Chapter 14
Lucien
My heart squeezed in mingled joy and guilt as Lisette stared up at me, her gaze full of trust. With my years of distance, current deceit, and my helplessness against the curse that plagued her, I’d done little to earn such regard. I wanted nothing more than to live up to her faith in me—trust I knew had undoubtedly required considerable courage due to her difficult familial background—even as my weaknesses constantly whispered to me that I didn’t deserve her.
I still felt vulnerable after the dishonorable state of half-undress she’d found me in and the resulting conversations that had laid my heart bare, yet despite the blemish upon the image I’d spent my entire life carefully crafting, I felt closer to her now than I ever had before…a closeness I was determined to jealously guard.
Somehow mere words had been enough to deepen our relationship beyond the progress from our years of formal yet stagnant courtship. I never would have guessed there would be any value in my display of vulnerability, leaving me unsure how to ease my grip on the image my role had caused me to cling to for so long.
The first step in my efforts to live up to her tentative trust would be to stop allowing my limitations to hold me back from the assistance I felt capable of rendering her and to be more proactive in seeking help for her. I had already waited longer than I should have to assist her, hesitating both out of genuine concern that my claims would remove me from the affairs of state that might give me insight into the curse, and a less honorable desire to avoid appearing foolish and unfit to rule. Though I’d finally experienced a moment of courage in the meeting with Thorndale, I hadn’t pressed the issue. Instead I’d allowed myself to be removed from the discussion, listening as Father and his advisors focused on dealing with Thorndale’s threats, rather than insisting on focusing our efforts on rescuing Thorndale’s princess.
Combing through the knowledge of the curse we’d accumulated since its descent had already led to a dead end; the only source I hadn’t yet exhausted was the magical monastery that resided in the borderlands dividing the surrounding kingdoms, a neutral entity that was one of the only magical places that remained in the entire land. Perhaps they possessed information that could help Lisette.
I hastened to my desk to pen a letter—pushing aside my journals overflowing with notes—and began to write rapidly, only pausing when Lisette’s familiar voice drew my attention. I glanced up, but rather than her soft murmurs being directed to me, her body was angled away as she whispered to what appeared to be the emptiness surrounding her.
My brow furrowed. “Are you talking to someone?”
She gasped and spun around to face me; conflict briefly flickered across her face before she responded. “It’s nothing.” Her gaze darted sideways, as if looking at something lying beyond my sight.
Was something there?
Curiosity tempted me to press the matter, but by the agitated way Lisette wrung her hands, my inquiry would only make her uncomfortable. Our confiding in one another was still too new; I could never force her to share anything she wasn’t yet ready to, lest I shatter the promising but fragile progress we’d managed in our communication.
I returned to my letter addressed to the monastery, and in short order I’d completed my request. Rather than immediately summon a courier to dispatch it, indecision caused me to hesitate. As I stared at the sealed envelope, the determination that had roused me from my previous inaction had faded, leaving me with all the reasons I hadn’t pursued this course until now.
Aside from the credibility brought in dealing with an anomaly my cursed kingdom hadn’t yet seen, the route to the monastery had recently become the most dangerous to travel, as if the curse had purposefully invaded that portion of the land to block off all avenues that could lead to help. My previous resolve faltered in the face of this logistical reality that made it impossible to follow through, leaving me in the exact position I’d been before.
The curtains fluttered at Lisette’s movement as she drew nearer, leaning closer to examine the furrow marring my brow, a proximity that gave me a clearer view of her faded yet increasingly dear visage. “Is something troubling you?”
I hesitated. Sharing my troubles would be an admission I didn’t have everything together like I pretended, a contrast to the good impression I’d wanted to give her during our previous courtship…efforts I now realized had amounted to nothing. Her previous words returned: you’re rather intimidating when you’re closed off; it makes it difficult to know how to interact with you. I prefer you this way.
My mother’s early death had prevented me from using my parents’ relationship as an example to follow, but recently witnessing my brother’s new relationship had taught me that marriage was more than a political arrangement—it was a partnership between two individuals who grew stronger when they relied on one another.
I’d discovered through my recent conversations with my fiancée how similar the burdens we both silently carried were. I’d gained strength from sharing mine with her; rather than continue pushing her away, the best way to help her bear her invisibility was not to try and save her by my own merits, but work with her throughout the process.
My resistance fell away with a weary sigh. “I’m hoping the enchanted monastery that possesses all the current information the surrounding kingdoms know about magic will also have answers about how the curse is affecting you, but I’m uncertain how to send the missive; the curse has eliminated every route leading to the monastery, and its influence even over the sky in that area of the kingdom makes it impossible to use a carrier pigeon. I can’t risk the lives of any couriers by sending them through such dangerous territory.”
I wasn’t even certain the monastery possessed the healing magic needed to assist the sole anomaly that I knew of who hadn’t fully succumbed to the curse; the risk was far too great for so uncertain a reward. My weight of helplessness returned to crush my shoulders as I glared at the letter.
Lisette scrunched her brow in deep thought as she considered the matter. “I’m afraid I don’t remember many details about the magical state in the surrounding kingdoms…only that magic is nearly extinct?”
I nodded. “Estoria is currently the only kingdom that retains such power, along with the magical monastery.”
“Estoria…that’s the kingdom Princess Evelyn is from, correct?”
“As the kingdom’s sole heir, she is one of the only magic possessors in the surrounding lands.”
Her expression lit up. “How fortuitous that she just happens to be your sister-in-law.”
My kingdom had gone to great lengths to make that fortuitous event a reality. Our efforts to secure a political connection to a rare possessor of magic had nearly cost my brother the happiness he now enjoyed with his wife, and not without the casualty of my own honor in how I’d treated her during that trying time.
Guilt knotted my stomach. “I’m afraid my desperation to use her power has caused me to treat her dishonorably, giving me reason to doubt that she has any interest in helping me. I’ve since sought to make amends, yet I fear it’s not enough to erase the resentment she undoubtedly harbors towards me.”
Lisette tilted her head. “Is she the type of person to fail to recognize your efforts and hold a grudge in the face of someone in need?”
“No, but—”
“Then rather than give up prematurely, you should continue trying to repair what you fear you’ve broken until it’s been restored.”
The truth of her powerful words seeped over me, helping me shatter the unyielding reservations attempting to hold me back. I’d gone to extreme lengths in sacrificing my integrity in an attempt to salvage my relationship with Lisette; I couldn’t give up on my brother’s wife who had become my only sister.
I sighed. “Even if she forgives me, I don’t deserve her help.”
Lisette’s airy touch caressed my cheek, a sensation so tangible I almost felt it. “You don’t have to be perfect to be deserving of help, Lucien.”
It wasn’t until she voiced my insecurity out loud that I realized the extent I’d lived with that false belief. Even with my myriad of mistakes, I didn’t seek Evelyn’s assistance for my own sake but for Lisette’s—someone who was far too kind to have ever give the Estorian princess any reason to reject her.
“I’ve already tried discussing the curse with Evelyn shortly after I discovered you’d become invisible,” I said. “Unfortunately, she didn’t believe the dormant powers she’s still developing were enough to help.”
“Perhaps her magic is currently powerless against a force as great as the vanishing curse, but does it extend to transporting a single letter to the magical monastery?” Lisette nodded towards the missive I clutched in my white-knuckled grip.
Tentative hope lifted my heart. “I believe that might be within her capabilities.”
It was definitely worth a conversation, one I knew needed to extend beyond the vague questions I’d previously asked to tell Evelyn that Lisette hadn’t fully vanished. She might still be unable to help, but I’d be guaranteed not to receive her assistance should I remain silent.
I’d already wasted too much time in my reluctance to seek out Evelyn’s company. I felt the heat of my guard’s scrutiny as he escorted us through the corridors, a look I imagined to be filled with condemnation after the embarrassing displays he’d witnessed; my cheeks burned at the memory of the impression I was talking to myself. Word must have spread, for the servants we passed paused their tasks to whisper to one another as I walked by.
My heart pounded wildly and I clenched my fists. It doesn’t matter. What did some unfounded scorn mean in comparison to Lisette’s plight? Yet such reassurances felt empty in the face of the insecurities that had first led me to adopt my formal mask…a mask I now struggled to remove at will, no matter how much I wanted to show my true self to those I cared about.
We arrived at the parlor to find my brother cuddling with his wife on a shared settee, his arm wrapped around her to tuck her cozily against his side while his fingers absentmindedly played with her hair, a gesture I had only dreamed about doing with my own fiancée but had never been brave enough to act on.
A flare of jealousy swelled that he could so easily touch the woman he loved, a fact he undoubtedly took for granted; I only wished I now had the same opportunity I’d squandered for years, consumed by my duty and doing nothing to help Lisette break free of the walls she’d built to protect herself. I resolved to remedy all the wasted years I’d maintained my distance from Lisette, even if I had to overcome the impossible in order to be close to her even before she regained her tangible form.
Ryland looked up at our entrance and automatically stiffened in defense, his narrowed gaze flickering between me and his wife as if he expected an attack against her. “Lucien, if this is about magic—” His tone contained firm warning.
“It’s not about that,” I assured him. “Or rather, not exactly…”
His expression only further hardened at my hasty amendment. Regret twinged that because of my previous actions, our brotherly closeness was meaningless in the face of his protectiveness…and I only had myself to blame.
“Not exactly about magic?” he asked. “That doesn’t bode well. Whatever this is about, I must warn you that I have less patience for your usual badgering than usual, considering Evie isn’t feeling well.” His hand rested on her protruding stomach.
“I can see why you were worried,” Lisette murmured from her unseen place beside me. “What on earth happened between you three?”
I sighed. “It’s a long story.”
Her translucent expression was curious as she eyed the pair, especially when Evelyn cocked her head in Lisette’s direction instead of focusing her attention on me.
My heart flared. “Can you see her?”
Evelyn’s eyebrows lifted. “Her? I’m sensing not a who but a what. Though I’m still in the process of growing my powers, they’re developed enough for me to sense an unusually strong force of magical energy surrounding you.”
A promising beginning in an interaction for which I’d harbored little hope. I reached for Lisette’s hand and curled mine around its silhouette as best I could. “I think she can sense you.”
Lisette’s apprehension softened at this news. Ryland, however, only became more grave, his previous antagonism eclipsed by worry.
“There has been a rumor going around that the crown prince has been talking to himself. I had hoped it was unfounded.” His brow furrowed as he took in my position that appeared as if I was grasping at air rather than holding my invisible fiancée’s hand.
“You saw Lisette prove herself,” I protested.
Ryland bit his lip. “I heard you provide information that you shouldn’t have known,” he said carefully. “It was compelling, and I hope for both your sake and Lisette’s that you truly are seeing her. But you are not currently inspiring our nation’s confidence in their crown prince. Fostering their belief that your judgment is in question will not help, especially with the tense situation regarding Thorndale.”
I sighed, knowing he only spoke the truth. It didn’t help that I’d given no one a reason to believe I truly cared for Lisette until she disappeared, making it implausible that we had developed a connection that bridged the ravages of the curse. Yet at the same time I was no longer willing to push her aside to preserve my own image.
I wasn’t sure whether Ryland and Evelyn could offer any true help, but this burden was riddled with too much uncertainty for me and Lisette to continue to bear alone. Squaring my shoulders, I settled in the seat across from him, Lisette taking the spot beside me close enough for our knees to brush should I have been able to feel her. I kept my hand curled around her formless one, finding strength even in this pseudo contact.
“Lisette has not fully vanished, and I will not give up until I’ve found a way to rescue her from the curse…along with the rest of our people. We have been working side by side all this time, and I am here to request your and your wife’s assistance in breaking this curse once and for all.”
I braced myself for his judgment but he simply stared at me with bulging eyes, while Evelyn took in the spot beside me with greater interest. “In our previous conversation you did state you believed your disappeared fiancée hadn’t fully succumbed to the curse, and Ryland mentioned something about attempting to contact her, but it appears I misunderstood how present she actually is. Apparently Lisette is the magical energy I’m sensing. It’s no wonder it felt different from the other enchantments my studies have familiarized me with; it’s a cursed person.” Rather than sounding doubtful like I’d feared, she only seemed fascinated by this development.
Ryland cast her a sidelong glance before following his wife’s line of sight to squint at the space beside me. A look of unease crossed his face and he tilted his head to murmur in Evelyn’s ear. Her expression was thoughtful before she slowly shook her head. Seeing my anxious gaze, she smiled reassuringly.
“Ryland is concerned about my proximity to someone who was cursed,” she explained. “We know so little about what causes it, but I suppose it’s possible that it could be transmitted by exposure to a cursed person. However, I was much closer to Ryland when he was cursed than I currently am to Lisette and remained unharmed, so I think I’m safe. If anyone is in danger, it would be you since you are…” Her voice trailed off as she pondered how to describe my contact with Lisette considering we weren’t able to truly touch. “…close,” she finally finished.
Ryland appeared unconvinced.“Wouldn’t it be safer to maintain distance, just in case?”
“With my awareness of magic, I can sense Lisette’s location and would also be able to notice if the curse tried to move towards me,” Evelyn assured him.
Ryland’s shoulders relaxed and he fell back against the settee with a weary sigh. “Lucien, why didn’t you come to us sooner?”
It took a moment for me to push through my shock at his ready acceptance in order to find my voice. “You mean you’ll help me?”
His frown deepened. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because no one but me can see her, and…because of the way I’ve treated Evelyn.” I turned towards my sister-in-law, who was watching me with compassion rather than judgment. “I’m so sorry for my attempts to use your magic, and for persisting even after it was clear you didn’t have the power I sought.”
She smiled graciously. “I understand what it is to desire something so desperately that you find yourself in positions you never thought possible. I forgive you and I want to help, although I’m not sure what I can do.”
Ryland nodded in agreement with his wife. “You’re not only the future king of Brimoire, but my brother. Even if I can’t see Lisette for myself, I trust you and I’m willing to offer my assistance as well.”
I couldn’t say anything, but simply continued to gape in disbelief. He took in my expression with a mixture of exasperation and bemusement. “Of course you were determined to shoulder something so serious all by yourself, just like you always do. I’m certain you only finally swallowed your pride for Lisette’s sake.”
My brother knew me well. Even so my defensiveness swelled. “I tried to ask for help, but the situation involves an invisible fiancée whom only I can see. Even without knowing what was going on, you, Evelyn, and Father originally believed I was cracking beneath the pressure.”
“Because we had no other explanation for your behavior, giving me no reason not to fear that the stress had finally gotten to you.”
Ryland’s composure escalated my regret that I’d given so much power to the reservations that had prevented me from confiding in him sooner. “All the more reason for me not to admit something that seems ridiculous enough that even I experienced moments when I truly believed I was going mad,” I said. “What reason would you have to believe my claims of a magic our kingdom has never before witnessed?”
“Considering I survived almost disappearing myself, it’s not a stretch for me to accept that those who vanish don’t die, especially considering that is the outcome I’m desperately hoping for the sake of our suffering kingdom.”
Once again I’d failed to consider all the implications of my brother’s own experiences; perhaps I’d chosen to ignore them for the sake of the image I fought so hard to maintain.
The shield guarding my vulnerabilities faltered, preventing me from hiding these emotions from my brother’s scrutiny. He rolled his eyes. “You are far too uptight and obsessed with your perceived notion of what is expected of a crown prince, so much so that you’ve forgotten I’m not only a prince as well, but first and foremost a brother to you.”
Without further preamble, he and Evelyn wasted no time in offering their assistance, beginning with the letter addressed to the monastery. Her powers were sufficient to transport it and I readily handed it over—it shimmered before it dissolved in mid-air, leaving sparks flying in its wake. After promising to inform me the moment she received a reply, she turned her attention to studying the magical energy in the space where Lisette resided before her shoulders drooped.
“Even though I’m able to sense the magical energy she’s emanating from the curse, I still can’t see her, nor can I hear her responses whenever you talk with her. But though my current powers don’t extend to seeing invisible beings, now that I know of their existence, I will focus my efforts on finding something that can remedy that as possible.” She brightened as another idea occurred to her. “Since I haven’t felt well enough to travel back to Estoria, especially with the curse’s precarious influence, I’m unable to peruse our palace libraries magical tomes to see whether they contain information about invisibility curses and potential ways to break them. However, I can arrange for some to be sent to me.”
“When Father returns from traveling the kingdom, you can inform Father of this new development,” Ryland said. “Together we can work with this new realization that our subjects may not have died after succumbing to the curse. With time I hope we can discover a new angle in how to overcome it.”
I stared as their eager plans washed over me, feeling slightly dazed. Though they had their own affairs to tend to, they hadn’t hesitated in reaching out to me. Emotion clogged my throat, making it impossible to voice my gratitude. Ryland glimpsed it and leaned forward to rest a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“We’ll do all within our power to help you save the woman you love as well as our kingdom. You aren’t alone.”
Not alone. The hope reservation had made me afraid to harbor swelled, nourished by their words and Lisette’s encouraging smile from her place beside me. Together we would find a way to help her, so that one day I would finally be able to feel not the ghostly image of her, but the physical hand of the woman I loved.