Chapter 18 - Dean
Dean
We rolled toward her home, back to Deer Lake. The rain continued under gray skies as the sun struggled to show itself.
“You’ll be there tomorrow,” I said.
Lily moved from facing out the window to facing me. She studied me as the seconds and minutes ticked by.
I waited for a response that didn’t come.
“Please stop staring at me like that,” I said, unable to take it anymore.
“Like what?”
“Like a disease hiding on a microscope slide.”
She’d been withdrawn since we left that brick house behind, and I didn’t know how to reach her. Was it shock from the invasion or my brutal response?
Lily had suggested we sneak out the window, except that solution left us vulnerable. All it’d take is for one man to glance outside. I couldn’t defend her against four at once.
“How do you live with yourself?” She asked.
“You still think I’m some monster? I don’t wake up and rub my hands with glee before murdering an innocent family. It may look that way to you, but I don’t.”
I kept to her partnership agreement, despite my entire body demanding the opposite. And it worked. Traveling with her showed us what we could be. We talked for hours, allowing the conversation to drift with no purpose or end. It was her presence I craved. It was her I longed for.
I thought she felt the same. Did one unplanned attack undo all that?
“I didn’t call you a monster. Don’t say that.
” She sat up, presenting her stubborn jaw.
“That doesn’t mean I understand. How do you live with yourself?
” Her face wrinkled as an expression akin to grief crossed it.
“This is a different world now, and I don’t understand its rules.
I don’t want to consider every person a threat.
Do I kill them first before they kill me?
Do you want that? I don’t. I don’t like this world. Tell me the rules.”
“What world do you want?” I asked. I rolled my neck to loosen the tension. “We’ll create that one. As long as I’m in it, you can have whatever kind you want.”
We’d be in Deer Lake tomorrow. Once that happened, our remote farmhouse or hidden resort disappeared. Lily wouldn’t leave either. She’d stay there in that fucking town for the rest of her life.
Kidnapping her again would destroy our delicate progress. I did it once, and then I killed men in front of her. What did that get me? Her revulsion?
If I did it again, I’d lose her trust forever.
“Why don’t you react to this one?” She asked. “I had a nightmare. You sleep peacefully. I worry about everything that could go wrong. You manage every problem as if it’s a minor inconvenience. How do you do it?”
This world terrified me as much as it did her. “It’s not much different from the one we lived in before.”
“Please explain.”
How? I wouldn’t change her love for her father, and I didn’t want to take away her fond memories of Deer Lake. She didn’t need to know Mrs. Willoughby laughed or that her brother tempted me into my job. Why couldn’t her memories stay with her a little longer?
“My father hit me.” I recoiled at the words.
She put a hand on my thigh, a firm touch that warmed me. “I know. Gary from the car dealership. You spoke from experience.”
“It started after my mother died.” I didn’t want to share the rest. “I hate talking about it.”
“Ryan knows.”
I owed her brother for that. “No one else.”
“That’s why Deer Lake holds dark memories for you.”
“I had your brother.”
“That isn’t the same thing. You deserved so much more. When did it stop?”
“When I grew big enough to fight back. I’ve never forgotten that lesson. That’s why this world isn’t different. I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”
“We won’t, but if you ever feel the need, I’ll listen. Thank you for sharing. I understand you a little better now.”
Maybe this morning’s events didn’t wreck my plans. “I intend to keep you safe, no matter what.”
“You need to be at a certain lake for that.”
We passed a strip mall, one with a frozen yogurt shop and a few small retail stores. One caught my attention, and I smiled.
A sign. To continue my plans as if the morning had never happened.
I slammed on the brakes, so we jolted forward.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Minor detour. This won’t take long.”
I took a sharp U-turn and sped back to the strip mall, where I swung into the nearest empty parking space and jerked to a stop.
“A jewelry store? Dean, gold chains aren’t worth much anymore.”
My body tingled.
The idea made sense in my head. Idealistic and hopeful? Sure, with her beside me, and dead men behind us. She asked what sort of man I was. I had the same question.
“I need to get something. It will be fast. Wait here.”
I left the truck running, so the heater kept her warm, and grabbed a hammer taken from the red brick home. The store’s glass front shattered after a single hit. I had never visited a jewelry store before.
Waist-high display shelves formed an oval shape in the middle of the store. A glass object caught my attention, and I stuffed it in my front pocket to save for later.
Was this where they kept the rings? I walked through the store, scanning the glass cases.
Too big. Too gaudy. What the hell was that? Too small.
I continued searching for the one that matched the image in my head. Surely it existed? I deserved that.
There it was. I smashed the glass case with my hammer.
“Dean? What are you doing in here?”
I didn’t hear her enter. I was so far gone that I didn’t hear an intruder stepping on broken glass. “A proposal.”
“Are you renegotiating the terms of our agreement?” Her wide smile stressed the lines around her eyes. I loved that smile.
“You could say so.”
“What do you suggest?”
The idea first occurred in her apartment, and many times since. The word conveyed ownership to the dead man. It made me less of a threat at the dollar store. It belonged to me. To her.
“We pretend to be married.” Her eyes widened at my statement. I didn’t mind hesitation, but not so much that she refused. “Until we get back. Until I know it’s safe in Deer Lake.”
“Married?” She held out her hand; whether to offer it or from mere shock, I wasn’t sure. “It’ll be safe there.”
I was less certain of that. That also wasn’t my only goal. “I’m sure it is, but we aren’t there, and consider what you asked me. What kind of world is this?”
“A different one.” She studied the ring. “You want to pretend we’re married?”
“It’ll go easier if people believe it. In my experience, people react differently to married couples than to single people. The symbol matters, right? You know it’s true.”
She nodded, agreeing. “A fake marriage. For our security.”
Not fake. This morning left Lily upset, leaving her open to my suggestions. She wouldn’t have asked her question if she hadn’t harbored some doubt about Deer Lake.
She agreed for both our sakes. Whether a conscious observation on her part or not, I noticed it because I suggested it for both of us. “Yes, for our security,” I echoed.
“We’ll pretend,” she said and held out her hand with acceptance this time. “Until we’re home and we know it’s safe.”
“Once I know it’s safe, you can take it off.”
She didn’t catch it. Perfect, as our shared experiences showed that day would never arrive. We weren’t temporary partners. We were forever.
I dropped the ring into her palm, since placing it on her finger felt too intimate. I wanted her accepting, not suspicious. If Lily considered my offer a safety precaution, I’d live with that for now.
Lily inspected it and gasped. “It looks like my mother’s ring.”
“You showed me once. I remember you saying she never took it off because it came from your dad.”
She nodded. “After her funeral. Yes, he told me it represented their commitment to each other.”
It was kept in a strange keepsake memorial her father had created. It creeped me out then, probably because I didn’t grow up in a home like hers. Now, in an abandoned jewelry store, with my ring on her finger, I understood why he made it.
Lily eyed her new ring. “Ryan will want you to stay in Deer Lake. I hope you want that.”
In this moment, I didn’t give a shit what Ryan wanted. “We’ll figure it out when we get there.” I dreaded Deer Lake, but who cared? We’d present ourselves as a married couple, and that was a start.