Chapter 7
Lucien
Horror seared through me as Lisette’s outline grew fainter, as if someone were erasing the outlines of an illustration. Desperate to rescue her from the unseen force slowly devouring her, I frantically reached for her hand to keep her by my side, only to grab nothing but air.
Panic surged. “Lisette!”
Her name seemed to vanish the moment I spoke it, leaving nothing to draw her back to me. I watched helplessly as she melted into her surroundings and completely disappeared. For a long moment I stared at where she had vanished, willing her to return…but her faint form didn’t reappear.
No, she couldn’t be gone; I couldn’t handle losing her again. Desperation weighed upon my heart as I seized the candle off a small table and frantically searched every corner of the room in the settling night, but her wispy form was nowhere to be found—I didn’t even feel her nearby in the way I had before I first saw her. My dread deepened as my futile perusal lengthened. She had truly vanished. Overcome, I collapsed to my knees.
Ryland, who had watched my search in silent concern, knelt beside me and peered into my gaunt face, sleek with sweat, his worry lingering on my shaking hands. “What’s happened?”
I could only imagine how disheveled I looked; the composure I always fought to maintain lay shattered at my feet. None of that mattered in the face of what had just transpired. “Lisette…is gone.”
“I know.” He perused the emotions riddling my expression, no longer carefully hidden behind their usual protective barrier. “You actually cared for her?”
I couldn’t speak, but a response was unnecessary when the secret I’d kept all of these years now lay bare before him. He released a whooshing breath.
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Lucien.”
I expected the same judgment and condemnation with which I condemned myself, but I only found understanding midst his shock. I hadn’t expected anyone to comprehend my complicated emotions surrounding my arranged engagement, but I’d forgotten my brother must have endured something similar before he’d fallen in love with his own dutiful match created for a conniving purpose. I longed to open up to him, but there was no time to explore my emotions when Lisette’s fate remained uncertain.
The memory of her hurt when Ryland had mentioned my new pending arrangement consumed my thoughts. I didn’t want that to be the last image I had of her, though it would be fitting considering all the pain my past indifference had likely forced upon her. I’d previously thought her stoic response signified that my disinterest didn’t bother her—that she cared for me as little as I pretended to care for her—but now I wondered if she had also built walls to protect herself, just as I masked my own fragile emotions.
Had the curse consumed her, or was she merely beyond my sight now?
I tried to calm my frantic breaths in order to push through my crippling panic enough for me to concentrate. I extended my awareness into every nook and cranny, but though I couldn’t locate her familiar presence, I sensed it nearby, like a phantom wandering the corridors. Hope stirred—perhaps she hadn’t completely disappeared after all.
Urgency pushed me shakily to my feet. I staggered towards the door, but Ryland seized my wrist, jerking me to a stop. “What’s going on, Lucien?”
“Let me go! I need to find her.” I tried to wrangle free, but his grip held firm. His bulging gaze slowly took in my wild expression before his hold loosened, allowing me to pull away and begin my desperate pursuit.
I felt as if I was playing an elaborate game of hide and seek within a vast labyrinth, my quest made more difficult when the one I sought likely didn’t want to be found. Though I faintly detected her lingering presence within the palace walls—stronger in some places than in others—no matter where I looked she remained invisible to my awareness. As time lengthened, my worry escalated that without any connection to keep her tethered, Lisette would vanish completely.
Perhaps there was somewhere within the palace where we had built some memories where she might have gone. Sadness tainted this tentative hope as I considered every location we shared and I realized just how little interaction we’d had throughout our relationship. I’d spent our courtship so caught up in my determination to maintain my charade for her protection that in the end I’d only created distance, leaving nothing to sustain us now.
I failed to find her in the guest bedroom she used whenever she visited, the parlor where we often took tea together, or the gardens we frequently strolled, wrapped in our own thoughts. Eventually the weight of hopelessness grew too heavy to bear and my weakened legs gave out in the middle of the corridor.
I scarcely noticed the horrified cries or hurried footsteps of my trailing guards, nor Father’s arrival until he crouched beside me. I sensed his surprise at my faltered composure and worry, a state I had never dared allow him to witness out of fear that such weakness would leave me unfit to one day inherit the crown.
The flickering candle his accompanying guard held provided just enough light to illuminate the concern lining his harrowed expression. “Ryland expressed his concern that the pressure has finally gotten to you. Upon seeing you for myself, the situation appears more dire than I anticipated.” He was silent a long moment. “Is this about Princess Lisette’s disappearance?”
I could scarcely nod my affirmation, nor did I have the strength to share my suspicions that she hadn’t fully succumbed to the curse, not when Ryland had already failed to see her and I couldn’t locate her now. In the years since the curse had descended upon our land we had never discovered any evidence that its victims lingered, trapped in a state of in-between instead of completely ceasing to exist.
If my heart hadn’t recognized the unique contentment I experienced that always accompanied my time in Lisette’s presence even with her partially visible form, I wouldn’t have believed she lingered myself. Sharing my hypothesis with Father—especially midst my turmoil of emotions—would do little to convince him of the impossible, and I needed a show of good sense for the impending battle that still lay ahead.
I struggled through the panic hindering my judgment in order to better analyze my dire situation. If the news of the new engagement contract in the works had been what led to Lisette’s disappearance…could breaking it possibly bring her back?
I lifted my bleary gaze to meet Father’s concern. “Please call off my pending arrangement.”
He frowned. “Is this what this is about? As much as I wish otherwise, you know I can’t do that. Brimoire is in need of strong alliances now more than ever; the situation is too dire for us to do nothing. While decorum would normally dictate a proper mourning period, we simply cannot afford to wait as more of Brimoire disappears every day.”
I winced at the thought of my pain being reduced to mere decorum, but I was too intimately familiar with the devastation our kingdom faced to argue. Duty forged my path forward, just as it’d done when I had first agreed to the union with the princess of Thorndale several years ago. But things had changed now that my previous responsibility had become my most heartfelt wish. If I hoped to retain it, I would need to restore Lisette before my new duty forced me to let her go.
That didn’t leave me much time—breaking the curse upon my true fiancée would be a race against not only the force that threatened to erase her, but against the clock as Father worked to arrange my engagement to someone other than the only one I wanted.
My heart that yearned for Lisette could still sense her lurking somewhere on the palace grounds, similar to how one could measure each breath when they concentrated. Though my search for Lisette’s invisible form had so far proved futile, there had to be a way to locate her even if she remained hidden from sight…
An idea sparked in my mind, a glimmer of a possibility that urged me to depart from Father with empty reassurances that I would feel better after a good rest and instead seek out my sister-in-law. I found her sprawled across a settee in the library, restlessly kicking her bare feet back and forth as she attempted to read the book propped up on her protruding pregnant stomach. I released a breath of relief that my brother was thankfully not present, which would allow me a rare chance to converse without his protective interference.
At my entrance Evelyn stiffened, a reaction that caused my frantic whirl of emotions to falter just enough for the guilt I wholly deserved to penetrate. She had every right to be wary of my presence after my continual persistence in assuming the mantle her husband had abandoned after falling in love with her had led me to repeatedly press for the magical assistance that deep down I knew was more than she and her kingdom had to give, all in hopes of relieving my kingdom from the devastation it faced.
Such dishonorable behavior left me in no position to ask for magical favors when my previous pleas had continuously fallen on deaf ears, but desperation left me no choice but to make another appeal. “Evelyn, I need—”
She snapped her book shut with an angry glare. “For the last time, Lucien, I am unable to provide Brimoire the magic it needs. It’s not a matter of stubbornness or selfishness, but the limits of my own power that prevent me from…” She trailed off upon noticing my broken composure. Her brow puckered. “This isn’t about Brimoire’s curse?” Her defensive posture relaxed as I shook my head. “Forgive me for assuming; we’ve so rarely discussed anything else that I didn’t think you had any other reason to seek my company.”
Remorse joined my torrent of emotions; my relationship with Lisette wasn’t the only one riddled with mistakes. “I shouldn’t have allowed my role as the crown prince to prevent me from treating my brother’s wife with greater consideration.”
Her defensiveness softened. “I understand the situation Brimoire faces and truly wish there was something I could do to help. If this isn’t about the curse…could it possibly be about Lisette? Ryland informed me that you were…struggling.” Her initial antagonistic tone had gentled, leaving me feeling vulnerable.
I managed a nod. “I have reason to believe she hasn’t fully succumbed to the curse and may in fact be within the palace.”
I expected a dubious reaction similar to Ryland’s, but Evelyn’s eyebrows merely quirked in interest; perhaps magical beings were more accepting of the unexplainable.
“So you’re in need of tracking magic?” At my nod she fidgeted, twirling a loose strand of hair around her finger as she considered. “I’m not entirely sure I’m yet capable of that. While my powers have grown stronger with practice, there is still much I don’t know. I’m afraid such a spell is beyond my current capacity when I’ve only so recently discovered my powers, especially since I’m only slightly acquainted with the vanished princess.”
I clenched my jaw to hold back the frustration that threatened the small amount of progress I’d made with my new sister, especially when any insight she offered was an extension of mercy I didn’t deserve. Even without my biting retort, she sensed my simmering emotions and offered an apologetic smile. “If you sense her within the palace, then you alone will be able to find her.”
“I’ve spent all evening doing nothing but try to find her, exertion that has amounted to nothing.” Just as my efforts to aid Father in protecting our kingdom had also failed; I was as useless a prince as I was a fiancé.
“Your persistence was not for naught, and I’m happy to offer a small enhancement spell in hopes of strengthening whatever allows you to sense your missing fiancée enough for you to find her.” She conjured a small handful of light, which floated towards me to settle above my heart; warmth expanded through my chest as if I’d just received a drop of sunlight, dispelling the discouragement that had tempted me to give up.
This hope guided me as I thanked her and resumed my search, which grew more difficult the deeper the night settled, making it easier for the shadows to conceal her. My worry and weighty exhaustion measured the lengthy hours, yet my need to find Lisette urged me forward, my remembrances of her directing every step, as if their invisible guidance would allow me to finally locate my invisible fiancée.
The hushed whispers from the servants and others in the palace followed as I methodically made my way down every hallway and paused outside every door. A few tried to waylay me with pleas to rest, but even as my body fatigued, I didn’t dare cease; instinct warned me that if I waited to find Lisette, I might forever lose my chance to rescue her.
As I walked along a corridor at the back of the palace—candle guttering as it burned down to the base—footsteps sounded behind me. I turned, surprised to encounter my brother in the middle of the night. I waited for him to approach, my back tensing as I anticipated his remonstrance added to all the others—but he simply extended a fresh candle, lighting it with the last sparks of my old one and handing it to me.
Astonished and moved, I couldn’t respond, but Ryland simply flashed a brief, sympathetic smile before turning back towards his chamber to rejoin his sleeping wife.
Renewed determination squared my shoulders as I took up the search once more, but by the time the sky had faded from velvet black to charcoal, I was no closer to finding the missing princess. My feet ached as I trudged on, my head beginning to pound after hours of straining to listen and feel her elusive presence.
Dawn tinged the horizon as this gentle lure guided me to an unexpected location. I climbed the twisting steps leading to the top of one of the palace turrets, one of the only places I hadn’t yet looked, considering I had nearly forgotten about one of the earliest memories between me and Lisette that had unfolded at that very location.
The feeling of her presence grew stronger the higher I ascended. When I reached the top, my gaze was drawn to a place near the baluster that shimmered in the soft early morning light. My breath caught. Lisette, I was certain of it.
Surely it wasn’t a coincidence I had finally located her in a place that connected us. Even with her lost memories, perhaps part of her recalled our past together, precious enough for her to cling to despite the distance that had prevented our relationship from deepening.
I concentrated, willing her outline to reappear…but nothing happened. I kept my gaze locked to the section of the balcony where I thought I’d seen her as I cautiously approached, afraid that startling her would cause her to once more hide from me. When I drew near enough, I reached a hesitant hand out to touch the shimmery air. Though my hand went right through it, the attempted touch was just enough for her translucent body to gradually appear.
I released a whooshing breath of relief. “Thank goodness.”
She didn’t immediately answer, her gaze taking in the dark circles I could feel marring my haggard expression. “So you found me. Have you been searching for me all night?” Puzzlement furrowed her brow at my nod. “Why would you expend so much effort for me?”
“Because I love you.” Shyness made it difficult to finally express the words I’d kept unspoken for so long, but seeing her again made it impossible to hold them back any longer. Of all the ways I’d imagined telling her, I’d never considered doing it when I couldn’t take her hands in mine or at least clearly see her face.
For a brief moment the color that had faded from her eyes brightened with a look akin to wonder…before it too dimmed. “But your brother mentioned another arrangement?”
My heart lurched. “Anything my father is attempting to create is for the crown prince—for the kingdom, not Lucien. I only want you.”
“What good are wishes when according to my unreliable memory, the role of crown prince is one I recall you embody?”
I bit back my frustrated curse. In truth I’d been hiding behind my role for so long it was difficult to separate the two, but I’d never felt more hindered by my shackles of title and duty than I did in this moment. “Our arrangement takes precedence. So long as you’re here, it can’t—”
Her sigh interrupted my desperate reassurance. “I still haven’t decided whether or not I even want to be here.”
My heart wrenched. “You mean you want to disappear?”
She hesitated before offering a small shrug. “The desire comes and goes. It was strongest immediately after learning of your arrangement; I wanted nothing more than to fade away so I wouldn’t have to experience such pain ever again.”
She’d always been quiet, but after our first encounter and my inability to understand what she needed, I’d begun to accept her silence as shyness, not a manifestation of a deep-rooted pain…yet another example of how I’d failed her as a fiancé by not being someone she could turn to in order to help share whatever burden she carried.
Though I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her, the fact that she was bothered by our broken engagement gave me hope that my wish that she cared for me in return wasn’t a whimsical fancy. The honorable intentions I’d harbored during my search for her to confess my deceit vanished, as if swallowed by the curse that surrounded her. “Because…you care for me?”
Suspicion filled her sidelong glance that I had any reason to question my carefully spun lie. “I don’t remember, though I cannot deny that something about you is keeping me here. I witnessed some of your desperate search; it prevented me from giving in, even though I have no real reason to stay.”
I tried to smile reassuringly, but my lips refused to turn up; my mask had become too much a part of me to break my stoic habits through sheer will. “Perhaps we can create a reason.”
My conscience stirred at the promise. The resolution had carried me forward as much as our memories that guided me, yet now that the moment had come, in my weakness I allowed my vow to fade, as if swallowed by the vanishing force.
Lisette’s wistful sigh pulled me from my self-deprecating reverie, her gaze fixated on the surrounding landscape. “There’s no rhyme or reason for which memories the curse has chosen to claim and which it’s left behind. I remember Brimoire used to be lush and vibrant…before the devastation.”
It was only a single example of the havoc the curse had caused. I leaned against the railing to stare out across the sunlit scenery, a mere shadow of the brushstrokes of beauty that used to caress the land. Instances when we’d admired the scenery together midst the silence that frequently cloaked us defined much of our courtship. Though I wanted nothing more than a second chance to finally do right by her, in this moment I found solace in the reminiscence.
It beckoned another recollection from the past, a setting similar to this one except it had been cast beneath the velvety hues of twilight and we had been discussing not my pending engagement with another woman, but the union we had just formed between ourselves.
A wistful smile tugged my lips. “This is the second time we’ve had this conversation. Do you remember?”
Concentration furrowed her brow before her eyes widened. “I do.”
I allowed my thoughts to drift back in time to what had once seemed a trivial conversation, yet it was our first private conversation away from the expectations of title and the prying eyes of the court. The tender recollection made it difficult to remember my original resentment of a betrothal I hadn’t asked for that had tainted the last time we’d overlooked the kingdom we would one day rule together.
My initial attraction upon meeting her had done nothing to change my wariness towards my arranged marriage, but the quiet, gentle nature and innate sweetness I discovered atop this tower had been what first stirred my heart with something deeper than my initial desire to protect her, making this a special place.
My inclination was to keep that precious memory locked away as I’d previously done, but the more threads that bound us, the less chance she had of disappearing. Heat warmed my cheeks, but I pushed through the anxiety holding back my emotions.
“That was when I started to fall in love with you, and you became not a duty but someone I chose for myself.”
As if my words possessed a power of their own, her shimmery form grew more distinct—still transparent and intangible as I discovered when I once more tried to take her hand, but sharper and more colorful in the light of the arriving day.
She blinked down at herself and lifted her hands to wriggle her fingers experimentally before slowly meeting my gaze. “As before, something about you prevents me from fully fading away. Perhaps the explanation is love after all.” Her cheeks tinged pink and her voice softened at the word love.
Oh, how desperately did I want it to be love. Perhaps for the moment my feelings would be enough. If such a simple memory had helped restore her, perhaps others would strengthen the connection between us and keep her here…even those that were made up.
I rested my hand atop where hers clung to the railing. Though it possessed no form, I thought I imagined the softness of her skin beneath my touch. “I love you, Lisette.” This confession at least wasn’t a lie. I could only hope one day she would bestow such beautiful words upon me in return.
I made a silent vow: even if she never grew to care for me as I did her, I would do all within my power to free her from the curse, as well as the engagement should she choose…even at the cost of losing her forever.