, which had only served to increase the gratitude Shay had for being lucky enough to be her momma’s daughter.
But her daddy’s grief bled from him and invaded her whole being, reminding her of what she’d lost too soon.
“We all lost her, Daddy,” she said quietly, wrung out from the conversation and just about done with it.
“I know,” he said. “And I haven’t been handling it.
” He touched the bandage wrapped around his head.
“But this has knocked some sense into me. If the docs here hadn’t caught this in time, I’d be with your momma right now, and as much as I want that in a way you probably don’t understand, the Lord obviously saw fit to keep me here.
And I’m figuring that gives me a second chance.
A chance to put things right between us… if you’ll let me try.”
Shay didn’t say anything. She twirled her finger curls and thought about the way her momma used to spend hours fixing her hair, telling her how pretty she was, and how she’d wanted to hear her daddy say the same thing.
But almost every time, she’d ended up pulling on a silk sleep cap and going to bed without him ever seeing how beautiful her momma had made her hair.
Well, he was here now, saying he wanted to see her, but she hadn’t anticipated where this conversation might lead. If she were totally honest with herself, she’d expected him to shut her down and refuse to talk at all.
But he hadn’t.
And even better than that, he’d led the charge, owning up to his shortcomings in his own particular way and opening the door for them to embark on a new relationship.
That was all she’d wanted since she’d left the Army, to relate to him as an adult instead of just his daughter.
But she needed time to process everything he’d said, and he had to let go of a lot of anger.
It wasn’t going to be an easy path, and the perfect daddy-daughter relationship wouldn’t happen for them overnight, but this was a start.
This was more than she could ever have hoped for just a few short weeks ago.
Her daddy had been prepared to talk, but equally, she’d finally been prepared to listen.
That willingness had a lot to do with Rosie and how she’d cracked open Shay’s shell without even trying.
She recalled Aaron’s accusation that she’d closed herself off after their momma had died, and she was slowly realizing he might be right.
But where there’d only been darkness and shadow, light was now penetrating the cracks and illuminating the possibilities.
She’d been lying to herself that intimate relationships weren’t worth her time and energy, hiding from the vulnerability created from caring for someone…
and allowing them to care for her. And then, possibly, losing them.
And as that dawned her, she rocked from the recognition that Rosie had become that person for her, despite all of Shay’s rules and boundaries.
Her friend with benefits had become the lover she craved time with. But Rosie was happy with their situationship, wasn’t she? She’d said she was no longer searching for her Princess Charming, so Shay couldn’t upset the delicate balance they’d found.
She looked up at her daddy, who was watching her with what looked like hope in his eyes. She nodded and squeezed his hand tightly. “Okay, Daddy, let’s try.”
His answering smile matched the one on his wedding photographs. It was so genuine and unguarded, so hopeful and full of anticipation of good things to come. She couldn’t wait to tell Rosie how this had gone down…even if she couldn’t tell her how she felt about their relationship.