Chapter 25
Four minutes and thirty-one seconds had never passed so slowly or been so incredibly painful. Rosie cringed when Axl Rose sang the thinly-veiled reference to his sexual organ, and Shay glanced at her, clearly trying to conceal a wry smile. Rosie shook her head. “Oh, God,” she whispered.
Shay took her hand and squeezed it gently. “It’s okay.”
Rosie clenched her jaw to keep her mouth closed.
Shay’s intimate gesture moved her but surprised her too.
Those feelings continued when Shay didn’t pull away, and the warmth of her hand remained in Rosie’s.
They hadn’t seen each other in the flesh since the photo shoot, and Rosie had missed Shay’s touch and the feel of her skin, but mostly, she’d just missed her.
“Thank you again for coming,” she said quietly just before the song finally ended.
Shay ran her thumb over the back of Rosie’s hand softly. “I made you a promise, and I never break my promises.”
Rosie’s heart raced. God, Shay was perfect for her.
If only she was capable of making a promise to commit to them really being together.
That would be a promise Rosie could treasure and hold onto for the rest of her life.
She shook the ridiculous thought away. Rosie had known what she was getting into when they started their friends with benefits situation, and there was no changing the rules now.
It wasn’t forever. It was for right now.
Their time together was still better than any of her relationships where there’d been some far-off vision of a future.
Knowing there wasn’t one on the horizon removed the pressure and allowed them to truly enjoy the present moment.
She made her way to the small stage where Alyssa had created a stunning floral arrangement of black roses and golden-sprayed foliage.
Rosie’s mom would’ve loved it, though she would’ve bitched about the gold being fake.
But the memorial had cost enough already, and with a $50,000 debt still looming large, she’d have to lump it.
She turned and looked around at the small number of people gathered in the modest, exposed brick loft of Round Run Records.
This place was the only one of sixteen stores she’d tried who were open to hosting a memorial, and they’d been her last hope to fulfill one of her mom’s most adamant final wishes—she’d underlined it repeatedly and circled it so many times, the pen had almost gone through the paper.
Rosie had always thought her mom loved music more than her.
She lost count of the times her mom bought new vinyl instead of food, claiming music fed her soul.
To a young Rosie, it was a claim that left her hungry and sucking on stolen sugar cubes from a nearby café.
She gripped the mic briefly before deciding she didn’t need it to be heard and pushed it aside.
“My mom used to love regaling me with fanciful adventures involving one friend or another, leading me to believe she was incredibly popular. When I called to tell all those friends about Mom’s passing and this memorial, I expected them to rush to Chicago to say their final goodbyes.
” She gestured to the half-empty room. “But in the end, she wasn’t even a little bit popular, because not a single person she actually knew wanted to be here.
And the only people gathered here today have come for me, not Mom.
” She looked at Shay, whose presence meant so much, given what she was going through with her own family.
Shay’s answering smile brightened the room more than any of the unused spotlights could have, and her light chased away the darkness Rosie’s mom cast in her heart.
“It’s sad for her, but I’m overwhelmed with gratitude to you.
The friends and…” She thought of how to describe Shay and came up empty.
What she’d give to call Shay her partner or girlfriend.
“Well, I’m so grateful to Lori and my new friends who are my chosen family.
” Rosie blew a kiss in the direction of Shay, Gabe, and the rest of the gang.
Then she locked eyes with Alyssa and smiled. “And I’m grateful to old friends I’ve neglected, and I hope that now that we’ve reconnected, we’ll stop wasting precious time.” In her peripheral vision, she saw Shay glance over her shoulder, but her neutral expression gave nothing away.
“Memorials are supposed to be an opportunity to celebrate and remember the person who’s passed.
People are supposed to tell anecdotes and stories of special times.
They read poems or passages from books that were important to the person.
I’m told there can be dancing and singing too.
” She looked again at Shay, who smiled and nodded encouragement.
“But there’s none of that today, which I’m sort of ashamed about.
But the great thing about being here with you is that I can say that without feeling judged.
There’s no one here who can share lovely stories about my mom that’ll make you feel warm and cuddly inside.
There are no heartwarming tales of her generosity or selflessness.
There’s no one here whose life was positively influenced by her.
The most positive thing she did for me was give me life, so I’m thankful for that, at least.”
Lori laughed lightly. “I’m thankful for that too.”
“And me,” Shay said.
Rosie heard similar sentiments from RB and Solo, which filled her heart with joy.
Just a few months ago, she counted Lori and Ellery as her go-to friends, but now her circle had expanded to include all the people Lori had brought into her life via Gabe.
Most importantly, Shay. It was another good reason never to declare she was in love with Shay and just to let their situationship run its natural course.
“But hopefully I can learn from the absence of those things at this memorial and not make any of the same mistakes my mom made, like surrounding myself with fair weather friends who don’t really care for me at all.
I don’t want to think about my own funeral for a long, long time,” she smiled at the ripple of laughter, “but I hope to live the rest of my life truly connected in a meaningful way to my friends, my chosen family, so there damn well will be singing and dancing around my coffin!”
“In a good way,” RB shouted.
“Yeah,” Rosie said and pointed at RB, “definitely in a good way. So I’m going to stop jabbering at you now and say thank you again for being here.
It means so much to me, you wouldn’t believe it.
And your reward for giving up your Saturday and putting up with this incredibly morose memorial is free food and an open bar at Bonnie’s, where I hope we can celebrate each other and our connections.
” She nodded to the store guy at the sound system, and the opening guitar riffs of “Highway to Hell” boomed from the speakers.
Woody whooped and hollered and started playing air guitar. When the lyrics kicked in, Gabe, RB, and Solo joined in, and Rosie clasped her hand over her mouth as she laughed and shook her head. Her mom would’ve liked the rendition for their enthusiasm if not for their singing talent.
Shay held out her hand to help Rosie down from the stage and then gestured to Alyssa. “Who’s your curly-haired friend?”
“That’s Alyssa. She made the floral arrangements, but she’s also a friend from college.” She stopped herself from saying any more but didn’t know why. Shay wasn’t the jealous type. It was more likely she was interested in Alyssa for herself.
“Just a friend?”
Her question indicated that Shay had obviously picked up on the vibe Rosie was so eager to conceal. “Fine. I used to have a massive crush on her, and she wouldn’t be pinned down into a monogamous relationship.”
Shay grinned. “You’ve got a type: hard to get.”
Rosie grasped the back of Shay’s neck and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. “Hard to get and incredibly beautiful,” she said, liking that Shay’s eyes were half-lidded in drunken desire when she finally let her go.
Lori popped up beside them and pried them apart. “Put her down. You don’t know where she’s been.”
“Sure she does,” Shay said and smiled. “I’ve been at the hospital or the garage.”
“I don’t need to know where she’s been.” Rosie glared at Lori, though she was just being overprotective. Lori knew Rosie’s heart was on the line, but Shay was blissfully ignorant. “That’s the beauty of a situationship: no jealousy or possessiveness.”
Shay wrapped her hand around Rosie’s wrist and tugged lightly. “I don’t know about that.”
Rosie looked at Shay, trying to figure out exactly which bit she was unsure of, but she just grinned.
Lori stroked Rosie’s upper arm. “How are you doing?” she asked, tilting her head slightly.
“Surprisingly, I think I’m okay.” She gestured back to the stage, where Alyssa was busy packing the roses into boxes. “I was nervous about that, but it went okay. I’m feeling her loss, but just not in a visceral way, you know?”
Lori nodded. “Nobody’s expecting you to be a sobbing, grieving mess, Rosie. We only care about you and want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all.”
“Thank you.” She took Lori’s hand and squeezed. “And I really am. I’m pretty sure I’ve done my grieving. And when I’ve dealt with the ashes per her final request, I’ll get closure for good.”
“Have you worked out when you’re scattering them?” Lori asked.
Rosie rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. Franklin wasn’t happy about the five days in Mexico, especially considering where I was with the Unity Tools project. It might take a while before I can work up enough of his goodwill to secure a couple days’ vacation.”
Shay slipped her arm around Rosie’s waist. “You could take a break between quitting that job and going back to your practice.”