18. Josh
As Jeremy’s confession hangs heavy in the air, I feel a surge of conflicting emotions wash over me. Anger, sadness, and a deep sense of betrayal battle for dominance within me as I struggle to process what I’m hearing.
I had known something was brewing, a sense of impending doom hanging over the day like a dark cloud. But I never imagined it would come to this—Jeremy, professing his love for Andrea right in front of me, on his own wedding day, no less.
As Jeremy pours his heart out, I pray silently for Andrea to shut him down immediately, to put an end to this madness before it goes any further. But as I steal a glance at her, I’m met with a sight that breaks my heart.
She stands there, her face a blank mask of shock and disbelief, her lips pressed tightly together as she listens to Jeremy’s confession. There’s no anger in her eyes, no trace of defiance—just a numb resignation that cuts me to the core.
I can feel the tears stinging my eyes as I watch her, my heart aching with a pain I can barely comprehend. She’s the woman I love, the one I would do anything for, and yet she stands there, silent and unmoving, as another man professes his love for her.
And in that moment, I realize the truth that I’ve been trying to deny all along.
She doesn’t love me. She loves him.
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks, knocking the breath from my lungs as I struggle to come to terms with the enormity of it all. I had hoped against all hope that she might feel something for me, that our friendship might blossom into something more, but now I see that it was all just wishful thinking.
Angry and saddened by the turn of events, I turn on my heels and stride purposefully out of the church, my footsteps echoing in the empty silence of the hallway. I struggle against the desire to go back and talk some sense into her, and I can feel the weight of Andrea’s gaze burning into my back, but I refuse to look back, refuse to let her see the pain that’s written on my face.
As I step out of the church, my heart heavy with the weight of Andrea’s silence and Jeremy’s confession, I find myself standing alone in the parking lot, staring at the horizon with a mixture of anger and resignation.
But before I can make a move, I see Melissa emerge from the venue, her tear-streaked face a heartbreaking sight. Without thinking, I make my way over to her, my footsteps echoing in the silence of the night.
“Melissa, wait,” I call out, my voice barely above a whisper as I reach her side.
She turns to face me, her eyes red-rimmed but filled with a quiet strength that takes me by surprise. “Josh,” she says, her voice barely a whisper as she struggles to compose herself.
I search her face for any sign of understanding, any hint that she knows what I’m going through, but all I see is a profound sadness that mirrors my own. “Melissa, I’m so sorry about everything. I know this must be incredibly hard for you,” I say, my voice filled with genuine remorse.
She shakes her head, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. “Do you even care, Josh? I mean, why? Oh because of Andrea?” she asks, her voice tinged with anger.
I open my mouth to respond, to try and explain myself, but the words catch in my throat. How can I explain the tangled mess of emotions swirling within me, the conflicting desires and regrets that threaten to consume me?
Melissa watches me, her gaze piercing in its intensity. “Were you even in a relationship with her?” she asks, her voice filled with disbelief.
I stand there, unable to answer, unable to meet her eyes as the weight of her question bears down on me. The truth is, I don’t know what we were, what we are—all I know is that I love her, with every fiber of my being.
But before I can muster a response, Melissa speaks again, her voice softening with understanding. “It doesn’t matter, Josh. Even if you weren’t in a relationship with her, I know you care for her. I see how you look at each other,” she says, her voice filled with sadness.
I reach out to touch her arm, to offer some semblance of comfort, but she pulls away, her eyes brimming with tears. “I have to go, Josh. I can’t be here anymore,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.
I watch helplessly as she walks away, leaving me standing alone in the empty parking lot, grappling with the weight of her words and the uncertainty of my own heart.
Just standing there, a silent reminder of the life I thought I could have with Andrea. But now it’s nothing but a cruel joke, a symbol of all the hopes and dreams that have come crashing down around me.
The weight of Melissa’s words and the memory of Jeremy’s confession weigh heavily on my mind. My thoughts are consumed by the image of Andrea’s face, blank and silent as Jeremy poured his heart out to her.
And then, as if on cue, the memory comes rushing back to me, vivid and painful in its clarity. I close my eyes, trying to shut out the images that threaten to overwhelm me, but they persist, haunting me with their intensity.
“Andrea,” Jeremy’s voice echoes in my mind, filled with a desperation that cuts to the bone.
I can feel my heart clenching painfully in my chest as I replay his words, each syllable a dagger to my soul. “You need to know something.”
The memory of his confession plays out before me, a cruel reminder of everything I’ve tried so hard to ignore. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. Ever since high school, I’ve had feelings for you, but I was too afraid to tell you.”
I clench my fists in frustration, the anger and bitterness threatening to consume me. “I’ve watched you from afar all these years, wishing I had said ‘yes’ when you asked me to be your Valentine. Now, seeing you with Josh and I wish it was me by your side. I’ve hated seeing you with him, knowing that I could never have what he has.”
But amidst the pain and anger, there’s a nagging doubt that refuses to be ignored.
What if Andrea does love him back?
The thought sends a wave of nausea washing over me, the fear of losing her too much to bear.
And then, as if on cue, the floodgates open, and I’m consumed by a tidal wave of emotions.
“How could she do this to me?” I whisper to myself, my voice choked with tears. “How could she stand there and listen to him, knowing how much it would hurt me?”
Well, I technically didn’t tell her about how I felt, she obviously doesn’t feel the same.
But amidst the anger and despair, there’s a small voice in the back of my mind, a voice that refuses to be silenced. “Maybe she didn’t have a choice,” it whispers, a faint glimmer of hope amidst the darkness.
I shake my head, trying to banish the thought, but it lingers, taunting me with its persistence. “No, she must have a reason. She must have a good reason,” I tell myself, clinging desperately to the belief that Andrea would never intentionally hurt me.
But even as I try to convince myself, doubts creep in, whispering words of insecurity and fear. “What if she doesn’t love me? What if she’s been lying to me this whole time?” the voice taunts, its words like poison in my ears.
I bury my head in my hands, the weight of it all threatening to crush me. “No, I won’t let myself believe that. I won’t let Jeremy win,” I vow, my inner voice filled with determination.
But even as I make the promise, I know that the battle is far from over.
Just as I’m about to lose myself in my thoughts, my phone buzzes with an incoming call from Tanya. With a sigh, I answer, hoping for a distraction from the turmoil in my mind.
“Hey, Tanya,” I say, trying to sound upbeat despite the heaviness in my chest.
“Hey, Josh! What’s going on? Andrea couldn’t talk when I asked her.” Tanya’s voice fills the line, her tone expectant.
My heart sinks at the mention of the wedding, but I quickly steer the conversation away from that topic. “Listen, I actually wanted to ask you about the items we need for the restaurant. Have you made any progress on that?”
Tanya picks up on my shift in tone and quickly follows suit. “Oh, right! I’ve been doing some research, and I think I’ve got a pretty good list going. Let me go through it with you.”
I nod, grateful she is easily distracted. “Great, go ahead.”
As Tanya starts listing off the items we need, I listen attentively, picturing the interior of the restaurant taking shape with each item she mentions.
“First up, we’ll need new tables and chairs. I found a supplier that offers customizable options, so we can choose the colors and materials that best fit our aesthetic.”
The thought of furnishing the restaurant brings a sense of excitement to my chest. I can already envision the cozy atmosphere we’ll create for our customers.
“Next, we’ll need kitchen equipment. I’ve been in touch with a few suppliers, and I think I’ve found some great deals on stoves, ovens, and refrigerators. We can schedule a visit to check out the options in person.”
I smile, feeling a surge of anticipation at the thought of outfitting the kitchen. I can’t wait to start experimenting with new recipes and flavors.
“And don’t forget about the decor! I’ve been browsing through catalogs and Pinterest boards to get some inspiration. I think we should focus on warm tones and cozy lighting to create a welcoming atmosphere.”
Tanya’s enthusiasm is infectious, and I find myself nodding along with her ideas. With her creativity and passion, I know we’ll transform the restaurant into a place that feels like home.
As Tanya continues to list off the remaining items, my mind is filled with images of our future venture. Despite the challenges ahead, I feel a sense of determination growing within me. Focusing on the restaurant can help me forget what just happened inside.
***
I haven’t talked to Andrea since I left the disaster of a wedding, finding a ride with a group of guests heading back to the city.
I decide to go to work on as many shifts as possible to keep my mind busy. Despite my efforts to push the thoughts aside, they linger at the back of my mind, refusing to be ignored.
But as soon as I step through the door, I’m met with concerned looks from my colleagues, particularly Alice, who seems more determined than ever to get to the bottom of my mood.
“Morning, Josh. You look terrible,” Alice remarks, her brow furrowed with worry.
I force a smile, hoping to brush off her concern. “Just a rough night, nothing to worry about. Let’s focus on getting through the day, yeah?”
But Alice isn’t so easily deterred. Throughout the evening, she continues to hover nearby, peppering me with questions about what’s bothering me. Each time, I deflect with vague answers, insisting that it’s nothing she needs to worry about.
As the night wears on and Alice’s persistence shows no signs of waning, I find myself growing increasingly frustrated. “Alice, seriously, I appreciate your concern, but I’ve got this under control. Let’s just focus on our work, okay?”
But Alice doesn’t seem satisfied with my response. As the end of her shift approaches, she corners me near the break room, her expression serious.
“Josh, I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on. You’ve been acting off all day, and it’s starting to worry me,” she says, her tone firm.
I sigh, realizing that there’s no escaping her relentless interrogation. “It’s just...girl drama, okay? Personal stuff that I’d rather not get into,” I admit, feeling a sense of defeat wash over me.
Alice nods understandingly, her eyes softening with empathy. “I get it. Relationships can be messy. But you don’t have to go through it alone, you know. Sometimes it helps to talk about it.”
I appreciate her offer of support, but the last thing I want to do is burden her with my problems. “Thanks, Alice. I’ll keep that in mind,” I say, hoping to change the subject.
But Alice isn’t ready to let me off the hook just yet. With a mischievous twinkle in her eye, she launches into a series of lighthearted jokes and anecdotes, determined to lift my spirits.
“Well at least you have girl problems. There are guys out there that don’t even look at ladies, you should count yourself fortunate,” she says, with all confidence.
“Oh God, I’m so grateful that I have to wake up looking terrible, just because I have girl drama.” I reply, my tone laced with sarcasm.
And we both have a laugh.
Despite my initial reluctance, I find myself chuckling at her antics, grateful for the distraction she provides. As we share a few moments of laughter, I feel the weight of yesterday’s turmoil begin to lift, if only temporarily.
As Alice finally prepares to leave for the day, she gives me a reassuring smile. “Hang in there, Josh. And remember, I’m always here if you need someone to talk to,” she says, her words echoing in my mind long after she’s gone.
As I watch her disappear down the hallway, a sense of gratitude washes over me. Despite my best efforts to keep my struggles hidden, Alice saw through my facade and offered her support without hesitation. And for that, I’ll always be grateful.
I head home immediately afterwards, I sit in my apartment, the weight of the yesterday’s events still heavy on my mind, my phone buzzes with an incoming call. I glance at the screen to see Tanya’s name flashing, and a small sense of relief washes over me. Maybe this call will bring some semblance of normalcy to my chaotic day.
“Hey, Tanya,” I answer, trying to keep the weariness out of my voice.
“Hey, Josh! Just wanted to let you know that everything is set for the opening tomorrow. We’ve got all the tables and chairs in place, the kitchen equipment is ready to go, and the decor looks amazing,” Tanya says, her voice filled with excitement.
I can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm, grateful for her tireless dedication to making our dream a reality. “That’s great news, Tanya. Thank you so much for all your hard work. I really appreciate it,” I reply, genuine gratitude coloring my words.
Tanya chuckles, the sound warm and reassuring. “Of course, Josh. It’s been a team effort, and I’m just glad to be a part of it. We’re going to knock this opening out of the park!” she exclaims, her enthusiasm infectious.
I nod, feeling a surge of excitement building within me. “Absolutely. I can’t wait to see it all come together. Thanks again, Tanya,” I say, my voice filled with gratitude.
“Anytime, Josh. Get some rest tonight. Good night,” Tanya says, her voice softening with warmth.
“Good night, Tanya. And thanks again,” I reply, ending the call with a sense of renewed determination. As I prepare for bed, thoughts of the restaurant opening dance through my mind, filling me with a sense of anticipation and hope for the future.