19. Andrea
As I leave the bathroom, my mind races, trying to process the whirlwind of emotions crashing over me like a tidal wave. But before I can even begin to formulate a response, I find that Josh is nowhere to be found.
“Jeremy, what have you done?” I whisper, my voice barely audible over the chaos of the moment.
Jeremy’s eyes are filled with a desperate longing as he steps closer to me, his words tumbling out in a rush. “Andrea, I had to tell you. I couldn’t keep it inside any longer. I love you,” he says, his voice pleading.
I shake my head, my mind spinning with confusion and disbelief. “Jeremy, this...this is all too much,” I say, my voice trembling with uncertainty.
But Jeremy isn’t deterred. He reaches out to touch my arm, but I don’t respond to his touch the way I do with Josh. There is no connection. “Andrea, please. I know this is a lot to take in, but I had to tell you the truth. I can’t keep pretending that I don’t feel this way,” he insists, his voice filled with desperation.
I pull away from him, my heart pounding in my chest as I struggle to find the right words. “Jeremy, I…I thought I loved you in high school, but it was nothing compared to how I feel for Josh,” I confess, the words spilling out before I can stop them.
Jeremy’s face falls, his eyes filled with hurt and disappointment. “Andrea, please don’t say that. Just give me a chance,” he pleads, his voice cracking with emotion.
But I can’t bring myself to entertain the thought of a future with Jeremy, not when my heart belongs to someone else. “I’m sorry, Jeremy. But I need you to stay away from me,” I say, my voice firm despite the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
With that, I turn and run out of the church, desperate to find Josh and make things right. But as I burst through the doors, I’m met with a mostly empty parking lot. Josh is nowhere in sight.
Tears blur my vision as I realize what’s happened, the weight of my actions crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. I had let Josh slip through my fingers, too caught up in my own confusion and fear to realize what was truly important.
Determined to make things right, I rush back inside the church and quickly gather my things, my hands shaking with adrenaline as I race to find someone still here that is heading back to the city. With a sense of purpose driving me forward.
***
As we drive through the night, my mind is consumed with thoughts of Josh and what could have been. The memory of his face, filled with pain and betrayal, haunts me like a ghost, a constant reminder of the mistakes I’ve made.
Once I am home, I sit in my apartment, the weight of my recent actions heavy on my mind, I realize that I need someone to talk to, someone who can offer me guidance and support in this moment of uncertainty. With a deep breath, I pick up my phone and dial Tanya’s number, my heart pounding with nervous anticipation.
After a few rings, Tanya answers, her voice filled with warmth and concern. “Hey, Andrea, what’s up?” she asks, her tone gentle and reassuring.
“Hey, Tanya,” I reply, my voice tinged with uncertainty. “I...I’ve messed up big time.”
There’s a moment of silence on the other end of the line, as Tanya processes my words. “What do you mean, Andrea? What happened?” she asks, her voice filled with concern.
I pause, unsure of how to articulate the whirlwind of emotions swirling within me. “I...I can’t really explain it right now, Tanya,” I say, my voice trembling with uncertainty. “But I promise you, I’m going to fix it. I’m going to make things right, no matter what.”
Tanya’s voice softens with understanding, her words a comforting presence in the midst of my turmoil. “I don’t understand what is going, Andrea. But whatever it is, I know you’ll find a way to fix it,” she says, her tone filled with unwavering support.
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I listen to Tanya’s words, her faith in me a beacon of hope in the darkness. “Thank you, Tanya,” I say, my voice choked with emotion. “I just needed to hear a friendly voice; you know?”
“Of course, Andrea. Anytime,” Tanya replies, her voice warm and reassuring. “Just know that I’m here for you, no matter what.”
With a deep sense of gratitude filling my heart, I bid Tanya goodbye and end the call, a renewed sense of determination coursing through my veins. No matter how daunting the road ahead may seem, I know that with Tanya’s support, I can face whatever challenges lie ahead.
As I sit in the dimly lit room, the events of the past day replaying in my mind like a broken record, I realize with a start that tomorrow is the day Josh opens his restaurant. The thought sends a jolt of anticipation through me, mingled with a sense of urgency to make things right between us.
With a determined resolve, I decide that I won’t let another moment pass without telling Josh how I truly feel. I’ll crash his restaurant opening if I have to, but for now, all I can do is try to get some rest and gather my thoughts for the day ahead.
As I slip beneath the covers and close my eyes, my mind swirls with images of Josh’s face, filled with pain and uncertainty. I can’t bear the thought of him feeling that way because of me, and I’m determined to make things right.
I reach for my phone, fingers trembling with anticipation, as I dial Josh’s number. Each ring feels like an eternity, my heart pounding in my chest with every passing moment. But as the call goes to voicemail, a sinking feeling washes over me, leaving me feeling more alone than ever.
“Hey, it’s me,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “I just...I need to talk to you. Please, call me back when you get this.”
As I hang up the phone, a wave of uncertainty crashes over me, leaving me feeling adrift in a sea of unanswered questions. Why won’t he pick up? Is he avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?
The doubts swirl around in my mind, taunting me with their persistence. What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he’s moved on? What if—
But amidst the fear and uncertainty, there’s a glimmer of hope, a small voice whispering in the back of my mind. Maybe he’s just busy. Maybe he’ll call me back later.
But as the hours tick by and the phone remains silent, the nagging doubts grow louder, drowning out the voice of reason. What if he’s really gone? What if I’ve lost him forever?
The thought sends a shiver down my spine, the fear of losing Josh too much to bear. But even as I wrestle with my doubts and fears, a stubborn resolve begins to take root within me.
I won’t give up on him. I won’t let fear and uncertainty stand in the way of what we could have together. I’ll find a way to reach him, to make him understand how much he means to me.
With renewed determination, I pick up my phone once more, fingers flying over the keys as I send him a text message. “Please, call me when you get this. It’s important.”
And then, all I can do is wait, my heart heavy with the weight of uncertainty, but filled with a stubborn hope that refuses to be extinguished.
As I try to settle into bed, my phone buzzes once again, signaling an incoming call. I glance at the screen to see Jeremy’s name flashing, and a sense of frustration washes over me. I debate whether to answer it or ignore him, but ultimately, curiosity gets the better of me, and I press the answer button.
“Jeremy?” I say, my voice tinged with annoyance.
“Andrea, we need to talk,” Jeremy’s voice comes through the line, urgent and pleading.
I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the conversation ahead. “Jeremy, I’ve already told you, there’s nothing left to say. I don’t want to hear it,” I reply, my tone firm.
“But Andrea, please, just hear me out,” Jeremy persists, his voice desperate.
I shake my head, frustration bubbling to the surface. “No, Jeremy. I’m done listening to you like you’re some kind of god or something. I’ve made myself clear, I don’t have feelings for you anymore. You need to accept that and move on,” I say, my voice unwavering.
There’s a tense silence on the other end of the line, and for a moment, I think he might actually listen to me. But then, he speaks again, his voice filled with bitterness and anger.
“You’ll regret this, Andrea. You’ll see,” he says, his words dripping with malice.
I feel a surge of anger rise within me at his veiled threat. “Is that a threat, Jeremy? Because let me make one thing clear—if you don’t stop calling me and harassing me, I won’t hesitate to go to the police. Do you understand?” I say, my voice cold and steely.
There’s a beat of silence before Jeremy responds, his voice barely above a whisper. “Fine. Have it your way,” he says, before ending the call abruptly.
I let out a sigh of relief, grateful that the conversation is finally over. But even as I set my phone aside and try to settle back into bed, I can’t shake the feeling of unease that lingers in the air. Jeremy’s threats may have stopped for now, but I know that this isn’t the end of it.
With a sense of longing fills my heart, I quickly compose a text message to Josh, my fingers flying over the keys as I pour out my gratitude and love for him.
I just wanted to say good luck on your opening tomorrow. I know you may not see this on time but, I want you to know that I really appreciate the sacrifices you have made for me and for us despite the fact that it was fake. It means more to me than you’ll ever know. I wish you had stayed around so I could tell you what you mean to me. I was shocked at what Jeremy said, yes, but I also told him to stay away from me. He was in my past. He will never be a part of my future. I miss you, and I hope that you will come and talk to me. You mean so much to me, I cannot lose you.
As I hit send, a sense of peace settles over me, knowing that my message will reach Josh and convey the depth of my feelings for him. I hope that despite the ups and downs of yesterday, he may feel the same as I do—that we are worth fighting for. I just have to get him to talk to me.
But even as I try to push aside my worries and fears, sleep eludes me, my mind racing with a million thoughts and emotions. It’s only when exhaustion finally overtakes me that I drift into a fitful slumber, the promise of tomorrow’s confrontation looming large in my dreams.